Love Cursed

by Julia Derek

  I envisioned how I must look to him and was pleased with the image that entered my mind. Pale, but nice skin covered my body. While my stomach didn’t have a six pack, it was still on the flat side and my waist was narrow. My breasts were medium-sized, round and very firm with pretty pink nipples. Probably the asset I was most proud of with regards to my physical appearance.

  “Touch your breasts and squeeze them,” Dante ordered me in that voice that wouldn’t put up with any objections. As I did, he grabbed my hips and rubbed his erection against me, back and forth, making me even wetter. I let out a pleased moan.

  “Oh, God, that’s so sexy, Ricki,” he murmured, his eyes half-closed while gazing at me now.

  Dante

  There was no stopping me now. I should have known it would have been better to have flatly rejected Ricki’s plea for help earlier. I should have known that we wouldn’t be able to resist each other. The second we were alone and near a bed, it had never been a question of if we were going to do it, only when. She was so incredibly sexy that I simply wasn’t able to consider what it would mean when this night was over.

  I especially liked it that she seemed to enjoy my directing her moves, something that had always turned me on incredibly.

  “Lie down next to me,” I told her and she did, her light blue eyes wide, as though anticipating—maybe even fearing my next command a little. I sat up and removed my T-shirt while watching her. She was staring at my tattoo-covered shoulders and her eyes got wider. I wondered if it was because all the tattoos scared her or if they excited her. But when she ran a hand over my chest, along one of the tattoos that reached that far down, I was pretty sure she must like what she saw. A lot.

  “Unbutton my jeans,” I told her. She pushed herself up and her hands instantly began working my belt and jean buttons. I stroked her strawberry blond head all the while, fascinated by the awkward way she was opening my pants. Watching those sexy pigtails from above made me even harder. Finally, she had released me not only from my jeans, but from my boxer briefs, too. She looked up as if wanting to know what to do next.

  “Take it in your mouth, chica,” I ordered her and her lips were soon wrapped around me. I groaned with pleasure as she took me deeper down her throat, licking my shaft every now and then. Her tentativeness suggested it wasn’t something she had done a lot, and the thought of that excited me even more. Very soon, I would come. I let her work me another minute, then I restrained myself and pulled her gently off me. I layed her down next to me and stroked her outside her jeans until she begged me to take them off her. I pulled them and her panties down her thighs, then sank my face between her legs and showed her what I could do to her with my tongue. The way her body was shaking and bucking, I could tell it was only a matter of moments before she would come hard in my mouth. I wanted to be able to look into her eyes as she did, though, so I slid up her body and reached for my jeans to find a condom in my wallet. She watched me with big eyes as I opened the metallic foil and rolled the rubber over myself. When I turned to her and smiled, she lay back down and spread her legs for me. Seeing her like that was so hot I almost came before I’d entered her.

  I was overcome with a need to tease her suddenly.

  “What would you like me to do to you?” I asked her.

  Her eyes grew wider and her lips quivered as she tried to speak.

  “Tell me what you would like me to do to you, Ricki, or I won’t do anything.” An evil little grin curled my lips. “Say the words. I know you can say them…” It was so much fun watching a girl like Ricki, someone who was clearly not very sexually experienced, fall apart with lust in front of me. The best part was that I knew she enjoyed submitting herself to me as much as I enjoyed dominating her.

  “I want you to…” she began, her cheeks turning a cute pink as she struggled to get out the word.

  “To what, Ricki,” I egged her on, stroking myself above her. She stared at my cock and sucked in a breath at the same time as she bit her lip. Oh, God, she’d better not do that again or I would come. That face of hers was so damn sexy.

  “To… to fuck me,” she mumbled.

  “Say it louder, Ricki,” I ordered her. “I couldn’t hear you. What did you want?”

  “I want you to fuck me,” she almost yelled then, full-on blushing.

  I lowered myself and steered my cock between her folds, watching her watch me with a breathless expression. She was so tight I couldn’t stop myself from groaning out loud with pleasure as I filled her up with all of me. I took her hands in mine as I started moving my hips back and forth, looking her deep in the eyes.

  “How does it feel,” I whispered to her.

  “So… good,” she mumbled between gasps.

  “Want me to go faster?”

  “Yes… and…and…” she trailed off.

  “And what, baby?” I urged her on.

  “Deeper.”

  I gave her a little grin. “I’d love to.” Then I grabbed her under her knees and spread her wider apart as I made myself thrust deeper. As I lay back on top of her, I felt her convulse under me and her breathing picked up. I knew she was close to release.

  “Can you come with me?” I asked her, the sweat coating my face now.

  “Yes…” she said, about to close her eyes.

  “Look at me, Ricki,” I said. “I want to look into your eyes as we come.”

  She did as I wanted and seconds later, she began to shudder against my body. Moans of pleasure came out of her and I let myself go, riding along with her as she came, making sure we didn’t lose eye contact even for one second.

  Then I collapsed on top of her, our sweaty bodies sticking together. Reality came rushing back to me as soon as the last wave of pleasure had left me. What should I tell her now? Pretend like she was someone I could be in a relationship with, even though I knew that was impossible? I would never again allow myself to be with a woman more than in physical way that lasted for a short while, max two days. Any longer and I ran the risk of destroying the girl the way I’d destroyed Lara. Especially if it was a girl I liked the way I liked Ricki.

  Her hand was tracing my spine from my upper back down to right above the crack of my butt. She must be waiting for me to say something first, it dawned on me. What the hell should I say? Except for the truth, there was really only one thing I could say that would make her stay away from me. And me from her.

  I pushed myself up on my elbows and gave her a light kiss on her swollen lips.

  “How was it for you?” I asked her as I rolled off her.

  “Great,” she replied and glanced at me with hesitation in her gaze. A deep sense of regret gathered in my chest at seeing her look like that, knowing what my next words would do to her. But it was infinitely better for her to take this pain than to end up the way Lara had. I preferred that Ricki thought I was an ass, hating me forever, than her being dead. One way or another she’d end up dead if I allowed her to get too close. Any woman who cared about me seemed destined to die. It wasn’t only Lara. My mother, too, had died because she loved me. If it hadn’t been for me, she wouldn’t have felt so destitute to take her own life. I wasn’t about to let a third one join that group.

  “What about you?” she asked in a small voice.

  “Fantastic,” I said and pinched her cheek. I swung my legs around the edge of Ricki’s bed and sat up. I rested my forehead in my hands for a moment, as I summoned the necessary strength to be able to say what needed to be said.

  I turned around and took her hand. She stiffened and gazed at me with big eyes. Oh, God, why did I come here tonight? Why hadn’t I told her before what I was about to tell her now? That way, maybe she wouldn’t have given herself so freely to me, thinking there was a potential for more between us.

  “Ricki, I have a girlfriend,” I said, the lie tasting sour on my tongue. “I’m sorry. I should have told you a long time ago. Before we did”—for a moment I didn’t know what to call what we had just done, even though it should have been ob
vious—“made love.”

  She blinked a couple of times and removed her hand from mine. She reached for her top and stiffly shielded herself with it. “That’s okay,” she said. “We just got carried away. I won’t tell anyone.” She made herself smile at me. “It’s okay.”

  Ricki

  I wasn’t sure how I kept myself together in the face of what Dante had suddenly sprung on me, but somehow I did. So he had a girlfriend all along then, I thought as I made myself smile at him. I hoped it didn’t look as fake as it felt to me. If it did, Dante didn’t let anything on. He stood up and began putting on his clothes, his side to me.

  Turning away, I put on my bra and shirt, followed by my panties and shorts. When he was fully clothed, he faced me. He was barely able to meet my eyes.

  “I understand if you want to train with someone else after this,” he said. “If you ask me, it’s probably better.”

  I looked at him and nodded mechanically. He obviously didn’t want to train me even if I had wanted to continue with him. Not that I did, but it would have been nice if he’d let me be the one who decided that and not tried to influence me either way.

  “Yeah, you might be right about that,” I said, struggling to keep my voice steady. “How should I go about finding a new trainer?”

  “I can help you with that. Do you prefer a male or a female?”

  “A female would be best.”

  “Okay. Do you still want to train tomorrow at five thirty? I think I can find someone for you then.”

  I shrugged. “Sure. Let me know.”

  He nodded and then an uncomfortable silence followed during which Dante stuck his hands into his jean pockets and looked as though he wished he was anywhere but at my place.

  “Well, thanks for dinner, Ricki,” he said and gave me a half smile. “It really was great. And again I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my… situation. It was very wrong of me. I understand if you hate me now.”

  I got to my feet, determined not to let on how much I did in fact hate him for what he’d done to me. He definitely should have told me he had a girlfriend, as that surely would have made me think twice about sleeping with him. I didn’t want to be the kind of girl who slept with other girls’ boyfriends. “Like I said, we both got carried away. I don’t hate you. Thanks for coming down to get my dress for me.”

  “It was my pleasure.”

  I’m sure it was, I was dying to blurt to his face, but I managed to keep my mouth closed. Keeping my cool—my dignity—was all I had left, and I’d be damned if he was getting that, too. Instead, I simply nodded.

  “I’ll text you later regarding potential trainers for tomorrow,” he said and opened my front door.

  “Sounds good,” I said and walked up to him. I wasn’t sure what the appropriate gesture was for us to say good-bye after what we had just shared, and considering how it had ended. I didn’t get a chance to ponder it for long, though, because suddenly he pressed a kiss to my lips. Then he swiveled around and left my apartment.

  As I closed the door after him, I rushed up to my bed and buried my face in the pillows that had supported Dante’s head only minutes ago and let myself cry. The howls that came out of my throat sounded more like those of a wounded animal than a human being. I was thankful my face was buried deep in the pillow or Dante would surely have heard me, and that was the last thing I wanted. He would never find out just how much he’d hurt me tonight. Which was why I wouldn’t allow myself to switch gyms, as that would be a dead giveaway of how much I cared. What bothered me the most was how I’d let myself go with him when I’d known all along that he was a player—who was also fucked up in his head. How could I’ve been so careless, especially considering my recent fiasco with Aidan? Hadn’t I learned anything from that? I scrunched up my face as I thought about the awful night Aidan had dumped me and punched the mattress, feeling helpless. Was it possible I’d let myself go with Dante because of what had happened with Aidan…? Dante had at least wanted to kiss and touch me—have sex with me—seemed like he was as hot for me as I was for him. Seemed being the operative word here. He was obviously not as into me as I was into him. How could I have thought so even for one second? If he were, he’d have told me—at least pretended—that he’d leave his girlfriend for me. That he was no longer in love with her, which was why he’d slept with me.

  The thoughts sent another wave of pain rolling through my stomach and chest, and I cried even harder. I was in so much pain that I didn’t even have the strength to try to call Nina or Nixon and tell them what had happened. I definitely wouldn’t call my older sister I’d seen earlier today, as she would never understand. I was basically paralyzed and all I could do was cry and cry and cry. At some point much later I fell asleep, the dreamless slumber the only thing that gave me peace at last.

  When I woke up to my earth-shattering alarm early the following morning, I thought for a moment that what had happened last night was all a very bad nightmare. That soothing illusion only lasted until I reached for my phone and spotted two texts from Dante. The first one said:

  Good morning, Ricki. Sorry again about yesterday. I hope we can still be friends. What do you think about Gabi training you? She’s a great trainer. I can ask her if she’s available.

  He’d sent the second text twenty-three minutes later:

  Gabi would love to train you if you’re cool with it. And she can do five thirty tonight, too. Let me know.

  I couldn’t have woken up any more abruptly if I was hit by a bowling ball in my gut. I guess it was all true then. I sighed, wanting nothing more than to crawl back underneath my covers and hide for the rest of my life. What was it with me and guys? Before Aidan and Dante there had been a couple of other guys who had decided for whatever reason I couldn’t be part of their lives shortly after we had begun dating. Why did all of them come up with some excuse not to be with me? I had fooled myself into thinking I’d only wanted Dante to come over because I’d wanted him to open up to me yesterday. If I was going to be honest with myself, I had also hoped that we’d make out afterward and that he’d tell me he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. Because I really did want to be with him. I hadn’t actually thought we would go all the way, but I didn’t regret that we had. It had felt right in that moment, and as much as it pained me now, I had to admit that I’d thoroughly enjoyed it. Unlike Nina, who was a free spirit, it usually took me several dates before I slept with a guy. Call me uptight or prudish—I preferred the term “cautious”— but that was just the way I was. After having made an exception for Dante, I had a feeling I’d become even more cautious.

  I thought about having Gabi as my trainer and decided that she would be as good as anyone else, even though she and Dante were friends. I would explain the situation to her and hopefully she’d help me avoid Dante as much as possible when we trained. Surely Dante would tell her some, if not all that had happened. How else would he explain why he would no longer train me?

  I typed in a response to Dante: Yes, Gabi will be fine. Please tell her I’ll meet her at the fitness desk tonight then.

  His response arrived a minute later: Consider it done.

  It made me sick to my stomach with fury to think about how relieved he must be I wasn’t giving him more problems regarding this. He had probably expected me to be super difficult just to get back at him for having fooled me into thinking he was single. But I refused to act like I gave a damn. And if I kept pretending that I didn’t care, I was sure it would become reality eventually. He really wasn’t worth it.

  I was in a daze for most of the day, the preparation of a fundraising event keeping me mercifully busy, and it was only when Nina called me to say hi that I was reminded about what had happened.

  “How’s everything?” she wondered as I walked out to my Honda in the parking lot outside my work building.

  “Worse than ever,” I said in a voice so light it surprised even me considering how I felt on the inside. Convincing myself that I didn’t
care about Dante was easier said than done.

  “Is that your attempt at a joke?” Nina asked. “In that case, I didn’t get it. Can you please elaborate?”

  “I slept with Dante yesterday and afterward he told me he had a girlfriend and that it was best if I got a new trainer.”

  “ What?” Nina sounded outraged, which I couldn’t blame her for. “Okay, now that just has to be a joke. A poor one, I’ve gotta say. Please tell me that was all just your attempt at being funny, Ricki.. You’re usually funnier than that.”

  “I wish it was a joke. Unfortunately, all of it is completely true.”

  Nina didn’t say anything for a few seconds and neither did I. I figured I’d better give her some time to digest all that I’d said. It was after all a handful.

  “I’m sorry,” was all she said finally, and that was why she was my best friend. Anything else would only make a bad situation worse. If I’d have wanted to give her more details at the moment, I would have. There would be plenty of time for that later.

  Dante

  “You’re a fuckin’ idiot,” Jose told me, looking at me intently. I’d had a client cancel on me in the afternoon and asked Jose if he wanted to train. Really, I’d wanted to tell him what had happened with Ricki, but I wasn’t going to admit that. “A big, fuckin’ moron. Now she’ll never talk to you again.”

  I glared at him, fighting the urge to punch him in the face for what he’d just said. As pissed as he’d made me, I might break his nose and that was the last thing he needed. It would be broken soon enough anyway. To release the anger that surged through me, I squeezed my fists so hard my nails dug into the meaty part of my palms instead.