Keeping Secrets

by Alyson Noel

  Abby sighs loud and heavy, and for a moment she sounds much older than her years. “I don’t know. He’s cute, and nice, and all that, but when he walked me to the door and kissed me good night, well, there weren’t really any sparks, you know? I mean, I know you can’t always expect bottle rockets, but can’t I at least get a sparkler?”

  I think about the difference between Parker and Marc, and realize how funny it is that I, of all people, can now be considered some kind of expert. Well, at least where Abby’s concerned. But then I remember how she doesn’t actually know about Marc, at least not that I know of. “Did it seem kind of clinical?” I ask. “Or more like a relative? Like a frisky, drunken uncle?”

  “That’s disgusting, but no. It was more like two actors rehearsing a role, hoping they were getting it right. Like, the whole time my lips were moving my head was thinking, That’s it? You waited fifteen years for this?”

  “Yikes.”

  “Tell me,” she says. “But here’s the thing, do you think maybe it was just nerves? I mean, do you think I should try it again?”

  And just as I’m about to answer, I get a new call. So I put Abby on hold, only to find Teresa on the other line.

  “Hey,” she says. “What’re you doing?”

  “Talking to Abby,” I tell her, hoping that will speed it along.

  “Dump her, I need to talk to you.”

  I roll my eyes. Apparently, now that she’s got some dirt on me, she figures the usual pleasantries no longer apply. I guess she forgot how I saw her too. “She called first,” I finally say.

  “Fine. Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to come by and hang out. You know, so we can study.” She laughs. “I hear you’re really good at math.”

  I close my eyes and sigh. Teresa can really be a bitch, but apparently I’m the only one who knows it. “I’m busy,” I say, anxious to get back to Abby.

  “Yeah? Well, I think you might want to clear your calendar and try to stop by because Marc’s coming over.”

  I just sit there, silent and still.

  “In fact, he should be here within the hour.”

  Why is Marc going to Teresa’s? I mean, they’re not friends. At least not that I know of. And even though I could probably just ask and get it over with, I’m more than a little reluctant to give her the satisfaction. “We’ll see,” I finally say, trying to sound distracted and uninterested. “I’ve got a lot going on today.”

  “Door’s open,” she says, laughing in place of good-bye.

  “What the hell? You were gone forever! I almost hung up,” Abby says, not even trying to hide her annoyance.

  For a second I think about telling her; it would be good to get a second opinion. But just as quickly, I’m over it. “Sorry,” I say.

  “Omigod, was it Parker?” she asks, her voice free of anger and now taking on a lower, more gossipy tone. “Is he begging you to come back?”

  “Hardly,” I say, my mind still reeling with thoughts of Teresa and Marc and what they could possibly have in common. “From what you said, it sounds like he’s already moved on.”

  “So who was it? I waited for over an hour. I deserve to know.”

  “You’re totally exaggerating, but it’s not like it’s a secret. It was Teresa. She wants me to stop by,” I say, heeding the number one rule about lying (well, maybe number two, after don’t get caught) and how it’s always safer not to stray too far from the truth.

  “Don’t do it!” Abby says, sounding completely ominous. “I’m totally serious, do not go over there.”

  “Why?” I ask, striving for blase, but nailing panic.

  “You should’ve seen the place when we left, I bet it’s totally trashed by now. She probably wants you to help clean up. You know, payback for cutting out early.”

  I close my eyes and sigh in relief, glad that Abby’s still unaware of at least some of my secrets. “Okay, listen, I should go,” I tell her. “It’s getting late, and I haven’t even showered yet.” I gaze into the mirror and scowl at my limp, boring hair.

  “No, you can’t go until you answer my question. Should I give Jax a second chance or not?”

  I drop back onto my bed, grab two pillows, and prop them under my head. “I don’t know, Ab. I mean, do you want to give him another shot?”

  “That’s why I called you, to help me sort that out.”

  “Well, what does Jenay say?”

  “Jenay? Forget Jenay. I mean, I love her, we all love her, but between you and me, Jenay is now a pep club member. She also believes in pixie dust, pots of gold, unicorns, four-leaf clovers, guardian angels, and leprechauns. She thinks Mickey Mouse is a real person. That’s why I called you. Because you’re my only levelheaded friend.”

  I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “Then forget it,” I tell her. “It’s either there or it’s not. And it shouldn’t take GPS to locate it.”

  She sighs. “That’s exactly what I was thinking.” And then before she hangs up she goes, “Oh hey, what’s that song you were humming under your breath?”

  I sit up suddenly, my knuckles going white as my fingers grip the phone.

  “You know, the one that’s all da da dee, do da, da la la la? What is that? It’s so haunting.”

  I listen to her rendition of the song I fell asleep to last night, totally unaware that I’d been humming it that whole time. “Um, I don’t even know the name. I think I heard it somewhere on the radio, or maybe I dreamt it or something,” I say, laughing nervously, hoping she’ll believe me.

  “Okay, well, gotta run,” she says. “But I’m serious about avoiding Teresa’s. If I were you I’d stay away.”

  Twenty-three

  By the time I get to Teresa’s, I know I’m too late. And it’s not like it took me all that long to shower and dress, it was more the pacing, the hand wringing, and the pro-and-con-list making that ate up all my free time.

  There’s an old beat-up motorcycle leaning precariously on its kickstand, and one of those jacked-up, overaccessorized, overcompensating, fully loaded trucks parked right beside it. But no blue Camaro. And since neither of those vehicles looks remotely like anything Teresa or her parents would be willing to drive, I’m feeling more than a little anxious.

  I hesitate at the door, thinking I should just forget about knocking, cut my losses, and head home. And just as I turn to do exactly that, the front door swings open as Teresa smiles and says, “I saw you from the living room window.” Then she wiggles her fingers, motioning me inside.

  She leads me past the formal dining room, which looks no worse for the wear, and through the ultramodern kitchen that’s shiny, clean, and pristine. And even though the house is showing absolutely no sings of a wild night of out-of-control teenage debauchery, Teresa’s tight ripped jeans and tiny black tube top are giving off a whole other vibe.

  So by the time we get to the den and I see those two overage delinquents sprawled across the couch, let’s just say I’m not the least bit surprised.

  “You remember Tom and Jason?” she says, nodding at the losers I’d met that day in the park.

  I just look at them, wondering why she lured me here, but determined not to show any fear.

  “Beer?” she asks, raising a sweaty bottle in offering. Martha Stewart, look out.

  But I just shake my head and drop onto an overstuffed chair, doing my best to ignore asshole Tom who, once again, seems dead set on staring at me.

  “So, did you go to her little high school soiree?” Tom asks, tilting his head back as he guzzles his beer, his eyes still fixed on mine.

  But before I can answer Teresa smiles and goes, “She stopped by, but she didn’t stay long.”

  “Hot date?” he asks, lighting up a cigarette that Jason immediately grabs and breaks in half.

  “No smoking in the palace, asshole,” Jason says, taking the broken pieces and shoving them into his beer before chucking Tom hard on the back of his head.

  I watch as Tom makes a face but still cowers away, and I feel lik
e I’m in one of those weird art-school films. The kind filled with rain, symbolism, and dream sequences that you can’t understand. I mean, on the surface, Teresa’s probably one of the luckiest people I know. It’s like she’s living the teenage dream. She’s got two parents who are still together, she lives in a beautiful, huge home, she has a walk in-closet that’s jammed full of super-cute, designer-label clothes, she’s pretty, she’s popular, she gets good grades, and she’s had the same boyfriend since the end of eighth grade who everyone unanimously agrees is totally hot. Heck, she even has real-deal Hollywood credentials, having starred in a baby-food commercial back when she was two, followed by some small, mostly nonspeaking roles over the last few years. Which also makes her one of the few people who can actually list on her Web page “model, singer, actress,” and only the singer part is a lie.

  So I don’t get it. I mean, why would someone who has all of that want to hang out with a cheesy, creepy drug dealer and his mentally challenged sidekick? It just doesn’t make any sense.

  When I look up, Tom is still staring at me, which totally gives me the creeps, so I pretend I have to go to the bathroom, since it’s the only place where I can be alone, clear my head, and hopefully figure out what to do next.

  I’m standing in front of the sink, watching the water run down the drain, when Teresa barges in without even knocking. “He just got here,” she says, standing in the doorway, looking at me. “I just let him in; I thought you should know. You know, so you don’t stay in here all day, wasting water.” She smiles, but it’s not at all normal. In fact, it’s not even kind.

  “What’s going on?” I ask. “Why’d you invite me here?”

  “From what I saw in the park, it seems like you and Marc are really hitting it off,” she says, looking right at me. “So I thought you might want to hang in a more private place, with people you can trust.”

  I just stand there, not saying a word. I mean, I can’t exactly deny what she saw. But still, I know better than to trust her.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” she says, nodding her head. “But you’ve got it all wrong. I’m actually a much better friend than you think. Like last night? After you left? Parker got all hammered and started hitting on someone’s girlfriend. They almost got in a fight. But I just calmed everyone down, then I took him aside for a little chat. And you know what he asked? He wanted to know if you were into someone else. He said whenever you guys were alone together, it was like you were never really there.”

  I look at her, holding my breath.

  “But I just told him to go home, sober up, and sleep it off.” She shrugs. “So you see, we’re not so different, you and me. We both look one way on the outside, but inside, we’re something else. We’ve got secrets.” She smiles.

  “Why me?” I ask. “I mean, out of all the people you know, why do you share this stuff with me?”

  “Because you’re smart, and you’re different, and you’re one of the few people who get how nothing’s ever what it seems.”

  We just stand there, looking at each other, and I wonder if it’s really that simple, if even part of that is true. Then she grabs my hand and pulls me toward the door. “Let’s go,” she says. “Marc doesn’t even know you’re here.”

  I follow her out of the bathroom and into the den, where Marc is sitting on a chair, clutching a beer and looking uneasy.

  “Look who’s here,” Teresa says, motioning to me like a game-show model presenting a shiny, new, energy-efficient appliance.

  I slip onto a chair and try to act casual, like I hang out with drug dealers and dropouts all the time.

  Marc glances at me then over at Jason. Then he sets down his beer and goes, “Listen, can we make this quick? I need to get out of here.”

  But Jason’s taking it easy and refuses to be rushed. “Relax,” he says. “Just chill and finish your drink.”

  I glance at Marc’s bottle, seeing how it’s still completely full, and remember how he rarely drinks, probably because of his mom’s bad habit. “Sorry bro, but I really need to split,” he says, like he’s speaking a foreign language now, Jason’s language.

  But Jason just glares, his eyes becoming angry, narrow slits. “Apparently you didn’t hear me. I’m. Finishing. My. Beer,” he says, his voice firm and controlled, punctuating each separate word.

  So we all just sit there. Avoiding each other’s gaze while listening to Jason slurp and sip, until he finally finishes it off with one long, loud, disgusting belch. Then he sets his bottle hard on the table and says, “Me and my boy will be right back.” He points at all of us, his index finger outstretched, his thumb arched up high, like a gun about to go off. When he pulls the trigger he laughs, as he ushers Marc out of the room.

  It feels like forever. Seriously, from the time they leave ‘til the moment they come back, it feels like my whole, entire life has passed.

  And when Marc finally comes back into the den, he takes one look at me and goes, “Need a ride?”

  And I grab my purse and head for the door, without once looking back.

  Twenty-four

  The second we get in the car, Marc shakes his head and says, “What the hell were you doing in there? Are those people your friends?”

  “You know they’re not my friends,” I say, folding my arms across my chest and staring out the window. I mean, I don’t like the tone of his voice. And I don’t like the way he’s acting. Like I’m some little baby that needs to be protected. Okay, yeah, maybe I didn’t love being in there, and maybe I’m glad he’s whisking me away now. But still, even if he hadn’t shown, I totally would’ve made it out of there. Eventually.

  “What were you even doing there in the first place?” he asks, his eyes shielded from me as he stares at the road.

  “Teresa invited me.” I shrug, deciding to leave it at that. I mean, the fact that I went there for him is clearly none of his business.

  “Well, that’s just great.” He glances over at me and shakes his head again. “Do you and Teresa even know who those guys are? Do you even know what you’re getting yourselves into?”

  “Well, you seem to be all filled in, so why don’t you tell me?” I say, turning toward him.

  But he just stares straight ahead, clenching his jaw as he drives. And when he stops at a light, he goes, “Look, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to sound like your dad or anything. It’s just those guys are really bad news and you shouldn’t be hanging around them. You shouldn’t be anywhere near them.”

  “You were hanging around them.”

  “That’s different,” he mumbles, speeding again now that the light’s turned green.

  “Yeah? How? Exactly how is it different?”

  He looks at me for a moment, then he shakes his head and stares back at the road. “It just is, okay?”

  “Why?” I say, unwilling to let it go.

  “Echo, Christ, just trust me on this one.” He rolls his eyes and checks his side mirror.

  I turn in my seat, my eyes traveling over him until coming to rest on his jacket. “I want to see what’s in your pocket,” I say.

  “What?” He looks at me, his eyes wide.

  “Show me what’s in your pocket. And then I’ll decide if I’ll trust you.”

  He takes a deep breath and looks away, but his expression is worried.

  “Before you left the room with Jason your pocket was flat and empty. And now it’s not. Now it’s all bulky like you’ve got something in it. And I want to know what it is.”

  “No.”

  I stare at him, my breath caught in my throat since I wasn’t expecting to hear that. I mean, I admit at first I was partly just fooling around, but now that I know he’s hiding something, I’m determined to know what it is. “Show me,” I say, reaching toward him.

  But he takes his hand off the wheel and holds me back against my seat, all the while refusing to look at me.

  I stare at him in shock, wondering what he could possibly be hiding. “Then just take me home,” I fina
lly say, my voice sounding high pitched and fragile.

  “Echo, please.” He sighs.

  “Now. Take me home right now!” I glare at him, my stomach jumping all around, doing the panic dance.

  He looks at me and shakes his head, then he pulls an illegal U-turn and heads toward my home.

  But by the time he gets to the end of my street I’ve changed my mind. I mean, maybe he is only trying to help me, and protect me, and save me in the way he couldn’t with Zoë. And acting like this, so ridiculous and immature, only proves how much I need that. Besides, I think it’s pretty obvious that there’s no need for me to fear him. He’s never done anything to hurt me, and he never hurt my sister, and whatever he’s got in his pocket is clearly none of my business. “I’m sorry,” I say, reaching toward him, hoping he won’t push me away like before.

  “Forget it,” he says, smoothing his long fingers back and forth over the steering wheel while staring straight ahead.

  “I guess I was just mad because—”

  “No need to explain,” he says, still not looking at me.

  “I just, I don’t like it when you treat me like that. Like I’m some stupid little girl. I mean, I’m all grown up now and you won’t even see it.” I peek at him, taking in the line of his nose, the strength of his chin, the sweep of his lashes, before looking away.

  He takes a deep breath and turns. “Believe me, Echo, I’ve noticed,” he says, his voice sounding thick and resigned.

  And without even thinking, I grab his sleeve, pull him close, and kiss him. Softly at first, then harder, more urgent, trying to seal this moment in time, determined to leave an impression.

  And after awhile, when he pulls away, he looks into my eyes, cradles my face between the palms of his hands, and says, “Promise me.”

  I nod, holding my breath, waiting.

  “Promise me you’ll stay away from Jason.”

  After dinner, and well after my parents have gone to sleep, I climb out of bed, creep down the hall, and sneak into Zoë’s room.