Finding Fate

by Charisse Spiers

  A door closes in the near distance. I pull my head back to look him in the eyes. God, he’s beautiful. Especially when you see him raw, like right now, where he hides nothing and doesn’t hold back. He doesn’t show it to many people. “I’m going to forgive you this time, but so help me God, if you shove your dick in anyone else but me, I will cut it off.”

  He nods, his eyes targeted on my mouth. “I’ll do it myself and let you watch me.”

  Knowing him, he probably would. “Did you at least shower the ho off you?”

  The guilt in his green eyes is heart-wrenching. “I’ve never gone more than ten minutes after it’s over before breaking down in the shower scrubbing every part of me, including my mouth. I don’t want to be with other girls, Gabby. I do it for a mental break.”

  I close my eyes for a second. I can’t tell him yet. We need to be right first. I open them and close the distance between his lips and mine. “I need to get my head on straight before we have sex again, but I want you to kiss me.”

  Without a moment’s hesitation, his mouth connects with mine, and like a pair coming back together after being lost, everything feels right. To date, I’ve never felt so whole kissing another human being. Everything works and fits right. Glides effortlessly. We belong together, regardless of who tries to force us apart. Our lips bend and fold and mold against one another, tongues skim at the tips, and ridge of muscle appears between my legs, causing my eyes to roll back in my head and an accidental moan to slip. Despite the fact that his hands keep twitching, he keeps them where they are, hugged against my hips. Before I even realize what I’m doing, I’m rubbing against it.

  He pulls away. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to.”

  I push my lips against his again, and then smile against his mouth. “Remember the night we met? When you touched me in the backseat of your truck? The way you made me want it?”

  “I’ll never forget the night we met,” he whispers.

  I tug at his lips some more. “Yeah? Remind me.”

  “The music was blasting. The stage lights were bright. The band was rocking out on stage. The spotlights started bouncing across the audience to get them going. I followed it. Then all of a sudden it landed on you. I’d never seen anything like you. Long blonde hair and heavy makeup. You were wearing this pair of jean shorts that barely covered your ass and a cut-up band tee shirt. Dancing to the music and singing along. You knew every word to that rock song. You were lost in it—arms in the air, rock symbol out, and feeling the music. I could tell. I was falling in love with someone I’d never met. I just wanted to be in your space.”

  My heart is so fucking happy. Finally, after so much misery. I nibble on his bottom lip. “So what’d you do?”

  “I started moving. You were drawing me in like a magnet. It took me a while to squeeze through that many people, but I finally made it. I didn’t realize you were there with a friend, so I waited patiently, until I had you alone.”

  I kiss him again, the emotions overwhelming me. His breath is so heavy. “What’s the first thing you said to me?”

  “Is this your favorite band.”

  “And then what happened?”

  “We hit it off. Talked over the loud music until I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to know more about you, so I asked if you wanted to go for a ride. I thought you’d say no.”

  I smile as I pull his soaking wet shirt up his body, letting the memory play out in my mind. He finishes removing it when it gets to his armpits and throws it down. “Did I surprise you?”

  He smiles. “Yes. We rode around for two hours talking. My heart was pounding. Sitting beside me was long blonde hair, eyes so brown they’re almost black, and an olive complexion that had clearly been darkened. You were beautiful. I was a nervous wreck. I chewed half a pack of gum because of it. I couldn’t believe I’d never met you before. I ran out of places to go, so I went to this little spot I knew of where cops wouldn’t get suspicious over us occupying a parked car. I wasn’t planning to try anything. I just wanted to talk to you in a way I didn’t have to concentrate on the road.”

  “And when you killed the engine on the side of that old backroad, what’d I ask you?”

  His dick gets harder beneath me. “Are you a virgin.”

  “You stared at me.”

  “I didn’t know what to say. I was caught off guard. I didn’t want you to think I brought you there for that by telling you no. But then you . . .” I remove my shirt—part of what I changed into before we boarded the plane. “Did that.”

  “I felt it too. You were different. I knew just from talking to you that I wanted to experience everything you had to offer, even if I never saw you again. I wanted to give you my virginity. What’d I tell you?”

  “Let’s own the night—four words that changed my life. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that girl was thirteen. You looked sixteen.”

  “I didn’t want to ruin it with things that don’t matter. Age is just a number. Mental capacity is what varies from person to person. I was old enough to say yes to leaving that concert with you. I was completely aware of what I was agreeing to when I wanted to give you my virginity. No one forced me to continue having sex with you after the first time. No one made me fall in love with you. I just did. Everything between us was consensual. Show me what you did to me. Take me back to where it all started.”

  “But I thought—”

  “Don’t add things to my mind that aren’t there, Maddox.”

  His hands start shaking. I stand up so that he can pull my shorts down. His hands wrap around the waistband, but he stalls. “I still make you nervous?”

  “Yes,” he whispers.

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want to lose you again.”

  “Then fucking hold on.” He slowly works them down my legs until I step out, and then I return to my previous position, removing my bra. “Take me back to a time when things were simple.”

  Our lips meet, our mouths twisting and tangling and moving about. I let his taste hypnotize me like it always has. The night is in my mind, and the second his hands start moving from my hips up my sides, we come alive. His lips glide down my neck, until his mouth meets the hand that is cupped around my breast and he wraps his lips around my nipple, letting his tongue flick back and forth. “Yes.”

  The free hand travels south down my middle, until his thumb brushes over a place so private it makes me shiver. He looks at me, his green eyes telling. He likes touching me. “Has anyone ever touched you here?”

  “No,” I whisper. “I want you to be my first.”

  His breathing goes ragged as he presses his thumb against me, and then he starts to rub. I try to hold it in, but soft pants and moans spill from my lips. “Does it feel good?”

  My bottom lip separates from my top, unable to answer, because something is happening to my body that no one has ever made me feel. I whimper, a slight nod occurring. I press my lips to his, greedy pulls and skims between us, and I just let myself feel through an experience I’ve never felt before.

  I pull back as it ends, liking the way he’s looking at me, and surprisingly wanting more. “Do you want to do it?”

  Any tension that was left in his body relaxes, and he says exactly as he said that night, only it comes out slightly different, and a little shaky. “Only if you want to.”

  “Put it in.”

  He unbuttons and unzips his wet cargo shorts and goes to lift to shove them down but stops. “I don’t have a condom here like . . .”

  My mouth tilts. “A remake is never exactly like the original. Improvise.”

  “I love you so fucking much,” he whispers, and then works the wet fabric down enough to bare his lap. The tear that runs down his face proves he gets what’s not being said here. He will pay for what he’s done enough without me adding to it in ways that don’t matter. There are other things I can do later that will have a bigger impact than withholding sex from him. Maddox is more about the possession and the
emotional than the physical act. He isn’t like most guys. He has a way of punishing himself in harsher ways than anything I could punish him with.

  The truth is, I love him, and we’ve lost enough time. Sitting in that room, locked away like a criminal, I had a lot of time to think. And in all of that thought process I never expected someone to show up like a white knight to rescue me. Once again, I was without him, and now he’s here, right in front of me. I’d rather hold on to the good than stew on the bad. I’m going to fight for my freedom to love who I want to or die trying, because he makes it worth it. You don’t have to forget that someone has wronged you or be a doormat to forgive them. This is my forgiveness. “Put it in,” I repeat.

  And just like that night in the back of his truck, at thirteen, when I gave him the one thing I’ve still never given another guy to date, he pushes inside of me. “Shit.”

  With one word of motivation from him, I push up with my legs and pump up and down on him. Instead of his hands going for my breasts they go for my face, already pulling me in for a kiss. Emotions high and love running deep, within ten minutes he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, so that his body is aligned with mine when he comes inside of me. “I know I don’t deserve you,” he says, his forehead pressed against mine, and his thumb traces along the tattoo of his name behind my left ear, confirming he didn’t forget it was there. “But I swear on my life I’ll make it up to you.”

  I push off of him and stand to turn off the water that’s cold, already reaching for my pile of clothes on the floor that are soaked, wringing them out. I’ll find a towel. “Yeah, you will, starting tonight. You’re going to sit here sober while you watch me drink, and then you’re going to take me to the same nightclub you were at last night and watch me dance with whoever the fuck I want while it crawls all up and down your spine and pisses you off.”

  He stands in a hurry, pulling up his shorts as I walk out of the shower in search for a towel. “Over my dead body,” he says when I locate the linen closet, turning on that internal villainous side I hide so well until it’s needed, like earlier.

  I pull a towel out and wrap it around my body, tucking it, and then turn around and look at him. “Watch me.”

  “Gabby,” he says, his voice more of a plea this time. “I said I was sorry. I thought that was us moving on.”

  “I forgive you, baby, but I believe in equality. You fell in love with a vengeful person, and as long as you have me, you could go months without sex if I asked you to. Your jealousy is your crutch, and I’m playing hardball. You still gave away something that’s mine. What’s fair is fair. Payback’s a bitch.”

  His jaw locks. Getting mad already. Perfect. I turn around to walk out of the bathroom. He grabs my arm. “You’re not going out there like that. I’ll go get you some clothes.”

  I press my lips to his. “Try and stop me.”

  When I turn and walk out, I can hear him on my heels. “Gabby,” he barks, as I come into the kitchen where everyone is standing. Presley raises her brows. I wink at her, making her laugh out. Riggan smiles at me. “What the fuck are you looking at?” Maddox yells from behind me.

  “Oh, I’m going to sit back and watch and thoroughly enjoy being on this side of it,” Riggan returns.

  I stop when I hit the door, causing Maddox to grab my hips to avoid running into me. “Club night if anyone wants to join. Maddox here is going to watch me have a little fun.”

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Konnor says, an ever-growing smirk on his face.

  “I guess it’s a good thing I’m off tonight,” Riggan adds.

  I continue on my trek toward the stairs, the sound of a fist driving into a doorframe occurring behind me. And this is how you keep your man faithful—by reminding him there are always other men that want you if he doesn’t keep it zipped up. I’m not a weak bitch. I have zero tolerance for sharing.

  Twelve

  Maddox

  I grip the top sides of the doorframe to my room, my head falling against the closed door that’s been locked for the past two hours—since she woke up from a nap and took a shower. I sat against the door and watched her sleep, too scared to fall asleep with her this time. “Gab, let me in.”

  Just like she’s done the last hour, she doesn’t answer me. “You hiding her makes so much sense now. She’s a fireball.”

  I sigh, before looking over at Riggan standing on the top step of the staircase, drinking a beer. He leans his shoulder against the wall, clearly making himself comfortable. “Laugh it up, asshole. You’re welcome to stay here.”

  Konnor comes up and stops on the step behind him, also holding a beer. “The groveling Maddox is much more entertaining.”

  I growl, irritated. “Shouldn’t you feel like shit drinking in front of your pregnant wives? I’m a big boy. I can deal with this without an audience.”

  “A, wife and fiancé. Riggan isn’t married yet. B, I have been informed I have a solid DD for nine months by the coolest fucking wife there is. Riggan doesn’t even run dry before Blondie is cracking open another one. She really likes Riggan drunk sex and is on a mission to make Maddox happy again, so we have been given the green light to drink whatever the hell we want. They are downstairs making their little pregnancy approved cocktails as we speak.” He tips his beer at me. “And this will be so much better to watch behind beer goggles.” He smirks. “I’ve partied with Gabby. I know how she rolls,” he says, goading me.

  My jaw locks down. “And how does Presley feel about your little secret friendship with my girl?”

  He fucking smiles. “Didn’t you hear? They’re BFFs now. Don’t fuck up again. You’ll likely be the one homeless, not her.”

  “When the hell is Landon coming back? Two weeks is a long fucking time to deal with this shit. I need a level playing field. You two are dicks together.”

  He laughs. “Nope, just been there and done that. Earned a nice little badge and all. When you’re done being a fuck-up like we were, you will join us and then we can all three gang up on Landon when he finds a love interest.”

  “Good luck with that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Landon put up with a girl for more than a few months at a time.”

  “He just hasn’t met the right one.”

  The lock in the doorknob turns and the door swings open, drawing my attention. My jaw drops as my eyes hit the tight, bright red, strapless dress that stops at the top of her thighs, hugs every fucking inch, and doesn’t cover shit. It looks more like a towel than a dress. Her long, black hair hangs straight and her makeup is heavier than I’ve ever seen it. The heels make her legs look much longer. She’s a cock trap. My eyes make it to hers. “Fuck no!”

  “Good, I look perfect.”

  Masculine laughter sounds from behind me. Pricks. I look back at them. “Go away. We’ll be down in a minute.”

  “Lookin’ good, Gab. Don’t change,” Konnor says.

  “Fuck you,” I bite out. “And to the rest of you dicks it’s Gabby.”

  Konnor laughs, turning around to walk back down the stairs. “Keep it up,” Riggan adds. “His ass deserves it. Pick your poison, Gab, and we’ll have it ready.”

  “Crown and Coke?” she says. “Vodka and Sprite works too.”

  “She can drink beer,” I tell him.

  He smirks, already pushing off the wall to leave. “Sorry, fresh out.”

  “How are we best friends?”

  His smile never wavers. “That swamp juice memory coming back yet?”

  “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

  He starts walking down the stairs, laughter expelling. “What goes around comes around.”

  I look at her, still blocking her from coming out with my body. I couldn’t have handled her looking like this back then. She’s a fucking woman now. She has just enough exotic features from her Greek side to make a man crazy. “Gab, why can’t you wear jeans?”

  “And miss out on a hot guy grazing my ass in front of you? Not a fat chance. Were the ho-
bags you let sample my dick wearing jeans?”

  My heart plummets. I feel a foot tall. She knows she can make me feel like shit. “I didn’t do it in front of you. I didn’t even think we were together. You know I would have never done that to you if we were.”

  “I know you would never cheat on me, Maddox, but had you not let that big ego of yours get in the way, you would have realized something was wrong, like your friends, who by the way, loved you enough to come get me. Have I ever told you I’d do one thing and then just left you high and dry? The day you left I promised you I’d be there and what did I do? I found a way to show up, even though my dad had me on twenty-four-seven surveillance.”

  I stare into her dark, unforgettable eyes. When they’re targeted on you, they can make you feel amazing or the lowest of low. If she’s angry you’ll know it with one look. “How do we get past this? If a guy touches you, he’s going to die.”

  She steps into my space, tilting her head back, and suddenly, her hand is gripped around my dick through my jeans, causing me to flinch. Fuck. “That’s where you’re wrong, baby. You may be the only man that has my heart, but I’m going to show you that you’re the only man that’s had my body because I chose not to give it away, not because no one wanted it. You’re going to stand back and watch me with someone else and never lift a finger. You’re not going to do a damn thing while he gropes me, dances on me, rubs his erection against my ass, and figures out that I prefer thongs. When you’re sitting there, raging mad and your blood boiling because you want to kill him for touching what’s yours even though that little voice inside you tells you it’s wrong, you’ll remember that I’m the crazy bitch that actually will kill one over you, and my forgiveness only goes so far. The next time you think about sticking it in something else wet just because shit gets tough, castrating you will be a walk in the park compared to what I’m going to do, and that’s force you to watch while another dick taints what’s only ever known you.”