by Rita Hestand
He thought about their lovemaking and how good it was. He'd never imagined how being one with a woman was so…titillating. Melanie's body was so beautiful; he could barely keep his hands off her. From her full beautiful pearly pink breasts to the round curve of her hips, she was like God's perfection. Not skinny, not fat, but curved in all the right places.
He had to quit thinking of her and making love, or he wouldn't be able to walk and he was sure his father wouldn't understand.
Or would he?
From all accounts, his father was lustfully in love with Joe's mother too. She was a handsome woman, with long dark hair and eyes the color of the sea. When George talked about her his eyes lit up, and Joe knew they had been just as in love as he was with Melanie.
Still, he couldn't help but wonder if his father was lonely now.
Chapter Nineteen
The wake for Jethro lasted two days and all the hands were there to send him off. The grave had been dug on the far side of the cemetery and Ole Jen had gathered flowers for it.
The sadness within her made her move slower, made her smile less and made her silent. Joe wanted to comfort her; she had always been there for him.
But as they lowered Jethro into the ground, Ole Jen sang a hymn and tears rolled down her cheeks as she sang, such a lovely song, a hymn that came right from the heart.
Melanie cried too and squeezed Joe's hand.
Later, Melanie had gone to get her mother, as there would be a big cookout.
After the funeral, all the hand's wives and Ole Jen cooked a big dinner. George had a side of beef smoking.
Some of the old black men got together and played music for the small crowd. It was the first time Joe had seen his father talking and cutting up with some of the workers. He looked relaxed and almost happy today.
The backyard was full of people, mostly black people except for Joe and his family.
"I want to thank you for allowing us to have the funeral here, Mr. George." Ole Jen said casting him a slight glance.
"It's where he belongs." George commented slicing some of the meat and placing it on each plate that came forth. The meat was too raw for some and they waited for it to cook.
"Yes, it is…" she smiled at the old man. George shot her a quick glance. Something strange passed between them.
"Jethro was a good worker, he'll be missed." George muttered.
"He was a good man, Mister George. A lonely man, and a good man. He never married, because of that scar he got at the auction block when he was a kid. He never had any kids of his own. But he loved the Lord, and he gave a day's work." Ole Jen cried wiping her eyes.
"Of course," George nodded and walked off...
Ole Jen shook her head and cried, as she stared after him a long time. "As long as I live, I don't think that old man will ever recognize that the only difference between a black person and a white person is the color of their skin. But then, he ain't the only one." Ole Jen said sadly. "But he's sure a good man…mighty good."
Joe overheard her, came over to her, bent, and kissed her on the forehead. "I recognize it."
Ole Jen watched as some others began setting the rest of the food out on the long table, and covering it with a cloth until the meat was done. "You always have. I never told you this, but I always favored you. Do you know why?" Ole Jen asked quietly.
"No, why?" Joe's head turned in question.
"Because you have always realized that, that's why." She took his hand and squeezed it.
"I'm surprised you've stayed as long as you have. I mean you are all free now…" Joe glanced around, seeing his father tending the meat and talking to some of the other men that had gathered. "All of you could have walked away from here, if you'd a mind."
"Can we go somewhere so we can talk?" Ole Jen asked suddenly.
Joe stared at her a moment, seeing some cloud forming in her mind. "Sure…let's go into the study, no one will bother us there."
She smiled and nodded.
Arm in arm they walked to the study and closed the door.
"Lock it; I don't want anyone coming in on us…" Ole Jen told him.
"Alright, you are certainly being mysterious, Old Jen." Joe bantered lightly.
"I knows I am. But what I got to say is not for prying ears. It's weighed on me a long time. And when I realized your deception, it brought out a few of my own. Now it's time to tell you."
"Good Lord, what have you done?" Joe laughed.
Ole Jen looked at him and smiled sadly. "I don't know about the others, but…I love that ole man…."
Joe's eyes widened is surprise. "Father?"
Joe thought about that a moment. It was a bold statement and he wondered how she meant it.
She nodded.
He chuckled. "Well, your secret is safe with me, I won't tell him."
"You don't have to. He already knows."
"What are you talking about?" Joe looked at her as he poured her a special glass of the finest wine.
As he handed it to her, he smiled. "You can tell me anything."
"I know that. Seems kinda funny don't it. Me sayin' I love your father after all these years."
"Ole Jen, we all love you too…" Joe acknowledged. "But my father has never shown you that much consideration. Your statement baffles me a little."
"Well, that's not completely true." Ole Jen interrupted. "He doesn't show his feelings in public. And he won't. It ain't in his nature. Besides, he's the plantation owner. He can't show us feelings in front of others, otherwise he'd face a lot of ridicule. He is what he is, but he's honest about it. He don't put on any airs, and…he's been good to us in his own way. Mr. Martindale over the hill there, he beats his people. Nearly killed one about a year ago. If Willy hadn't come here, needing my help, he'd have died. Oh, at the goings on at his place. Martindale isn't a good man. He's raped before…you know?"
"No, I didn't know." Joe's face screwed up in a huge frown. "If father had ever done that, I'd have to go after him."
"Martindale's been doin' that for some time. Some of them kids…are his."
Joe's mouth hung open. "I've heard of such, but I thought it was a lie…I guess deep down I never wanted to believe such a thing. Makes my father look almost saintly, doesn't it."
"Your father is a man, Joe. A good man, but a man. Ain't no lie. It's the truth."
"There should be a law…to protect…"
"There ain't no law where we are concerned. We is free, but to do what. All we know is what we learned on these plantations. That's all. We got no places to go to. We faced that fact the day your father admitted we were all free. Lincoln had done that long before he did. And I'm sorry they killed Lincoln he was a good man too." She turned the wine glass in her hand and studied it a moment, then swallowed it slowly. "The truth is, we don't know how to do nothing, but what we are already doing. This is our home. Like it or not. Besides…I'd never leave your daddy."
Joe stared at her, his question poised to come out. "He doesn't know how you feel?"
"Land sakes boy, he knows. He's always known." Ole Jen laughed.
"I'd kill him if he touched you in any way…"
Ole Jen smiled almost sadly. She saw his picture on a table and went to look at it. It was the way she was looking at it that had Joe uneasy. "I always thought of you and your brother as my children. I raised you."
"We've felt the same…"
"I knows that…I knowed it before you ever did." Ole Jen smiled at him.
"If I had full rein of this place, things would be different." Joe promised.
"Some day you will have. But it's okay, for now. Your daddy doesn't love us, but he don't mistreat us either, that's more than we can say for a lot of masters."
"He's your boss, not your master…"
"No, he's my master…" Ole Jen said quietly. Then she looked into his eyes and smiled. She reached for his hand. "You don't understand, and now I'm going to tell you, get it off my shoulders. I loved your father, and he loved me."
&nbs
p; Joe mouth hung open as he gasped and looked about. There was music outside now and everyone was helping themselves to the food. Joe almost wished he were with them. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear this, and yet…he did love Ole Jen. "Ole Jen, what are you saying? He raped you?" He came closer, not to hush her but to comfort her.
"No, he didn't have to." Ole Jen stared into his eyes and smiled as though reminiscing. "I wanted him. It's the truth, I did. I knew it wasn't right, but he was so kind, and the way he used to look at me, I couldn't help but feel the same way. Your mother took ill. He was so lonely. And every time he looked at me, it was like he was reaching out to me, for comfort. And one day I reached back. You see I was quite a good looking young woman." She noticed how Joe seemed to tense. "Oh…it wasn't like you think. It wasn't some sordid affair. We had feelings for one another. Real feelings. Feelings that grew from the beginning. He always favored me, as a young girl. He'd seen my tears when my folks had been auctioned off. The love we had was something I'll cherish the rest of my life. And…God gave us a love child…." Ole Jen's eyes misted.
"My God…my father…took you? How old were you?"
"I was young, but old enough to know what I wanted. I'd lived a lonely life myself. Honey, I was just a young girl back then. And he was the only man in my life, since my Pa was auctioned, somewhere's else. Maybe that was the problem. I had no man in my life, and I needed one. I don't know why, it was just there. I grew to love Mr. George. He'd always favored me as I said. He was kinder, never hollered at me once. Kinder than anyone had been in a long time. More than I can say…I probably wouldn't have fallen in love with him if he had been mean, but he wasn't. He was kind to me from the start. I saw something in his eyes when he looked at me. I was about twelve the first time I noticed him really looking at me. Like he loved me but was ashamed to say it. The same thing that was in my heart, when I looked at him. We loved each other, as sinful as that sounds, we did. The first couple of years I was here, he tried his best to ignore me. Even though I made it difficult at times. I was quite daring."
Joe went on bended knee and stared into Ole Jen's eyes. "What happened to the child?"
Seeing Joe had been distracted by her admission she indulged him. "Ben…well, since your Mama was still alive, he took the baby and sent it where he could go to school and learn things. I never saw him again. But I had one baby…that lived, Ben…my Ben."
"Good Lord, you never told me Ole Jen." Joe seemed to pace.
"Never told nobody what happened but you. How do you tell a child something like that?"
"Then I have a half brother, somewhere?"
"That's right…somewhere." Ole Jen nodded.
"Did…father love you?" Joe asked wondering exactly how he felt about all of this.
"Lord child, he's a white man. A respected white man, but…yes, I think he did, for a while anyway. Then he just sort of put me aside, and forgot it ever happened. He had to. We knew the day would come from the beginning. Every now and then he'd look at me, with the same look he had that day at the pond. That's why I love him so…he never told nobody. But he took care of my baby. I know that…For that I'll always love him. He loved that baby too, it was his last son."
"And you still love him after all of that?"
"More than ever. He's part of me, he always will be. You can't erase something like that, as though it never happened. Oh, he tried, but every now and then I'd see that love in his eyes, and I know, he didn't erase it, he just tucked into his heart somewhere."
"Perhaps I should try to locate him for you. Your son…"
Ole Jen shook her head. "No…that would be a disgrace. For him and for all of us. Wherever he is, he's happy. Let's keep it that way. Even though he's your half brother, he deserves the chance to have a happy life."
"But Ole Jen, don't you ever want to see him again?"
"No…not if it means disrupting his life I don't. Perhaps at a distance, but not face to face. I don't know if he's living a white life or a black one. I only know that he was taken care of, by your father and that's good enough for me."
"But…Ole Jen…!"
"Shh…we don't want everyone to know." Ole Jen glanced out the window as though afraid someone might hear them.
"How old would he be now?"
"Almost twenty-three…he was a handsome baby, looked more white than black for some reason, but a handsome baby…It was because of his peculiar coloring that your daddy had to send him away. I realized that real fast."
Joe's frown grew and Ole Jen knew what he was thinking. "Don't hold it agin your father. He loved me in my fashion and I was smitten with him. I was young and kinda pretty back then. At least he thought so. I had long legs, smooth high breasts and well…let's just say I was built nice. I was built like a woman before I was a woman. He happened to catch me bathin' one day in the creek. I was fourteen, and all the womanly feelings were coming upon me. On that hot, scorching day, everyone else was gone, it was watermelon time and most the hands had been picking them all day. But I knew your father was around close, and I just couldn't leave. He spotted me and walked over. He just stood there starin' for the longest, and I…I stared too. I wanted him so much; I just stood up in the creek and let him look all he wanted. He stood there, me trembling from his possessive look. He must have seen how much I cared for him. He was so lonely and hungry for affection himself. It was a few months later that we actually got together. We sorta lost ourselves in each other for a time. Lord, we were lost. And don't you ever shame me for it, it was the most beautiful thing in my entire life. He was a good lover too."
"I'd never do that Ole Jen."
Joe saw how she was remembering the days. It was hard to see Ole Jen in that light. Hard for him at least.
"He was the gentlest of lovers. Oh at the nights we spent together, in each other's arms. Making love with him…he taught me everything about being a woman. We didn't talk much, but he swore he cared for me. And when the baby came, he loved him too, and he swore he'd take care of him. He kept that promise."
"How long did this go on?"
"About three years, I was pretty young you see, but by the time I got pregnant he was thinking about bringing me into the big house then as the house maid. It made it much easier to be with him."
Joe found it hard to understand, and yet, as much as he loved Ole Jen he'd never hurt her.
"He loved that baby. He'd sing it songs and dance around my place half the night sometimes before I moved into the big house. He took the baby away not long after that and moved me into the main house. We made love almost every night. Your mother died, and he was so lonely and for a time he felt so guilty for making love with me. But he healed in time. And I think it was my love for him that healed him. He loved her very much, never doubt that Joe. And things were going along well for a time, until a cousin came to live with your father for a while and he had to temper our nightly visits. He still came off and on when the loneliness set in. He protected me in every way. Sometimes I would see regret in his eyes, and I knew what he was thinking. We wanted each other even afterwards. But we knew it was over, too."
"Did he tell you where he took the child?"
"No, just said the child would never want for anything, and would get the best of education money could buy. That I could be proud of him."
"Did father apologize to you, ever?"
"For what…there was no need, I was in love with him…I wanted him bad. It was me that should have apologized to him. That first day in the woodshed, I tricked him in there. I knew how bad he was hurtin' over your mother. And at first he wasn't in love with me, he was in lust with me. You see he was my first man. I was shameless that day but I knew I had to make the first move. I took my clothes off, and just stood there, letting him gaze at me. At first, he just stared at me, but after a while, he raised his hands and cupped my face. Then he kissed me, over and over. I'll never forget that day as long as I live. It was beautiful. He carried me to the back of the shed where there was an old cot, and
he made love to me, for hours. I was scared because it was late when he went inside. But your mama was too sick to ever notice. Don't think ill of us, it was simply two people who needed each other, that's all."
Joe's face was white. He didn't know what to make of the story. But he knew Ole Jen wouldn't lie.
He'd never considered Ole Jen a woman, a mother, but not a woman. It was hard to realize it could have happened. Joe paced for a long time then came back to her side.
"I promise you….someday I'll find him, for you!"
"It ain't necessary. I want his happiness, before mine."
"I've heard of these things happening, but I never thought my father would…."
"Joe, it wasn't like that." Ole Jen grabbed him by the arms and stared him down. "He didn't rape me. He took what I offered. I'm the one who put his hand upon my breast. I never thought he'd come back after that first night, he acted so strange. But the love we shared was so intense. I knew it tore him apart to want me and love her at the same time. I realized later, he had felt so guilty, with your mama so sick. You see, we needed each other so bad. He had no one to confide in, no one to weep with, but me. And it wasn't rape at all." Ole Jen begged. "It was me. I wanted him. And I guess in his way, he wanted me, because he kept coming back to me, every chance he got. He took chances you wouldn't believe to be with me. And he always protected me first, without regard to reputation. We stole moments alone. He was a very virile man, and he needed a woman. So, I was that woman. She died and for a time, I was his only woman. I was never prouder of anything in my life as I was of being his woman. In his grief, he loved me like no man ever has since. I think if I'd have been white he would have eventually married me. He still had to sneak around, but by that time I was living in the big house, and so being together wasn't as obvious to everyone. He wanted me…in his room, every night, in his bed. We spent hours there." She recalled with a chuckle. "It was heaven and hell at the same time. All the black people knew it, they shamed me of course, but I didn't care. What I felt for him was just too powerful. I loved him. It sure made me proud to be his only woman. Even for a short while." Ole Jen looked into his eyes. "He was good to me Joe, and I love him, still do." She crumpled a hankie in her hand and dabbed her eyes. "God forgive me, but I do. And I guess that's why I'm so close to you and Sam…you are part of my life too."
