The Hazards of Sleeping With a Friend

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  “I told her that privately.” I couldn’t believe she’d betray me like that.

  “If it helps, it was an accident. She didn’t mean to tell me.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “And it helped. I was going crazy trying to figure it out.”

  “It was still private.”

  “Don’t be mad. She cares about you.”

  “I know.” I wouldn’t stay mad for long. Savy was unnaturally invested in Kyle and me getting together. Cara was too. She’d have probably done something similar if she weren’t across the country.

  “So? Why were you?”

  “Because I’ve been hurt before.” I lay back down next to Kyle.

  “By who?” He ran his hand down my back.

  “The guy I dated in high school.” I couldn’t believe I was admitting any of this.

  “What happened?” Kyle encouraged me to continue.

  “I fell really hard, and well, he didn’t. Not even when I told him I was pregnant.”

  “You were pregnant?” Kyle looked at me funny. “You’ve got a kid?”

  “I had a miscarriage. It happened right after I found out he’d already moved on—to my best friend. I always wondered if I hadn’t gotten so upset, would it have turned out differently?” My body went numb thinking about it. No matter how much time passed it still hurt.

  He took my hands in his. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all that… but you have to know it wasn’t your fault.”

  I shrugged. “I guess I successfully ruined the mood for tonight.”

  “No. You didn’t ruin it.”

  “I did. Why don’t you fix it? Tell me something happy.”

  “Something happy?” He continued to run his fingers up and down my arm. “Okay. When I think happy I think about my grandfather’s old hunting cabin. Dylan and I used to spend a few weeks there in the summer, and it’s like all of our cares and worries disappeared. It was so relaxing, so tranquil. I haven’t been back in years, but it’s my favorite place and I’ll have to take you some time.”

  “Sounds nice. I like tranquil.”

  “I know. I saw you on that hike.”

  I rested my head on his chest.

  “I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, Jade.”

  “Yeah well, life involves hurt.”

  “It does. It involves a lot of hurt,” he mumbled.

  I turned to look at him better. “Do you know that from experience?”

  “Let’s not go there. We’re supposed to be focusing on the good now. Life involves hurt, but it also involves happiness and love.”

  “It does.” I wanted him to keep talking, but I didn’t want to push him and ruin the night. Things were going to work, we’d figure it out. I squeezed his hand, and I could have stayed in that moment forever.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Kyle

  Dropping Jade off after our night away was easier than the last time I dropped her off. I knew she was ready to give us a shot, and that was all I needed. Sure, there would be road blocks, like segueing back into the regular school year, but we could handle it. We could handle it all.

  I was flying on cloud nine as I drove back to my apartment. The sex had been even better the night before. She wasn’t holding back with me and it showed. I couldn’t wait to see what our next night together would bring. Just thinking about it had me grinning, and I didn’t care one bit. After weeks of uncertainty, I finally had what I wanted.

  It was late enough in the morning that most people were at work, so I was able to get a good parking spot right out front of my building. I locked my car and ran up to my apartment.

  “Glen?” I called out as I opened the door. I couldn’t remember if he had class or not.

  He didn’t answer so I went right to my room. I finished unpacking my bag before I finally picked up my phone. I had three missed calls and a couple of messages. They were all from the night before and all from my brother. I’d been right to ignore the calls. He was probably wasted and asking for more money. Still, I had to listen.

  I hit play on the first message. Hey Kyle, you around? I need to talk to you.

  Nothing new there. I skipped to the next one. I really need to talk to you. Where the hell are you?

  And then the last one. Call me the fuck back. I have to talk to you now.

  I tossed my phone on the bed while I started to boot up my laptop. What would it be this time? More gambling debts? More stupid decisions at the company? I needed to call him back, but I wasn’t ready yet. I wanted to pretend my life was normal for a few minutes.

  My phone rang. I expected to see Dylan’s name on the screen, but it was my dad’s. He never called. He always made my mom do it.

  “Dad?” I said his name hesitantly. I had to be in some kind of trouble for him to be calling.

  “Kyle.” He said my name formally. “I have some news.”

  “What kind of news?” My chest tightened. No news from Dad was going to be good.

  “Not the good kind.” His voice was strained.

  “Is everything okay?” My body went numb. I thought over the messages from Dylan. Had he gone and done something stupid? Had he been arrested or was he in more trouble with Russo?

  “It’s your brother,” Dad choked out, and if I wasn’t imagining things I’d have thought he were crying.

  “What about Dylan?” My mouth went dry.

  Dad didn’t say anything for a moment. Then he cleared his throat. “He’s gone.”

  “What?” I pushed the phone more firmly against my ear. “Like he’s missing?”

  “No. He’s gone, Kyle. His car went off a bridge.”

  I couldn’t be hearing right. “That’s not possible. Why are you saying that?”

  “I’m saying it because someone has to. Someone had to tell you, and your mother can barely speak.” He fell into silence, and I knew he was trying to compose himself. “We’re having the funeral down in Charleston where the family plot is.”

  “No. There’s got to be a mistake. Is this some kind of joke?” I checked the screen of the phone again. It displayed my dad’s name, and it was his voice, but my dad would never mess with me like that. Dylan was the only one who’d joke about something like that. Was this all Dylan’s idea? Scare me into caring or something?

  “There’s no mistake, and I need you to hold yourself together for your mother’s sake.”

  “Hold myself together? You just told me my brother’s dead.” I felt the sting of tears in my eyes.

  “And my son is dead, but there are some things a man has to do. I’ll be in contact with all the details.” He hung up.

  My body went cold. This couldn’t be real. I had to be sleeping or something. Dylan dead? It made no sense.

  I pressed play on the message from earlier again.

  Hey Kyle, you around? I need to talk to you.

  I really need to talk to you. Where the hell are you?

  Call me the fuck back. I have to talk to you now.

  Dad had said his car went off the bridge. Was that purposeful? Had I ignored his calls to what, fuck a girl?

  I felt the blackness setting in, spreading around me. It had been months, almost years since I’d felt it and this time I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. Dylan was dead, and I’d done nothing to help him. He’d called me. I’d ignored his plea for help because I was too busy with a girl. Too busy with a girl who I’d had to spend over a month convincing that she even really liked me.

  All of the times I’d helped Dylan were worthless now because I wasn’t there for him when he needed me most. I’d failed him, and I’d failed my family.

  I dropped my phone. I didn’t know what to do. What to feel. The darkness swirled around me again, and I gave in. What was the use of fighting it anyway?

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Jade

  I tossed my phone across the room. Kyle still wasn’t returning my calls. I was right from the beginning. Sleeping with him was a mistake. I’d bared my soul to him, sharing m
y most painful memory, and now he was ignoring me? He hadn’t even showed up at the station for my show. We’d never gone this long without talking since the Lake George trip.

  “Trouble in paradise?” Sean stood in the doorway of the booth when I finished my show.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I took off my headphones and smoothed my hair. I needed to pull myself together.

  “Yes you do. Where is Kyle?” He walked into the room. “You guys are usually inseparable now.”

  “I guess he’s busy today.” I shrugged before taking another glance at my phone. Maybe I wasn’t getting calls in. “I think my phone might be messed up, could you call me?”

  “Sure.” Sean pulled out his phone. A moment later my phone rang. I tried to ignore the sting of disappointment. “Thanks. Glad it’s not broken.”

  “I’m sure he’s just busy.” Sean’s cocky smile was gone. “I didn’t mean anything by what I said. I was just giving you a hard time.”

  “It’s fine.” I wasn’t fine, but that had nothing to do with Sean. No reason to make anything more awkward than it needed to be at the station. “I’ve got to go.”

  “All right. See you later.”

  “See you later.” I grabbed my stuff and hurried out of the station.

  I took my time walking home. There was nothing waiting for me there but an empty house and plenty of down time to overthink things. Maybe he just got busy with something else and forgot to tell me. But why did it have to be today? And wouldn’t he have told me if he had something important going on?

  I reached the house and took a seat on the porch swing. I knew he wasn’t going to suddenly materialize outside the house, but I wasn’t ready to go inside yet. I started the swing moving, enjoying the light breeze of the early afternoon.

  For good measure I called him again. The phone rang and rang before going into his voicemail. I already knew his voicemail by heart. Hey, Kyle here. I can’t come to the phone, but leave me a message and I might get back to you.

  I always thought his message was cute until that day. Until I realized it was possible that he wouldn’t get back to me.

  With a heavy sigh I got off the swing and went inside. I immediately changed into my running clothes. I didn’t know what else to do. I was due at work in a few hours, but I had to pull myself together first. On top of everything else I was stressing about, I didn’t need to worry about losing my job. I left my phone on my desk, giving it one long look before running downstairs and out of the house.

  I ran farther than I ever did, needing to get away from campus and to squash down the sickening feeling that I’d just lost the guy I was hopelessly falling for. Was I really going to be able to move on like nothing had happened? There was no chance.

  I ran past Kyle’s apartment. At another time I would have gone there for advice. I couldn’t now. I also couldn’t talk to Savy. She was too close to the situation since Glen lived with Kyle. The only other person who even knew what I was up to was Cara. After a few minutes of deliberation I turned back toward campus. I needed to talk to someone, and I needed to do it fast.

  I didn’t bother to take a shower first before calling her.

  She answered on the second ring. “Hey. What’s up? I haven’t heard from you in ages.”

  “Yeah, things have been complicated.”

  “Complicated? Uh oh.” I heard muffled talking. “Sorry, I’m good to talk now.”

  “Where are you?”

  “In San Diego. It’s sound check time.”

  “Cool. Wish I was there.”

  “You could always come out here.” Cara invited me every time we talked, but I couldn’t tell if she was serious or not. Maybe she was lonely when Chase was busy.

  “I can’t. I have to work every night this week.” I’d had my one night off the night before. Maybe I should have worked instead. I wouldn’t be freaking out as much if that had been the case.

  “How’s that going by the way? Still enjoying it?”

  “It’s fine. Not super exciting but it’s enough money to cover my expenses.” I didn’t mind the job at all, but at the moment everything seemed bleak. I couldn’t muster any enthusiasm.

  “Nice. And how about we just face the elephant in the room” She paused, and I knew what was coming. “How’s Kyle?”

  I sighed. Just hearing his name upset me.

  “Uh oh. What’s going on?”

  “I don’t know.” I struggled to keep my voice level. What was wrong with me? Was I going to start crying over this?

  “Are you still refusing to commit to anything?”

  “No. Last night I admitted to having real feelings for him.” I’d thought it’s what he wanted to hear, but maybe not. Maybe the other stuff I shared outweighed it.

  “That’s great!” She screamed so loud I had to hold the phone away from my face.

  I sat down on the edge of my bed. I was suddenly too tired to stand. “I thought it would be.”

  “Uh oh. What happened?”

  “He’s ignoring me. He’s avoided my calls all day, and he didn’t show up during my show at the station.” The words all tumbled out.

  “Really? That doesn’t sound like Kyle.”

  “I know. It’s weird.” I kicked off my shoes. “I admitted how scared I was, and he turns around and does this?” I sighed. “Am I blowing things out of proportion?”

  “You’re not, but I wouldn’t assume the worst. Maybe something came up.”

  “That’s the only explanation there could be, right? I mean he can’t have suddenly decided he doesn’t like me and is going to give me the silent treatment?”

  “Kyle’s not like that. Plus he knows he’s going to see you again.”

  I wished I could tell Cara the truth, about how I’d told him about the miscarriage, but I couldn’t. I’d never told anyone but Kyle. It was the one secret that even my mom didn’t know.

  “Are you working tonight?” Cara pulled me from my thoughts.

  “Yeah. I have to shower and get moving soon.”

  “Maybe call Savy on your way and see if she’s seen Kyle around?” Cara suggested.

  “Is that wimpy though? Bringing my friend into it?”

  “She’s your friend. She’s supposed to be involved. I wish I was there to do more.” Her voice fell. “I feel far away.”

  “It’s fine, but promise you’ll be here to pick up the pieces if I break apart?”

  “I will be there so fast it will make your head spin, but let’s hope there are no pieces.”

  “Love you, Cara.”

  “Love you too. Try to relax, and give Savy a call. I’ll have my phone with me all night so call any time.”

  “Thanks.” Despite everything, I had to acknowledge I had good friends. That wasn’t something I could say in high school. Hence my best friend sleeping with my boyfriend. I never found out for sure, but my hunch was she’d slept with him before he dumped me too.

  “No problem. Talk to you soon.”

  I ended the call and tossed my phone on the bed. I needed to pull myself together. I was okay. If Kyle dumped me I’d get over it. It wouldn’t hurt so bad this time.

  I took a fast shower and got changed for work. At least the wardrobe was easy. A pair of jeans and a tank top always did the trick.

  I left earlier than usual because I wanted to get there before it got dark. Hopefully I’d find a ride home. I knew Kyle wouldn’t be offering.

  Halfway there, I took Cara’s advice and called Savy. She answered right away. “Hey!”

  “Hey, how are you?” I gave myself a moment to build up the courage to ask about Kyle. I didn’t want to get myself upset again. Maybe calling on my way to work wasn’t such a good idea.

  “I’m good. Just got back from work. How about you?”

  “I’m on my way to work.”

  “One of these days we’ll get our schedules to match up.” She laughed.

  “Have you been at work all day?”

  “Most of it
. Why?”

  I braced myself. “I was just wondering if you’d seen Kyle.”

  “Not since you guys got back today. By the way how was the beach?”

  “The beach was great. I’ll talk to you later.” I hung up before she could ask any more questions. Savy clearly didn’t know anything either. I glanced at my phone again willing Kyle to call. He didn’t. Of course. I pocketed my phone and continued the walk. At least I’d be busy at work. That would keep my mind occupied for a few hours.

  ***

  “Do you want a ride home?” Bryan asked. The bar was empty, and it was already after midnight. Normally I’d have tried to worm my way out earlier, but what was the point? There was no one to rush home to see now. He still hadn’t called or texted.

  “Would you mind?” Kyle’s warnings about walking home alone at night ran through my head. Mad at him or not, I wasn’t going to put myself at risk. Bryan was a good guy, and he never seemed to mind going out of his way to drop me off.

  “Of course not. Give me a second to grab my stuff.”

  I nodded. “Take your time.” I was exhausted, but I knew I wasn’t going to sleep.

  How could a guy go from so hot to so cold? I was desperate to know, but then again I wasn’t ready for ‘the talk.’ Maybe he wasn’t as nice of a guy as we all thought. Maybe he’d wanted me to fall hard so he could break my heart. The thought didn’t sit well with me. That wasn’t Kyle. It couldn’t be.

  “You okay?” Bryan asked when he returned.

  “Kind of.”

  “That doesn’t sound so promising.” He gave me a knowing look.

  “It’s nothing.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Jade? That’s bullshit and you know it.”

  “It’s just stuff with a guy.”

  “With your boyfriend?”

  I got ready to argue Kyle wasn’t my boyfriend, but he was now, or at least he was supposed to be. “Yeah.”

  “You guys have a fight?”

  I considered politely asking Bryan to but out, but I changed my mind. “You know what, maybe you can help.”

  “Sure. Should we sit down for this?” He gestured to the two chairs in the ticket office.

  “Maybe that’s a good idea.” I sat down and waited for him to sit next to me.