Scorpions

by Walter Knight

  “And you be sure to issue a memo informing your peacekeepers that Mantidae are no longer on the menu, and will never be part of your buffet again!”

  * * * * *

  “What are you going to do about the Mantidae?’ asked Sergeant Green. “Please don’t shoot them.”

  “They disobeyed orders,” I said. “They were confined to the barracks, but they snuck out and laid an ambush. I can’t tolerate that.”

  “But it was a damn good ambush,” argued Sergeant Green. “They have potential.”

  “Lock the Mantidae up under Legion Headquarters for two days,” I said. “Make them eat anchovy pizza for every meal. That will teach them a lesson they will never forget.”

  “You’re a hard commander,” said Sergeant Green, shaking his head as he left. “So hard. It’s all about tough love.”

  * * * * *

  The Scorpion Queen met the Coleopteran Prime Minister on the beetles’ home world in what was hailed as another historic and groundbreaking visit by Her Majesty. Huge crowds gathered at the spaceport, hoping to get a glimpse of the royal procession.

  “One of my goals is to solidify resolve by all exoskeleton species to check humanity’s continual proliferation of military strength,” advised the Queen. “Humans have warred with every species they have met, including yours and mine. Humans are so aggressive that, even when they are at peace, they are still compelled to fight. They end up fighting each other in local civil wars and rebellions. Human terrorist attacks are a danger for everyone.”

  “We do not see humanity as a threat because the USGF is a democracy,” explained the Coleopteran Prime Minister. “I am more concerned about undiscovered expansionist and authoritarian species beyond the Frontier. Our long-range exploratory probes are indicating the galaxy is full of such empires that may show themselves unexpectedly at any time. The Scorpion Kingdom is a prime example of how dangerous first contact with these undiscovered species may be. A few years ago we did not even know you existed.”

  “My dear Prime Minister,” said the Scorpion Queen, patting his knee. “Please do not think of me as dangerous. All my hopes are for an intimate and long-lasting relationship between our species.”

  “You are especially dangerous,” replied the Prime Minister. “You know how dangerous the humans can be, yet you keep poking at them. I saw the database video of you attacking the Mantid matriarch. The Mantid was under Legion protection. I’ll bet that pissed the humans off. And now I see video of Mantid legionnaires attacking and eating scorpion peacekeepers. I fear that personal disputes between local commanders and a tit-for-tat attitude will soon spill over into another intergalactic war. Eventually one of these little bush wars will wreck someone’s home world.”

  “Nonsense,” argued the Queen. “The Mantidae are a local issue I delegated to my Secretary of Agriculture and Food Production. I have already ordered my general in charge of peacekeepers to back off and consolidate his power base. It is not easy sharing a planet with humans, and there will always be some push and shove. The Arthropodan Empire found that out a long time ago, too. However, I will be visiting the President of Old Earth next on my diplomatic tour, and hope to shore up relations.”

  “That would be good,” replied the Prime Minister. “A peace conference among all the galactic heads of state is needed. My General Staff is insistent that the threat from emerging unknown species is real and imminent. Together we would be invincible.”

  “In the spirit of peace and a united military defense, perhaps the Coleopteran Confederacy can bolster our peacekeepers on New Colorado,” suggested the Queen. “Your presence would give my peacekeepers more credibility. I think the humans do not much trust the Kingdom’s motives.”

  “That is an intriguing idea that I will give serious thought,” promised the Coleopteran Prime Minister. “However, I will not send peacekeepers unless the President of the United States Galactic Federation agrees.”

  “That is reasonable,” replied the Queen. “Soon the good intentions we start now will have a momentum of their own. Peace will break out, no matter what.”

  * * * * *

  After two days, I visited the dungeon beneath Legion Headquarters to check on my new Mantid legionnaires. The little fellows seemed to be in good spirits.

  “Good morning, sir,” said Private Green, cheerily. “Would you like an anchovy pizza? We have plenty left. They are really quite tasty, once you get past the smell.”

  “I’ll pass,” I replied. “Do you understand why you are in jail?”

  “For disobeying orders, sir!” answered all five Mantidae. “It won’t happen again, sir!”

  “I can foresee plenty of circumstances where you might get the opportunity to kill scorpions,” I commented. “And I can empathize with your desire to want to kill as many scorpions as possible. However, mission planning is my responsibility, not yours. Privates do not plan missions!”

  “We volunteered for your command because of your reputation,” said Private Green. “We know the Butcher of New Colorado won’t let us down. You are our ideal, sir!”

  “Great,” I said. “Just promise to follow orders. You all are released to KP duty. Don’t let Private Knight lead you astray. Keep me informed about what he writes in his notes. I am an avid fan of science fiction and have an interest in his book about the Legion. Hopefully it will be a bestseller.”

  * * * * *

  AP News Release

  USGF President Miller and the Scorpion Queen in a joint statement from the Oval Office announced the Kingdom is evacuating the Mantidae home world, opening the door to repatriation of all Mantidae who wish to return. The Scorpion Queen promised cash reparations and technical assistance to rebuild the planet’s infrastructure.

  Reaction among the Mantidae at New Argentina was mixed, ranging from joy to doubt. All surviving Mantidae were born on New Colorado and enjoy USGF citizenship, so many are reluctant to leave. Also, many do not trust the scorpions. However, some are nostalgic to see the old home world they have heard so much about. Polls indicate about one fourth of the Mantidae will accept the Kingdom’s offer.

  The Coleopteran Prime Minister pledged peacekeeping troops to ensure the Mantidae’s safety until they are strong enough to defend themselves. The Prime Minister hopes that the Mantidae will soon join their galactic neighbors in a new alliance strong enough to keep the peace and security in our sector of the galaxy. Scorpion Kingdom shuttles have already landed on the outskirts of the main New Argentina Mantidae enclave, awaiting orders to begin transport.

  After arriving in New Argentina to ensure Mantidae safety, Legion spokesperson Colonel Lopez said, “Any Mantidae who are stupid enough to trust those bendaho scorpions should not be allowed to contribute to the gene pool, anyway. Let the fools go.”

  General Daly, when asked if Lopez’s opinion reflected the official Legion position on the issue, commented, “Trust the scorpions? Someone needs to check what the President has been smoking.”

  Soon after, General Daly publicly apologized to President Miller, saying he did not know a microphone recorded his comment, which he described as out-of-context humor. The general said he was confident beetle peacekeepers would do their job, but he was sending legionnaires to protect the Mantidae just in case.

  The Scorpion Queen, when asked if she could be trusted in light of her spotty relationship with the Mantidae, said, “That is why I have delegated the repatriation of the Manidae to a Cabinet level member of my Royal Court. I can understand Mantidae apprehension if I personally supervised this historic repatriation. Also, this project has the King’s full support and backing.”

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  Chapter 18

  When I woke this morning, the rest of my hair had fallen out, due to high radiation levels. Even my eyebrows were missing. In spite of anti-radiation pills, other legionnaires suffered similar symptoms or worse. It was an easy decision to hand over the keys to Legion Headquarters to the Scorpion City National Guard. I led a column of Legion a
rmored cars out of town toward New Gobi City. Happiness truly was Scorpion City in my rear view mirror. I felt better already. Soon after leaving, I received orders to rendezvous with shuttles that would take us to a new mission at New Argentina. I turned on the radio for a news update.

  “This is Phil Coen of Channel Five World News Tonight, broadcasting live from Washington, DC. Peace talks between the main galactic superpowers were put on hold today when three of the main participants fell ill. President Miller, the Coleopteran Prime Minister, and the Arthropodan Emperor all were reported to be suffering from fever and green rash.

  “At first it was thought they had drunk local water. However, doctors from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have identified the pathogen as the rarely documented Czerinski’s Disease. Speculation is running rampant on how all three galactic leaders could contract Czerinski’s Disease at the same time. Meanwhile, the peace conference, meticulously planned by the Scorpion Queen is postponed indefinitely. Some sources close to the President say relations now are even strained.”

  I turned the channel to music.

  * * * * *

  I met Colonel Lopez at New Argentina. The enclave was bristling with Coleopteran peacekeepers, legionnaires, scorpions, and agitated Mantidae. I had brought the Mantidae legionnaires to the staff meeting for a much-needed alien perspective.

  “Every species has its fools,” argued Colonel Lopez. “You can’t protect a fool from himself. I say let those who trust the scorpions go. Their fate will serve as a reminder to those smart enough to stay, that the scorpions cannot be trusted.”

  “Our job is to prevent an atrocity that we all clearly see unfolding,” advised Private Green. “A commando raid could easily disable the scorpion shuttles standing by outside of town.”

  “That would only be a temporary fix,” responded Ambassador James Yamashita, just arrived from the scorpion home world to assist with negotiations. “Now would not be the time to provoke such an incident. There are other ongoing and sensitive diplomatic efforts and issues you need to consider.”

  “The President wants a strong Mantidae nation deep in scorpion space to act as a strategic balance to the Scorpion Kingdom,” advised General Daly. “He realizes initially there will be risk, but that risk is acceptable when compared to potential gains.”

  “The scorpions will never allow a strong Mantidae nation in their backyard,” I said. “They will find an excuse to neutralize that threat early on.”

  “Peacekeepers will protect the Mantidae until they are strong,” insisted General Daly. “Besides, New Colorado is not their home. We were here first, before any of these aliens.”

  “Is that all we are to you?” asked Private Green. “We’re just strategic chips to me moved about as you will, with no concern about the consequences? We Mantidae are from a proud sentient civilization like yours. And now we are American citizens.”

  “Whatever,” said General Daly. “Some of you smart fellows want to return to your home world, and I have been ordered to assist in that effort.”

  “I like the commando idea,” I said. “It would buy us some time to convince more Mantidae that the scorpions can never be trusted when it comes to gourmet matters. We can blame any commando raid on local terrorists.”

  “No!” countered General Daly. “We will not provoke an incident. We will focus on the big picture. The Legion’s responsibility in this matter is to protect and to advance USGF interests only. The fate of the Mantidae who choose leave with the scorpions is ultimately beyond our control.”

  * * * * *

  I agreed to allow Mantid legionnaires to attack the huge scorpion transport ship sitting on the edge of town. Armed with a Legion nuclear grenade, the Mantidae disguised themselves as dignitaries from town. Private Green wore a red sash sprinkled with flashy heroic medals. He introduced himself as the mayor.

  “I intend to inspect your ship facilities prior to launch,” announced Green. “I require an escort.”

  “That would violate security protocol,” advised the duty officer. He quickly called for the captain. “You should have arranged for an appointment.”

  “It’s okay,” said the ship’s captain, after arriving. “They are only Mantidae. What is the harm of giving our honored guests a quick tour?”

  “It is my intention in inspect living quarters for comfort and safety, and to meet members of your crew,” advised Private Green. “This is certainly a large ship. It must be quite a responsibility to keep it running properly.”

  “We have the capability to carry thousands,” bragged the captain as he escorted the Mantidae down long corridors. “This is the largest transport ship in the fleet.”

  “Very impressive,” commented Green as they passed work areas and gawking crew members.

  “This is the break, dining, and entertainment area,” advised the captain. “And past these doors are your living quarters. As you can see, we have downsized your beds and furniture to accommodate your size. All efforts to facilitate your comfort have been made.”

  As the tour progressed, they walked by a kitchen. Private Green bolted from the tour to inspect the kitchen. Everyone followed.

  “Captain, sir, you bring me Mantidae so soon?” exclaimed the cook. “Fantastic, it has been so long! But I have not had time to properly prepare seasoning vats.”

  “What does he mean by that?” asked Private Green nervously.

  “Perhaps my chef’s expression of welcome is lost in translation,” advised the captain. “These translation devices we got from the spiders are not even close to perfect.”

  “You are not staying?” asked the cook, obviously disappointed. “Not even one of you?”

  “We need to move along,” said the captain abruptly. “I have other duties to attend to. How would you like to see Engineering? You would be surprised how much power it takes to move a ship of this size.”

  As they toured the Engineering Department, Private Green rolled the nuke grenade under a large engine mount. The timer was set to explode in one hour.

  “I have seen enough,” announced Private Green. “You have an impressive ship. It must be quite irreplaceable.”

  “It is a one of a kind,” said the captain, proudly. “Only the best for our honored guests.”

  * * * * *

  The explosion broke the scorpion transport in half. After word of the sabotage spread, President Miller called General Daly for an explanation. General Daly called Colonel Lopez. Colonel Lopez called me. I replied I did not know anything. “It must have been terrorists. Or, maybe faulty equipment.”

  In fact, soon a message was emailed from a heretofore unknown terrorist group calling itself the Mantidae Liberation Army, claiming responsibility for the attack. The MLA stated the attack was meant to avenge the genocide of the Mantid civilization, and to prevent more Mantidae from future slaughter, and from being eaten.

  General Daly informed President Miller that the Legion, at the request of our allies, had only been tasked with the limited mission of security for the Mantidae. Any security lapse by the scorpions or the Coleopteran peacekeepers in regard to the transport shuttle was on them for refusing our help.

  * * * * *

  When I visited my Mantid legionnaires at their tent to congratulate them on a successful mission well done, I found two Mantidae hugging and kissing.

  “What is this?” I asked, a bit embarrassed. “Oh, never mind. I don’t want to know. The Legion has had a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy in place for centuries.”

  “Sir, what are you talking about?” asked Private Green.

  “You’re gay, right? It’s okay. You Mantidae can do whatever you want out here alone in your steamy little tents. Congratulations on your mission. All five of you performed beyond expectations.”

  “Sir, Private Melissa Lincoln is female,” explained Private Green. “We were just celebrating.”

  “You’re a female?” I asked, scrutinizing Melissa more closely. I still couldn’t tell the difference
between the two. “She’s a real looker, Jamal. Quite a catch. Sorry I didn’t realize she was a female at first. I haven’t really spent that much time around you Mantidae. How do you tell the difference?”

  “Melissa smells better than I do,” replied Private Green.

  “Son, everyone smells better than you,” I said. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you Mantidae about that.”

  “It’s okay that you did not know I was a female,” said Melissa, as she gulped her beer. “I heard you have quite a reputation with the ladies, sir. I saw your videos on the database.”

  “I was drunk,” I explained. “Are you my only female legionnaire?” “I’m the only one,” replied Melissa happily. “I guess I will be a busy girl. Want a beer, sir?” “She’s kind of slutty,” explained Private Green. “Especially when she’s been drinking. That’s why we love her so much.” “I am not!” shouted Melissa, playfully socking Green on the shoulder. “You are sleeping alone tonight! Sir, would you be interested in making interspecies history again?”

  “Fraternization with enlisted personnel is prohibited for officers,” I answered quickly. “It’s the law. Sorry. Besides, no one is sleeping tonight. I am ordering all of you to load up as many MREs as you can pack, and hide out in the bush. I’ll call you by radio when it is safe to come out.”

  ‘Sir, is there a problem?” asked Private Green.

  “You have to hide until the investigation of the scorpion transport bombing is completed,” I advised. “The scorpions are saying they have surveillance video matching the five you at the shuttle with the five of you at Pizza Hut in Scorpion City. They’re pissed and want everyone arrested. I have not seen the video but, until I can view it, I do not want Colonel Lopez interrogating any of you. So beat it! Get out of town now until I contact you! Answer no one else’s radio signal but mine. Master Sergeant Green will lead you to a safe place to camp.”