And so did I, because I could actually hear Willa saying those words. Of course she'd take the fall to protect him. I knew her heart well enough - I thought - to not be surprised by this. But the strength she had to have to live under this cloud all these years. Never once had she tried to defend herself with the real story. Not even at his going away party. She stayed strong for as long as he needed her strong.
"Whoa." I could barely force the words around the lump in my throat. "That's pretty..." I shook my head. "Wow." I looked up at Liam. "I think," I said. Slowly. Heavily. "I think I owe Willa an apology.”
Liam winced sympathetically. "Now you know why I always told you that you didn't have the whole story."
I looked back up at my best friend. My best friend who was sitting on the counter next to his boyfriend of five years. The boyfriend who I'd only met today. “I can’t believe how wrong I had it.”
“I’m sorry, Cooper. I couldn’t risk telling you. Willa was the only one who knew.”
“And she never said a word.”
He shook his head. His eyes were shining, and he hurriedly wiped at them. “I owe her everything. More than I can even say. More than one person can ever hope to pay back in a lifetime. That’s why I enlisted you to help me help her when she needed it. I knew I could count on you to do right by her when I wasn’t there to do it myself.”
“And then I went and fell in love with her,” I said slowly, softly.
Liam startled. “You… did?”
I nodded as the realization settled into me. “I did.”
“She’s amazing. I’m not surprised.” His mouth turned up in a slow smile. “Holy shit, that’s fucking great, Cooper. Seriously, my two,” he glanced at Marco, “okay, two of my three favorite people ending up together? Holy shit, that’s like the best news I could get. You guys must be so good together, I fucking love it…”
I held up my hand to stop his enthusiastic babbling. It was too painful to hear when I thought about what came next. “Except… then I went and fucked everything up.” I drummed my fingers on the couch and stared at a spot on the floor without seeing anything. “Is that it?” I pleaded. “Do I finally have the whole story?"
Liam shrugged one shoulder. “Not the whole one. Just my side of it. I think now you should go listen to Willa."
Chapter Forty-Six
Cooper
I couldn’t get back to her fast enough.
The confusion I’d felt at Liam’s had given way to a violent rush of love for the strong, selfless girl I finally knew the truth about. Over and over, I flipped through my memories, looking at them through the lens of this new information and all I saw made me feel weak with admiration for her. How had she stood strong for so long? How had she kept Liam’s secret at the expense of her own reputation?
Fuck, how had she dealt with me and the giant heaping of shit I gave her every time we were together? I thought I was being a loyal friend, but really all I’d been was a blind, stubborn asshole.
Fuck. I’d been so wrong. I was so wrong.
And I’d never been so happy to admit it.
I pressed down on the accelerator, nudging the speedometer past eighty-five miles an hour. As the miles between us closed rapidly, I rehearsed what I was going to say. I pictured myself going down to my knees on her porch and kissing her hand. “Everything I learn about you just makes me fall more deeply in love with you,” I would tell her, watching her dark eyes as they went bright with happy tears. Then I’d stand and kiss her. “I know the truth now, and the truth is I can’t stand to be away from you.“
I nodded, feeling the rightness of it. She’d be surprised when I asked her to move in with me. But it would be so much better when we had our own space. I’d wake up in the morning and pour her cereal for her, hell, maybe I’d even learn how to cook a real breakfast like Marco did for Liam. We could have Jake stay over in the afternoons and I could take him fishing down by the creek. Seeing me with her brother would make Willa so happy, I knew it would. That was the kind of person she was, happiest when those she loved were happy. That was another reason I loved her. Why I was never going to let her go.
I knew the truth now and I’d never felt freer or more at peace with the world. I would happily spend the rest of my life apologizing for how blind I’d been. It’d be enough just to know that such an amazing girl was mine.
The sun was slipping down in the west by the time I turned onto Highway 12. The undersides of the post-storm clouds were tinged a bright pink, giving everything the sort of soft, romantic glow you usually only see in the movies. I thought about stopping at the florist and buying a dozen roses to add to the perfection of the scene, but I didn’t want to waste a single moment more.
Jake was riding his bike in circles on the driveway when I pulled in. He skidded to a stop and lifted his hand to wave as I parked, then looked toward the porch.
Willa was sitting on the steps there. I jumped down from my seat and smiled at her.
She didn’t smile back.
“Hi,” I greeted her, walking around my truck.
She didn’t get up to hug me.
When I got close enough to feel the hostility rising off of her, I stopped short and shoved my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching her. “Willa?”
She blinked rapidly and looked toward her brother.
Fuck it, this wasn’t how I’d pictured it in my head, but I went to my knees anyway. The gravel dug sharply into my skin as I tried to reach for her hand.
She pulled it away.
“Willa. I talked to Liam. He told me.”
She turned back to look at me. Finally. I nodded, encouraged. “Yeah. You told me to ask him, so I drove all the way down to New York City and did just that.”
She swallowed. “And what did he tell you?”
“The truth.”
She said nothing.
I made another attempt to reach for her and this time I caught her by the wrist, but her hand just hung there limply. “Willa?” My heart was starting to pound. “I know what you did for him now. He told me. Told me everything. I even met Marco.” She blinked in recognition and I nodded. “Yeah, he was there, and I saw them both and Liam gave me the whole story. I know now and I’m so, so sorry. I can’t…” I faltered as her expression stayed flat. “I can’t even begin to understand how strong you are, Willa. You’re completely amazing, and, oh God I am so sorry. I was so wrong… about everything. And, God, I love you.”
Her eyes fluttered. “Yes,” I said, walking on my knees until my face was inches from hers. “I love you more than I can ever say. God, Willa, I am so, so sorry.” Desperate, I caught her lips with mine, cupping her face in my hands and kissing her with everything I had. “I love you,” I breathed against her mouth.
She reached up. Gently, she tugged my hands back down from her face. “I’m glad.”
“You’re… glad I love you?”
“Glad you finally know.” She folded her hands in her lap, good one over bad. “But Cooper? You should have believed me.”
My throat tightened, and I coughed. “I know,” I whispered. “I know, and I’m sorry, Willa.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
Cold sweat pricked across my forehead. “No, Willa.”
She shook her head. “I’m glad you know now. That you talked to Liam and he put your mind at ease. But dammit, Cooper.” Her face was suddenly red with fury. “I was the one who told you that you had it wrong. You shouldn’t have had to go driving off to Liam’s just so you could hear it from him.” Her voice caught. “You should have believed in me.”
“I do. I do believe in you.” I reached for her curls. “I love you so fucking much, Willa.”
She batted my hand away and stood up. “Good. I loved you too.” The past tense was a punch to my gut. “But it’s too late. You hurt me worse than that accident ever did, Cooper.” She stepped back up the stairs. “Please go.”
I opened my mouth. Closed it. Reached for her. Dropped my hand to m
y side. “That’s it?”
Tears were falling, but she wasn’t making a sound. She bit her lip and nodded.
I stepped back. And stepped back again until I bumped up against my truck.
Then slid to the ground and let my head drop into my hands.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Willa
I was afraid he’d stay there forever. Because I knew that I could only hold out for so long. The sight of Cooper sitting crumpled and heartbroken was too much for me to stand.
But he eventually got up. Dusted himself off. And left in his truck, the thudding rumble of his engine still audible miles and miles away.
Or maybe that was just the sound of my heart breaking. Hearing that sound was the last clear moment I could point to.
After that, everything went gray.
The days slid by in a numb sort of blur. I moved like I was underwater. Everything I tried to do seemed to take a concerted amount of effort, effort I couldn’t muster the strength to exert.
I was forgetful, careless. I dropped things constantly. I forgot to put Jake's swimsuit in his book-bag and he missed out on a camp field trip to Ganagua Lake. And I could barely do more than shrug when he griped about it. "Maybe remembering your things should be your job from now on," I muttered.
He looked at me, opened his mouth, blinked when he saw my expression, then just nodded and walked away.
"Huh," I said aloud. That was huge. For both of us. I should be feeling... something about this milestone. But there was nothing there. No joy at him accepting responsibility, no sorrow at how fast he was growing up.
Even the sound of my phone vibrating seemed muted. Like I was stuck under glass. I picked it up, staring at it without comprehension, wondering vaguely if there was something wrong with it, whether I'd accidentally turned the sound down low. Then I stared at the screen and wondered what that combination of letters was supposed to mean.
It wasn't until it went to voicemail that I remembered. I had a friend named Claire, and she was probably leaving me a very sarcastic voicemail right now. I weighed the idea of just ignoring it.
But something old, some deep primal part of me, lurched to life and squeezed past the glass barrier between the world and me to press the call back button.
She answered before the first ring had even finished. “Where are you?“
I blinked. Where was I? I actually had to think about that. “At home, why?“
“It’s Thursday."
I opened my mouth to protest. No, it couldn’t possibly be Thursday. Except, was I sure of that? Time seemed to be stretching and pulling and twisting around itself like taffy. “It is?“
Claire sighed heavily. “Yeah. It is. And you definitely need to get your ass out here.“
I struggled to understand the impossible thing she was asking of me. Get my ass... somewhere? Leave my house? Risk seeing him? Things that reminded me of him? Everything reminded me of him so no, that wasn't possible, thank you.
But that essential part of me, the deep-down essence of Willa lumbered to life again. "I guess it's... been a while." I closed my eyes and pictured it. Sitting around a table, laughing with my friends again. Spotting Sadie a buck for the jukebox. Cackling with laughter as Claire regaled us with stories from work. Pressing Ruby for details on her wedding plans and making her blush furiously.
I missed them. They were my friends. As much as they were his. He could take himself away, but he couldn't take them away.
Then the angle shifted in my mind's eye. And instead of seeing my girlfriends, I saw Cooper sitting in his usual chair. Being the glue that held us all together. Being the center, with everyone circling him like spokes on a wheel. In our group of friends, he was the necessary one.
I pressed my lips together. “Are you sure? Wouldn’t it be better if I… didn’t come?“
“Better for who?“ Claire sounded genuinely confused.
“Better for everyone,” I said. “With me there wouldn't it get… weird?” I shook my head. "I don't want to cause any problems. I can just stay home."
Claire muttered something.
"What?
"I'm not even going there with you, Willa. After all, that’s happened, are you honestly telling me that you don’t need a drink?“
I blew out a long exhale. Yeah, I needed one. Badly. “I still think I should stay home.“
“If I don’t see you here in the next ten minutes, I’m coming and kidnapping you. Enough is enough. Stop worrying about what everyone’s going to think. You’ll know soon enough, won’t you?“
She had a point.
But when I stood in front of the Crown, it took everything within me not to turn around and head right back into the car. I peeked in the window, then turned around and scanned the parking lot.
No sign of his truck.
Why did that feel disappointing?
Chapter Forty-Eight
Willa
“There she is!” Claire cried from the table in the back.
I didn’t return her wave until I’d hurriedly scanned the crowd that was gathered around our usual table. My heart leaped as I counted Claire, Sadie, Ruby, Avery, and Olivia as the only ones there.
My friends. My allies. No one who I considered on Cooper’s team had arrived yet.
Maybe this would be okay.
Ruby gave me a gentle smile as I sat down between her and Claire. “Glad you could make it out,” she said. “You’ve had some week, I hear.”
I could barely remember it. Everything was still in a haze. “Guess so,” I sighed, then smiled at Avery as she slid a drink into my hand.
“We’re toasting,” she informed me.
“What are we toasting?”
“Avery’s putting herself back out there again,” Claire explained, butting in like she always did. “Two years of celibacy was apparently enough.”
“You’re dating again?” I tried to process this news. Avery’s last real relationship had been horrible, and she still bore the scars of what that creep had done to her. Two years of fits and starts and a whole parade of losers had her swearing off men entirely. At least it had been that way last I knew. But here she was smiling and looking happy about the idea of trying again.
“Well not exactly.” She toyed with her glass. “But I have a profile up.”
“Where, OkCupid?” Sadie wanted to know.
"Oh God, no, that was a disaster, remember Mr. Nose Fetish? I mean it's fine to have a thing, but you maybe should wait to reveal it until after the first date has gone well?"
We all laughed. God, I needed to laugh. “Good for you though."
She looked at me oddly. "What? You're not going to insist on being there to vet every candidate before I reply?"
I could remember doing something like that. But it didn't seem necessary for some reason. "I think I trust your judgment."
The entire table gasped. “What?” I wondered.
Claire looked at Sadie, who nodded. "Jesus, it's freezing in here." Sadie rubbed her pale arms. Then looked at me expectantly.
"What?" I was so lost.
"Can I have it?"
"What?"
"The hoodie?" Sadie prompted. "You always have a hoodie in your purse."
“Not tonight.” It vaguely occurred to me that that was strange. I always brought an extra hoodie. Especially for forgetful Sadie who was never dressed right for the weather. She’d built up a whole collection of my jackets and sweaters that she’d claimed as her own.
But I hadn't thought to bring anything for her tonight.
And I also didn't feel guilty about it either. "Sorry,” I shrugged.
“Mom’s taking the night off,” Avery observed, lifting her glass. “I’ll drink to that, Willa. About time.”
After the toast, Olivia leaned forward and lowered her voice. "Did you guys hear what happened with Naomi and Ryan?"
Claire huffed dramatically. “When are they going to stop this weird courtship dance and get it over with?"
"We
ll.” Livvy’s green eyes gleamed to be the one with the gossip. “It’s probably either happening right now or not happening at all. So the guy she was dating? He saw how she and Ryan always say goodbye."
"Oh no!” My hands flew to my mouth. “The hand kissing?"
"That probably didn't go over too well,” Claire deadpanned.
Ruby’s hand was over her heart. ”I mean, we all know it's just how Ryan is, but how was this guy supposed to know?”
Livvy nodded. “I think Naomi tried to tell him that. Anyway, she's really pissed at Ryan now."
"Poor guy, he’s probably blindsided. I bet he has no idea what he even did wrong."
"For real, it's not like they haven't been doing this since time immemorial…” The door opened, and she caught herself. “Shit.” She blushed furiously.
I turned to see that Naomi was walking in alone. It was weird to see her not laughing on Ryan's arm.
But that wasn't who Livvy was looking at.
Cooper was following behind Naomi. He stopped short and stared when he saw me sitting at the table already.
"Don't," Claire muttered as she saw me move to push my chair back.
But I was already grabbing my purse. “No, it's fine, he can sit. I just... I'll go."
"No." Cooper came over to the table. The blue of his eyes made something dead spark to life inside of me and I had to look away before I smiled at him by accident. “Willa, it’s fine. You don't have to go."
"Did you want to sit here…?” I babbled, clumsily pushing back my chair and nearly knocking Ruby’s drink from her hand.
"I'll go," he interrupted. “If you want me to."
"No, it’s fine."
We were caught in a desperate waltz of politeness. "I think I preferred it when you two spent the whole time bitching at each other," Sadie cracked.
Cooper looked at her. I looked at him. Just being near him was like the mists burning off the fields at dawn. The haze rose. Pulled away. I was feeling again.
Last Good Man: A Crown Creek Novel Page 20
