Saving Toby

by Suzanne McKenna Link

  So focused on what needed to be said, I was flustered by the sudden sexual tension that emanated between us. Quickly, I bent my knees and sank down onto the soft, spring grass. “After what happened in Carlsbad, I don’t think there’s any question as to whether we’re still attracted to each other. What we really need is to talk.”

  “Yeah, I know,” he said, plucking out a handful of grass and letting it flutter away in the breeze.

  “Claude, I hate the way we left everything. I’ve done a lot of thinking about what I could have done and said that would have made it easier. What’s kind of funny is, I told your father to let you make your own decision about where you wanted to go to school, and there I was pressuring you the same way.” His smile was tight as he shifted into a more upright position.

  I bit at my lip and waited for him to continue.

  “I called Bob when I got back. I told him we were trying to work things out.” His eyes flicked to mine. “He wasn’t surprised that I’d never told anyone how I felt. Hell, I never told Julia either,” he murmured, glancing over at his parents’ headstone. “I should have.”

  “She knew you loved her.”

  “But you don’t know how I feel about you, and that’s the problem.”

  Tense, I swallowed hard and nodded once.

  “It’s so frustrating to keep hitting walls. I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to understand what prevents me from getting close to anyone. Bob said I’d find a girl who’d be patient with me until I felt comfortable enough to admit my feelings.” He lifted his hands in question. “The thing is, he’s right. I could find plenty of girls out there willing to give me a chance.”

  I hadn’t expected this, but raised my chin preparing to take the blow.

  “But I told Bob, I’d already found a girl who’d been more than patient with me—a girl who’d gone through hell with me, but despite it all, never tossed me aside.”

  His blue-grey eyes were brimming with unshed tears, and seeing this show of emotion, my own eyes filled, too.

  “That’s because I love you.”

  A pained and strangled groan rumbled in his throat, and he bowed his head. With difficulty, I remained waiting for a cue from him.

  All of a sudden, he reached for me.

  “Come here. Please.” His hoarse plea shattered my reservations, and I closed the distance between us, scurrying into his arms. I huddled close to him and pressed my cheek against his chest. The last few weeks, I had dreamed nonstop about being close to him again.

  He hugged me tight to him and kissed the top of my head. “Claudia, if you’d rather go to USC, I promise not to make you feel bad about it. I just need to know you want to be with me…” his voice wavered. “Tell me you want me back and I’ll wait. And when you’re done with school, we’ll figure it out, together, what comes next. California could work for me. I can look for a job—”

  Not waiting for him to finish, I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. Hard. It seemed to immobilize him. He fell silent.

  “Thank you,” I smiled up at him, loving him even more for being unselfish. “I know that wasn’t easy for you to offer.”

  “It’s only difficult because I want to be with you. But I also want you to be happy,” he pressed me closer into him and rested his chin atop my head.

  “I’m happy right now, right here.”

  “But, I still haven’t told you how I feel.”

  “Maybe that’s too much to expect,” I whispered.

  Suddenly he pulled back to look into my face. “No. It isn’t too much to expect. Even from me.”

  I stared at him, afraid to hope.

  “I don’t think I ever had the kind of trust it takes to get close to anyone. And, I’ve done my best to keep everyone at a safe distance.” His eyes held mine. “Except you. You’re the only girl I ever wanted to cross over that line for.”

  Even though I was desperate to hear it, I wanted to hush him and tell him it didn’t matter.

  “Claudia, you’re inside me. And, I like you there.” He cupped my chin and stroked my cheek with his thumb. “After all we’ve been through, I know if there’s anyone I can trust, it’s you.” The soft, vulnerable look in his eyes made my breath catch. “It knocks me out how much I feel about you.”

  I waited eagerly, unable to move.

  He whispered, “So, like, I do.”

  I leaned closer. “You do what?”

  He momentarily squeezed his eyes closed and inhaled. “Love you,” he finally said.

  “Oh.” I bit back my smile. “Think you can arrange those words into a cohesive statement?”

  “I’m saying I love you. Okay?” The words came out with verve and yet, still had an air of uncertainty, as if he suspected I might not accept them.

  “Okay.” Even as tears spilled down my cheeks, I beamed. “So you actually can say it.”

  His arm tightened around my waist. “Yes. I can say it. And I mean it, Claudia. I love you.”

  He lowered his face towards mine, and our eyes held for a long, heated moment. With his mouth only inches from mine, I was eager to close the distance, but as I angled my mouth upwards, he suddenly turned away.

  Glancing over his shoulder at his mother’s gravestone, he said, “What’s that, Ma? You think I should hurry up and kiss her already?”

  Giggling, I locked my arms around his neck. “You’d better do as your mother tells you.”

  Finally, he lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me. Sighing in contentment, I pressed myself into him, greedy for the kiss to deepen. I reveled in the feel of his large hands on my back as he held me possessively against him. A thrilling burn fired up inside me, strengthened by the knowledge that now, beyond a doubt, he loved me.

  “Hey,” he grinned, leaning his forehead to mine. “I just realized that I’ve had my first, first with you. I’ve never told a girl that I’ve loved her before—a huge first that you get to call yours. All yours.”

  “Yes!” I gloated, dotting his lips with another kiss. The sun, now considerably lower in the skyline, was not as warm as when I’d arrived. I shivered in my light sweater.

  Toby picked up his jacket and put it around my shoulders. “Come on. Let’s go back to my house. I’ll warm you up with the ‘official reunion’ ceremony.”

  I laughed. “Is that anything like the ‘official girlfriend’ ceremony?”

  “The girlfriend ceremony only required a kiss,” he said. “The reunion ceremony is much more involved. We have to get naked for it.”

  “Jeez! I see there are some things about you that haven’t changed. All you think about, still, is sex.”

  “Claude,” he groaned with theatrical exaggeration. “It’s been a long time. I want to get you naked and under me as soon as possible. I’m going to show you how much I love you.” He nuzzled my face, his breath warm on my cheek.

  Smiling apprehensively, I slanted away from him. “Um, about that.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “About what?”

  “Sex,” I bit my lip. “I don’t want to rush right back into having it.”

  “But, I thought after the resort…”

  My face flamed as I remembered what he had done to me with his mouth and how I had enjoyed it.

  “Yeah, well, things moved awfully fast that night.” I traced the curve of his chin in an effort to soften my explanation. “I want to be with you, but I’d like us to be on solid footing before we move into such an intimate relationship again.”

  Letting out a loud breath, he looked away for a moment. I knew this was asking a lot, but I needed the time to adjust. To be sure.

  His eyes returned to me. “I guess I can do that. But only because I know what I’m waiting for,” he said, lifting my hand and pressing a kiss into my palm. “It’s worth the wait.”

  I stroked his chin, enjoying the feel of his groomed stubble as it grazed against my fingertips. “Thank you.”

  I moved to stand up, but before I could, he wrapped his arms around my waist an
d held me fast to him. Leaning down to look into my eyes, his expression was serious. “I’ll do whatever I can to make you happy. Even if I have to follow you to California to finally get you naked.”

  “Thank you, baby,” I said, the whispered endearment slipping naturally from my lips. “You might have to wait for the naked part, but you definitely don’t have to follow me to California. I’m not going back.”

  His mouth opened and closed without words coming out, and I laughed.

  “You’re staying here? On the Island?” he managed to ask at last.

  I nodded. “I finalized my schedule at SBU, and I’m meeting with the director at Sterling to talk about my internship.” I looked up at him. “I wanted to give us a chance, but I also miss being here. This is my home.”

  He let out a breath of relief. “I’m so freaking happy right now. You have no idea,” he said, smoothing my hair with his fingers. “Claudia Chiametti, I want to be with you forever.”

  I kissed his chin. “Wow, such an optimistic romantic.”

  “Maybe I am,” he shrugged. “Optimism is potent stuff. I wouldn’t let myself believe anything else but that we’d get to this very place. And now, here we are.”

  “But forever is a long time. And why put that kind of pressure on us? Let’s just start with a month and work up from there.”

  “A month?” he balked.

  “Well, what did you have in mind?”

  Looking at me, he cocked his head to the side. “What I have in mind is forever.”

  Though the sentiment was sweet, ‘forever’ was a nonsensical word. “Nothing lasts forever.”

  He tsk tsked me. “Oh, ye of little faith.”

  “Oh, please,” I rolled my eyes at the archaic phrase. “I have a lot of faith.”

  “But not in us.”

  This time I opened and shut my mouth without a word.

  Toby chuckled. “That’s alright. I have enough faith for both of us. If it’ll make you feel better, we’ll say the summer to start with. But I plan on making you want me forever.”

  “I don’t know how you can be so sure, but okay,” I shrugged. “I’m certainly interested in seeing you pull that off.”

  Holding me immobile with his smoldering gaze, he slid the full expanse of his large hands slowly over my hips and pressed his palms against the fleshy anterior. The heated look matched with the provocative manipulation had an immediate effect.

  A ripple of excitement swelled inside me.

  I released a slow, tight breath. By his smile, I could tell he knew how it affected me.

  “Mmm. It would be a helluva lot easier to do it with some mind-blowing sex. I guess I’m going to have to get creative until you give me the green light,” he whispered. “But, oh, baby, when we finally do it, you’re not going to be able to walk for days afterwards.”

  The promise had me practically panting. “Holy cow,” I crowed and shook my head. “How can you talk to me like that in front of your mother? She’s probably horrified.”

  Chuckling, Toby stood up and offered me his hand. “Julia’s not listening anymore. She’s too busy doing a happy dance up there in heaven. With my father.”

  “Because we’re together?” I asked, as he pulled me to my feet. He nodded. Picturing Mrs. Faye swirling around with Mr. Faye, a big smile on her face, made me swallow back tears. “I really like that image.”

  We linked hands and strolled closer to the gravestone. “You know, your mother brought us together.”

  “I think it was her master plan,” he agreed.

  I turned to face him. “Her master plan was for you to be happy.”

  “She always knew I’d be happy here. But she was sure I’d be happiest if I were here, with you.” He squeezed my hand within his and laid the other warmly on my cheek. “Turns out, she was right.”

  The End

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  Stay tuned for the release of the sequel to this book,

  “Keeping Claudia.”