Mind Over Mind

by Karina L. Fabian

  Joshua picked up the insinuation. “Have you told Dr. Malachai?”

  “I wanted to speak to you first. You’re a new employee, a temporary one, and you have no lasting loyalty to the institution. I want to know: has Darrel mentioned anything to you? Is there anyone there you’d suspect of abuse?”

  Here it is. Do I believe or not? “Sir, with one exception, I’ve never seen anything but the most professional and compassionate behavior there—and that exception was not physically abusive that I know of. But today…Ydrel—Deryl—told me he was being forced to fight demons in his sleep. I thought it was just delirium caused by fever, but later, I—I saw a bruise spontaneously appear on his neck. I can’t explain it. And even so, he was flailing about pretty violently, so maybe he did it to himself somehow. I really don’t know.”

  “Is that why you told him to stop fighting and make his shields like armor? Keith, the nurse, told me. He said you calmed him better than anyone he’d ever seen before.”

  Joshua shrugged. “The kind of psychiatry I learned from my father is to accept the client’s reality and teach them to cope with it on their own terms.”

  “Your father’s a psychiatrist? I’d like to talk with him sometime about his practice. In the meantime, Darrel has a few days’ respite here. I’d like to see him spend it in a regular room. Do you think he’s up to it? Don’t worry; I won’t tell Dr. Malachai about this conversation. I do want your opinion.”

  Feeling both nervous and elated, Joshua replied, “I think he’ll do fine.”

  CHAPTER 29

  “Hey, there,” Joshua leaned on the counter and smiled at Sachiko. It felt good just to see her.

  “What are you doing here?” She looked up from her paperwork to regard Joshua suspiciously, then quickly amended, “Never mind. How’s Ydrel? We got the surgeon’s report, but…”

  “He woke up for a couple of minutes before I left. He seemed very…grounded. He was even joking about going to extremes to get out of here. Anyway, I’d left my car here, so Ydrel’s uncle got me a ride back. A limo. I could get used to that.” He leaned a little further over the counter to snatch up some M&Ms from the bowl Monique kept on the desk. When he looked at Sachiko, he felt a flutter in his stomach. He though he saw a flicker of something intimate in her eyes, but then her expression cooled into neutrality.

  “It’s 7:30. Shouldn’t you be heading home?”

  “Got some stuff to do, but it’s OK. I make up for it on the weekends. I had a great weekend.” He winked conspiratorially at her, and her mask of severity crumbled. She dropped her eyes and shook her head with a chuckle.

  “Oh, sure, laugh, Sachiko!” Monique scoffed as she came out from the back room. “You’ve been grinning like the Cheshire cat all afternoon. I thought it was supposed to be Spring fever?”

  Turning his smile to the other nurse, Joshua sang, “Summer lovin’, had me a bla-ast!”

  Sachiko rolled her eyes again, but Monique sang back, “Tell me more, tell me more!”

  Joshua backed off with a laugh. “I’ve heard it’s not a good idea to talk about your personal life at work.”

  “A wise policy,” a deep voice said from behind him. Startled, the trio looked up at Dr. Malachai as if they were children caught playing hooky. From the stern expression on the senior psychiatrist’s face, that was exactly how he regarded them.

  “ Joshua, I understand that Dr. Sellars has assigned you to stay with Ydrel most of the day, since he will not be in the psychiatric wing?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Then may I suggest that you spend more of your time here working on the assignments you have pending, and less of it flirting?”

  “Yes, sir.” Biting back his mirth, he waggled his eyebrows at the nurses and headed down the hall back to the offices.

  “I’m sorry, Dr. Malachai,” he heard Monique say. “I was teasing him. He apparently met someone he’s quite smitten with.”

  Joshua slowed his pace, lingering to catch Malachai’s response. “I would appreciate it if you did not encourage him. Boyhood crushes do not belong in the workplace. Ladies.” A few moments later, Joshua heard Malachai’s retreating footsteps.

  Sachiko hissed like a cat once Malachai was gone. Monique laughed. “Now you see why I leave my personal life at home,” Joshua heard her say.

  He sighed and headed to his little office.

  *

  “Hey, what are you doing here?”

  Joshua entered Ydrel’s room with a huff. “Why do people keep asking me that question?” He pulled up a chair and flopped into it, dropping his backpack to the floor. “If you must know, I’m here in my newly assigned role as the world’s most highly paid babysitter.”

  Ydrel smiled, but winced. “Please don’t make me laugh.”

  “Sorry. How are you feeling?”

  “Physically, like death warmed over; which, I’m told isn’t too far from the truth.”

  “It was close. And otherwise…?”

  Ydrel didn’t look at the intern as he answered. “It’s…different…here. There’s more physical pain, and the anxiety is more—focused? Based on reality? I don’t know, but it’s not what I’m used to.”

  “And it impacts you differently,” Joshua concluded for him.

  “Oh, yeah! I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling pain that I’d never felt before and being overwhelmed with worry. The night nurse wanted to give me something, but I told her I wanted to try to ‘meditate’ first, and when she left, I worked on my shields.” Now Ydrel leaned back against the pillows, a little more relaxed, and smiled. “What would you call that? Tweaking the harmonics? Modulating the shields?” Before Joshua could answer, however, Ydrel called out, “Come on in!”

  A heavyset nurse entered, pushing a wheelchair with a teenage girl. The girl had a cast that ran from fingers to elbow and wore an uncomfortable-looking back brace. The girl grinned and waved with her good hand. The nurse smiled at them. “I didn’t know you had company; we were going to come back later. How’d you know we were there?”

  Ydrel put fingers to his temples and said in a mysterious voice. “I am psychic. I see all.” Then, grinning at them, he added more normally, “And I have unusually good hearing. So who’s this?”

  “Darrel, meet Clarissa. She was in a gymnastics accident a couple of days ago—”

  “And I’m bored out of my skull! It sucks to be still all the time,” she finished. “So what happened to you?”

  “Appendix burst. And it’s Ydrel. My real name’s D-E-R-Y-L, but my aunt and uncle insist on spelling it the conventional way, so I’d rather be called Ydrel.”

  “That’s cool. You look like you were in a car wreck,” she said, eyeing his bruises critically.

  “That’s from when the demons attacked me.” Ydrel spoke matter-of-factly, and Clarissa rolled her eyes. When he saw the nurse’s knitted brow, however, he added sheepishly, “I got kind of delirious from fever.” Her face cleared, and she nodded understandingly.

  Ydrel cast a quick glance Joshua’s way, and received an approving smile. So far, so good.

  “Well,” the nurse said brightly, “I’ll leave you kids alone to get acquainted. Clarissa, I’ll come back for you in a while.”

  “That’s all right.” Joshua stood up. “I can get her back to her room. Joshua Lawson.”

  “Hi.”

  “Joshua is from Colorado,” Ydrel chimed in. “He’s a psychiatrist and healer and a rock star.”

  Joshua snorted. “I’m an intern at a mental health facility in South Kingston, and I play in a band at home.”

  “Matter of time. So you’re a gymnast? Any good normally?”

  Fortunately, she laughed. “Better than you must be at fighting demons.”

  “Oh, I was way outnumbered. So what do you do?”

  She told them about doing floor work and the uneven bars and how she fell wrong on the dismount and shattered her wrist badly enough to require surgery. Her doctor, an overly cautious man by her thinking, was
also worried about the possibility of back injury and was keeping her braced and under observation for a few days. Ydrel told her about the appendicitis and how the doctors said he almost died on the table. Then she pulled out a deck of UNO cards from her pocket and they played. Through it all, Joshua kept a back seat in the conversation, trying hard to make mental notes about Ydrel’s behavior so that he could report it to Edith. Ydrel actually did a remarkable job of keeping the conversation off himself, and lacing what little he shared with jokes and modifiers so that even though he never lied, the truths he told didn’t seem disturbing—or disturbed. About half an hour into the game, his eyelids started to droop, and he yawned. “I’m sorry. I’m so sleepy all of a sudden.”

  “After what you’ve been through, I don’t blame you,” she said.

  True to his word, Joshua wheeled her to her room and rang for a nurse to help her back into bed. Before he left, she said, “Tell Ydrel to call me if he wants to talk or play or whatever. He’s kind of weird, but in a good way.”

  Ydrel was asleep when he returned, so he settled down with a case study until Ydrel’s aunt and uncle came in. They chatted briefly, and when Ydrel awoke, Joshua again retreated to a corner to give them some time with him. He was struck by how much more comfortable the three seemed in the new surroundings, as if the institution itself had caused their tensions. Joshua lost himself in the study, half-listening more for emotion than content, and just as he was finishing writing the last of his comments, Ydrel’s uncle touched his shoulder.

  “He’s asleep,” he said quietly. “We’re going to sneak out for some lunch. Want us to bring you back something?”

  Joshua’s stomach gave a growl of approval. “Yeah, that’d be great.” He started to reach into his pocket, but Douglas stopped him.

  “Don’t worry about it. Think you can last until we get back?”

  “Oh, yeah. I have some snacks in my backpack, just in case.”

  They left, passing Sachiko in the doorway. Joshua rose from his chair, smiling. “Hey, there.”

  “How’s he doing?” she asked quietly, but before he could answer, she had already picked up the clipboard at the end of his bed. There was something about her flipping through the chart with such keen interest while dressed in her riding leathers that both touched and amused Joshua, and he had to admire her a moment before he answered.

  “He just fell asleep a few minutes ago, actually. Have a seat. Want a Power Bar?”

  “No,” she set the chart back on its peg. “I can’t stay. Tell him I’ll call or try to come by later or something.” She glanced from Ydrel to him.

  Now he saw the tension that was deepening the laugh lines at the edges of her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  “Oh, my teacher, in his incredible wisdom, has taken another job and is cutting the class short. Friday’s midterm is now the final—”

  “What?! Can he do that?”

  “Apparently. The administration has given their OK, and anything we haven’t covered will just come from the book.” And she exploded into words Joshua didn’t understand, though the intent was clear.

  “Hey, it’ll be all right.” He pulled her into a quick embrace. “This is your third time in this class, so you’re ahead of most everyone.”

  “But I fall apart on tests. Every time in this class—“

  “I do know a lot about test taking. Seriously, it’s the only reason I passed last semester at all. And it really seems like your problem is with the test, not the information.”

  For a moment, she looked like she was actually angry at him for being so rational. Then she laughed and pulled away, wiping her eyes. “Sure. But we study.”

  “Promise. Meet you after work?”

  “I’ve got the days off to study, so just come over whenever.” She gave him a quick peck and left.

  She’s so perfect. Why couldn’t I have waited for her? Then I wouldn’t have to prove myself. What was so great about LaTisha that I let so much go for her? Stupid, hormonal idiot. Joshua sighed and tried to shake off his unease by reminding himself that if he hadn’t gotten into such trouble with LaTisha and school and—well, and everything, really—he probably wouldn’t have accepted a job clear across the country and would never have met Sachiko in the first place. Still, he was very glad when Ydrel woke up wanting to talk. When Ydrel’s aunt and uncle returned shortly afterward with food for Joshua, and Edith arrived as well, Ydrel immediately insisted that the intern be allowed to leave for a long lunch.

  “You can stay a couple of hours, can’t you, Edith? I think Josh has something he’d like to do in town.”

  Edith obliged, and Joshua didn’t make even a token protest.

  CHAPTER 30

  Two hours later, Joshua pulled back into the parking lot of the hospital, singing to the radio. He waited until the end of the song before turning off the engine. He’d had a great afternoon—and all he’d done was grade Sachiko’s practice tests and get a chaste, preoccupied kiss when he left.

  I’ve got it so bad, he told his reflection in the side mirror. His reflection smiled back in agreement.

  He hummed on his way down the hall, but his happy thoughts died away when he entered Ydrel’s room and saw the grim faces within.

  Ydrel was sulking, his face a mixture of anger and depression he’d seen only once before, at his birthday party. Edith sat in one of the hospital chairs, looking from Ydrel to her hands, her mouth turned down in a frown and her eyebrows furrowed. Malachai, meanwhile, lounged against one wall, his face stern and impassive. His gaze never left the boy on the bed.

  Joshua cleared his throat, and all eyes turned to him. “What’s up?”

  Ydrel drew himself up to speak, looked at Malachai, and deflated back into his sulk. Edith and Malachai glanced at each other. He raised his brows in that permission-giving way of his.

  She spoke. “Joshua, would you come with me for a moment?”

  They found an empty room. Edith regarded him with a look of anger and disappointment that made him feel guilty without knowing why. She gazed at him for what seemed ages while he fought the urge to squirm. “I understand Ydrel had a visitor today?”

  “Well, yeah, he had several. His aunt and uncle. Sachiko Luchese, though he was asleep when she dropped by—oh, you mean Clarissa?” The narrowing in her eyes told him exactly what she meant, but he pushed ahead anyway. “Neat kid. She was here for a couple of hours in the morning. The three of us played UNO, but she and Ydrel did most of the talking. I wish you had been there to see how well he—“

  “And where did you get the idea that Ydrel was allowed to fraternize with unauthorized visitors?”

  “One of the nurses brought her by. I thought—“

  “The nurses have been reminded of the potential danger of Ydrel’s fragile mental state. You, however, should have known better. You were told to keep Ydrel company and to keep an eye on him, not to start a party in his room.”

  Anger took over Joshua’s mouth. “The nurse brought Clarissa. It wasn’t my idea. But to be frank, I thought it was a good one. ‘Bout time someone started treating Ydrel as a regular kid. I thought that’s what you wanted, too. I know that’s what his uncle wants!”

  “And just how would you know that?” Edith demanded. Ten minutes later, his ears ringing with the warning that she would personally drive him back to Colorado if he admitted another unauthorized visitor or consulted with a patient’s family behind her back, Joshua accompanied Edith back to Ydrel’s room. As soon as they entered, Ydrel pinned the psychiatrist with such a look of betrayal that Joshua felt her freeze. Malachai was watching intently.

  Jerk. How much of my getting chewed out is thanks to you? If you think I’m going to let you see me upset, you have another think coming.

  “Sorry, dude,” Joshua shrugged. “Looks like we’re going to have to cancel the party.”

  Ydrel blinked, then smirked. “That su—stinks. I was looking forward to a beer.”

  The tension was broken. Edith slipped eas
ily past Joshua and gathered her purse and briefcase. With some quick admonitions to get well, which Ydrel didn’t bother to acknowledge, she and Malachai left. Malachai pointedly shut the door behind them. Ydrel glared at it with almost tangible hatred. “Bastard.”

  Joshua felt an uncomfortable stirring in the air, one recently familiar. “Uh, don’t set fire to anything, OK?”

  Again, Ydrel blinked and looked away. “Wouldn’t give him the satisfaction,” he muttered. “You OK?”

  “I’ll live. You?”

  Ydrel continued to glare at the door. “Didn’t I tell you? Malachai’s going to do his best to keep everyone convinced that I can’t function in the outside world. And for all that she brought you into my life, I don’t think Edith believes I can, either.”

  “Edith’s scared for you,” Josh replied, but he couldn’t deny what Ydrel said, either.

  Ydrel leaned back against the pillows and lowered his bed. He hissed through his teeth as he squirmed to get more comfortable.

  “When’s the last time you had a pain killer?” Josh asked.

  “This morning. I was waiting until my aunt and uncle left to ask for another, then Malachai came, then Clarissa dropped by to talk and…Well, might as well get used to not talking to anyone but nurses and interns.” He pressed the call button by his bed.

  “You’re not Catholic, are you?”

  For once, Joshua caught him off guard. Ydrel’s eyebrows furrowed. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

  “I met the hospital priest. Neat guy. So, if you were interested, I could see if he can visit and perform the Anointing of the Sick for you. It’s his job, after all. Or I can see if there’s a Christian chaplain who does hospital visits. I mean, it’s no replacement for a beautiful girl…Oh, don’t look at me like that. I’m in love; I’m not blind!”

  “You’re pretty religious, aren’t you?” Ydrel asked abruptly.