Legions

by Karice Bolton

  I shook my head at Cyril and Arie and stood in place. I took a deep breath in, letting the moist air penetrate my lungs as I thought about what it was I wanted from that boulder. I wanted it to move. I wanted to move the piece of earth. I felt my knuckles begin to feel as if I needed to pound them against something. Anger was beginning to build - excitement was next. I envisioned myself taking control of a completely inanimate object and controlling it. I let the air escape my lungs as I felt an uncontrollable energy build. I found myself crouching in the position I had seen my family do so many times before. I was in another element. I let my eyes slowly open to view the large boulder in front of me. I took in one more breath and shot myself towards the insurmountable piece of rock. I felt like I was on fire as I sped directly for my target. I closed my eyes picturing the boulder being displaced while my speed continued to burn my flesh. My voice screamed out for Athen with all of my might as I shoved the boulder off of the cliff, with my body following directly behind the mass as we tumbled towards the ocean.

  Chapter 15

  After the cliff incident, I began to understand my strength a little better. Shockingly, as I fell over the cliff there was no fear – only desperation. There was the desperation to get Athen back, and the desperation for my training to be over with, and the desperation to just be done with everything - have a bit of normalcy. I was thankful that Cyril and Arie were able to save me before I crashed into the waves - don’t get me wrong. But the weight of the world was resting on my shoulder and there was a milli-second or two where crashing towards the ocean didn’t seem like the worst thing. Cyril’s words interrupted my thoughts, probably for the better.

  “I’ve been thinking about it…With him fleeing the hospital like that our plan could really be delayed. Not that I blame him with what he saw. He very well may want to throw himself off a cliff after that one. Walking in on a girl you thought you knew, looking like a serpent, fighting who he thinks is her sister? Pair that up with whatever hunch he has been having about Angels and Demons, and he probably thought he went off the deep end.” Cyril almost seemed amused.

  “Glad you can find the humor in this, Cy but, I’m not. I feel like I’m doomed to make this Awakening and reintroduction process fail. I can’t seem to control my actions. I find myself in a fight with that demon woman, only steps away from Athen where he can and does walk into it? Come on! I should be the one committed! You know, it’s amazing you guys were able to get me so quickly from the fall. I still can’t quite get over that.”

  “Well, our odds might have improved to get Athen back if we had let you fall into the ocean.” Cyril said, trying to add some levity to the seriousness of my mistakes.

  “The truth is, Ana, that if somehow he lets himself understand or believe what is going on, and he taps into some of those powers, he could stay away for a very long time. He has the ability to stay away, stay hidden. We all do. Usually, it never comes into play because once the Awakening has begun, the person has no clue what’s going on, and it’s the family that can reintroduce everything in a somewhat safe environment. They would have no reason to run because they don’t think anything is going on. Unfortunately, I think it’s safe to say that might not be the case any longer with Athen.”

  My head began throbbing, right behind my eyes. I squeezed my eyes shut attempting to not let any light reach my soul. The pain was overwhelming, or maybe it was the desperation that was welling up inside. Maybe it was one creating the other. I had no idea, and I didn’t care. Now thinking that Athen could be fleeing not only the demon woman but us as well, created a sickness well beyond anything I had control over.

  “So we can stay gone? Forever? I thought we could always track our loved ones. Remember the homing beacon and all?” In addition to the intense throbbing, I was certain things were beginning to spin. “I don’t understand. I really don’t understand.”

  “This doesn’t normally happen. But being that he doesn’t really remember us, I’m guessing, the nonsensical scene that he witnessed created a real glitch in the process. It seems like he was onto this world or the idea of Demons and Angels and somehow still connected to his past just enough to make some of these things seem tangible. I think there was a good chance he was on the verge of getting some memories back, maybe not the ones we needed; so when he saw what he saw at the hospital, he might have realized he was onto something a little too frightening. Things may have come back all right leading him to the conclusion to stay away. Since we weren’t there to place the memories, there is no certainty what he does or does not remember. He could be escaping everything, including us.” Arie was shifting uncomfortably on the couch.

  “Like a nomad? I thought that was only for the dark demons? I didn’t think the white demons went through that.” I needed to lay down. This wasn’t even an option that I knew was possible but if he can disappear maybe I could too.

  “They are usually the only ones that use it because the families never want to separate. This situation is creating circumstances I never accounted for, Ana. My guess is that he wants to stay hidden, and he will, until he’s ready. If he is ready.”

  Feeling numb, I stood up and waved to them both to stop talking. I needed to lay down. I felt as if I was mourning Athen all over again. Was that the last time I saw him? In the hospital? The thought of him not wanting to be found, especially not be found by me, brought my world crashing down around me.

  I crawled under my covers wishing that I could take back so many things. The library, Starbucks, the hospital - all encounters that could have been harmless, but I interfered, forcing myself onto him in ways that seemed so innocuous. Not realizing that my jealousy was raging created a platform for destruction far worse than whether or not Lilith might win him over. Here for months, I was filled with worry beyond anything that I would lose him to her. Instead, it wasn’t Lilith that I lost him to. It was me chasing him away as fast as I could, probably leaving him to want to hide from the world.

  I began calculating how long I should give myself before I offer my soul up to the other side, become a dark one. It was the only way I could imagine leaving the memories behind, avoid the Awakening from my family, become just a listless ghoul roaming from place to place. I wouldn’t have to suffer feeling this pain any longer. I could just disappear as Athen did. If I won’t ever get him back, it seems like the only solution. Never mind becoming the very creature I loathe. At least the pain would go away. Should I give it a week, a month? I wondered how to get a more definite timeline out of Arie and Cyril without raising suspicion. The disappointment and disgust I would leave them with was indescribable, that I was sure. Maybe they would understand; maybe they wouldn’t. I doubt they have ever thought that they might be faced with never seeing each other again time and time again. Never again getting to feel the love that flows between them.

  The gravity and disgust of the situation I was debating made the pain in my head searing. I grappled with the idea of leaving everything and everyone I loved behind. I wondered if there was a way to actually achieve this. I felt myself moving closer to the edge - the edge of insanity, the edge of darkness, and worse of all, the edge of not caring.

  I looked around my room through different lenses. I could actually feel the change beginning to take place. The coldness was beginning to infiltrate every thought. The walls were beginning to build around my heart. I hated to think about this, but I couldn’t fight it. The potential of not being with Athen was creating this monster inside of me.

  ***

  Certain that I again had a visitor in the night, I decided to let Cyril and Arie know. If the visitor wanted to cause harm, wouldn’t that have happened already? My mind drifted to a possibility that I knew wasn’t feasible, but there was a tiny glimmer of hope that I couldn’t squash.

  It seemed like when I needed faith and hope the most, that’s when it would appear. A lingering message meant only for me but from whom? Last night I was certain, I recognized his touch. My hair lightly blew against my
neck before feeling his hand caress my face. Not wanting it to end, I kept my eyes shut. As I felt the touch of his skin against mine, I did my best to promise myself I wasn’t dreaming, but I couldn’t be sure because when I finally did open my eyes there was no one in sight, yet again.

  I didn’t want to approach it with Cyril and Arie as if I was thinking it was Athen. There was no way they would believe that. I had to present it as a stranger in my room, which, truthfully, was far more plausible than the other option. Even I knew this deep inside.

  Waking up without Matilda was killing me. She would have provided clarity on my sanity, that I was sure of. But, I wasn’t the lucky one to have her right now. The silence of my bedroom was deafening as I got ready for the day. No snorts, snores, or grunts from Matilda preparing me for the day’s adventures. I really did hope that she was providing the same level of comfort for Athen as she had for me for so many years.

  Hearing Arie in the kitchen I decided to bring it up with her first. My goal was to make these strange occurrences sound more casual than they felt. That was my first mission. My second, was to do my best to muffle the desperation that I was feeling deep within my soul. I had to take these appearances as a sign – a sign not to give up. I had to do my best to rid myself of these awful feelings that kept trying to drift through my world. The level of conflict I was feeling constantly was exhausting.

  Pouring myself a glass of orange juice, I looked over at Arie.

  “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

  “Of course, sweetie. What’s up?” She asked, spinning around from the sink where she was washing berries.

  “I’ve been having something happening to me at night. It’s kind of weird, and maybe I’m dreaming is all…” Uttering the words out loud made me more nervous than I realized.

  “Okaaay?” She was staring at me like I had horns growing out of my head.

  “Someone has been in my room. It has happened twice. I can’t see them, but I know they’re there.”

  Completely alarmed now, Arie put the dish of berries down searching for the right words.

  “If you can’t see them or it, how do you know there is someone there, Ana?”

  “A touch.” Was all I could get out before I turned quickly to the fridge to play like I needed more orange juice. The tears were starting their way into my life again, and I didn’t want anyone to see them. To me, they meant something different than what they would represent to anyone else. Blinking as fast as I could to make them dissolve back to where they came from, I did my best to seem normal and sat down at the table where Arie was already sitting.

  Looking intently at me, she asked the question I wished she didn’t.

  “Who do you think it was?”

  “I don’t know.” I knew she knew I was lying, but bringing up something that I was told was impossible was useless anyhow.

  “And you’re sure it wasn’t like those other times, like at Thanksgiving where the demon was appearing before you?”

  “Oh, most definitely not that type of thing.” I said doing my best to divulge as little as possible. I didn’t need that last little tweak implying I was crazy on top of everything else. I was fighting that feeling enough, privately.

  Silence was how our conversation ended, making me wonder what I really did by divulging it all.

  Chapter 16

  We pulled up to our home in Kingston, searching for what I wasn’t actually sure. We had all made some lame excuse about needing certain things from this particular house. Arie announced that she needed another jacket and rain boots. Cyril said he wanted some of his tools for working on the house in Victoria. I only claimed that I wanted to sleep in our bed once more since he seemed to be slipping away from me bit by bit. I know our stay up there was longer than we thought it would be. Truth be told, none of us needed anything except a break. We needed to regroup and regain some sort of normalcy.

  Attacks were becoming more frequent. Athen was still AWOL, and I had absolutely no energy left to participate in life whatsoever. We needed a vacation from our daily lives. I had been searching for some sign of Athen for so long now and was coming up empty-handed beyond what was possibly a figment of my imagination. I needed to come back to a place where we shared some very special memories. I was pretty certain that my non-talk with Arie had something to do with our unexpected trip back down to Kingston as well. Honestly, I didn’t care what the reason was. I was simply happy to be back. I was tired of fighting the evil thoughts that kept infiltrating me to my core.

  Being able to crawl under the covers that Athen and I last inhabited was all I craved. I hoped that by being back at the Kingston home, I’d find a little bit of solitude and let go of the monstrous thoughts that kept creeping in. I knew Whistler certainly wouldn’t provide that especially with the off-chance of running into some of my acquaintances. The only people who understood even a glimpse of what I was going through were right here in this car.

  The garage door opened welcoming us back to a bit of normalcy - minus one person and a very affectionate bulldog. I was relieved to see Athen’s Lotus parked in the garage. It made me feel like he was possibly upstairs waiting for us to return from a day of shopping or some such errand. I was willing to let myself play the fantasy if it gave me even a few seconds of relief. Cyril put the brake on, and we all climbed out of the car. As Arie unlocked the door leading into the house, I found myself holding my breath - for what I wasn’t sure.

  The door swung open and something seemed off immediately. I looked at Arie and Cyril to gauge their reaction. They didn’t seem to be taken aback at all. I lugged in my overnight bag, flipping on the lights as I went from the mudroom to the kitchen to the stairs. I felt that someone had been in this house since we last were. I spun around dropping my bag on the floor.

  “Aren’t you guys going to say anything? I know it isn’t just me feeling that?” I was looking straight at Arie waiting for some sort of affirmation.

  “I honestly don’t feel anything. What do you mean?” Arie set her purse down and looked at Cyril, shaking her head in confusion. “Do you feel anything?”

  “Ana, what are we supposed to be feeling?” Cyril seemed genuinely puzzled.

  “Ugh, forget it you two!” I grabbed my bag and stomped upstairs.

  I made my way down the hall, passing by the guest room that had played host to me for a little while when I was here with Athen my first time. I felt my legs going a little quicker. I wasn’t sure what I thought I was going to see when I got to our room. Did I truly believe I was going to swing open the door to have Athen staring back at me? I was angry at myself for being so pathetic. I finally reached the door to our bedroom, which wasn’t closed all of the way, and I slowly opened it up with my bag, walking onto our shag rug placed in front of the door. I immediately inhaled the largest amount of air I could. I wanted to get the last little bit of essence of Athen before I contaminated it. I threw my bag down and did what I came for. I crawled under the covers, thankful that we didn’t change the sheets before we left.

  I laid on my back stretching, imagining Athen holding me and whispering to me some silly joke. The thrill of hearing his voice, even though it was only in my mind, brought an automatic smile to my face. A movement my lips hadn’t felt for a very long time. Coming back to our Kingston home was a really good idea. I let these feelings of relief and happiness wash over me. I could somehow feel him again. I knew it was silly, and maybe it was only because this was where we had last joined our bodies together, but I felt him here and I needed that. Not knowing how long I could be facing without him made me appreciate every little reminder that I could scoop up around me.

  I heard Arie and Cyril going down the stairs probably to watch television or something. I was relieved. I needed sleep. I was happy that they have both been with me during this time, but I needed my own time too. I needed to be able to grieve in peace.

  The morning sun shot through my bedroom window, greeting me with a freshness I hadn’t felt in a lo
ng time. I had no idea how long I had been out. I didn’t even wake up for dinner last night. I fell asleep dreaming about Athen and woke up thinking about him. For once, it was all positive. My thoughts were overflowing with images of him and I together up in Whistler or picking out our first Christmas tree since my own reintroduction.

  I knew these were the images that would keep me strong, strong enough to wait 50 years if I had to. He was worth waiting for. He was worth fighting for. I wasn’t going to slip to the other side. I had the strength within me. I needed to tap into it and avoid the demons’ traps. I was sure that was all it was and had been.

  I grabbed my bag that I had dumped on the floor the night before without emptying it out and began placing my clothes in the drawers. I opened up the bottom drawer to see what was actually filling it up since I never actually paid attention before. There were some of Athen’s nice sweaters folded and underneath those, I saw what looked like a leather journal of some sort. I was tempted to grab it and devour it. But there was the other side of me that didn’t want to violate Athen’s trust. Right now, that side was winning. I moved the sweater gently to cover up the edge of the leather journal and closed the drawer back up.

  The house seemed empty so I decided to venture downstairs and see if my instincts were right. Things were very quiet, the air still. I was pretty sure that I was alone. They had probably decided to grab some items at the store for us. I slipped from the family room to the dining room to the kitchen looking at everything again as if I hadn’t seen it before. My hands moving over the granite countertops, the shock of the ice cold stone awakening my senses more than I was used to recently.

  I grabbed a mug out of the cabinet and filled it up with some water from the hot water tap to prepare some tea. I found the remote for the stereo turning it on through the house as I tried my best to warm up from the chill in the air. The house was still warming up from nobody occupying it for awhile. Walking over to the window to watch the ferries, I grabbed a pillow to sit on and threw it down as I tried to make myself comfy. I rested my back against the ottoman taking in the beautiful water gently moving in the distance. My eyes quickly fell to the beach access down the path from where I was taking in the scene of the ferries. I did my best to ignore the urge to go down to the beach.