by Teresa Roman
“I … I’m not good at relationships, Alex,” I said again.
“That’s only because you haven’t been with the right man. I’m not some stranger you met at a bookstore. You and I, we have history. You know I’d never treat you the way your husband did. That’s not who I am.”
I did know that. So why was I still so scared? I looked into his eyes, resisting the urge to rest my hand on his cheek. “A lot of things have changed since high school.”
“Not that many things.”
“Alex, I—”
“You’re scared,” he said, somehow reading my mind. “But you don’t have to be. I’d never hurt you.”
He laced his fingers through mine. The feel of his skin on my skin was electric. My face heated, and my breath quickened. “Do you feel that?” he asked.
Holy shit. What was happening? With his other hand, he reached around the nape of my neck and pulled me closer. Before I knew what was happening, he kissed me. Right in the middle of the gym parking lot. It only lasted a moment, but the taste of him, the feel of his lips on mine, was a million times better than it had been in my imagination.
He rested his forehead on mine, one hand still wrapped around the nape of my neck. He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“It’s okay.” I rested my hand on his chest and felt his heart thumping under my palm. “I actually wanted you to.”
“I hoped you did, but I wasn’t sure. You’re a hard woman to read, always have been.”
“For the past few weeks, I’ve sort of been wondering what kissing you would feel like.”
He smiled. “So? What did you think?”
“Better than I anticipated,” I said, returning his smile.
“Does this mean what I think it does?”
I nodded. “But no rushing things. We have to take things slow. My kids come first, always. So that means on Friday, when you come over, no surprise kisses like the one you just gave me, no hand-holding, none of that. You have to let me tell Jacob and Lydia about us in my own time and in my own way.”
“Us?” His grin melted my insides. “I like the sound of that.”
“And you have to promise that no matter what happens, you’ll be honest with me.” It wasn’t just my heart on the line but my kids’ hearts too.
“I’d never lie to you. I swear.”
“Okay, then it’s official.” I bit my lower lip to stop myself from smiling like an idiot. “We’re dating.” I could hardly believe it. How had we gone from zero to one hundred in a matter of minutes? Although the more I thought about it, the more I realized we hadn’t. Not really. The signs were all there. I’d just chosen to pretend they weren’t.
Alex put his hand on one of my cheeks and then leaned in to kiss the other. When he pulled away, he licked his lips as if he were trying to taste me on them. My insides melted. “I can’t wait until Friday.”
I shook my head. This was crazy. I needed to get into my car quick before I turned into a giant puddle right in front of him. He stood there watching me drive away like he always did. And all I could think was what had I just gotten myself into?
14
That strange stomach-twisting, heart-racing feeling that comes when you first start falling for someone stayed with me all afternoon. I was both elated and frightened by it at the same time. The last person that had made me feel this way was Ryan, and that hadn’t turned out very well. I reminded myself over and over again that I needed to keep a clear head. Alex and I hadn’t even technically had a first date yet.
By three o’clock, when it was time to pick up Jacob and Lydia from school, I’d mentally rehearsed at least half a dozen times what I’d tell them about “Mommy’s new friend.” After we got home, I sat them down. “Before you guys start on your homework, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“What is it?” Lydia asked in her eager-little-girl way.
“I invited a friend over for dinner on Friday. Someone you two haven’t met yet.”
“I know who it is,” Jacob said, grinning. “It’s that guy Alex that you and Marla keep talking about.”
I hadn’t realized Marla and I talked about Alex that often. I was going to have to be more careful about not letting the kids overhear our conversations. “How did you know that?”
“I just guessed,” Jacob said, sounding rather pleased with himself.
“If you don’t want to meet him, just let me know. Okay?”
“Is he nice?” Lydia asked.
I smiled. “Very.”
“Is he your boyfriend?”
Jacob elbowed his sister. “Didn’t you hear Mommy? She said he’s her friend.”
“He is my friend. I’ve actually known him for a very long time. As a matter of fact, Alex and I went to high school together. But the truth is, I do like him. I like him a lot.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I worried that I’d said too much.
“Wait, so he is your boyfriend?” Jacob asked.
I couldn’t tell by his voice how he felt about the idea. “No. But I don’t know. Maybe someday he might be. But that’s only if you guys like him and think he’s a nice guy.”
Jacob and Lydia kind of glanced at each other like they were unsure of what to say or think. I wasn’t sure what reaction I’d been expecting and worried that maybe I’d done the wrong thing by asking Alex over for dinner. Maybe it was just too soon. Their father had died only a few months ago.
“I think I’ll like him,” Lydia said.
“You like everybody,” Jacob grumbled.
“I do not.”
“Okay, guys, c’mon. This isn’t something to fight about. I just wanted to let you know what’s going on. That’s all.” Sometimes their sibling-rivalry thing drove me crazy.
“We’re not fighting,” Jacob insisted.
“I just want to make sure you guys are fine with me inviting Alex over.”
“We’re okay with it,” Lydia and Jacob said together.
I was fairly certain Jacob and Lydia would more than like Alex. They had really big hearts, and since we had so little extended family to speak of, they tended to latch onto people quickly even though they were both kind of shy. But my biggest fear wasn’t whether or not Jacob and Lydia would like Alex but that they’d like him too much, which meant, if things between Alex and me didn’t work out, they’d be brokenhearted. Was I really up for taking such a huge chance? All morning, I’d been so giddy just thinking about the kiss Alex and I had shared in the gym parking lot, that I hadn’t given enough thought to how having a boyfriend would affect my kids. Now I couldn’t help but wonder if I was making a colossal mistake.
I wanted to believe in second chances. My relationship with Ryan had been an all-out disaster. Sometimes it felt like the only good thing that had come from meeting him were my children. But that didn’t mean it would be that way with Alex. Like he’d said, he wasn’t just some stranger I met in a bookstore. This time I knew what I was getting into. Or at least I prayed I did.
The next morning, after I arrived at the gym and found Alex waiting for me in our usual meet-up spot, the doubts that had plagued me all night slowly receded. One look at his face and those deep-blue eyes of his, and I thought back to that kiss in the parking lot and how good it had felt.
He greeted me with a smile. “I was getting worried you wouldn’t show up.”
“Sorry. I should have texted you. There was an accident on Fair Oaks, so it took me longer than normal to get here.”
“That’s okay.” He gave me kiss on my forehead, and my insides melted. I hoped Alex didn’t notice the blush I felt heating my face. “I don’t want you texting and driving anyway.”
“I gotta go put my bag in the locker. I’ll find you in the cardio room after,” I said then darted off.
My trip to the locker room gave me a chance to catch my breath before joining Alex on the elliptical machines.
“So I talked to the kids about you coming over on Friday.”<
br />
“And what did they say?”
“Not much. But that’s probably because I just told them you were an old friend from high school.” I glanced at Alex, searching his face for some sort of reaction.
“That’s okay. You’ll tell them about us when you’re ready,” he said then raised an eyebrow at me. “There is still an us, right? You haven’t changed your mind, have you?”
I shook my head. “No. I haven’t. And I will tell Jakey and Lydia, but I think it’s better if they meet you first before I spring the news about us on them.”
I still had this weird sense of whiplash about Alex. Only twenty-four hours ago, he was just an old friend from high school, my workout buddy. And today he was, well, more. Although I supposed we had been more all along, and we’d just been too gun-shy to admit it to each other. Now that we had, every brush of his hand against mine felt turbocharged. When he reached out to correct my form on the weight machines, I had to hold in a gasp.
By the time Friday rolled around, I was a nervous ball of energy. The combo of sort-of-first-date jitters—even though technically that wasn’t what dinner was going to be—mixed with my apprehension about introducing Alex to the kids had my anxiety in overdrive.
I started cooking dinner probably an hour before I should have just to keep my hands and mind busy. By the time Alex arrived at eight, the table was set and dinner—chicken piccata and salad—was ready.
“It smells really good in here,” Alex said as I let him in.
“I hope you’re hungry.”
He smiled. “I’m starving actually.”
Alex followed me inside. Jacob and Lydia got up from the couch and slowly walked over to me.
“This is the friend I was telling you guys about the other day,” I said to them.
They both gave Alex a sheepish look. Lydia stood behind me, holding onto one of my hands. She was a sweet girl but super shy, just like I’d been at her age.
“You must be Lydia,” Alex said, taking a step closer.
She nodded but said nothing.
“I brought you something.” He turned his head in Jacob’s direction. “You too.”
“What is it?” Jacob asked eagerly.
“Dessert.” Alex reached into the pocket of his jacket and produced two bags of sour gummies.
“Yay, gummies!” Lydia finally stopped hiding behind me to take a closer look at Alex’s offering.
“Hand them over.” I took the bags from Alex before the kids could reach them. “Dinner before candy. Wash your hands and then go sit down.”
“Thank you,” Jacob said to Alex, remembering his manners.
When they scurried off to the bathroom, I said, “Since when is candy dessert?”
“I couldn’t help myself. You know I’m trying to win them over.”
“Mission accomplished.” For a man with no children, Alex seemed to know an awful lot about them.
After everyone finished washing their hands, we all sat down to eat. Alex looked across the table at Jacob and Lydia. “So, I hear you guys both play soccer.”
“Yeah, but I’m not very good at it,” Jacob said.
“Soccer wasn’t my thing, either, when I was your age,” Alex said. “But if you weren’t playing soccer, then what else would you be doing?”
Jacob shrugged. “I don’t really know. Maybe band if Mommy lets me.”
“I was in band,” Alex said. “All through high school.”
“That’s right,” I said, remembering Alex lugging his instrument to and from school. “You played the saxophone, right?”
“Yup.” He glanced at Lydia. “What about you? Do you like music too?”
She shook her head. “I like gymnastics.”
“She just started going last year,” I explained.
“Gymnastics? Wow. I bet you’re really good at it.”
Lydia just smiled, too shy to agree that he was right.
I sat there listening while the three of them chatted, enjoying Alex’s effort to get to know my kids better. By the end of dinner, it was obvious that they both really liked him and not just because he’d brought them sour gummy worms. After we finished eating, I gave Jacob and Lydia each their bag of candy. They took them to the couch and turned on the TV while Alex helped me clean up.
“They’re sweet kids,” Alex said.
“They seem to really like you.” I bent down to fill the dishwasher with dirty forks and knives. “Of course, that might just be because you bribed them with candy.”
“You’re not really mad at me for that, are you?”
I smiled and shook my head. “Of course not,” I said. “But try not to make it a regular thing. Lydia’s got a sweet tooth the size of California.”
Alex laughed. “What kid doesn’t?”
“I suppose you have a point.”
“You’re a good mom. I can tell. Those kids adore you.”
“I’m all they have, and I adore them right back.”
Once Alex and I were done clearing off the table, we joined the kids on the couch. They were watching one of their favorite Nick Jr. shows, but before it finished, Lydia fell asleep with her head on my lap. I carried her into her bedroom and took off her clothes, replacing them with pajamas. By the time I rejoined Alex and Jacob, they were deep in a discussion about which video games were their favorites.
“Jakey, it’s time to get ready for bed,” I said.
He frowned. “Why? There’s no school tomorrow.”
“Because it’s after ten o’clock.”
“How is it that late already?” Alex ran a hand through his hair. “I should probably get going.”
“Go put on your pajamas,” I told Jacob. “I’m going to walk Alex to the door, and then I’ll come say good night.”
“It was nice meeting you,” Alex said, holding his hand out for Jacob to shake.
“Nice meeting you too.”
“Next time we’ll have to play a few rounds of Super Smash Bros.”
Jacob’s eyes lit up. “Really? When?”
“Pajamas, Jakey. We can talk about when Alex is coming back another time.”
He slumped off down the hallway. I turned to Alex and smiled. “First candy, now video games. You really know what you’re doing.”
He just shrugged.
“C’mon. I’ll walk you outside.”
He followed me to the door. Once we stepped outside, he turned to face me. “I had a really nice time tonight.”
“So did I.”
He leaned in to give me a kiss. It lasted only a moment, but it was enough to send my heart racing.
“Will I see you on Monday at the gym?” he asked.
“Yeah. I’ll be there.”
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I really wish I could take you out to dinner. Just me and you. Do you think I could sometime?”
“Yes, but I’m not sure when. The kids have school all week, so I’ve got to get them in bed by eight. So maybe next weekend. I’ll ask my friend Marla if she can babysit.”
“I understand. No pressure. You just let me know when you can.”
Alex walked over to the driveway and got in his car. I stood in the doorway, smiling as I watched him drive away, pleased that the night had gone even better than I’d hoped it would.
It was too late to call Marla. But the next morning, right after the kids and I finished breakfast, I texted her
I’ve got news.
What is it???
Alex and I are dating.
My phone rang a moment later. As soon as I answered, Marla practically squealed in my ear. “I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.”
“He came over last night to meet the kids.”
“And?”
“It went well.”
“So when are you guys going to go out on your first real date?”
“Whenever I can get a babysitter to watch the kids.”
“Excuse me. What am I? Chopped liver?”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t m
ind?”
“Of course not,” she said. “Just let me know when.”
“I feel kind of bad. What if the kids think Alex is more important to me than they are?”
“You’re with them every day,” she said. “I only get my kids half the time, and they still know how much I love them. Plus, it’s not like you’re leaving them with a stranger. They’ll be with Auntie Marla.” When I didn’t answer, Marla continued. “Everybody needs a break sometimes. Even you.”
“Thanks, Marla. I really appreciate it.”
As soon as I got off the phone with her, I called Alex.
“Marla agreed to babysit the kids. I just need to let her know when you want to go out.”
“My schedule is wide open. We can go out right now if you want to.”
I laughed. “I just barely finished breakfast.”
“Dinner then?”
“How about next Saturday instead?” I suggested. “I can’t very well ask Marla to drop everything for me. She’s going to need a little advance notice.”
“All right,” he said. “I think I can manage to wait seven more days but only because I get to see you on Monday.”
One week later, I brought the kids over to Marla’s at around five to give myself enough time to get ready for my date with Alex. Less than fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang.
“I know I’m a little early,” he said as I let him in.
I’d just finished combing my hair. “That’s all right. I’m pretty much ready.”
“You look … stunning.”
“Thank you.” I managed a smile despite my nerves. It didn’t matter that I’d known Alex for years, I couldn’t shake that jittery feeling that filled my chest every time I was around him.
A few minutes later, we got into his car. He drove us to a small French café that I’d suggested for dinner.
The restaurant was casual, a perfect fit for us since, like me, Alex preferred comfort over style, although I had gotten a little dressed up. I wore dark denim jeans and a black short-sleeved blouse, and I’d put on eyeshadow and lip gloss. My hair was down, a change from the ponytail that was pretty much a necessity when I worked out.
The host showed us to a table, handed us menus, and walked away after promising a server would be with us shortly.
