Pick Your Poison

by Jeanette Lynn

  “Some type of mixed blood. Goblin and something else. Pixie, maybe, or wood nymph. That or they’re growing them much smaller than I ever remember.”

  My eyes strayed to Callie’s ‘gift’, overflowing with god knows what, and I pointed. “That’s a big assed bow. What happened to it? Smashed on delivery or what? It looks almost like an... Oh, my god.” A contagious laugh bubbled up in my throat. My hand slid over my mouth as it slipped out, followed by a giggle. I didn’t know whether to be amused or offended.

  “What?” Making his way over to the bed, Divit stopped as he reached the end. “What’s wrong with it?” Twisting the handle this way and that to examine it, he lifted it up to get a better look. “Other than the color I’d say it’s... Is that a dildo?” Yelping, my crusty old vampire lover let his burden dump to the floor. The basket split open, spilling out all of its contents to roll out along the carpet, like a sex freak’s buffet.

  Crawling towards the edge to peer over the side, a snort-giggle escaped me and I shook my head. “I’m going to kill her. She’s horrible. Baby... look at all this shit. I don’t even know what to do with half of it.”

  Divit’s eyes were still glued to the abnormally thick, oddly shaped, hot pink tallywhacker someone had tied up in the gift basket’s bow, using the tip of it to peek out of the center of the floppy bow’s ties. I felt like that monster was glaring at me.

  My mate nudged it with his foot, grimacing. “Jesus, that can’t be for personal use.” He glanced at me. “It’s a gag gift, right? She sent it as a gag gift?”

  When I didn’t answer, eyeing it dubiously, he hissed and took a step back.

  “Uhm... maybe?” I mumbled. There was no way I was going to ever play with that... thing.

  Jaw clenching as his eyes flushed red again, Divit growled low in his throat, the possessive sound muffled through pinched lips. Baring his teeth, he kicked the offensive sword, for lack of better word for that beast, under the bed.

  “Feel better now?” I asked quietly, trying hard not to crack a smile or plain crack up.

  Taking a deep breath, Divit grunted. “Maybe.”

  “Awwww, baby,” I cooed, sidling up behind him to run my hands up his back. “I’m sure there are other things in there we can have fun with.” Eyeing the pile of who’s-a-whatsits-and-thing-a-ma-doohickies of every shape, color, and size imaginable curiously, I bit my lip. “Somewhere...”

  “Your friend is into some really weird shit,” Divit muttered, closing his eyes and relaxing into my touch as I massaged his shoulders.

  “Oh, so she’s my friend now?” I couldn’t contain my mirth anymore.

  Peeking at the pile on the floor, Divit made a rude noise in his throat. “Unless any of that shit is worth toying with and possibly comes with a manual? Yep. All yours.”

  Chuckling softly, my hands slid down his sides to his middle, where they dipped into the waistband of his pants and I gripped his cock. Thick, hot, and hard, still raring to go, I hadn’t forgotten what we’d started. Pumping him once, twice, until he groaned my name, I plastered myself to his back.

  Nuzzling along his spine, I kissed my way up his back, my lips latching onto his neck to suck.

  Divit’s skin pebbled and he shivered. “Who’s cheating now?”

  “Me? Cheat? Never?” A low, sultry laugh tickled my mate’s ear as I whispered into it. My hands stilled, the tips of my teeth nibbling on the shell of his ear. “Are you saying you want me to stop?”

  “No.” His hips thrust as he arched into my touch, thirsty for more. “Never.”

  “Good.” Pulling back, I rolled across the bed, leaving him high and dry.

  Divit stumbled, unsteady on his feet, sputtering as I left him hanging. Still a bit dazed from my tease, it took him a full minute to realize what I’d just done.

  Licking my lips as his eyes snapped open, blazing red, he snarled while I grinned.

  “Not so fun when it’s done to you, is it?” Hopping off the bed and making my way over to Callie’s pile, I crouched down to rifle through it.

  Standing there, seething, his chest heaving impressively as he hissed through his teeth, my eyes crinkled, I smiled so big. “You know that’s unnecessary, don’t you? Oh, look, handsome! A book!” I held my find up, waving it at him over my shoulder as he snarled angrily. “Crazy Sex Acts for the Beginner. It does come with a manual! Huh. You think this one is for the guy or the girl? Or do you think it’s a twofer?” Wiggling another find, I chuckled. “Come on, glitter-dick, you’re missing out on all the fun!”

  “Norma Gene...?”

  “Yes, baby?” Dusting my hands off, I smiled up at my mate sweetly. It was hard when I wanted so badly to laugh and, you know, he was so hard, literally.

  “What! The! Fuck!”

  Calm as you please, I blinked, glanced down at the pile, picking up a small bottle, and held it out to him. “Here, maybe this will help.” The go fudge yourself was not lost on my man as he saw what it was and I winked saucily.

  Divit slapped the small bottle of anal lubricant out of my hand and advanced on me.

  I should be scared, I really should, but I love his crazy ass and I live for this shit.

  Come to me, my prey, I thought, and then there wasn’t a whole lot of thinking at all for a long time.

  Several hours and sustenance later...

  “Get that away from me! I mean it! Argh! I’m going to kill Callie!”

  “You don’t even know if you’ll like it. You haven’t even-”

  “No.”

  “Just let me-”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “But it says right here-”

  “No.”

  “Pfft.” My hands flopped to my sides and I slumped, my thighs straddling his chest loosening. The beads in my fingers slid next to the towel and small, rounded tube set off to the side. Bringing my right hand to his chest to make little swirly patterns around his nipples, I peeked up at the surly vamp from beneath lowered lashes. “I’d have let you-”

  “NO!”

  “Okay, fine, you big baby!” Tossing the book in my left hand aside, I harrumphed.

  “Huff and puff all you like, love. My answer still stands.”

  Glaring at my mate sullenly, I tried again. “For an old dead guy who’s had the opportunity to live a thousand times over, you’re a bit of a stick in the mud in the sex department, spandy pants.”

  “I’ve yet to hear you complain,” my mate gritted out. The cuff I’d yet to find the key for, still attached to his left wrist, jingled as he lifted his hand to shake it at me. “And I think I’ve been game enough today, as far as strange sexual exploits are concerned, wouldn’t you?”

  “You didn’t even have them on for ten minutes before you were trying to break out of them. And I’m complainin’ now, sweetheart,” I mocked with a sniff.

  Waving an arm out to encompass the room, I wiggled off of his chest to settle between his spread thighs.

  Tucking my legs beneath me so I sat cross-legged, naked as the day I was born, I fumed at the huffy male. “I just want you to have a good time. A night to remember.”

  “Oh, believe me, sweetheart, it’ll be hard to forget.” His eyes strayed to the lit candle on the nightstand, then the bits of wax still smeared on his chest, which made me wince.

  Yeah, that one hadn’t been all that great of an idea, but he’d been an excellent sport. The handcuffs, for the short time he’d left them on, had been fun, though. It would have been even better if I’d known they were magicked beforehand and where the key was. That would’ve been perfect. Maybe then he’d stop glaring at me like I’d kicked him in the balls.

  The hopeful look on my face slowly diminished as I replayed the last hour over in my head. Shoulders slumping, brow furrowing, a sick pit filled my stomach. “I’m screwing this all up, aren’t I?”

  Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I hung my head. Blowing out a long breath, I had to get real here. Sex vixen seducer, I would never be. “I’m sorry about the
candle wax, and the handcuffs, and... well, everything else. Not so sorry about the chocolate, ‘cause that was kinda fun.” My lips quirked as my gaze darted to his thighs, where they were still sticky and painted with chocolate syrup. “Sorry about all the other stuff, though. I just wanted... I just wanted...” I couldn’t finish it, feeling silly as I tried to say it out loud.

  How stupid he must think me. What was I even thinking? He probably thought I’d been trying to torture him for the last sixty minutes. Eyes squeezing shut tight, I made to slide off the bed.

  “Genie?” My mate’s strong, capable hands captured my shoulders, making my hastily planned escape to the bathroom near impossible.

  Unable to meet his gaze, too embarrassed and busy wallowing in my own stupidity, I didn’t bother looking up. My eyes strayed to the fluffy pink handcuff dangling from his wrist. A small laugh snorted through my nose and I shook my head. “God, you must think me an idiot.”

  “I think you’re a little overzealous,” he teased lightly, cupping my jaw and forcing me to meet his gaze evenly.

  Deep brown eyes bore into mine and I felt myself faltering. “I’m sorry. I was trying too hard.” Sniffling, I bit my lip to keep it from trembling. “I just wanted... I don’t even fucking know. Hell, I just... it’s our wedding night, our honeymoon. I wanted it to be special. Wanted you to feel special.”

  Blinking down at me, Divit’s brows shot up. “Well, you’ve certainly accomplished that. Don’t know if it was the right kind of special, but I felt it.” Glancing down his bare torso, he muttered, “Be feeling it for about a half hour longer or so. Most definitely felt it.”

  A pained noise left me and Divit’s head shot up.

  “Hey. Hey. None of that. I was teasing, you emotional beast.” Smiling as he got a small chuckle out of me, his thumbs brushed my cheeks softly as his head bent to swoop in and take my lips. “None of that now,” he murmured against my mouth. “I don’t remember giving you permission to cry.”

  I smiled a watery smile, closing my eyes for a moment as I rested my forehead against his. “I have to ask your permission to cry now?”

  “Yes. Didn’t you know?” My mate’s lips tipped up in a charming smile. “I’m the only one who’s given leave to make you blubber like a fool. Anyone else stupid enough to turn you weepy will die a horrible, painful death.”

  I laughed a real laugh this time, snuggling into his arms when he pulled me into his lap. “Who’s a beast now?” I murmured, my cheek resting on his chest. The absence of his heartbeat was comforting to me now.

  Divit set his chin atop my head, his hands smoothing up and down my back in slow, soothing motions. My mate was everything to me. He’s home.

  “When it comes to you, love, I make Spira look docile.”

  “Promise I didn’t ruin everything?”

  “Promise.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Promise I didn’t make you feel like you were being tortured?”

  “Mmm. I’m sorry, my sweet yet vicious mate,” there was a smile in his voice, “I’m afraid I can’t make that promise.”

  Nudging him in the ribs, I snorted. “Tease.”

  “Torturer.”

  “You liked it.”

  “Mm. Perhaps a little.”

  At his admission my head shot up and I blinked, meeting his gaze hopefully. “Does that mean-”

  “NO!” Cradling his jaw as my skull whopped him one, Divit glared at me. “I kind of need that still,” he gritted out.

  “I’m sorry.” Lifting up, I kissed his boo-boo. “Better?”

  “No,” he grumbled, wiggling the offended body part in question. “You may have chipped a tooth.”

  “Right, well, let me distract you.”

  Grunting, Divit shook his head, but I was already in motion. “I don’t need- Genie!”

  “Just relax.” Shoving him back hard, I pressed my hands to his chest, holding him in place as he flopped back against the bed. Straddling his hips, I made myself right at home.

  “Woman, you’re going to kill me! I almost bit my damned tongue off. Have you gone mad?”

  Picking up that forgotten tube on the towel set off to the side, I greased up my fingers. “Only when it comes to you.”

  Divit eyed my fingers warily as I slid back on his thighs. “I said no to the-”

  “I’m not using the beads,” I reassured him. Then lower, “Spoilsport.”

  “How would you like those things shoved up your-”

  At the look on my face he realized I was messing with him, growling low as I gripped his erection and gave it a swift pump.

  “For someone who doesn’t like that sort of thing, it sure did nothing to diminish your woody, stiffit.”

  “I didn’t say I didn’t like it, I just said I didn’t want a fat string of beads shoved up... there.”

  “So... then you do like it?”

  “Didn’t say that either, sweetheart.” His hips gave a little thrust, his cock nudging my hand as it slipped through my fingers.

  A small, calculating smile tilted my lips and my eyes narrowed fractionally. My free hand joined the play, cupping his balls as the other worked his shaft. “You can’t say it, can you? I mean, if it’s me you have no problem, but if it’s you...” I let the words trail off, clearly goading him.

  My prickly mate stiffened. “No,” he muttered curtly, his feathers properly ruffled.

  “No, what?”

  “No. I give you permission to poke me anywhere on my person, sexual pleasure enhancing or not, and the next thing I know you’ll be trying to ram me with that hot pink nightmare under the bed.”

  His gaze slid towards the edge of the bed and his upper lip curled slightly, as if he thought the giant pink dildo sword he’d kicked under there was silently mocking his more than adequate package.

  “Is that what you thought?” At that I flopped back, laughing, staring up at him as if he’d lost his mind. “Div... That thing is... That’s not what I... Who’s nutty now?”

  “Mm. Yes. Ha-ha. Very amusing.” Rolling to all fours to crawl closer, my mate gripped my ankle and dragged me beneath him.

  A low snarl ripping from his throat as his erection dug into my belly, his hips pressing down into mine, my laughter died in my throat. “You’re kind a sexy when you’re bossy,” I mused.

  “Good,” his fangs gleamed, sharp and white as he flashed me a dark smile, “then I’m about to get irresistible.”

  My eyes dilated as they flushed red, my mouth going dry as he let out a long hiss. Adjusting his hips, he bumped my clit as he rooted around for the mouth of my sex. Slipping my hands between us, my fingers slid over him, guiding him to the right spot.

  “God.” He shuddered, groaning as his eyes shut tight. “I love when you touch me.”

  “I love you,” I whispered softly, lifting up to press a kiss to his surprised lips.

  Divit’s eyes snapped open as he kissed me back, his tongue delving in to tangle with mine as our bodies joined.

  It was sweet at first, our love making, turning hot and demanding fast. I had an insatiable mate and I aimed to please.

  “Harder?” Divit grunted, burying his face in my neck to nip the skin. It was only a matter of time before his fangs would sink in. His forearm hooked under my knee, lifting it up to change the angle, his pace growing erratic, signaling he was getting close.

  “Harder,” I agreed.

  While one hand raked down his back, the other reached out blindly in the bedding, searching for the towel. Finding what I was looking for hidden beneath it, my fingers curled around the items. The cap was still off the tube, which just made it all easier.

  My hands smoothed over his backside and down his hips, digging in as he increased his pace. The second my fingers slipped closer to his anus, the cool gel touching that sensitive spot as I pressed the tip of the plug in and kept going, he yelped, jerking to jackknife up.

  “Gah! I- Genie!”

  It w
as quite small and I was already almost all the way in, so I gave a mental shrug and went for broke.

  “What the holy hell, woman!”

  “Too cold?” I guessed, fingers scrambling for what I’d need next as my sex squeezed him, his cock still buried balls deep.

  “Too cold? Too cold? What the bloody- Holy... fuck. You poked me in the ass! With a... a... what the hell was that?”

  “It’s this.” Finding the remote, I hit the switch, watching as he sucked in a shocked breath. Stiffening, the strangest look on his face, he groaned, jerking, and grunted.

  “Good grunt? Bad grunt? I-should-run-now-because-I’m-a-pushy-a-hole-and-you-want-to-murder-me grunt?” Wincing on the outside, cringing all over, I held the breath I didn’t need.

  Unnaturally still and a bit fidgety, it took Divit a long time to answer. “I just... I don’t...” Shifting his weight, he muffled a short groan as he swallowed hard. “Hold on a minute.”

  A small smile tilted my lips and I ventured hopefully, “Dead-y like?”

  Clearing his throat roughly, Divit’s voice was unusually high as he squeaked out, “Yes,” then gruffer, “I mean, maybe.”

  “The book said it’s supposed to massage your-”

  Divit’s hand slowly came up to close over my mouth. Leaning in, his hips gave a harsh pump, his dick hard as a damned rock as he pulled out and thrust back into me. “Nope. Not another word about that stupid book.”

  Hissing, he paused to give another sharp thrust that had me moaning, my fangs sliding loose to brush his palm.

  “After I’ve had my turn with you and that damned tome we’re going to burn it.” His next thrust sent me sliding up the sheets.

  Moving his hand aside, it slid to my nape while the other gripped my ass. Leaning in close, his tongue swiped across my throat, his fangs brushing his bite marks from earlier.

  “You can bet this sweet ass right here, darling,” he gave my cheek a nice squeeze, “I’ll have my turn.”

  Silly, that I should be panting for breath, but there I was, gasping for it desperately as my glazed gaze met his. Licking my lips, I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to hold him close.