Fading Away (Hardest Mistakes #1)

by Dannielle Wicks

  “Nothing to tell really, you know how boring I am.” I pause to think, I have to tell her something or she’ll worry. “Oh, Caity’s hiring a new person to help me with weekend work at the coffee shop. A college student, I think.”

  She smiles. “That’s great, darling. You ladies could use the help. Who is it?”

  “No idea, it’ll be a surprise, I guess. How has Connor been this week?” I ask to change the subject. She can talk about her baby boy for hours. I don’t really feel like having to make proper conversation tonight.

  When dinner and dessert have been eaten, I decide to help Kathy in the kitchen rather than sit, glaring at David watching sports on TV with Connor. She’s bustling around putting things away when I walk in. I take a seat on a bar stool and stay out of her way to watch her. She asks me a few more questions about school before I decide it’s time for me to leave. My social skills are seriously lacking.

  ***

  I’m woken on the sofa by the sunlight streaming through my kitchen window. Still half asleep, I glance over at the clock and jerk upright. I’m going to be late for school. I dash around and get dressed in record time, snatching my bag from the kitchen table. I sprint out the door to my car.

  As soon as I make it to my first class I can feel it, today is going to be a long one. Everyone, including the teachers, are either mourning Kai or making nasty comments or rumors about him. Some even whisper about Dylan, who is still in the hospital. For once, absolutely no one notices me, no whispers, and no insults. It’s kind of refreshing.

  Kai’s parents have the whole town out searching, but in the meantime, they are holding a memorial this Friday for all his friends and family. What if he’s still alive, though? He probably just ran away.

  I sit with my lunch tray at a lone table at the edge of the cafeteria and peek over at Kai’s friends. Their laughter echoes through the morbidly quiet room, making some people stare or even glare over at them. He’s been missing what? Three days? Disgusting. I’m the first to admit he was a dick, but that’s just insensitive and rude.

  Kai

  I feel like I’m suffocating; the bars press in on me and push the air from my lungs. I know what’s going to happen if I stay here, but how am I supposed to escape?

  Laying my head on my paws, I close my eyes to block out the symphony of loud animal noises around me. The man who caught me is in his office watching TV. I can hear the news reporter’s voice from here, something catches my attention. I have to concentrate to understand what she’s saying.

  “The search for Kai Jordan, 18, from Miakoda Falls, comes to another inconclusive close today. The search will continue tomorrow. Any volunteers are asked to contact the police station before 8 a.m. Kai went missing five days ago; he was last seen at his home in Adaman Drive. Mr. and Mrs. Jordan will hold a public memorial for Kai’s many classmates, teachers and family to attend at the Miakoda Falls Church of Faith this Friday at...”

  I tune out and open my eyes. So that’s it then, they obviously believe I’m dead if they’re holding a memorial. I’m truly alone now.

  The burly man strolls past my cage and kicks the door, making me jump. I lift my lip in a half-hearted snarl. He must not like his job very much. I watch him walk out to the front office, a satisfied smirk on his lips. I close my eyes and doze off, thinking. Maybe I should just give up.

  “Chester.” I jerk my head up at the sighed name. Sam appears in front of my cage with a relieved smile on her face. The dogcatcher stands behind her with a sneer. How did she find me? “Come on,” she says, opening the door and slipping a lead over my head.

  “I missed you,” she tells me as we walk out to her car. The thing looks like it could die at any moment and the ride to her home makes me sick. I’m whining to be let out by the time she pulls up.

  She lets us into her living quarters and walks over to the kitchen, filling a bowl of water and placing it on the floor for me. I lap it up greedily, my throat is so dry. Once full, I sit back and watch her walk around the kitchen preparing food.

  Sammy

  I hum the song stuck in my head while I start preparing pasta for dinner. I’m already attached to Chester, I’m so glad I found him. He makes my apartment feel less lonely.

  The pasta bubbles on the stove and a little whine escapes him. He must be hungry. I turn and grab a can of dog food from the shelf above the stove and empty it into a bowl. I place the bowl on the floor; he sniffs it and turns away with a huff.

  “What kind of dog doesn’t like dog food?” I ask him, taking the pasta off the stove and draining it before dishing it into a bowl full of white sauce to take back to the sofa. “I don’t have anything else to give you.”

  I sit and start spooning hot pasta into my mouth. He walks over and lies down with a sigh that’s so comical I nearly spit pasta all over his head. Do dogs sigh in disappointment? I lean over and scratch behind his ear, his tail twitches slightly.

  Kai

  Sam shakes her head at me and slides into her bed, placing her glasses on the nightstand as she settles in. It almost feels as if I owe her or something. If she hadn’t come looking for me, I’d probably be on death row. I don’t want to feel that alone again. Trotting over to her bed, I jump up and curl up on the blanket at her feet.

  “Hey!” she shouts in surprise. “Get off.” I don’t have to concentrate to know what she’s saying. She nudges me with her foot. When that doesn’t work, she kicks harder. I’m not budging. I may look like a dog, but I’m human and I’m not sleeping on the floor. She exhales loudly and mutters an insult under her breath as she lays back, getting comfortable. If I could smile, I would. I win.

  ***

  The day of my memorial arrives almost unnoticed. Sam sleeps in, so I assume they’ve given everyone the day off. I can only guess at the amount of people from school who will show up. The church courtyard won’t be big enough. A small groan comes from under the covers and I turn to nudge at the hand hanging off the bed. If she doesn’t get up now, she’ll be late.

  “Okay, okay. I’m up.” Her voice is muffled by the blankets, so I concentrate to hear the rest. “I don’t know why they’re even doing this, he’s not dead.” Thank you, I nod. “He’s run away because his privileged life got too much for him to handle.” Wait, what? What the hell did I ever do to her? She obviously didn’t care about me. Fine. I huff and leave for the kitchen while she changes. Some people are so rude, honestly.

  She emerges a moment later in black jeans and a dark top. Fumbling with her car keys, she heads for the door and then looks back at me. “Do you want to come for a walk? I’ll tie you to the church fence when we get there.” She grabs the lead and I follow her out. It’s not every day you get to attend your own memorial.

  ***

  The church is basically empty when we arrive. Sam leans down to tie my lead to the fence. Maybe we’re earlier than I thought.

  “Oh, I’m really late,” she exclaims, looking down at her watch. She spins and jogs to the church doors. We’re late? Where is everyone? I pull the lead as tight as I can so I can peek around the fence into the church.

  Sammy

  It has to be depressing for the family when no one comes to your son’s memorial. Kai’s girlfriend isn’t even here. How can someone be so popular, but have no one that actually cared?

  I walk out of the church in a daze after the service, stopping to give Kai’s parents my condolences. Mrs. Jordan looks half dead, dark shadows under her eyes and an obvious loss of weight by the way her cheekbones stick out. Kai’s father isn’t any better; the large man looks defeated and empty.

  Chester is lying on the pavement watching the church when I reach him. He looks up at me with his sad silver eyes, so I pat his head soothingly.

  ***

  Kathy and Connor are playing in the front yard when I get home. Looks like I’m going to have to tell her about the dog. “Stay,” I command as I close the door behind me. “Hey Kathy.” I wave as I step up to the fence.

  “
Hello darling. How was the memorial? Did you know the boy?” she asks from her knees on the grass. Connor is laughing and blowing raspberries. If I were clucky, I guess he would be kind of cute.

  “Not really,” I hesitate. “Umm, Kathy. I agreed to look after a friend’s dog while they’re away. Is that okay?”

  She glances around, looking for the dog. “Sure honey, but be responsible and don’t forget to walk it.” I roll my eyes and give her wave as I walk away.

  A good TV series and ice cream are the two most amazing things life can offer, besides chocolate, of course. Chester refuses to eat his dinner again. Should I be worried? What if he starts losing weight? I’ll have to take him back to the vet. I can’t afford to pay for that. I fall asleep in bed with him snuggled up on the blanket at my feet again. I don’t have the heart to kick him off properly.

  ***

  My phone alarm makes me jump and sit up in bed. Groaning, I lay back down with a heavy thump—work today.

  The shop is already busy when I push the door open to start my shift. Caity quickly introduces me to our new employee, Alex, and then we hurry to fill everyone’s orders.

  Alex is two years older than me, with gorgeous blond hair, blue eyes, and he just graduated from Dartmouth. I blush every time he looks my way. We don’t stop again until my shift is over and I’ve cleaned all the table tops.

  As I grab my bag, I turn and slam into Alex’s chest, his shirt is tight against the muscles on his arms. My face must be bright red when I look up at him.

  “Sorry,” I whisper.

  A huge grin splits his face. “It’s all good,” he declares, stepping around me to get his wallet and keys. I hurry for the door before I embarrass myself more, but he grabs my wrist and stops me. “So Sammy, I was wondering if you want to hang out some time.” His smile makes my knees go weak, he looks like a rock star, and all I can do is nod. “Next Friday?” I nod again, turn, and rush out the door to the parking lot. I feel so silly.

  David glares at me from the front porch when I arrive home and just like that my good mood is gone. I hold the frustrated tears back until I make it inside.

  Kai

  I greet Sam at the door as she walks in. She pushes past, ignoring me, and nearly smacking me on the face as she swings off her bag.

  Geez, I’m not invisible, just a dog.

  She lies down on the sofa and buries her face in a pillow. I walk over and sit down beside her, trying to catch her attention. I nudge her arm with my nose.

  “Chester,” she breathes my name into the pillow and looks up, reaching out to scratch my ear, which, by the way, feels amazing. I’ve been alone all day and I’m starting to go stir crazy.

  She continues playing with my ear, her eyes unfocused as she looks past me. I tilt my head to the side in a question. Are you okay? She looks back at me, her dark eyes glittering with unshed tears. “Hungry?” She jumps off the sofa and heads for the kitchen. I sit for a moment, studying her. What was that?

  ***

  Okay, this is it. I can’t hold out anymore. I’m starving.

  Sticking my tongue out hesitantly, I taste the canned dog food in the bowl. Yuck. Okay, so not that bad, but still. Sam locked me inside again before she left for school. Eating dog food is the only choice I have if I don’t want to starve to death.

  If I ever get out of this, I’m going to devour a million hamburgers. Okay, wow. I have to stop thinking about food, I’m starting to drool.

  ***

  What happens if I stay like this forever? I’ll never get to go to college, or buy a house, or get married and have a family. My future is evaporating right in front of me. I can’t help thinking this has something to do with that stupid deer I hit.

  Sam comes home just before I lose it. Grabbing the dog lead, we walk around the block. She chatters away to me as I trot along beside her. I can’t understand what she’s saying unless I concentrate, so I just tune out. It feels good to stretch my legs.

  ***

  On Thursday…at least I think it’s Thursday…I’m losing track of time. Anyway, on Thursday Sam doesn’t come home until after dark. I’m stretched out across the sofa when she walks through the door with a huge grin on her face. I stay where I am, watching her dance and skip around the room. When she finishes spinning, she leans down and smiles, scratching my chin.

  “I got my braces off today, look.” She smiles wide, showing off her perfect white teeth. “Just in time for my date tomorrow.” She smiles again and skips off to the kitchen.

  Wait, did she say date? I get up and follow her. The girl I knew from high school didn’t go on dates, she’s a loner. I stay in the kitchen waiting to see if she says anything else, but she doesn’t. Who is this mystery person?

  Around bedtime, I lie on the bed and wait while Sam has a shower and gets changed. She climbs under the covers and leans toward me, pulling me into a hug. I freeze in shock. “I’m so glad I hit you with my car. I know this is selfish, but I hope we never find your owners so you can stay with me.” I forget how to breathe for a second, and then she lets go and settles back on the bed.

  ***

  The crazy girl runs around the house, snatching her keys and bag off the table when a horn sounds from the driveway. I trot over to the window and jump up, placing my front paws on the ledge to have a look at her date. He walks toward the front door just as Sam yells a quick goodbye and locks the door behind her. He looks like a douche; a blond-haired, blue-eyed douche bag. He grabs her hand and kisses it as he opens the passenger door of his crappy car for her. From my window I see her blush and giggle, then the car door closes and they pull away. What an idiot. I hop down and look around the quiet flat. Now what?

  CHAPTER 5

  Sammy

  Alex is the perfect gentleman…at first. His bright blue eyes sparkle with humor as we drive across town. I feel like a princess with the way he walks me inside and holds out the chair for me. He orders for the both of us before I even get a chance to look at the menu. It’s a little rude but I brush it off and smile. He smiles back over the rim of his glass.

  “So Sammy, what is your family like?” My fork is full of chicken and halfway to my mouth. How do I answer that?

  “Umm…”

  “Did I tell you about the last championship game I played at Dartmouth?” I swallow my mouthful of chicken and shake my head. He launches into the most boring retelling I’ve ever heard.

  Kai

  I just want to be me again. To be human; to feel my fingers flex against the steering wheel of my truck, to kick a soccer ball and feel the joy of scoring a goal, to talk to someone, to touch someone…

  Pain explodes in my head and I jerk up from where I’m lying on the bed. The pain intensifies—a yelp escapes me and I scramble across the bed as an itching sensation spreads over my body. My stomach drops out from under me, then I collapse on the floor and it all turns black.

  ***

  My eyes feel heavy and my head is pounding. I feel like I’ve been crushed against a brick wall or hit by a train. I stare up at Sam’s ceiling above me, trying not to move. My fingers twitch and a familiarity settles over my body. Oh my god…I lift my hand above my face and stretch my fingers wide. Holy crap, I’m human again. I glance down at my naked body. Laughter bubbles out of my mouth, it almost sounds hysterical…almost. I jump up from the bed, wrap a sheet around myself and rush out the door without thinking. My house is only a few blocks away at the edge of town; I can make it there in fifteen minutes or less.

  Sammy

  Okay, now I’m a little uncomfortable, not to mention scared. Alex cuts me off mid-sentence again to talk about something he’s done at college and his hand keeps fluttering against mine in a suggestive manner.

  He’s not as nice as I first thought.

  We exit the restaurant and walk to his car together. As soon as I’m strapped in, he leans over and slams his lips against mine. This is definitely not what it’s supposed to feel like. I push against his chest but he doesn’t budge. Hi
s hand touches the side of my breast and I scream through my crushed lips, pushing against him with all I have.

  He pulls away and sits back in his seat, smirking at me. His hair falls into his eyes. “It’s all good, babe, I thought this is what you wanted. We had such a good night together.” My eyes widen in disbelief and he chuckles. Right, I’ve had enough. Snatching my bag off the floor, I unbuckle myself and get out of the car to walk home.

  Another door slams.

  “Wait, Sammy! I’m sorry. Come back,” Alex yells after me. I ignore him and keep going. If he follows, I’m going to call the police. I dig in my bag and pull out my phone, just in case.

  Kai

  My house is dark when I reach it. What a surprise. I know where the spare key is hidden and I unlock the door, stepping inside. Mom and dad aren’t here. I knew they wouldn’t be, but I was kind of hoping.

  I slowly run my hand along the staircase railing as I make my way up to my room. Everything is exactly where I left it, right down to the dirty clothes hanging off my desk chair. Even my bed is still messy from when I last slept here, over a week ago. I wander over to my dresser, drop the sheet from my waist, and start pulling on a pair of jeans.

  Sammy

  Nearly a full hour goes by before I make it back home. My hands shake as I try to push my key into the lock. As I twist the knob the door opens, already unlocked. I pause, and then shake my head, pushing my way in and slamming the door shut behind me. I’m so angry I pick up the nearest object and hurl it against the wall. The crystal lamp shatters on impact, the fragments exploding across the floor. That lamp was a gift from Kathy. Regret fills me for a split second, then I remember why I threw it in the first place and the anger sets back in. How could he do that to me?