Finding Fate

by Charisse Spiers

  “Because he couldn’t wait to rub it in my face, Gabrielle, but I guess that means it’s true.” He steps forward and roughly grips my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him. “You’re only twenty-one. Why can’t you just let yourself be a damn kid, huh? You have all the time in the world to have kids. Did you learn nothing with experience?”

  My cries pick up. “I could blame this on you, considering I thought I was on birth control, but I won’t. I’ll take responsibility for my actions. Disappointing to know I’m not your perfect little girl anymore, isn’t it? I make one mistake after another. I’m surprised you remembered I gained another year in age.”

  He tightens his grip on me, making me whimper. “I’ve never forgotten your birthday, even when you were running from me, just like I’ve never forgotten my grandson’s birthday. You’re my only daughter. Your mother and I were at an elite Halloween party the night she went into labor. Regardless of what you think, I’ve always wanted what was best for you. I love you, but before I give you away, I’m going to make sure he’s right for you.”

  I sob. This is more emotion than I’ve gotten out of my dad in years. But as I look at his handsome face, bruised and swollen, I’m reminded that he and Maddox aren’t on good terms. My dad is my past, while Maddox is my future. I have to put him first. “Then give me space.”

  He sighs, clearly not liking my request. “Your grandfather isn’t going to like this.”

  “I love him, Daddy. You can’t play roulette with a person. We were both just kids livin’ on love and high on life. Someone shouldn’t have to prove himself to be worthy. He would have never left had you never given him the ultimatum.”

  His eyes soften. “The chip was for your benefit. I knew you wouldn’t cooperate had I told you what it was. Yes, you are just like me in ways. I’ve never denied it. After so much went on under my nose, some of it was for me, but most of it was for you. You’re my only child. I can’t live in a world where I don’t know where you are, that you’re safe.” He reaches in his pocket after releasing me, and then opens my hand, placing a set of keys in it. “Space is what I’ve been giving you since the night I came home and you were gone. Don’t think for a second I didn’t know where you were. Happy late birthday, baby. I know you don’t need my money as much as I wish you did, but a parent will always make sure their children are taken care of.”

  He kisses my temple and then pulls away. I stare down at the key fob with the Acura logo on it, and then I look up at him, confused. “You brought my car here?”

  He shakes his head. “I sold it. I realized you were never going to drive that car again. There were too many bad memories tied to it. I bought this one when I got here. I never came for a fight. I came for you. I hate you being gone. I miss my daughter. I may have to share you, but no man is going to take you from me.”

  I look past him and notice the brand-new black Acura TLX with dark rims in the driveway. It’s beautiful. “Daddy,” I whisper. “I can’t take this. I won’t be bribed. I’m not giving this baby up.”

  “Gabby,” he says for I think the first time in my life. “I’d be concerned if you wanted to. I’m going to give you what you asked for. I’m going to go home, let things calm down, and then we’re going to figure this out. I can’t live my life pretending you don’t exist.”

  “You’re going to have to come to him, Dad. After everything, Maddox isn’t going to try for a relationship with you, and we’re a package deal.” He stares at me, and then pulls me in for a hug. I squeeze him back, scared to let go. It’s been a long damn time since I hugged my dad, and as I hold onto his shirt, I lose it. “I’ve missed you.”

  “When you love someone, you’ll go to any length to make sure they’re taken care of. Sometimes the extremes aren’t necessarily what’s best. You don’t see it at the time, but I never left you.”

  He pulls away and turns to walk down the driveway as a car pulls in. “Who’s that?”

  “My ride to the airport. Be expecting my call.”

  And just like that, he’s back to the man I’ve always known—all business and no play—as he gets in the backseat of the car. Before I can blink it seems like, he’s gone, and a piece of my heart feels like it’s missing, just like it did when I didn’t have Maddox. If everyone wants me to make a choice, I choose both, and that’s something they’ll just have to live with.

  Forty-Five

  Maddox

  I sit hunched over on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands, wondering if I made the right call by saying that shit to her. I was angry, but I think I’d be angrier at myself if she actually took my words to heart. God knows I’m crazy about Gabby. I’ve never hidden it. But the second I heard he was downstairs I snapped. The years with her I lost came crashing in at once.

  The door opens and my head jerks up. “Gabby . . .”

  But my eyes lock on Riggan’s as he leans into the doorframe. He shakes his head. “Your eyes are red. She’s not worth the tears, bro.”

  My eyes burn and my chest aches. “Shut the fuck up. How would you feel if I said that about Blondie?”

  “You gave her an ultimatum and she—”

  “Is still here.” My heart speeds up at the sound of that voice. I jump up, already walking toward her, grabbing her shirt the second she’s in reach and pulling her through the door, past Riggan, toward me. She swipes her fingertips under my eyes. “Why are you crying?”

  “I’m a fucking idiot, Gab. Don’t listen to me. I can’t move on from you. I’ve tried. I know what I said, but—”

  She presses her lips to mine, calming me with one kiss. “You were right. I set things straight with my dad. Told him we’re a package deal. He can take it or leave it.”

  “For once I’m glad I was wrong,” Riggan says, neither of us paying him any attention. The retreating footsteps and the closing of the door means we’re alone.

  I smile. “You did?”

  She nods, but something is off, causing my previous floating heart to sink. “Maddox, you didn’t come back for me because you were scared to go to jail, right? Because you were scared of my dad? You would tell me if it was an out for you, wouldn’t you? I just got to thinking, and us getting back together wasn’t so much a sought-after thing, but more of us just being in the right place at the right time.”

  “Yeah, and that something would happen to my parents’ business, why?”

  She shakes her head. “No reason. Was just wondering.”

  “Gab, don’t lie to me.”

  Tears fall down her face. “I don’t want to tell you. I don’t want to hurt you. It’s not your fault.”

  I ease back and sit on the bed, pulling her to straddle my lap. “We need to build on honesty, yeah? Just tell me.”

  Her lip quivers, breaking my heart. “He said he would have let me keep Madden had you come back and stood up to him . . . without knowing about our son; to prove that it was for me. I just . . .” More tears fall. “Wanted to make sure I wasn’t imagining what we had before you left.”

  I swallow, trying to move the lump in my throat, and my vision blurs. “What? You mean had I—”

  “Stop,” she snaps. “I can’t go there. It’s not your fault. We were just two scared teenagers. It’s done. We’ll never be happy if we keep living on ‘could haves’. I just want to start our lives together.”

  My face is quickly matching hers, guilt slowly consuming me. “Gab, I’m sorry. I swear to God I never stopped wanting you. You’ve always been my girl.”

  She plants her lips on mine, both of our tears mixing, enhancing the taste. The busted lip her dad made aches with every tug, but I don’t want her to stop. I like the pain. “Just.” Her tongue enters my mouth, swiping the tip of mine. “Never.” Her lips glide up mine, tugging on one as if she can’t stand the thought of stopping. “Stop loving me.” She grinds on my lap, making me hard. “Everything else I can live with.”

  “I can’t, Gab. If I could I would have by now. I’m a pussy when it comes to y
ou. I couldn’t even enforce what I said, scared you’d really walk away. I was seconds from chasing you down.”

  She jerks her shirt off, drawing my eyes to her bare chest. “Then make love to me. We fight to make up. That’s a constant I never want to change. We can finally be free. After all this time we can be in love with no worries of someone separating us. I want to celebrate our freedom to love who we want to. God knows we’ve fought for it; sacrificed even more.”

  I flip us over, instantly coming over her until I wrap my mouth around her nipple, easing her leg back as far as her jeans will allow. My tongue inches out and circles around the hard center, wetting it, and then I pull it out with my mouth until I release it, finishing her off by blowing softly across the wet, sensitive, erect middle, just before switching to the other side. Her breathing turns ragged and her fingers comb through my hair until it forms a fist in the back. She’s arching off the bed so hard I could make a rainbow with her spine.

  Gabby’s tits have always been the portal to everything with her body, and I’ve always been addicted to Gabby turned on. She doesn’t have a large chest size, but she has plenty enough to confirm she’s a woman, and what she doesn’t have in size she makes up for proportionally and aesthetically.

  I hate to say that I’ve seen a lot of racks since we broke up, because I wish I hadn’t, and that whole ‘tits are tits’ thing is bullshit. Some look better than others. Hers are perfect. I don’t want her to change them just for some lie someone made up that size matters, that bigger is better. I don’t want her to risk them being numb to my touch, or less sensitive from being hacked on with a scalpel. I’ve known girls that had them done. Some had no regrets and some did. I like that I can unravel her with nothing more than my mouth on them. When you love someone, you love them for who they are, and every part of them is perfect in your eyes. I figured that out pretty early on, but it was confirmed the second we broke up and I was forced to make do with other girls.

  Her hands go for my jeans, working hard to shove them down. I bite her nipple just before licking it. She moans, making it harder to go slow, but there are benefits to making love to Gabby. She’s fun in the sack . . . in every category. No other girl has ever compared. Maybe it’s because we’re in love and maybe it’s because we have that much sexual chemistry, I don’t know, but with her I’ve always gone from normal to horny with one look from her.

  She grabs my dick and pulls it out when she can’t get my jeans any lower on account of my position—legs spread shoulder width apart—already stroking it how I like it. My nuts are aching from not finishing earlier. Her head lifts off the bed and her eyes are on mine. “Maddox.”

  I lean in, my lips pressing against the side of her neck. Her head falls instantly, as if it’s limp, giving me all the access I want. She loves to have her neck kissed. “What, baby? Is this what you want?”

  “Mmm.”

  I unbutton her jeans and pull over the front two flaps enough to get my hand inside, and then lay my palm over her mound, already rubbing between her lips seconds later. “What about this?”

  Her pelvic thrust gives me her answer. My mouth is watering over how wet she is. She spreads wider when two of my fingertips graze over her pussy to wet them, just before I slip them inside. Her pumps on my dick get faster and needier as I finger fuck her, going in at an angle to hit her g-spot. “Shit,” she whispers. “You always did it just right.”

  I smile against her neck as her pelvis rises to chase my hand, wanting more, always needing more. I love that greedy little pussy. I want to eat it so bad right now, but she’s filling my ear with too much fucking goodness to quit. My chest tightens and my bicep constricts, breathing heavily against her flesh. This time, when I press all the way in with curved fingers, I massage the tips against her soft g-spot without letting up. Her hand opens and my dick falls against my groin. She gets louder in my ear trying to keep her voice down and her body comes alive. “That’s it, baby. Come on my fingers. Coat ‘em good. I’m starving.”

  “Oh fuck.” Her lips are gyrating against my skin. “Kiss me.”

  We start going at it, and just as our tongues enter into a heated entanglement, everything tightens around my fingers and I feel it coat me. That creamy warmth that tastes so damn good and hooked me years ago. I groan into her mouth; so hard and ready to go.

  I pull out when her orgasm is over, pulling my two fingers apart and watching that perfect consistency as they separate, mesmerized at the fact that I can play her body so well. I know every part and how it works. I’ve practiced with it. The final sound never disappoints.

  She smiles up at me with a crooked grin. “You always did like the prize. You gonna play with your food or eat it?”

  I grunt, my body reacting to the way she plays into the side of me I’ve always been ashamed of—the filthiest parts of me. I was raised that sex has a place inside a marriage. It served to procreate. Mouths should stay away from genitals and assholes should remain untouched. And lust shouldn’t be in the heart. Regardless of how hard I’ve always tried to push my dirty desires out of my mind, they linger, causing the shame and the guilt to stick around. Because of her, I finally accept that I am the way I am and sharing those desires with one person doesn’t sentence you to an eternity of pain.

  I shove my fingers in my mouth and suck them clean, studying the way her mouth falls open as I draw them back out. “How do I taste?”

  I smirk at her. “You’ve been eating more fruit, haven’t you?”

  She laughs. “Mayyyybe. You should have never given me that kind of ammo when I went through that pineapple juice phase. You know I’m competitive. Always trying to make it sweeter.”

  “Do you know what people would say if they knew I craved your cum?”

  “Probably the same thing they would say if they knew I ate and avoided certain foods to alter the PH in my body to change the taste of my bodily fluid?” She rubs her thumb over my wet bottom lip. “Either way, we’re insane. Guess it’s a good thing we’re lifers and never have to share our secrets with anyone else. I don’t mind reaping the benefit of your strange addiction either.”

  I laugh. “Whatever I can do to keep my supply coming.” I push up and jerk her jeans off, then shove mine down and step out, before grabbing her ankle and flipping her to her front. She turns her head when I come over her, the flickering mischief in her eyes already screaming loud and clear, knowing exactly where this is going. Grabbing her hip, I pull, making sure her weight is on her other hip bone and not her stomach. “Keep my baby off the bed.”

  Where I figured would be an eye roll is a smile. “Pretty sure it’s microscopic.”

  “You have organs in there. Do as I say or we’re going back to boring sex in bed,” I tease, just to gauge her reaction. I like letting her inflate my ego by fishing for compliments. Not my problem she hasn’t figured it out yet.

  “Slow forms of gyrating and controlled penetrating while love making, maybe, but boring has never described any form of sex with you.”

  I grin at her, my dick already prodding her pussy. I thrust inside, barging through her tight muscle, and the second I grip the back of her thigh and shove her knee toward her I go harder. “Better not start now then.”

  Forty-Six

  Adonis

  I grab the whiskey off my desk and pour more than customary, not even capping the bottle back before grabbing the tumbler and throwing it back, trying to talk myself out of looking at it. It only happens during weak moments—moments I’m more like my mother—and with my daughter gone, I’m pretty low. She’s always been my balance, making it easier to be alone. As the smooth liquid coats my throat I don’t even register a burn, but more a relief.

  Even when she was pissy and hiding from me, she was still here, under my nose. I could go to where she was anytime I wanted. I could keep her safe while giving her the distance she wanted; the bitterness she needed to have with me to get through it. I let it all happen.

  All I ever wanted was the be
st for her, but what parent doesn’t? I don’t like her being this far away. I’ve always been harder on her than normal to make her strong, and I succeeded, because she’s stronger than me in ways, and just as stubborn. One of these days I’ll tell her how proud she makes me, despite what she thinks.

  Against my better judgement, I reach under my desk and let my fingers coil around the smooth, distinct surface that differs from the rest, then rip the two sides of the Velcro apart, pulling the frame I keep hidden there to where I can see the front—my ex-wife and I the day we met.

  She’s my ex-wife in my heart, at least. In a more literal sense, it’s a different story. Every time I had papers served to her known residence she was already gone again. She’s a runner, and I have no idea why, considering her bloodline. Well known Politicians all throughout. Image means everything. Her father is still a contact of mine. We’re still legally married, but I’ve always kept that from Gabrielle. I could hunt her down pretty easily if I wanted to, but something in my guy has always told me to leave it alone, because as long as she’s married to me, she can’t marry anyone else, and I think a part of that makes me feel like she’s getting what she deserves.

  I stare at the photo. I’d just graduated from business school and was checking out some job leads in Cincinnati. It had just started raining pretty hard, and we both ran out of adjoining buildings at the same exact time to the cab parked at the curb. I’d assumed it was the cab I called ten minutes prior instead of trying to hail one. She thought she just got lucky. Neither of us were paying attention to the other and crashed reaching for the handle to the back door. She went tumbling backward in her expensive heels and classy clothes, but I steadied her before she went down. Blonde locks covered her face. We ended up just sharing the cab. Mary-Elizabeth Chanel Holland.