Feeling the wrong things.
Cooper looked at the crowd at the table, all watching us with rapt attention. “We can both be here, right Willa?”
I wanted him to call me babe. "Sure," I squeaked, nodding too fast. “It’s fine. Just like old times, right? Like nothing ever changed."
He licked his lips. “Ah, can I talk to you alone for a sec?”
Before I could protest, he had me by the hand and was dragging me over to a corner away from the sharp ears of our friends. He turned to me with a wild look in his eyes. “I don't want it to be like nothing ever changed. I still feel for you, Willa. And I know I said this already, but still… I am so so sorry."
"Cooper." I wanted the haze back. Then I wouldn't feel like every word he said was a knife slipped under my ribs. "I already told you. You should have believed me. Please don't."
"Willa, how many times can I say I'm sorry? I know. I know I should have believed you."
My voice cracked. I was cracking. “You should have."
"My mom moved out," he blurted. "She's crashing on my couch."
I blinked. That was news. "And your dad?"
He shrugged. "He actually had the nerve to act surprised that she asked for a divorce."
"That's... good though, right?"
I expected him to be grinning in triumph, but he shook his head. "I've been thinking about how this was going to happen for so long, but now that it finally is, it is scary how things have changed. I get used to things being the way they always were. I get comfortable there. Maybe you could even call it a rut." He looked at me pleadingly. “My mom said she’d stayed for my sake, but realized she was in a rut too. It took her way too long to realize it. You shook me out of my rut, Willa. You showed me that loyalty to the past kills your present." He looked down. "And your future."
I caught my breath. It was more than I had ever expected from him. And that I hadn’t expected it at all told me all I needed to know about us. "We're still stuck, Cooper. We’re a record in a groove, playing the same song over and over again. I don't think we'll ever be able to see each other clearly without the wrong idea clouding our vision."
"Willa. I love you."
"Don't."
"I love you and I want to make this work."
"It won’t. We can't."
"We can. Don't do what I did. Don't judge me by the things you assume about me. Let me show you who I am.”
I inhaled sharply. "That's not what I'm doing. I'm being realistic."
"You're being stupid."
"There it is."
"What?”
"You being a dick." I stepped back. "I knew it would come out eventually."
He glared at me. If I had to hold myself together one more second, I would break. I knew it. I could feel it welling up from deep inside of me. I love you too, it wanted to shout. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
But he broke just a second before I did and turned away. Which meant I could hold my head up, silent and dignified, and wholly together until he walked out of the bar.
Then I fell to pieces. Everything I hadn't been able to feel hit me at once.
“Oh fuck.” Claire was next to me in a second, wrapping her arms around me and leading me back to the table. Sadie produced a hoodie, one of mine I think, and wrapped it around me like a blanket while Livvy went to the bar for some water. I cried and cried as they soothed me, and I felt bad that I’d ruined the night.
But I also felt wonderful that I hadn't done this alone.
"You did good kiddo,” Avery encouraged as she patted my hand. “God, he’s so clueless.”
“He’s really slow on the uptake,” agreed Sadie. “And that's saying something coming from me."
But Claire wasn’t joining in the chorus of female support. Her scowl was downright terrifying. “I mean, yeah, he should have believed you,” she started to say, and we all quieted down to listen. She lifted her hands and curled her fingers. “But right now, the person whose throat I most want to wrap my hands around is Liam’s.”
I startled. “Liam? Why? He has nothing to do with this.”
“He has everything to do with this, are you kidding me?” She clapped her hands together. “I get he was scared and shit, but come the fuck on.” She held up her finger, stabbing it in the air. “One word. That’s all he needed to do was say one word and none of this would have happened.” She dropped her voice into a manly register and looked to one side. “Hey Liam, did Willa cheat on you back in high school?” Then turned and answered herself with, “No! See that’s one word!”
She stood up. “That’s all he had to do to prevent all this. I’m calling his cowardly ass right now, this is bullshit.”
“Claire, no!”
“Cooper’s owned up to the way he fucked up. Has Liam?” When I stayed silent, she nodded and said gently. “I get why you’re pissed, Willa, but I don’t think it’s at the right person.”
Then she swiped at her screen and held the phone up to her ear. “Yeah, Mulligan?” She looked right at me as she told him, “I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”
Ruby gripped my wrist tightly to prevent me from following after Claire as she stalked through the front door with her phone to her ear. “She’s right. Let her go.”
“She doesn’t need to –“
“Yeah, she does. We all see how bad the two of you are hurting over this. Let us try to help.”
Tears slipped down my face and Ruby rubbed circles on my back. “Jeez, you’ve had a time of it, haven’t you? You need a night to unwind. Just to yourself."
I snorted through my tears. “How the hell am I going to do that? Mom got switched to the night shift. Only reason I’m out tonight is it was a slow night, so she got sent home.”
Ruby lowered her eyes. "You know, you do have a teacher for a friend. And she’s had a lot of experience with kids."
I stared at her. “You?"
She nodded. "Just ask me. I'd love to watch him some night."
“I can too,” Sadie agreed. “I’ll bring Livvy over with me too, so you know I’m not going to like, set the house on fire by accident or something.”
Livvy laughed and leaned forward to clasp my hands as I cried even harder. ”You're always helping us, Willa. Let us help you.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
Willa
“And he should be in bed by eight-thirty, lights out by nine. He can have one drink of water, but he’ll keep asking for more, so remind him that -.”
“Willa,” Ruby interrupted gently. “Go.”
I licked my lips and swayed uncertainly by the front door. Jake was already in his pajamas and yawning sleepily in front of a Power Rangers DVD from the library. He seemed wholly unfazed that I was leaving.
I was the one who was a mess. “I’ll be right in town,” I promised Ruby. “So you call me if anything happens, or if you have any questions…”
“I’ll be fine.” Ruby shook her head and smiled fondly at me. “What do you have planned for tonight?”
I took a deep breath. And then stopped short.
In all of my worry about leaving Jake, I had forgotten to actually come up with someplace to go. “Oh, I’m just going to poke around in town, I guess,” I said, hoping my smile didn’t seem forced. “You sure you’re okay with me taking your car?”
“Jonah said he’d stop by later once Jake is in bed. You can even keep it tomorrow if you need it, he’ll take me home.”
I grinned at her. “I’m not sure how I feel about you inviting boys over when you’re babysitting for me.”
Ruby laughed and gave me a shove toward the door. “Your mom already said it was fine. She even said she was leaving a six pack in the fridge for us to share, so…” She bopped me on the nose. “Overruled and out-mommed by your own mom. Now go.”
She was laughing as she shoved me out the door, but my own smile was less happy and more frantic.
What the hell was I supposed to do now? I slipped behind the wheel of Ruby’s tidy little two-door, and j
ust breathed for a second.
When was the last time I’d been alone? I couldn’t remember, but sure it wasn’t a skill you lost, right? Like riding a bike.
I started Ruby’s car and then adjusted the mirrors. “Okay,” I said aloud. “There’s nothing wrong with this. You want this. You’ve been hoping for a night like this for ages.” I glossed over the fact that I was talking to myself and turned around then headed into town.
I was heading for the Chit-Chat Cafe right up until I remembered it was only open for breakfast and lunch. The Crown Tavern was always an option, of course. But the idea of sitting there in a space where I’d been so happy… and then been so sad….
I slid past the neon lights in the windows without even looking at it dead on.
I drove aimlessly, up and down the streets of town. There was no place that wasn’t soaked in some kind of memory. There wasn’t a single house, tree, or street corner that didn’t have a significant moment attached to it. And somehow, every single significant moment led my thoughts right back to Cooper.
In the end, I pulled into the Royal Diner. There was a ball of numb anger resting right in the pit of my stomach. I was nearly twenty-three years old, I should be okay with spending time by myself. But loneliness was a raw, hollow place in my chest. I felt sick.
And when I felt sick, I always wanted my mom.
She was in there bustling around, working far harder than a woman her age should. But she still had a surprised smile for me when I stood hesitantly by the hostess stand.
“Hey, Willa.” Francie, the hostess, had hair the exact same color as a carrot. “You want to sit in her section?”
I did, more than anything. But old habits died hard. “She looks swamped,” I said. “Just put me wherever.”
“Suit yourself.” Francie grabbed some menus - as if I’d need them - and walked me back to the far corner. I stared at her in confusion when she gestured to a booth. “You sure? This seats six.”
“You ain’t havin’ your friends meet up with ya’?” I blinked and shook my head no. She waved her hand. “No matter. If we get a crowd, I’ll just ask you to move, right? Take care, hon.”
Feeling more miserable than I thought possible, I sat down alone at the ridiculously huge table and waggled my fingers at my mom from across the restaurant. She smiled apologetically back, then set a heavy tray down in front of a table of eight. I kicked my legs against the bottom of the booth, just like I did when I was little.
Mom hurried over as soon as her table was served. “Fancy seeing you here. You checking up on me?” she asked with a tired smile.
I looked up at her, surprised. “Honestly? No. Ruby’s with Jake and I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.”
My mom’s mouth twisted a little. “I wish you’d come last night, it was Deadsville around here and I could have used the company. But honey, I’m swamped over there. Tourists from Reckless Falls. I think they’re lost.”
“I know, Mom. It’s fine.”
She stood there worriedly for a moment. “I’ll get you some pie,” she said and disappeared around the counter.
She came back with a slice so buried under whipped cream I had no idea what flavor it was supposed to be. “Cherry,” she said as she set it down. “It pretty much cures everything.”
I lifted my fork and tried to look excited. “Perfect.”
She tugged one of my curls. “Boing,” she said softly before rushing off to grab another order.
I dragged the tines of my fork through the whipped cream, idly tracing hatch marks across the top of it. I wanted to enjoy it so badly, but the first bite was completely tasteless. And the second one was too. True to form, my mother had given me way too big of a piece. There was no way I could finish this by myself.
Cooper would have gobbled it up in three bites. His appetite for sweets was only matched by his appetite for… well…
I flushed and set my fork down. I wasn’t going to spend my first night out alone thinking about Cooper. No way.
I rummaged in my purse until I found my phone. My thumb hovered over the contact. I took a deep breath. It was better than sitting here miserably choking down a huge piece of pie all alone. I hit Call.
“Will?” Liam answered on the first ring. “Everything okay?”
Another flush rushed through me, this time from embarrassment. “Hey, yeah, no everything’s fine. Sorry, it’s been a while since I last called.”
“It’s fine,” he chuckled. “I kind of figured I was in the doghouse anyway after Claire read me the riot act. I was actually happy you were out living your life and not worried about checking up on me.”
I looked down at my hands. “I was. For a while anyway.”
He hummed a noncommittal murmur. “What are you up to now, then?”
“I actually have a night to myself, can you believe it?”
“No. Not for a minute. Are you sure I’m talking to the right Willa Harlow?”
I laughed. “Yeah, you can be sure of that, because I’m spending it at the Royal.”
“Is your mom there?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh Will.”
“I know. “ I clapped my hand to my forehead. “It’s too sad for words. Here it’s the first night I’ve had to myself… maybe ever… and I’m at the Royal Diner trying and failing to eat a piece of cherry pie.” I laughed because it sounded even more ridiculous when I said it out loud. “What is wrong with me, Liam?”
Liam laughed gently. “Oh a whole lot of things, but they’re all reasons I love you. You’re really all alone though?”
“In a booth meant for six.”
“How long do you plan on staying?”
“No idea.” I stared at my plate. “Ruby’s with Jake until eleven, but I don’t know if I can make this pie last that long. I might go home early.”
“Don’t,” he barked.
“What?”
“Use the time. And, uh…” His hand must have covered the mouthpiece for a sec because his voice went all muffled. “Hey, Willa? I gotta… go… real quick.”
“Um, sure. Okay. Bye then.” The line went dead without him saying goodbye.
I sat there in silence and tried to swallow down the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat. I dragged the fork through the whipped cream again, and then stabbed it into the pie and forced a big chunk into my mouth. Swallowing around the tight tears that were clogging my throat gave me something to be angry about, and I was grateful for that because the other option was to burst into pathetic tears. Slowly, mouthful by tasteless mouthful, I forced myself to sit there and eat that damn pie until it was gone.
“That good, huh?” My mother was suddenly at the table again. “Here. I snagged you another one before those a-holes at table eight hogged it all.”
She grabbed my plate before I could swallow and stop her, and bustled back off again, leaving me another slice of pie covered in drifts of canned whipped cream.
Now I was really going to cry. I stared helplessly at the plate in front of me, feeling the sting of tears as they rose to my eyes.
But right as they were poised to start falling, a familiar diesel rumble made me sit up straight.
Cooper’s black truck was pulling into a spot just outside of my window.
Chapter Fifty
Willa
He was meeting someone. He had to be. I swiveled in my seat, looking out for Ryan or Ethan, or even one of his cousins, though I wasn’t sure I’d recognized Cole or Derek.
But there was no one here.
And Cooper was walking in alone.
I ducked my head down and contemplated sliding under the table so he wouldn’t see me sitting here alone and crying about pie.
But he’d already spotted me.
My traitorous heart leaped as if trying to get closer to him. I thought I was baring my teeth at him and was surprised that it was a smile.
Fuck, I missed him. I missed him so much I was crying about it and blaming a piece of pie. I looked
down and then up, way up, was he always that tall? I didn’t know what to say, didn’t trust myself not to launch into a torrent of pleas, of apologies and promises. So I looked down and said nothing at all.
Cooper slid his bulk into the vinyl booth. I held my breath, trying not to feel anything, but it was like his presence changed the quality of the air around him. The molecules vibrated differently, changed the amount of oxygen they contained. I was able to breathe more deeply than I had in weeks, and the sudden rush of oxygen to my brain had me light-headed and dizzy.
"Can I sit with you?"
Of course he could. Just being this close... how had I not realized until now how... necessary he was.
But being close to him also brought the pain back. In all its full, raw torment. Like a punch to the gut, driving all of the changed air out of my lungs. "I don't think it's a good idea," I whispered because I didn't have enough breath in which to speak.
He looked down at his hands. Back up again. Inhaled and then held his breath. Crazily, I wondered if he'd noticed the shift in the way the air felt. Was it screwing with him too? "I know you don't think it's a good idea." He let out the breath he was holding and looked me in the eye, suddenly steady. And sure. "But Liam does."
I jerked my head back.
Cooper nodded. "How do you think I knew where to find you?"
"It's a small fucking town," I spat. "And my mom works here, so..."
He chuckled. "You're giving me more credit as a detective than I deserve. No, Liam called me. Told me he was really fucking sorry for causing all this. Told me Claire basically ripped him a new asshole for it and he wanted to make amends. And his way of doing that was to tell me you'd be here." He took another one of those ridiculously deep breaths. "He told me you were alone."
"Thanks a lot, Liam."
"He also told me this was probably the only time I'd ever get you alone again. 'Go to her,' he said. 'Right now. Because who knows when you're going to get another chance like this?’" He looked at me. "'She's always surrounded by people,’ he said. ‘Helping them. Protecting them. Doing for them. If you don't go to her right now, you'll never get another chance to talk with her alone.’” He spread his hands. "So here I am."
Last Good Man: A Crown Creek Novel Page 21
