Fading Away (Hardest Mistakes #1)

by Dannielle Wicks

  Sammy

  “Are you ready?” Ashlee helps me lift the picnic basket into the back of Mark’s land rover. I’m a little worried, I’m still not feeling the best, but Mark reassures me it’s not a long walk up the trail. We pile into the car and Riley pushes in close to make room for Jason and Kiera, who are, by the way, engaged.

  Mark pulls up at the trail head; the guys carry all the gear and lead the way. About fifteen minutes in I’m struggling, taking deep, labored breaths. Riley stops and waits to help me.

  “I can do this,” I assure him, pushing his hand away. It’s starting to get dark, which is sort of the point, I guess, seeing as how we’re only having the picnic at night so we can see the stars.

  We reach the edge of Black Pike River and the guys start setting everything up before the light fades too much. The water rushes by, sounding like rainfall and it smells so clean out here.

  Once they’re done, we all sit around the picnic rug and light some lanterns to eat by. The half full moon is out, making long shadows in the trees surrounding us. I put my empty plate down and Riley puts his arm around my shoulders. I bury myself in his warm side. The chilly breeze makes me shiver a little.

  Something flashes out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head but can’t see anything. Mark turns off the lanterns and we gaze up at the millions upon trillions of gorgeous stars above us.

  “They are beautiful, aren’t they?” I whisper to Riley.

  He looks down at me. “Yes, you are.” I blush. That was a bit cliché, but I don’t care. Lucky it’s too dark to see my bright red face.

  There, I saw it again. I twist to watch the trees. A pair of glowing silver eyes appears in the shadowy bushes behind us. I’m pretty sure I know who they belong to. I get up to investigate.

  “Where are you going?” Riley asks from behind me.

  I glance around the group. “I won’t go far, I promise.” I turn away before anyone can object.

  Walking through the trees, I emerge into a small clearing and look around, searching for those unmistakable eyes. Kai steps out of the shadow covered trees beside me, making me jump in surprise. He’s only wearing pants, his chest and feet are bare. The scars around his neck and shoulders stand out on his skin.

  “Kai, what are you doing here?”

  He walks toward me, stopping when he’s standing so close I can feel the heat radiating off his chest. “Sammy, I have something I need to say.”

  “Yes?” I ask, confused.

  “Riley—he’s—”

  Riley? What does he have to do with anything? Kai hesitates, making me impatient. “He’s what?”

  He takes a deep breath. “He’s not right for you.”

  I stop breathing for a moment. “What?” He looks away, avoiding my searching gaze. “What do you mean he’s not right for me? How would you know?”

  He turns back, his expression intense as the faint moonlight glints off his eerie eyes.

  “Then who is right for me, Kai, because Riley seems pretty great to me.” I’m a little annoyed. Who does he think he is, telling me who’s right for me and who’s not?

  Kai closes the distance between us and presses his lips firmly on mine. Instantly I’m taken back to the night of our prom. He runs his hands up my back and into my hair, pulling me closer. I lose myself in the feel of his body against mine and the way his soft lips coax mine to life. Almost without thinking, I wrap my arms around his warm waist.

  “Sammy?” Riley’s voice startles me from the other side of the trees. I push my hands against Kai’s chest gently. What just happened? I’m so confused.

  “I—” I pause, staring into Kai’s eyes. “It’s too late, Kai, I have a boyfriend,” I try to explain, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. “You were the one that said we are just friends, remember.”

  Riley calls my name again. I spin away from Kai and head back through the trees, glancing back once to see him standing exactly where I left him, watching me leave. The look on his face nearly makes me turn and go back to him…nearly.

  “Are you okay?” Riley asks as he guides me back onto the picnic rug. I don’t answer him. My thoughts are whirring around in my head at a million miles a second. “Sammy?”

  “Sorry?” I stutter, glancing up at him.

  “I asked if you are okay. Where did you go?”

  “I thought I saw something. I was wrong.” Riley frowns, confused. I turn my head away from him and gaze into the shadowy trees.

  Mark drops Jason and Kiera off on our way home. As soon as Ashlee unlocks the door and we’re all inside, I glance around, looking for Kai. I can’t see him anywhere, which is a good thing, I suppose, because I’m planning to avoid him anyway.

  “Coming upstairs?” Ashlee asks Mark, pulling the collar of his shirt. Riley is waiting patiently, probably wanting his own invitation to my room. I throw him a half-hearted smile and kiss him goodnight. Mark hands him the car keys and he shuts the door with a snick behind him.

  I feel guilty, but at the same time, not. It just wouldn’t feel right. I wouldn’t be thinking about Riley, not with the memory of Kai’s lips against mine. I twist and turn in bed, every position feels uncomfortable.

  Dragging myself out of bed in the early light of the day, I tip-toe down the hallway to the stairs. I freeze when I spot Kai at the bottom of the steps. He’s standing completely still, gazing at me. Well, this is awkward.

  He turns and walks back into the living room. I hurry down the stairs and dash around the kitchen before taking my bowl of cereal and eating it at my desk in my room. I need to forget about Kai, I have an assignment to finish before next Friday.

  Ashlee pokes her head into my room when she wakes up a few hours later.

  “Oh hey, could you help me with something?” I ask with my attention still on the laptop screen in front of me.

  “Sure.” She opens the door all the way and comes over to my desk.

  “Kai is enrolled at the community college under a false name. I don’t have the time to type up the assignment he left out for me.” I pick up the notebook beside me and hold it out to her. “Could you possibly do it and send it through to his teacher? I’ll give you his email address.” I put on my best pouty face, puppy dog eyes included.

  She sighs and rolls her eyes. “Okay.” She snatches the book from my hands and stomps down the stairs, grumbling. Bullet dodged. I smile to myself.

  ***

  I avoid Kai as much as possible the next couple of days; we are definitely not on speaking terms. I even go as far as spending all evening in my room studying. My assignment has to be handed in tomorrow. I make a few finishing touches and hit send. Guilt has had me avoiding Riley as well. I think I’ve made him upset, if the way he ignores me in class all week is any indication. I need to fix this. I really like Riley, and I don’t want to lose him.

  ***

  Ashlee drives us to work the next morning and stops me with a hand on my arm before I can exit the car. “What’s going on?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I haven’t seen Riley all week and you’ve been hiding in your room. Are you avoiding me?” She looks worried.

  “No, of course not, everything’s fine. I’ve just been busy with exams and assignments,” I reassure her. She doesn’t look convinced, but she lets me go and we head into work together. The orders don’t stop until it’s nearly time to close up. I don’t have a chance to talk to anyone except customers. I start wiping down tables as the last customer leaves. Ashlee locks the door behind them and grabs a cloth to help me. Dylan emerges from the kitchen a moment later.

  “Hey, Sammy, how are you feeling? I’m really sorry about what happened. I didn’t know Chloe was that crazy.” He turns away from me in shame.

  “Hey, it’s all good, don’t worry about it. It wasn’t your fault.” He smiles, but he still won’t meet my gaze. Reaching into his back pocket, he pulls out a creased piece of paper and hands it to me.

  “My band has a gig in a couple weeks at
the Black Pike Pub. Do you and Ashlee want to come?” Ashlee stands behind him and nods at me.

  “Wow, I didn’t know you were in a band.” He smiles. Ashlee rolls her eyes and motions for me to accept his offer. “We’ll see you there then.” She jumps up and down behind him in a small dance. I chuckle and turn back to the table I was cleaning.

  ***

  I feel like a zombie. I can’t get a full night’s sleep, all I do is eat and go to classes. I don’t even remember seeing Riley or Kai. Before I know it, two weeks have flown by without me noticing.

  Ashlee bursts into my room on Friday night, making me jump in surprise.

  “We have to wear something spectacular to Dylan’s gig tonight.” Oh crap, was that tonight? Kai slinks into my room behind Ashlee and sits down. I haven’t seen him human in weeks, I wonder if he’s been spending his human time with Ashlee?

  “I forgot that was on tonight, I don’t have anything to wear.” I close the book I was reading and place it on my nightstand. Ashlee walks over to my wardrobe and starts pulling clothes out and throwing them on the floor. I glance at Kai; he turns his head to meet my gaze and I look away quickly.

  Nearly my whole closet is spread out on the floor before Ashlee tosses one at me with a smile. I hold up the dark grey material; its short sleeved. The weather is slowly turning into winter, but it still gets hot inside, especially when it’s crowded.

  I nod. “This will do.” I stand and get changed in the bathroom. The scar on my arm is clearly visible, but hopefully no one will notice it in the dark pub. Ashlee has left my room by the time I open the door and walk out, ready to go. Kai is lying beside my bed with his eyes closed. Apparently he’s not avoiding me anymore. It’s been forever since I saw him last. He opens his eyes and lifts his head.

  “How do I look?” His tail wags slowly and I smile.

  ***

  The Black Pike Pub is full to the absolute max by the time we arrive. Dylan’s band is already on stage; Dylan isn’t just in the band, he’s the lead singer and he’s got an amazing voice. I’m captivated by the music. Ashlee pulls me toward a booth and we sit down. I can still see the stage from where I’m sitting, but I want to get closer.

  “I’ll wait here,” Ashlee yells in my ear over the pulsing beat. “You go dance.” I don’t wait for her to change her mind. Making my way into the surging mass of people on the dance floor, I push my way to the front. As the music finishes, Dylan glances across the crowd. When he spots me he smiles and launches into a new song, his blue eyes sparkling in the stage lights. He’s clearly enjoying himself. His voice weaves into my body and I suddenly feel like I know him, it’s like his heart is in the music. I’m hypnotized.

  They play for another hour, and when they pack up and jump off stage, Dylan makes his way through the people congratulating him to find me. I grin and yank him in for a hug, pulling away just as quick in embarrassment. That felt too forward for someone I barely know.

  “That was fantastic! You’re an amazing singer,” I half shout into his ear over the noise of the crowd. I lead him back to the table Ashlee snagged for us, and we sit down. Ashlee’s already got a round of soft drinks sitting in the center of the table. My throat is really dry and I’m sweating. I grab my drink and consume half of the icy liquid in one gulp.

  “My turn,” Ashlee announces, standing up. “That was great, Dylan.” She smiles at him and then flounces out onto the dance floor. Dylan sits across from me a takes a long pull from his Coke.

  “So what’s eating at you?” He asks suddenly, leaning over the table so I can hear him.

  My brow wrinkles in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

  “You’ve been weird the last couple of weeks. I noticed it at work and at college. What’s happened?”

  Hold on, what? “We go to the same university?”

  He laughs. “No, I just live in this town to work at the Deli.” Wow, I feel stupid. Talk about being narrow sighted, I can’t believe I never knew.

  “What are you majoring in?”

  He shakes his head. “Don’t change the subject, you tell me what’s wrong and I’ll tell you what I’m studying.”

  Fair deal, I guess. Dylan is unusually trustworthy for someone I hardly know. I sigh and fiddle with my straw. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just a little confused.”

  He smiles and reaches across the table to place his hand on mine. “If you need someone to talk to, I have an excellent third party opinion.”

  I laugh at him and take a sip of my drink. He sits back waiting patiently. “Okay,” I concede. “I really like my boyfriend Riley; it’s possible I might even love him. He’s wonderful and caring and he’s so nice.”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  “Someone that I’ve been friends with for a while now kissed me a few weeks ago. He rejected me back when we were at school and now I’m pushing Riley away because I’m confused. It’s just awkward with both of them now. Riley is acting distant with me; I don’t know what to do. I think I’ve ruined everything.”

  Dylan looks away, thinking. When he faces me again, he’s completely serious. “Sammy, if you’re in love with Riley you need to tell him, or show him. As for this other guy, if he really wants to be with you he’ll try harder to prove he’s the one for you. If he gives up, you know he never really wanted you in the first place and you have nothing to worry about.” That actually makes a lot of sense. I have to call Riley.

  I beam at Dylan. “Thank you.”

  Ashlee chooses that moment to spin up to the table and lean across me to get her drink. There’s a blond-haired guy standing behind her waiting; I raise my eyebrows and she just shrugs with a smile.

  “Do you want to dance?” Dylan asks as Ashlee leaves to dance with the blond. I nod. Dylan spins us onto the dance floor straight into the mass of gyrating people. He doesn’t touch me inappropriately, he holds me away from his body like a friend would.

  “So how did you become the lead singer?” I lean closer so he can hear me over the loud music.

  “I’ve always wanted to sing, and besides, I can’t play an instrument.” He looks away across the crowd at the people playing on stage. I giggle as he twirls us in a circle, this is so much fun.

  “Why not?”

  He throws me a funny look before twirling us in another circle. “My arm.” Oh, that’s right. I completely forgot he was injured in Kai’s car accident. Now I feel like an idiot.

  After the song finishes, Dylan glances back toward a group near the stage. A pretty brunette is laughing and dancing with her friends. He looks down at me as if asking permission; I smile and push him away. Standing for a moment, I watch as he approaches the girl and says something, she grins up at him and nods, and then they are dancing.

  Ashlee comes and finds me at the edge of the dance floor when she gets tired. “Home?” She nods and sighs tiredly. “So who was that?” I ask her as we walk slowly to her car.

  Her face lights up. “That was Oliver. He was gorgeous, wasn’t he?” I’m not really into blonds but I nod anyway. She hands me her car keys and I look down at them, apprehensive.

  “I’m not sure I can drive your car.”

  “You’ll be fine,” she replies, opening the passenger door and sliding in. I take a deep breath and hop in. The steering wheel and gear stick feel foreign. I make it home, only stalling it once; it’s a relief when I park it in the driveway. I don’t want to be responsible for breaking someone else’s car.

  As soon as we’re inside I pull out my cell phone and ring Riley. It goes straight to voice mail. Crap. I’ll try again in the morning, I guess. I head up the stairs and straight into the bathroom, I need to wash the sweat off me. The hot water helps me relax and soon my eyes are heavy and drooping.

  ***

  I try calling Riley again in the morning and at lunch and again at dinner time. No answer. He’s definitely upset with me. Either that or he’s been hurt. Oh god, don’t think like that. I drown out my wayward thoughts with iPod headphon
es shoved into my ears, and my laptop open in front of me. I might as well get a start on the next assignment.

  ***

  I sit in my seat in class on Monday, tapping my pen rapidly on the desk, waiting impatiently for Riley to show up. If he won’t answer his phone, I’ll just ambush him in person. He walks in a moment later and sits in his seat with barely a look my way.

  “Riley, I’ve been trying to call you.”

  He lifts his green eyes to mine. “Sorry, I was busy all weekend.” He looks back down at his open notebook. I frown.

  “I’m really sorry for how I’ve been acting.” I pause trying to think of the right words. “I never meant to hurt you, Riley. I really, really like you. Please forgive me for being distant.”

  His shoulders lift in a sigh and he nods. “Okay, I understand. I really like you too.” He gives me a small smile.

  “Come over tonight?”

  “I have to work after class every day this week.”

  “Saturday then?”

  Professor Zedic enters the room and starts her lecture, I turn back to face the front and start taking notes. At the end of class Riley stands beside my desk. He touches my face and leans down to kiss me on the forehead.

  “I’ll come over on Saturday.” I nod and he turns to leave. My heart feels a little lighter. I nearly skip all the way home.

  ***

  I begin stacking boxes in the freezer room at work the following Saturday. I’m afraid of being in here by myself, so Dylan is helping me. The front of the shop is closed up and Ashlee is wiping tables.

  “You know, you never actually told me what you’re studying,” I point out, glancing over at him as I heft another box onto the shelf.

  He chuckles while struggling to lift one of the larger boxes. “I’m majoring in law.”