“It wasn’t your fault, Miss.” Emily said pulling her tearful mistress’s head to her shoulder and patting her reassuringly on her back. “How were you to know that wave was going to send you into Mr. Bradley’s arms like that? And he’s a man with a heavy burden. I’ve seen it in his eyes many times.”
“But how will I ever face him again?” Adeline sobbed uncontrollably. “I’ve betrayed my best friend in the worst way imaginable.”
“You’re going to have to pull yourself together, Miss.” Emily said firmly pushing Adeline back into an upright position and forcing her to look into her eyes. “This isn’t about you. You must think of poor Mr. Bradley now. If you feel bad, you can only imagine how awful he must be feeling. You must be strong for him, Miss.”
Adeline sniffled and nodded in agreement. “Oh, Stone, how did you become so wise?”
“You high-society folks are always getting into scrapes and it’s a lady’s maid’s job to know how to help you out of them.” Emily stood and handed her mistress a cup of well sugared and whiskey-laced tea. “Have some tea and then we’ll get you to bed. You’ll see, in the morning this will all be but a minor bit of nothing.”
Adeline sincerely doubted that, but she obediently drank the strong brew before allowing Emily to put her to bed. She fell asleep quickly, the whiskey having already made her drowsy.
The dream seemed so real.
Adeline couldn’t determine where she was. It was dusk and there was a mist surrounding her, making it impossible to see past her nose. It should be cold, she thought briefly but instead, she felt as if a warm caress enveloped her.
Suddenly he appears out of the fog, an apparition of masculinity and strength, but she can’t see his face. In her heart, Adeline knows who it is, but she fights it; this is her dream, she can make it someone else, an as yet unknown lord. But no matter how hard she tries to change the man or even to wake up from this dream, she can’t stop Jackson from coming to her and taking her in his strong arms and kissing her—this time fully and deeply and with undisguised passion and longing going on and on for what seems like forever.
Adeline awoke soaked in a cold sweat, shaking from the feelings her sensuous dream had evoked. Burying her face in her hands, she struggled to suppress the emotions coursing through her body. Varying between shame, longing and guilt, Adeline only wanted to forget what had happened last night on deck.
A timid knock on the door preceded Emily’s entrance into her bedroom.
“Are you alright, Miss? I thought I heard you in distress.”
“I had a bad dream, is all.” Adeline said wiping her face with her blanket. “But I’m fine now. No need for you to bother with me.”
“Come now, Miss Adeline, I know better than that.” Emily said not being put off. She entered the room and came to sit on the edge of the bed. “You’ve been torturing yourself over that moment on deck, haven’t you? And I understand. After all, you’re an innocent and can’t know how complicated it can be sometimes between a man and a woman.”
“You’re quite right, Stone, I don’t understand and I don’t want to. I just want to forget about what happened and return to the way things were before.” Adeline gasped as a sob overtook her. “But I can’t, can I? I can never go back and pretend last night didn’t happen. I’ve ruined everything.”
“No, Miss. You mustn’t say so.” Emily reached over and tenderly caressed Adeline’s shoulder, trying to comfort her mistress. “Mr. Bradley had to watch his beautiful wife fade away and along comes a lovely young woman to distract him from his pain and grief. Neither of you has really done anything so very wrong, other than allow a brief moment in time to get away from you. You must go to him and act as if it never happened and continue to be his friend. After all, we’re to land in Liverpool any day now and you may never see him again. Let it go, Miss. You both deserve a few happy days together before it’s too late.”
“Yes, of course.” Adeline sniffled and sat up a little straighter. “I must put the incident behind me. After all, I’m sure Jackson is just lost with grief and I’m certain he simply forgot who I was for a moment. Maybe he imagined I was Clara and for a second thought I was her. Yes, that must have been what happened. After all, he probably wished he’d been strolling on the deck with his wife and not me and just daydreamed he was looking at her.”
Emily remained silent at her mistress’s musings, but Adeline wasn’t fooled. She could sense by the way her maid pursed her lips and avoided eye contact that she wasn’t buying that story for a second. But since it eased her mind and Emily wasn’t denying her little tale’s plausibility, Adeline was going to hold onto the possibility that it just might be true. She had no choice now; not if she was going to face Jackson before they reached port.
“Come now, Miss,” Emily reached behind her head fluffing her pillows. She pressed Adeline back onto the mattress, tucking the blankets around her shivering form. “You get some rest. You have a big day tomorrow. The countess is going to want your company and she won’t be accepting any excuses either.”
Adeline sighed and allowed Emily to cluck over her like she was a little girl. She finally drifted off again, and this time her sleep was blissfully devoid of any dreams.
* * *
“We should be landing day after tomorrow at the latest, Miss James.” Thomas had become quite the ally and today he was taking Adeline all the way down to the cargo hold. A few of the Irish workers had told her that there was a cougar in huge cage down there and she wanted to see it for herself. “The big cat is all the way down the starboard side. I’d go with you, but I need to get back to my post. There’s a man who stays with her all the time though, so you should be quite safe. Can you find your way back?”
“Yes, Thomas. Thank you again.”
Adeline followed the directions to where the caged wild animal was located. Apparently this particular cat was native to America only and some rich collector in Spain wanted to add her to his collection. She thought she heard a growling as she got closer, but out of the corner of her eye she noticed something that seemed familiar. Turning and gazing at the stacked crates and trunks, she realized that it was Clara’s coffin that she’d recognized from her friend’s funeral.
Suddenly the desire to see the wild animal paled in comparison to visit with her friend again. Adeline moved over to where the coffin rested and reached out a hand to touch its wooden frame.
“Oh, Clara.” A few tears escaped Addie’s eyes as she stood just inches from her friend’s cold body. “I’ve done something terrible and now you must forgive me. It’s just that I’ve always felt something special for Jack and now—well I know it’s wrong, but—I just wish I wasn’t destined for a title. Can you ever forgive me, my dear?”
“Forgive you for what? What are you doing here, Adeline? Why are you bothering my wife with your pathetic confessions?” Jack had come out of nowhere. Hopefully he’d only heard the last bit of what she’d said, but he wasn’t a stupid man. He would know why she was asking for absolution. “If you think what happened up on deck the other night actually meant something, you had better learn to read a man’s intentions a bit more skillfully. You won’t survive a day in your London Season if you haven’t the brains to know that a man always responds to a woman who throws herself into his arms, even if she is only tolerably pretty.”
“Jack, you don’t mean that.” The words he was throwing at her stung, but she tried to consider that he was still upset over his part in their embrace.
“Like hell I don’t.” He growled and crossed his arms over his chest, making him look more like a hurt little boy rather than an angry man. “I’m so tired of you and your kindness, Miss James. Just leave me alone and go find yourself a properly-ranked husband. I would prefer that you don’t bother to look me up again during my stay in England.”
Adeline wanted to yell at Jack and deny his accusations, but she realized that he was upset and he was trying to get rid of her. He wanted to be alone with Clara, and his own guil
t was making him unreasonable. Instead, Addie turned her back so Jack couldn’t see the tears that were escaping and streaming down her face, proof of how much he’d hurt her.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The cards taunted Cassie each time she laid them out on the damask-covered table. Something dire hovered there in the background, playing with her, making her anxious for the arrival of the ocean liner that was due into port any day now. Finally, the lovely spirit of Clara Bradley had begun to speak to Cassie from the other side. Most spirits began to communicate almost immediately upon their transition, but this one had taken her sweet time— nearly four months. But now that she was talking, she was quite desperate and insistent that the medium was the only hope her husband had to pull himself back from the downward spiral that was happening even at this very moment. The cards only confirmed the situation and Cassie knew that she would do everything in her power to help this spirit accomplish her end. The psychic sighed deeply, gathering the cards up while she searched the ether for other helpful presences from the great beyond that might be able to assist them. This was turning out to be a much more difficult case than Cousin Francesca had originally indicated.
Somehow, the sun managed to come up the next day. Adeline sat up in bed and rubbed her red-rimmed eyes. It took a moment for her to remember that Clara had died months ago in the loving arms of her sobbing husband and not yesterday when Jack had thrown those terrible angry words at her. Somehow Adeline knew she’d destroyed all the progress he’d made earlier in the voyage. Jack had almost been restored to the man he was before Clara had been taken ill. But their confrontation by her coffin yesterday had undone all that and it was as if they had gone back in time to that terrible day.
That night in January was still fresh in her mind. It had been almost as painful to witness as when her mother died several years earlier. From that more personal experience she’d thought she would know what Jackson was feeling, but she hadn’t been prepared for his complete breakdown. A man losing the love of his life was a very different thing from a daughter losing her mother. Both were incredibly painful, to be sure, but one eclipsed the other by miles. She’d had no idea to what depth a man’s love for a woman could be until she’d seen it with her own eyes.
The image of Jackson holding Clara’s body and rocking back and forth, begging her to come back, would haunt Adeline for the rest of her days. She shuddered and huddled back under the covers. She hoped she would never love a man as much as that.
The ship’s ear-piercing whistle screamed loudly, announcing that the coastline was finally visible. Soon they would be disembarking and she might never see Jackson again. The thought did not sit well with her, considering how they had parted.
“Are you awake yet, Miss?” Emily poked her head into the room. “Oh dear, are you still upset about what happened between you and Mr. Bradley?”
Adeline smiled sadly and started to cry again. “Poor Jack, it’s as though he’s lost her all over again.”
“You must not think of him, Miss.” Emily rushed in to comfort her mistress.
Adeline was grateful for the kindness but she knew there was no way she could not think of Jack’s misery. She was worried about him and what would become of Jack now.
“I should go see him.” She said moving to get out of bed. “Help me get dressed, Stone.” She was getting better each day at remembering to call her lady’s maid by her surname as was proper.
Emily sighed, obviously against such an attempt. But she knew when her mistress was in a determined mood, so she helped Adeline dress in a proper walking suit.
“Wouldn’t you rather go for a stroll with the countess?”
“I almost forgot about Lady Huntingdon. Will you send my regrets?”
“Of course, Miss.” Emily sighed, resigned to her mistress’s decision.
Adeline sat still as Emily put her hair in order, wondering the whole time if she was about to make a terrible mistake. Jack had been upset yesterday; angry about his wife’s recent passing and not with Adeline. She tried to convince herself that he had simply taken out his emotions on the first person he saw. He hadn’t really meant that he never wanted to see her again, had he? She was willing to risk it. Her friendship to Clara meant she had to at least try.
When she arrived at Jack’s cabin, Griffin, his valet, answered the door.
“Is Mr. Bradley in?” she asked.
“I believe Mr. Bradley went to find the ship’s chapel, Miss.”
“Of course.” Adeline set out in that direction, hoping the whole time that she wasn’t making a terrible error in judgment.
When she found him, Jack was sitting in the front pew with his head bowed. He was wearing the same clothes that he’d had on yesterday and he probably hadn’t slept at all.
She approached quietly, not wanting to upset him anymore than he already was.
“Jack,” she almost whispered his name.
He turned toward her and she could see he hadn’t shaved and his eyes were red from crying.
“What will I do now?” he asked quietly. “Everything I’ve done, every penny I’ve made, every day of my life since the first moment I saw Clara, I existed only for her happiness. But she’s gone forever and I don’t know what to do with myself.”
Adeline cautiously sat next to him, still remembering the sting of his words from the day before. “She was afraid of this, you know.” She said gently, praying he would hear her in the way Clara would have wanted. “That you would not recover after she was gone.”
“You see? Even as she was dying, she knew what was best for me−knew my very soul.” He hung his head lower while bringing his hands up to tangle in his dark hair. “Please tell me what am I supposed to do now?”
Unable to help herself, Adeline reached out a hand and placed it on Jackson’s shoulder. Such a broad strong shoulder that, despite its physical strength, was unable to carry his grief. But it was still too raw. Time would help him heal, if he would only allow it.
“Didn’t Clara want you to go home to Berkshire, to make peace with your family? You should do what she asked, Jack. It would have made her happy. And maybe, in time, you can be happy again, too.”
He turned into her arms, pulling her close against his broad chest. He was holding her tightly, as if she was his life preserver and this ship was going down. Even though she knew it wasn’t proper, she wrapped her arms around him in kind, murmuring soothing words of comfort as she rocked him like a child.
But suddenly he pulled his warmth away and refused to even look at her.
“You’re wrong.” He said the words quietly, his voice raw and rough as he tried not to cry, covering his eyes with one hand. “I’ll never be happy again. How can you tell me I’ll be happy again when you are going to marry a man you don’t even love just to get your hands on a bloody title? You’re just like my father, putting rank and status above love and even family.”
Adeline was stunned by Jack’s outburst and couldn’t imagine having a worse accusation leveled against her. If this was what he truly thought of her, then there was no hope that they could ever be friends again.
“You are wrong, Jackson Bradley, and I forgive you for everything you’ve said. But I see that you are in no condition to be rational right now. I do understand why you are this way, and I wish only good things for you in the future, but I fear we will not be friends like Clara wanted.” Adeline wiped away the tears that had begun to fall against her will.
“Go away, Adeline.” Jack said calmly this time. “Your services are no longer wanted or needed.”
Adeline ran from the chapel, sobbing. She found a quiet spot on deck and stared out at the quickly approaching coastline. Jack never wanted to see her again. The words he’d said to her had been painful to hear and Adeline didn’t want to think about them right now. She wiped her tears and took a deep breath. It was time to forget about the Bradleys and their tragic love story, and look toward her own uncertain future. Once she and father arrived in London and se
ttled into their new home, she would think about what had just happened then. For now, it was enough to know that she would soon be starting over. As soon as she stepped off of this ship, it would be as though none of these events had even occurred and she could leave her past behind her.
Adeline knew she was fooling herself, but she was determined to begin anew. Besides, she had her whole life ahead of her and a new city to explore that she would soon call home. Her first order of business would be to find the local labor movement or the suffragettes, or both, and immerse herself by lending a hand. That would take her mind off Jackson Bradley and his harsh accusations.
Addie penned a quick note of apology to the countess. She didn’t feel up for a final goodbye tea before disembarking. But instead of sending a reply, the lady showed up at the James’s door, insisting on seeing Adeline.
“If you won’t come out for tea, we shall have it brought here.” Henrietta swept into the small sitting room. “Oh, my dear Adeline, whatever could be troubling you so?”
Addie knew she couldn’t hide her red puffy eyes from the countess, so she didn’t even try. “Jack has told me he never wants to see me again, so I have lost my only friend left in the world.”
“Well, you have me.” Lady Huntington put a motherly arm around Adeline’s shoulders. “I only wish I could stay in London with you for your introduction to society. Unfortunately, I am off to Africa immediately. My husband had an investment in one of the sites around Giza and I must investigate its worth to determine if I can sell it for a good price. Death taxes will be the death of us all, my dear.”
Heaven Bound (A Blakemore Family Book: Madame Lou Series Book 2) Page 8
