Alice

by Kirsten Osbourne

  “Hi, Martha. I need to have a word with Edna Petunia and Cletus before you all sit down to supper.” Lewis looked at Alice with a grim expression on his face.

  Alice wished she could melt into the floor. Martha’s eyes widened, and she ran off to find her adoptive parents.

  Cletus came to the door a few moments later. “Hello, son. What’s all this about?” He shook his son-in-law’s hand. Lewis was normally a level-headed man, but he seemed a bit shaken to Cletus. Cletus wondered what had riled him.

  “I’d like to speak with you and Edna Petunia privately.” Lewis shoved his hands into his pockets.

  “Sure, son.” Cletus led Lewis into his formal sitting parlor. “Edna! Come in here, snickerdoodle!” Alice shook her head and went into the kitchen to see if she could help her sisters get ready for dinner.

  Edna Petunia strode into the formal sitting parlor a minute later and took a seat next to Cletus. Lewis was sitting across from them. “What’s all this about? Is it Ruby?”

  “No, Ruby is resting comfortably. She’s sick, but she’ll be fine. What I’d like to talk to you about is Alice,” Lewis began, his mouth set in a firm line.

  “You’d better not tell me Alice is pregnant!” Cletus joked.

  “Well . . .” Lewis trailed off.

  “I need some cough medicine.” Edna Petunia pulled a small flask out, unscrewed the lid, and gulped down some liquid.

  Despite himself, Lewis stifled a grin. Ruby had told him that all the girls suspected that it wasn’t actually cough syrup in Edna Petunia’s ever-present flask. They had a feeling it was something a little more scandalous. No one begrudged her for it, however. She was a good woman who had led a long, colorful life, and none of her adopted daughters felt it was their place to confront her about it. “Don’t worry, Edna Petunia. It’s not that. But I’m worried that’s where things are headed.”

  “Son, you’d better start explaining yourself, quickly,” Cletus said crossly. “I should be eating my supper right now, not listening to you gossip about one of my daughters.”

  “Yes, sir.” Lewis nodded his head. “I’m sorry about that. I just—Alice was locking up the mercantile, and a man I’ve been doing business with, Mark Brooks—he apparently asked her if he could come in after we were closed for the day. When I came downstairs to get something I’d left behind, I saw him kissing her!”

  Cletus frowned. “Now you’ve got my attention. What kind of man is this Mark Brooks?”

  Lewis looked bewildered. “That’s the thing, sir. I just don’t know. He seems friendly and polite, and we’ve talked for quite a while before. I was coming to know and trust him. He inherited the business from his uncle when the older man passed. But the first shipment he delivered since he took over had several mistakes in it. I thought he was trying to cheat me.”

  Edna Petunia hiccupped loudly, and both men turned to look at her. “What are you looking at me for? Proceed with your story.”

  Lewis let out a long exhale. “I’m only telling you both this because you know how much I care about Alice. I love her as if she were my own little sister, because in a way, she is. I can’t stand the thought of anyone hurting her or taking advantage of her.”

  “You did the right thing, son. Edna Petunia and I will take this under advisement. Thank you for coming to us.” Cletus stood up and rested his hand on Lewis’s shoulder. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, I have a roast to eat!”

  Edna Petunia took another long sip from her flask. Lewis and Cletus stared at her again, and she shrugged. “That was a distressing story! It might bring on one of my coughing attacks. I’m just taking a precaution.”

  Cletus chuckled as he showed Lewis out. “You take extra good care of our Ruby. We’ve heard she’s been feeling ill.”

  “Thank you,” Lewis said as he walked over to his horses.

  “Oh, I know!” Edna Petunia shouted, racing out to meet him. She reached deep into her bosom and pulled out three peppermint sticks. “These will soothe Ruby’s stomach! Take them to her.”

  “Oh, no, I wouldn’t want to take your snacks,” Lewis protested. He had always been a little disturbed by Edna Petunia’s comfort food—more specifically, by the location she stored her comfort food in.

  “Don’t worry, I have lots more where those came from!” Edna Petunia dug further down into her bosom and produced two more. “How many do you think she’d like?”

  “Oh, no, thank you, though, Edna Petunia.” Lewis felt like he might be getting ill.

  “I insist!” Edna Petunia declared, waving the five sticks in front of his face.

  Lewis sighed. He knew his mother-in-law, and there was no way he was escaping this situation without accepting her peppermint sticks. He thanked his lucky stars that he had a handkerchief in his shirt pocket. He pulled it out and wrapped it around the peppermint sticks, then tucked the bundle into his pants pocket. “Thank you, Edna Petunia. I’m sure Ruby will appreciate this.”

  “You’re welcome. Good night!” Edna Petunia waved as Lewis untied his horses and climbed into his wagon.

  “Now can we finally eat?” Cletus complained from the porch. He was starving.

  “Don’t you want to talk first?” Edna Petunia asked.

  “I need to eat first. Then we’ll sort all this out.” Cletus led Edna Petunia into the kitchen, where all the girls who lived at home waited for them. Hattie sprang to her feet and began to cut and serve the pot roast lying in the center of the table.

  As Edna Petunia began to dig into her food, she caught Alice’s eye. Alice looked down at the table, embarrassed. She could tell that Edna Petunia knew everything. She was glad that at least Lewis had not told the entire family what had happened, but she was still angry that Edna Petunia and Cletus knew. She wondered what they would do about it.

  Dinner seemed to go on for a very long time.

  “Do you think Ruby’s baby will be a boy or a girl?” Katie asked.

  “I think it will be a boy,” Hattie said. “I just have a feeling.”

  “The baby has an equal chance of being a boy or a girl. It’s not based on feelings.” Theresa laughed.

  “I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. I just want the baby and Ruby to be healthy,” Martha said quietly.

  “Yes, Martha, that’s all that really matters,” Alice agreed.

  After more talking, chatter, and even dessert, supper was winding down. Cletus prepared to go into his formal parlor, and Edna Petunia was nodding off at the table. Alice thought she might actually have a chance to sneak up to her room without a talk from her parents.

  It was Hattie and Martha’s turn to do the dishes, and Alice slipped out of her chair quietly. She started for the hallway.

  “Alice, why don’t you join me and your mother in the formal parlor,” Cletus called after her.

  Alice sighed. They were going to talk with her after all. Alice followed Cletus into the formal parlor.

  “Edna Petunia!” Cletus shouted. A few moments later, Edna Petunia clambered into the parlor, and both husband and wife took seats.

  Alice sat down across from them and sighed. “Please just say what you’re thinking.”

  Cletus stroked his chin. “What we’re thinking is that we don’t want you to get hurt. Neither does Lewis.”

  “And we’re thinking, what were you thinking?” Edna Petunia exclaimed. “Carrying on like that in the mercantile, where there are windows, plain as day. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying Cletus and I haven’t been intimate in public places before.”

  Alice grimaced. She did not want to hear about this. Though her adoptive parents had been elderly when they’d met and married, their passion for each other was as intense and strong as two teenagers. They had no qualms about displaying their affection for each other in front of the entire family.

  “What I’m saying is, you have to be careful about who you choose to play hide-the-pickle with. And you absolutely have to wait until you’re married!” Edna Petunia’s voice turned from p
layful to stern. “We don’t even know who this man is. Lewis says he’s not even sure if he can trust him.”

  “But Mark is a good man! I know him! I—” Alice stopped herself before she could say anything she would regret. She had been about to say that she loved him—and that thought terrified her.

  Cletus put his arm around Edna Petunia. “Both of us just want what’s best for you, Alice. Do you understand that?”

  Alice nodded. “I understand. I won’t be alone with Mark Brooks at the mercantile again.”

  “That’s right, you won’t,” Edna Petunia agreed. “Because starting tomorrow, I’ll be at the mercantile to make sure you aren’t alone with him.”

  Alice stared at her parents in shock. “I don’t think that will be necessary.”

  “Apparently, it is.” Edna Petunia reached into her blouse. “Peppermint stick?”

  Alice shook her head, almost too upset for words. “Am I excused?”

  Cletus looked surprised. “Do you have anything else to say?”

  “No,” Alice replied.

  “Then you’re excused.” Cletus sighed. Parenting was a much harder job than he’d ever imagined. Law school, which he’d also undertaken later in life, had been a breeze compared to being a father to fifteen orphaned girls.

  Alice walked out of the formal parlor and went upstairs.

  Cletus looked at Edna Petunia. “Is it just me, or is she a lot more upset than usual?”

  Edna Petunia clutched Cletus’s arms. “All my bastards are growing up so quickly! Soon they’ll all be gone, and I won’t have anything to do with myself!” Bastard was her preferred term for the girls. Even though it wasn’t necessarily true, she meant it as a term of endearment.

  Cletus turned and faced his wife. “Edna Petunia, it’s true that our girls are maturing. But I know you. Our lives together are always going to be full and exciting.”

  Edna Petunia smiled. “You’re right, Cletus. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She took another sip from her flask and sat back against the sofa, content.

  Mark’s palms were sweaty as he approached the mercantile. He hadn’t seen Alice since the previous day and was worried that she would be upset with him. He also didn’t know if Lewis would still want to do business with him.

  “How can I help you, young man?” A loud elderly woman’s voice startled Mark as he walked into the mercantile. He saw Alice and Lewis helping the other customers. He hadn’t realized there was another employee.

  “My name is Mark Brooks. I’m here to meet with Lewis,” he said quietly, not wanting to make a fuss.

  The woman’s cheery demeanor changed abruptly. “I know all about you, Mr. Brooks! Follow me.”

  Alice watched helplessly from the side of the store as Edna Petunia led Mark to the back entrance. Lewis was too engrossed in assisting an elderly man to notice. Alice unwound a piece of fabric a customer was interested in and held it out for the woman to see. She tried to see what was going on in the back, but they were out of sight and out of earshot.

  Mark Brooks was baffled by the angry woman in front of him. He trailed her out the back entrance to the grassy field behind the mercantile.

  “My name is Edna Petunia, Mr. Brooks. Do you know who I am?” Edna Petunia asked sternly.

  Mark had to admit that he did not.

  Edna Petunia put her hands on her hips. “A few years ago, my husband and I adopted fifteen orphan girls. Does that ring a bell?”

  Mark lowered his head and stared at his feet. He nodded. This woman had to be Alice’s adoptive mother, and she did not seem happy with him.

  “Her father and I raised all of our girls to be good girls. Do you understand?” Edna Petunia questioned, practically shouting.

  Mark nodded again. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “I don’t know what your intentions are, son—” Edna Petunia began.

  “My intentions are to marry your daughter,” Mark said quietly.

  “To carry my daughter? You’re going to pick her up and carry her somewhere? I don’t think so!” Edna Petunia shrieked.

  “Marry her!” Mark cried, frustrated.

  “Marry her!” Edna Petunia repeated. She was at full volume now.

  Just then, Lewis came outside. “What on Earth is all this shouting about? You’re scaring away the customers!”

  Edna Petunia and Mark both pointed at each other.

  “He started it!” Edna Petunia said.

  At the same time, Mark cried, “She started it!”

  Lewis threw his hands up in the air. “You both need to calm down, or I’ll ask you both to leave.”

  Edna Petunia frowned. “I’m just here to protect Alice.” She stomped back into the mercantile.

  Lewis looked expectantly at Mark.

  Mark sighed. “I’m sorry. That woman brought me out here and began yelling at me.”

  Lewis grinned despite himself. “Well, now you’ve met Edna Petunia.”

  Chapter 7

  The days passed quickly with Edna Petunia and Alice both helping at the mercantile. With the extra help, Edna Petunia could watch the store while Alice ran upstairs and helped Ruby and the children, or vice versa.

  Mark came each day to meet briefly with Lewis and make that day’s delivery. He always tried to talk to Alice, but Edna Petunia intervened and prevented them from having a conversation.

  Alice found that although she was annoyed by Edna Petunia getting between her and Mark, she enjoyed having the older woman around. Work was more fun with a little help. She wished she could talk to Mark, but she also knew that Edna Petunia was just trying to protect her.

  Mark was frustrated that he couldn’t talk to Alice. As the weeks passed, he watched Alice from afar, confident that she was the woman he wanted to be with. As time went on, he knew she was his soulmate. He wanted to marry her, but her parents made sure he wasn’t able to talk to her.

  Soon, Mark had finished correcting all the errors from the original shipment. He changed his schedule so that he only stopped at the Nowhere mercantile once per week. Mark’s business in other towns grew, and he had to determine where he wanted to settle. His uncle’s house was nice, but it was far away from where his clients’ establishments were.

  “I think I’d like to build a house somewhere else and make a fresh start,” Mark explained to Lewis one day over lunch. Mark had purchased sandwiches for the pair to eat as they discussed business. Lewis had grown to trust Mark and continued to order several products from Mark’s business.

  “I believe there’s a parcel of land for sale in Nowhere, actually,” Lewis said. “I don’t know if you’d want to settle around here—”

  Suddenly, they heard a large crash from the front of the mercantile. Both men raced to the front of the room. Edna Petunia was on the ground, covered in a dozen hats.

  “What in—” Lewis started.

  “How did this—” Mark began.

  Edna Petunia just howled. Alice couldn’t tell if it was in pain or laughter.

  Alice buried her face in her hands. Edna Petunia had been trying on hats for fun and had accidentally stumbled into the rack. Alice was embarrassed that Mark was there to witness this. Edna Petunia’s arms and legs wiggled every which way. Finally, Alice bent down, grabbed the older woman’s hand, and helped pull her back to her feet. Hats scattered everywhere. Mark hurried to pick them all up.

  Lewis seemed annoyed. “How did this happen, Edna Petunia?”

  Edna Petunia eyed the hat rack suspiciously. “Your hat rack is no good. Who made this shoddy product, anyway?”

  Mark’s face turned beet red. “That’s one of our racks, ma’am.”

  Edna Petunia shook her head sadly. “You should tell your manufacturers that they need to make sturdier furniture! Someone could have been hurt!”

  Mark was too flabbergasted to respond, but Lewis wasn’t. Lewis picked up the hat rack and returned it to its upright position. He held it with his hands and tapped on it. “Seems pretty solid to me. I don’t think there�
��s anything wrong with this hat rack.”

  Edna Petunia sighed loudly. “You wouldn’t understand, Lewis. Come, Alice. Let’s get back to our chores.” Edna Petunia glared at Mark as she stormed off.

  Mark looked at Lewis dejectedly. “She still hates me.”

  Lewis frowned. “I would say you’re overreacting, but it does seem like she still has a problem with you. I told her that your word was good.”

  “She still does everything in her power to come between me and Alice. I haven’t said more than a few words to her in months,” Mark lamented.

  Lewis smiled. “I have an idea. I can tell you all the things that Edna Petunia likes. Maybe if you bring them with you next week, she’ll start to like you a little more.”

  Mark nodded. “If you’re willing to do that for me, that would be great. It’s worth a try.”

  The following week, Mark brought a box of chocolates, a tin of peppermint sticks, and a bouquet of flowers for Edna Petunia. He worried he was overdoing it a little, but he knew from Lewis that Edna Petunia enjoyed all of those things.

  Alice looked up in surprise as Mark entered the mercantile with flowers in his arms. For a brief moment, her heart leapt as she imagined they were for her. Then a dark thought crossed her mind. What if Mark was seeing another woman—or worse, what if he was engaged? She didn’t know what she would do if she had to watch him be with another woman. Alice looked down at the floor, suddenly feeling gloomy.

  Just then, Edna Petunia’s unmistakable voice rang throughout the store. “I can’t be bribed, son! Don’t even try!”

  Alice looked up, startled. Edna Petunia had flung the bouquet of flowers back at Mark. She was sniffing something in a tin and holding a box of chocolates at arm’s length. Alice hoped Edna Petunia didn’t want the chocolates. She would gladly take them.

  “I’m not trying to bribe you,” Mark explained patiently. “I just wanted to bring you a little cheer since you and Alice work so hard to keep everything running smoothly here at the mercantile.”

  Edna Petunia sniffed the tin. “They look nice, and they smell nice, but something is a little bit strange about these.” She pulled a peppermint stick out, examining it. “Oh, wait. I know!” To Mark’s utter shock and horror, Edna Petunia pulled a handful of peppermint sticks out of the tin and shoved them down her blouse.