Love Hate

by Ruth Houston

  It was then that she looked at me and understanding flashed through my mind. She thought that if Tristan left her… he'd go out with me. Wow, she was truly over-protective if that was the truth.

  "T – Tristan…" Ashley suddenly stammered. "I'm pregnant."

  Or that could be why.

  Tristan's eyes widened as he stared down at Ashley. He opened and closed his mouth, his eyebrows contracted together as if he hadn't exactly comprehended the crushing meaning of her sentence.

  "Wait… What?" I was faintly surprised to realise that it was from my mouth that the outburst had issued.

  The people surrounding me turned to look at me strangely. Ashley glanced at me but Tristan's eyes never left her paling face. The rain began to fall harder than ever.

  "Please… please," Ashley began to whisper, sinking to her knees and pulling Tristan into an awkward bow-like posture because she was still clutching his shirt.

  Very slowly, Tristan bent down next to Ashley and… wrapped his arms around her trembling frame.

  As if this decided something final, the crowd began to disperse, heading to the school to get out of the room. They whispered and murmured to each other about what they'd just discovered.

  I, however, stayed rooted to the spot. Georgia was watching me with something like sympathy in her eyes.

  "He… He slept with that trash," I whispered in shock. "He got… He got her pregnant."

  Georgia made a pitiful found in her throat and put her hand on my shoulder.

  Tristan looked over the top of Ashley's head. His eyes found mine and he held my gaze. It was then that my heart seemed to constrict and a tear fell onto my cheek, joining the raindrops that had gathered there. Jesus, I didn't know I cared about him that much.

  "I'm sorry," Tristan mouthed to me though I could hardly see him through my blurry vision.

  I shook my head slowly, turned on my heel and ran back into the school without a backwards glance at the couple hugging in the downpour.

  * * *

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  "You can do this. Come on. You can do this," Amber whispered to herself, her eyes fixed on the school that loomed above her.

  She swallowed hard and glanced down at the outfit she had chosen for this day. She had needed a special outfit for this was the day that she made Will fall in love with her. This was it

  Amber flipped her hair over her shoulder, took a deep breath and started through the school's front door. Her eyes almost immediately found Will standing next to his locker talking to a group of guys and two or three girls.

  Her heart seemed to constrict slightly with fear and nerves and she froze in place. The next thing she knew, someone had grabbed her arm and pulled her into an empty classroom.

  Looking around wildly as the classroom door swung shut, Amber's eyes fell on Ashley, who was looking slightly disapproving. Despite her best friend's expression, a bright grin crept across Amber's face at the sight of support.

  "Thank God you're here, Ash," Amber said breathlessly. "I was just about to walk up to Will and I kind of… well… froze and –"

  "– And you made yourself look like a total dork as you stood in the middle of the hallway with your jaw hanging halfway to the floor," snapped Ashley suddenly, overriding Amber's rambling speech.

  Amber's eyebrows drew together in a slight frown. "What's wrong, Ash?"

  Ashley heaved a great sigh. "Nothing, Amber, nothing. It's just that I don't want you screwing this up for yourself. After all, if he rejects you, you'll be the talk of the school… and not in a good way."

  "Well, then, what do I do?" asked Amber, biting her lip gloss-coated bottom lip.

  "What do you do?"

  Amber nodded, awaiting instruction.

  "Nothing. You do absolutely nothing Amber," Ashley said.

  Amber frowned. "Well, then, how's Will supposed to like me if –"

  "Shut up Amber."

  Where other people would have been taken aback, even offended, by Ashley's snappish manner, Amber was used to it. She nodded and continued to stare at her friend, waiting for her next sentence as though her life depended on it.

  "Look, I will talk to Will. I'll get him to like you. All you need to do is keep a cool, calm and collected head and at least pretend to look cool in case he looks over at you," Ashley said.

  Amber couldn't help but giggle slightly. "You sound a bit like Regina off Mean Girls," she commented, smiling.

  Ashley fixed her with a steady glare. Amber closed her mouth abruptly, all traces of humour forgotten.

  "Let's go," Ashley said quietly.

  Amber nodded and followed her out into the hallway. Will was still leaning against his locker, chatting. He flicked his hair out of his face, his eyes traveling lazily over his companions as they talked.

  Amber felt her heart flutter in her chest as she took her position by her own locker. She opened the door to the locker while keeping Ashley in her eyesight as she shimmied up to Will. Amber watched as Ashley tapped Will softly on the shoulder, causing Amber's crush to turn around, a small smile lighting up his lips as his blue-green eyes fell on Ashley.

  Suddenly aware of her sweaty palms, Amber closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She heard someone approaching and her heart leapt. Her eyes opened and she looked at the newcomer flirtatiously through her eyelashes.

  "Why the hell are you looking at me as though you want to kiss me?" Georgia said, taking in Amber's attempt at looking sexy with a confused look on her face.

  "Oh, it's you." Amber's cheeks flushed as she glanced over Georgia's shoulder at where Will and Ashley were still talking.

  "Who'd you expect?" Georgia asked with a slight frown. She followed Amber's gaze and uttered a small, "Oh. That Will dude."

  "Yeah," Amber said rather breathlessly. She leant forward and lowered her voice to a whisper before continuing, "Ashley's talking to him for me."

  Georgia frowned at Amber before looking back at Ashley. "Looks like she's doing a bit more than talking," she commented.

  Frowning, Amber turned back to look at Will and Ashley. Her jaw dropped and tears sprung to her eyes. There stood Ashley and Will, Ashley's arms wrapped around his neck as she kissed him deeply. The kids standing around them whooped and cheered.

  Amber's first tear fell onto her cheek and rolled down slowly. She hiccoughed before turning on her heel and sprinting away down the hall.

  * * *

  My first way to handle Ashley's shock announcement was to convince myself that she was lying. While this seemed like a good idea, the overactive voice in the back of my mind was actually thinking logically.

  Why would she lie?

  She wants to keep Tristan, that's why.

  Yes, but, don't you think she'd be worried about her image if she told everyone she was pregnant and was lying?

  No. She's already portrayed as a slut.

  But how many guys do you think would get together with a seventeen-year-old mother.

  She's lying.

  Now you're just being stubborn.

  Shut up. She's lying and that's it. Tristan wouldn't sleep with that… that… skank.

  I don't know… You've always known he was a 'bad' boy.

  He may be bad, but he's not stupid.

  Then why didn't he just deny it if he hadn't slept with her?

  He would never do that to me.

  Hmm…

  This conversation was running through my head as if it were a song left on repeat for the next few days. Even though I had myself utterly convinced Ashley was lying, I still faked sickness and stayed home for three days straight. I didn't want my theories to be proven wrong… even if I was certain they wouldn't be.

  Finally, on the Monday following the newest Black Ridge scandal, Mum walked into my room to wake me nice and early. She raised an eyebrow at me when she saw I was already awake.

  "Are you alright to go to school today, honey?" she asked.

  I faked a cough and pressed a hand to my chest, leani
ng my head against the wall as though afraid I was going to faint. "I – I don't cough know, Mum. I could sneeze risk it, but I don't want the other kids at school to cough catch cough what I have."

  Mum's eyes narrowed at me. "If you're so sick, why aren't you asleep?"

  "Uh… I couldn't sleep. Too much, er, sickness…" I looked up at her only to see by her expression that my attempt to stay home another day had failed miserably.

  "Get ready for school, Amber," Mum said steadily before leaving the room.

  I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. I heard my bedroom door open and footsteps cross the room.

  "I'm getting ready Mum," I said without opening my eyes.

  "I'm not your Mum."

  Veronica's voice jolted me out of my self-pitying trance and my eyelids fluttered open. I frowned at my step sister as she sat down on my computer chair.

  "What's up?" I asked.

  Veronica took her time inspecting her nails carefully before replying, "I just wanted to let you know that, even though I helped pull Ashley and her friends off of you, we aren't friends."

  I frowned, surprised. "Uh… OK?"

  Veronica sighed heavily before climbing to her feet. "I'm sorry that I told your mum that you're not sick but… you need to handle this thing between Tristan and you. He's been asking for you ever since Ashley's little… confession."

  I stared at Veronica as she shrugged and left the room.

  * * *

  I shuffled into school half an hour later, my head hung low and my eyes on my feet. I could hear people whispering around me and I could tell that the Ashley-pregnancy-thing had not yet blown over.

  After reaching my locker, I swung the door open and pulled my Math textbook into my bag.

  "Amber?"

  I looked up at the familiar voice and saw Harry, Georgia, Penny and Jade standing around me, looks of sympathy on their faces. I attempted to smile but obviously failed because Georgia instantly wrapped me in a hug.

  "I'm so sorry, Amber. I don't know what got into him…"

  "You'll never believe the nerve of people, Amber," Jade suddenly said. She threw dark looks at the students walking past us in the hall as though they had each down her some great wrong. "The rumours that have sparked up… they're unbelievable. Stupid, life-sucking losers with no lives."

  I frowned at Jade as Georgia released me. "What have they been saying?"

  "Awful stuff…" Penny muttered.

  I looked to Harry. He was always the good gossiper in the group and I knew that he wouldn't sugar-coat any of the rumours, no matter how bad he felt saying them. He never liked to beat around the bush.

  "Well, they're saying stuff like you're pregnant with Tristan's baby as well and he's chosen Ashley over you. It didn't help that you didn't come to school for days on end as well… that just fed the rumours like petrol to a bonfire." Harry looked at me apologetically.

  I sighed, shrugging heavily. "Ashley's lying though, isn't she?"

  My friends exchanged quick, understanding and sympathetic glances before returning their soft gazes to me.

  "I don't know, babe," Georgia began softly.

  "That's just it, though. You don't know, do you? So it could be a lie," I said, overriding her quickly.

  "Maybe you should speak to Tristan…"

  I shook my head, cutting her off. "I don't think so. We'll see though, huh?"

  I was suddenly overcome with a sense of being crowded so I raised a hand in a wave and walked off down the hall. As soon as I rounded a bend, I broke into a jog, searching for somewhere to hide out and steady myself.

  My eyes found the door of an empty classroom and I hurried inside, shutting the door behind me. I was dimly aware that this was the same classroom I had chosen to hide in on the night of the dance.

  With a slight sigh, I plopped down on a seat. I leant my elbows on the desktop and placed my forehead on my upturned palms, trying to clear my thoughts.

  Not ten minutes later, I heard the door open slowly and close again. I quickly wiped a fallen tear away from my cheek and twisted around on the seat I was sitting on.

  Just my luck.

  Tristan was standing in the doorway of the dark classroom, surveying me. I gulped and leapt to my feet as though I had been electrocuted.

  "Hey," Tristan said quietly, his green eyes never leaving mine.

  "Uh… hi." I avoided his gaze as I inched toward the door. "Look, I was just on my way out… class, you know?"

  "Class doesn't start for another twenty minutes, Amber," Tristan said, his voice never leaving a whispered level.

  I stopped, caught in my lie. My eyes were still fixed on my feet. I was dreading that if I looked Tristan in the eye, I would start crying and everything I was feeling and had been feeling for the past few weeks would come tumbling out of my mouth.

  "Amber… Look at me," Tristan whispered.

  I shook my head slightly. "I can't," I replied just as softly.

  Suddenly, Tristan had walked up to me and reached up, tilting my face up toward him. I almost closed my eyes at his touch but instead forced myself to meet his eyes with mine.

  Tristan's eyes seemed to burn into mine as if he were trying to read my emotions just by looking into my eyes. I looked back at him just as intently, only vaguely aware that his fingers were still holding my chin.

  I'd never been able to read Tristan's emotions through his eyes easily and today wasn't any different. His eyes seemed to be guarded from all emotion, however, was that a hint of… hurt?

  But why would Tristan be hurt? He wasn't the one that had found out that the person he cared for had slept with his arch nemesis, was he? Wait, Tristan didn't sleep with her, right?

  Now's the time to find out.

  "Did you really sleep with Ashley?" I was surprised by the steady, firm voice that issued from my mouth that contradicted the emotions leaping around inside me to the full.

  Something unreadable flashed behind Tristan's eyes as he dropped his hand from my chin and took a small step away from me. He didn't answer for a few minutes, his eyes still studying me.

  "Yes," he finally said.

  Emotion clutched at my throat, forming in a lump and making it difficult to breathe. I tore my eyes away from Tristan as they filled with tears.

  So it was true.

  I told you so.

  "I see," I said, my voice cracking ever so slightly. I cleared my throat roughly as I stepped toward the door.

  "Amber, wait," Tristan said, grabbing my wrist and turning me around to face him again.

  I shook my head, sliding my hand from his grasp. "Look, Tristan, I just need to… process this for a while. I'm sorry…"

  I couldn't help but glance up briefly at Tristan's face. An array of emotions had crossed it, as though he had finally opened up like a book. Hurt, sympathy and regret was shining at me out of Tristan's emerald eyes.

  With a small sigh, I turned and let myself out of the classroom, closing the door on Tristan.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Tristan pleaded Amber to stay with his eyes but she merely slammed the classroom door in his face without another word. He let out a long breath and sat on the edge of a desk in the empty room he had found Amber in.

  He ran his fingers through his hair, staring at the floor and thinking about what a mess he'd gotten himself into. If it weren't for his drunken one night stand with Ashley, so many things wouldn't be happening.

  He wouldn't be dating Ashley. She wouldn't be pregnant. Oh, Jesus, how did that happen? They'd used protection, hadn't they? To tell the truth, Tristan couldn't really remember.

  Now look where it's left you, you stupid dickhead, Tristan scolded himself, gritting his teeth. If it weren't for that night you could be with Amber right now.

  Amber…

  Christ, how much had he screwed up their relationship already? And just with a few stupid choices that had led him to this messed up tangle of problems…

  Tristan glanced at the clock hanging on the wall
and saw that he had five minutes to get to Math. He bit his lip. He wanted to give Amber as much space as possible. He didn't want to force his presence on her when she was so obviously upset.

  Yet he wanted to talk to her… He wanted – no, he had to sort this all out.

  After finally deciding on what to do, Tristan rose from his perch on the edge of the desk and headed out into the hall beyond the classroom. The corridor was already slowly emptying as students broke off for their different classes.

  "Tristan!"

  Tristan groaned and closed his eyes for a moment as if willing himself not to shout at the approaching Ashley. No, he wouldn't lose control. The girl was pregnant, for God's sake.

  "Ashley," Tristan muttered, opening his eyes and turning to face her.

  Ashley came to a stop in front of him, a smile on her lips. Tristan saw her blue eyes glance around her at the other people in the hall before she rose on her toes and made to kiss Tristan.

  All she wants from me is popularity, Tristan thought dimly before he angled his head so that Ashley caught his cheek with her kiss instead of his lips.

  Ashley pulled back, her eyebrows drawn together in confusion as she gazed up at him with sad eyes. "Tristan? What's wrong?"

  Tristan swallowed. If he was going to say anything to Ashley, now would be it.

  "Look, Ashley… I don't think I can do this," Tristan said quietly so that only Ashley could hear his voice.

  "You can't do what?" Ashley asked with a slight frown. "What are you trying to say, baby?"

  The baby…

  Tristan heaved a great sigh. He couldn't do this to her. Not while she was pregnant. He mustered a small but as he looked down into Ashley's eyes, all he felt was hate.

  "I don't think I can stay at school today. I think I'll just go home," he said.

  "Are you feeling OK?" Ashley asked.

  Tristan shook his head. "I'll talk to you later."

  He stooped down and brushed her cheek with his lips before setting off down the hall.