Losing Lola (Mercy's Angels Book 5)

by Kirsty Dallas

  As the sun began to get lost behind the trees, I wiped the sweat off my face and entered the barn. Lola was standing in the kitchen, and the smell of garlic filled the place.

  “Where’s Gabbie?” I asked, wondering if she’d heard from Dillon. I wanted to talk to him about my idea on taking Ben out.

  “She’s taken her drunken ass over to have dinner with her grandma tonight.”

  “Gabbie’s drunk?” I wondered a little shocked. I’d never seen Gabbie inebriated and wouldn’t have expected it while she was on a mission.

  “She says she is, but she still seemed sharp as a tack and was walking just fine when she took off a few minutes ago. I feel like cooking. You happy with stir fry? It’s one of my go-to dishes and we haven’t got the ingredients for much else. Gabbie said she’d head into town for supplies tomorrow.”

  “I’m so hungry you could serve me a horse’s ass and I’d eat it.”

  “That’s just gross,” she muttered from the kitchen.

  “Gonna grab a shower, Mouse. Won't be long.”

  Dinner was a quiet affair, Lola seemingly lost in her thoughts and me still thinking out the intricacies of killing Ben. We’d need to get our hands on drugs, heroin would do the trick. If we were to make it look like a suicide, ideally there should be a note. I wasn’t quite sure how to tackle that problem. These thoughts weren’t something I could obviously share with Lola, though, so we worked on the dishes in companionable silence. Once the countertops were clean and the dishes stacked in the dishwasher, Lola sat on the couch in the living room, her knee bouncing with clear agitation, the TV off.

  “You ready for bed?” I asked, offering her my hand. She took it without hesitation and followed me into the bedroom. As I began my nightly routine, I noticed Lola watching me, but not moving to get herself ready for bed.

  “Everything okay?”

  “I’m ready,” she blurted out, those beautiful pale cheeks filling with color.

  “Ready?”

  “I want you.”

  She looked nervous as hell, but the determination in the subtle lift of her chin told me this was something she had been thinking about for some time, and tonight she’d made a decision.

  “We go at your pace, Mouse. If I do anything that makes you uncomfortable, you tell me, and if you so much as utter the words no or stop, we stop. Do you understand?”

  She gave me a short, jerky nod. “Words, Lola, I need to hear your words.”

  “I understand,” she said in a soft but clear voice.

  “Why don’t you sit down?” I suggested.

  I wanted her comfortable, to see the stiff way she was holding herself disappear. Lola took the few short steps to the bed and lowered herself to the edge of the mattress. Walking in slow steps, I approached her and gradually lowered myself until I was kneeling before her. With gentle hands, I pressed her knees apart so I could maneuver myself between her legs. Watching her reactions carefully I didn’t miss the way her pulse throbbed at her neck or the way her breathing accelerated.

  “This okay?” I asked, and she nodded. Pausing, I arched a brow, waiting for the words.

  “Yes,” she quickly replied. “It’s okay.”

  With slow hands, I brushed her long hair over her shoulders and tucked a loose strand behind one ear. Her gaze dropped to my lips, and her little tongue darted out to wet hers in anticipation.

  “You want to kiss me, Mouse?”

  She nodded.

  “Then kiss me, baby. Take what you want from me.”

  With cautious movements, she leaned forward and pressed her shy lips to mine. It was a sweet kiss, but right now I was feeling anything but sweet. My hand rested on the back of her neck, and I rubbed my thumb over the sensitive skin right behind her ear as I nibbled on her bottom lip. She opened and surprised the shit out of me by turning her head slightly and leaning hard into my body. There was no fear in her kiss, only hunger, and I met her need with my own. When she began to wiggle that sweet ass in an effort to relieve the tension I knew was building between her thighs, I pulled back.

  “You want me to touch you, baby, like in the shower?” Her frantic nodding made me smile, and I reached down for the hem of her shirt. “This okay?” Raising her arms up gave me the all clear, and I pulled the shirt over her head. I resisted the urge to rip the cups of her bra down and attack her breasts; instead, I hooked my fingers into the waistband of her yoga pants. “What about these?”

  In answer, she raised her hips, and I pulled the tights down her legs, taking her panties with them. Lola fiddled with the back of her bra, and a second later, the cups fell forward.

  Now seated in front of me completely naked, I had trouble figuring out where to start. All that creamy white flesh, the soft pink nipples, not to mention the treasure between her parted thighs, was a temptation that made my head spin. My eyes landed on her tits, and I couldn’t look away. I’d already tasted her pussy, but I’d yet to have the soft peaks of those pretty nipples in my mouth. Leaning forward, I pressed a chaste kiss to one of the scars that marred her chest, then dipped my head and wrapped my lips around the velvet skin of her nipple and gently sucked. My gaze remained on Lola’s to make sure she was okay with what I was doing. Leaning back a little, she thrust her small breasts forward in further invite, and I used my teeth to tease her nipples into sharp points. Again, her hips began to move, her need building. Her hands tugged at my shirt, and I backed away long enough to pull it over my head and continue the assault on the soft flesh of her breasts. Lowering my hand to her stomach, I made sure she could feel the intent in my descent, giving her plenty of time to say no if she wanted to. Surprising me again, she leaned back a little more and spread her thighs wider. This right here was a moment I would never forget. When I’m old and gray, this memory of my girl giving herself to me and trusting me in such a way will bring a smile to my lips.

  Not one to ignore such an invitation, I let one finger slide through her wet pussy before slipping the digit inside her. Sucking on her nipple and fingering her gently produced sounds I would never grow tired of hearing. Small whimpers and long, needy groans filled the small bedroom. Feeling her hand on my head, my heart lurched at the thought she was going to stop me. I didn’t want to stop, but I did, lifting my gaze to her lust filled eyes. The shy whispered words she murmured next made my hard cock twitch.

  “Drew, I want your mouth on me, like in the shower.”

  Gently pushing her chest, I encouraged her to lie flat on the bed, blowing a breath of air on her wet nipple before ghosting down her body with kisses and licks until my head was between those shaking thighs. She had pushed herself up on her elbows and watched me as I helped lift her feet to the bed, her knees spread wide. There was no embarrassment at being so open and vulnerable before me, only interest and a fuck load of eagerness.

  Parting her soft, wet lips, I licked her before kissing her clit and sucking hard. Lola responded immediately with a thrust of her hips, gently riding my face. I’d only gone down on a few women over the years—being a selfish prick, I had a hell of a lot more interest in getting myself off rather than my woman—but with Lola, all I cared about was hearing and seeing her come undone. I knew the moment she came; her hips raised off the bed, her feet helping to push her wetness against my tongue, and the long moan of satisfaction slipped from that beautiful mouth. Bringing her down gently, I stood and used a hand to wipe her essence from my mouth before shucking off my sweats. With my hands on her waist, I pushed her further onto the bed and prowled over her. I wasn’t sure if she was ready to take the next step, but I had an unopened foil condom packet nearby, ready and waiting.

  “Mouse?” I whispered, kissing her chest, neck, then her lips. I only had a second to wonder if she would be uncomfortable tasting herself on me, but she returned the kiss, her tongue licking mine without hesitation. When we finally parted for air, I lowered my body to hers and buried my head in her neck, seeking the composure I was fast losing. Feeling Lola’s trembling body beneath m
ine was a quick way to drench the fire.

  “Lola?” I asked, pushing myself up to give her some space.

  “I’m okay.” Her voice was shaky as she closed her eyes and took long, calming breaths. Those determined doe eyes finally found mine. “I want to try, Drew.”

  Those words slipped into my mind, and my body coiled tight in both eagerness and apprehension. Nodding, I raised myself off her and reached for the condom. Lola watched as I pumped my cock once, then twice. I would have been happy to take care of myself and spill onto those milky breasts, but the thought of being buried inside her was too much to bear. And I wanted to give Lola this. She was so determined to find this sensual side of herself I simply couldn’t deny her.

  As I slid the condom down my dick, I watched her lay before me like a sensual goddess, her hair splayed on the bed around her. Would she prefer missionary? Would the feeling of being closed in be a trigger? I wanted to ask her, but in the same breath I didn’t want to ruin the moment and have her thinking about her assault when the memories of that night had no business intruding on this moment.

  Lying down beside her I simply reached for her arm and tugged her until she was sprawled above me, using her hands to raise herself up until her nipples were brushing my chest. She was staring at me with a worried frown causing a little crease between her eyebrows.

  “It’s okay, baby. We can stop here.”

  She sat back on my thighs, gifting me an incredibly erotic sight. While my hands wanted to take a leisurely tour of that spectacular body, I paused until she gave me the words.

  “I just . . .” she blushed and tried to continue, “I mean, I’ve never . . . I’m not sure . . .”

  Realizing what she was trying to tell me, I levered myself up and kissed her.

  “You’re in control this way. If you want me inside you, just lift your hips and use your hand to guide me inside that sweet pussy.”

  Her blush deepened until it crept down her neck and over her chest.

  “Ok,” she whispered between kisses.

  I kept sitting as she moved back slightly and used her hand to grip my cock. A lesser man might have lost his load right there, but I gritted my teeth and held on as the soft touch sent my blood pressure through the roof. Feeling her feminine heat on the head of my dick was an experience I will never forget. This moment right here, this was my girl taking back something sacred that had been taken away from her. This moment and the honor she was bestowing on me was something that would be cemented in my heart and soul for eternity.

  CHAPTER 32

  LOLA

  My heart was beating so fast I thought it might explode from my chest. I didn’t expect us to be in this position, with me lying on top of Drew. I assumed he would lie on top of me, which had made me incredibly anxious. Being crowded and reliving the feeling on being pinned down would have likely dragged my thoughts back into the past. Like this, I was in control, the air on my back reminding me I was free, not tied down.

  “This is okay,” I whispered as my gaze dropped to the place our hips almost joined.

  Taking the heavy weight of his manhood in my hand, I positioned myself over him, then ever so slowly began to lower myself. The slow penetration didn’t overwhelm me with bad memories, but somehow washed them away. I felt empowered, maybe even beautiful. Keeping my eyes on Drew’s increased the intimacy and connection we both felt, and he didn’t look away once, his intense gaze keeping me secured to this moment, to him, to us.

  “I’m gonna put my hands on your waist and help you, okay?” His voice was deep and husky, and the lust burning in his eyes gave me the courage to nod. The warm press of his big hand on my hip was gentle, reminding me this moment was anything but unwilling and painful. Another hand on my opposite hip gripped me carefully, and then Drew slowly moved me, gently lifting and lowering me, working me onto him slow and steady. The rhythm began to build another orgasm, and when he stopped moving, I squirmed with impatience.

  “Give me a sec, baby,” he panted. As he lowered his head to my shoulder, I remained still. Sitting in Drew’s lap, with his cock buried deep inside me, was a magical moment. If I had to sum it up in one word: liberating. I couldn’t stop the twitching from down there, where Drew was inside me, and his low growl made me twitch again with anticipation.

  “You’re gonna be the death of me, Mouse.” With a lazy grin, he pulled away. “Ride me, baby.”

  I had only ever ridden a bike, but I knew how the mechanics of this worked, so I shifted my hips up and down, hoping he wouldn’t fall out. The rhythmic pace we set helped fuel the orgasm that had started to slip away when Drew stilled us, but something was missing. Everything felt good, but the orgasms I had reached with Drew’s mouth on me felt far away and unreachable. My movements became almost frantic while he watched me, and his eyes filled with awe and lust.

  “What some help?” he panted.

  Nodding, I felt Drew’s hands wrap around my waist, and his long fingers dug into my ass cheeks. Drew encouraged me to roll my hips, and the movement had my clit rub against his pelvis in a way that sparked lights behind my eyes. Holy shit, that was amazing.

  “That’s it, baby. Take what you need from me. You’re a stunning woman, so fucking sexy riding me like this.”

  I doubted that. There were far more beautiful women in the world, but with Drew, he made me feel as though my flaws were insignificant. With Drew, my scars disappeared, and all I saw was him. Rocking my hips harder, I watched as Drew leaned forward and took one of my bouncing breasts in his mouth. The pull on my nipple and the grind of my clit against his pelvis was an electrifying combination.

  “Fuck, these tits are beautiful. I’m gonna spend an entire day in bed worshiping them, might even fuck ’em.”

  His careful gaze settled on me, and a sultry smile filled his face.

  “Would you like my cock sliding between these tits, baby?”

  He pushed my breasts together, and I imagined his dick sliding between them. I’d never thought such a thing was possible, and the erotic picture he painted made my pussy clench down on him.

  “Oh yeah, you’d like that.”

  His hands left my breasts and grabbed my ass, pushing me harder and faster on him until the world around me became nothing but a bright, white light, and I screamed out his name. When I finally opened my eyes, Drew kissed my nose, cupped my ass cheeks hard and held me down as he rode out his own orgasm, a rough growl escaping his lips. Eventually, we both stilled, and the only thing that could be heard was our combined panting. The rough callouses of Drew’s hands created a slightly abrasive feel as he followed the path of my spine and pulled me down with him until he was lying flat on his back with my body sprawled over his sweaty chest.

  “Are you okay, Mouse?”

  “Uh-huh,” was all I could manage to respond.

  “Such a brave girl. You humble me.” His voice reverberated through his chest, into my ears, and deep into my heart.

  “Is it always like this?” I found myself wondering out loud.

  “When two people love each other it is.”

  The ‘L’ word caused my stomach to flip with excitement. “You love me?” I blurted out, abruptly pushing my upper body off him.

  He raised his brow and grinned playfully, “maybe just a little.”

  I shoved his shoulder hard. “Maybe I love you a little bit too,” I quietly confessed.

  The moment seemed to pause right there with Drew’s pleased gaze lingering on me. We didn’t need any more words; the ones we had exchanged were enough and said it all. All too soon Drew gently rolled me off his body. “Don’t go anywhere, I’ve got to get rid of this,” he said, pointing to the condom. I watched him slide it off, tie it, and wrap it in a tissue before throwing it in the small trash can that sat by the door. Then he climbed back into bed with me and pulled the blankets over us.

  I’d been so scared of letting another man touch me like Ben had. The thing was, Drew would never allow another man to touch me how Ben had,
not even himself. What I could remember of Ben’s touch had been invasive, painful, and humiliating. Drew’s touch was the exact opposite: gentle, intense, and loving. I couldn’t believe I’d had sex, with Drew no less. Was this how losing your virginity was supposed to feel? Such a mind-blowing, momentous occasion that left you feeling at a loss for words, but at the same time full of emotion? The relief that I’d been able to have sex and not freak out was monumental. The experience had helped me to feel like a woman again; I felt in control and stronger. I knew it wasn’t the act itself that made me stronger. It was being able to control the situation, enjoy it, and know that my attacker hadn’t taken this away from me, like I once thought he had. Ben had tried to break me, but luckily for me, these wonderful people who care so much about me refused to let that happen. I refused to let that happen. Ben may have made me crumble, but with the help of therapy and, of course, Drew, I was being rebuilt. Lola Crane was being resurrected. My identity as Lola was the closest I ever came to feeling like ‘me.’ Lily was always scared, mild, and meek, terrified of everyone and everything. Lindy, the identity Dillon had given me, had been broken and scarred beyond recognition. But Lola, she’d been at peace and happy if only for a short time. I thought I’d lost that, but beneath the layers of pain and fear, I’d begun to find it again.

  ***

  I woke with a start. It was like being slapped from a peaceful slumber straight into a horror movie. A large hand was pressed forcefully over my mouth, and my heart slammed hard in my chest. My body lurched from groggy sleep into instant panic as I began to flail against the restraining hands holding me down. Not again. I drew as much air through my nose and was about to scream through the fingers that held back my voice when a deep, gritty sound caught my attention. I was breathing hard, too hard, but over the panic I heard Drew’s voice whispering in my ear.

  “I’m fucking sorry, Mouse. I didn’t want to wake you like this, but something's going on. I need you to roll off your side of the bed, grab some clothes, and get dressed.”