Finding Fate

by Charisse Spiers

  “Okay,” I tell her as Gabby gets on stage. I pull her in my lap and place my forehead between her shoulder blades, my hand already snaking up her shirt and under her bra, getting a handful. “I’ll call you later.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too, Mom.” I toss the phone on my drum in front of Gabby. “I’m a horrible son. I made her cry.”

  “You are not.” She tries to turn around, but I hold firm. I like her like this. She squirms. “Your dick is pressed between my butt cheeks.”

  “That’s not going to make it go away.”

  My phone starts vibrating continuously, signaling a call. “Oh, my God. That’s my dad’s number.”

  But that will.

  She answers it as I pull my hand out of her shirt. “Dad?” I wrap both arms around her waist and pull her close. I like holding her. I always have. “Why?” I lift my head over her mistrusting tone. She twists around to hand me the phone. “He wants to talk to you.”

  I let her go and take the phone. She instantly turns around to straddle me as I place it to my ear. “Hello.”

  I have a deal for you.

  Gabby is staring at me. “I’m listening.”

  You want your son, I want my daughter.

  I freeze. “You know where he is?”

  Gabby’s mouth drops and she tries to grab the phone. I pull away, dodging her attempt. I’ve always known where he is. I placed him. He’s my grandson. Did you really think I’d give him away forever? He even knows who I am.

  My heart is racing and I feel dizzy. “You son of a bitch.”

  Her eyes are glossing over. “Maddox! What is he saying? Is it about Madden? Tell me!”

  “Where is he?”

  You aren’t in a position to make demands. You want me to give you my daughter? To let you raise your son? Then you’re going to do what you should have done when I found out you were fucking my thirteen-year-old little girl. How would you feel if you found out your fourteen-year-old daughter was pregnant, and by a boy four years older than her? Or did you even put yourself in my shoes? I wasn’t going to let her give up her teenage years to be a single mother. You never came back.

  “You told me not to!” I roar, my emotions escalating. All the guilt I’ve felt about not finding a way is hitting me at once. My eyes sting. “I loved her then and I love her now. It was real for me.”

  Tears fall down my face. Gabby places a palm on each cheek, drawing my eyes to hers. She’s crying. “Maddox,” she whispers.

  I’m not giving her to a pussy. I’m not giving her to someone who’s going to keep her from me. She’s my only daughter. I’m tired of her hating me. I’m going to give her to someone that will protect her, take care of her, fight for her, and remain faithful to her. Life doesn’t give you handouts, or head starts. You had to earn my respect first. If the devil had a heart I guess that’s me. It’s about fucking time you grew a pair.”

  “I want them—to marry her and to raise him. What do you want? Name it.”

  Bring my daughter home and face me like a man. I did what was best for her at the time. I tricked her into signing a temporary transfer of guardianship and entrusted him to someone that was grown, that could provide and care for him until the two of you grew up a little. You want them both? You have one shot with me. You have forty-eight hours to get her here. Bring plenty of clothes and a passport or you’re going to miss the reunion. You each have a plane ticket with your name on it. We’re flying to Greece. It’s time for you to meet the family, son.

  “We’ll be there.”

  By the way, he looks just like you. The ball is in your court.

  The call disconnects and before I can process anything my arm is swinging forward. Gabby has half of my phone in her hand before I can release mine. “Not this time. Phones are expensive. Tell me what he said.”

  I rub my hand in circles on top of my head, messing up my hair while I try to calm down and get a grip on my emotions. My brain is throbbing. “I think he’s going to give us our son.”

  Her lip quivers. “Don’t fuck with me, baby. Are you serious?”

  The tears are humiliating and I don’t even care. I nod. “He’s had someone raising him this whole time. All I had to do was get my shit together.” I break. “I’m so fucking sorry, Gab. It’s all my fault you don’t have him.”

  My chest shakes as I sob. She grabs my jaw as hard as she can. “Listen to me, motherfucker, and you listen good. This is not your fault any more than it’s mine. Do you hear me? Maybe this is how it was supposed to be. How many couples stay together after they leave grade school? I hate that we were apart. I missed you every second of every damn day. But maybe we did need to grow up so we’d appreciate each other more, because after living my life without you, I know you’re the vital piece that was missing. Bury the guilt.”

  “Gab . . .” I whisper. “How can you ask that of me?”

  She grabs the back of my hand and lays it flat on her stomach for the first time. “Do you want me, and this baby? Do you want to get Madden back?”

  I close my eyes and bow my head, already nodding. “Then. Bury. It. And don’t dig it back up either.”

  “I love you, Gabrielle Katerina Thanos.”

  She gets off my lap and stands in the small space between me and the drum set, shoving down her leggings. Her mouth tilts. “I love you too, always.”

  I stare at her clean-shaven pussy as she works my jeans open. “What are you doing?”

  “You’re hard.”

  I push her hand away. “I’ll live. I’m rarely not hard when you’re around and touching me. I don’t need that right now. There are more important things to worry about than getting my dick serviced, like packing. We’re going home for a little while.”

  She straddles my lap again and pulls my dick out, ignoring everything I just said as she rubs the tip over her wet pussy. “Shut up and fuck me. We have a good thing going here. Don’t screw it up,” she says, making me feel like I’m right back in my old truck the night of that football game when I found out how old she was and tried to break it off. “All that matters is this—you and me.”

  She sinks down the length of my dick. She remembered everything she did and said that night. I pull her tee shirt off and tug her bra down as she pumps slowly. When one hand settles on her ass and the other on her breast, she gives me a shy smile, her espresso eyes boring into my green ones. Gabby is rarely ever shy about anything. “Do you remember what you said to me?”

  “You’ve had me since hello.”

  “Yes,” she whispers, and her hands comb through the sides of my hair as she draws closer, her body now rocking on mine. It’s an amazing feeling.

  “I mean it just as much now as I did back then.”

  “Then there will never be a goodbye,” she tells me, and her lips come crashing down on mine.

  Forty-Eight

  Adonis

  The door to my office opens and the air thickens, telling me who it is. Very few have the ability to change a room with their presence. Gabrielle has it. I knew she wouldn’t have a problem drawing attention when she started slowly looking like a woman. But regardless of how much I hated the thought, I let her have her freedom, hoping to avoid the very situation she landed in.

  Feet shuffle across the hardwood floor. I knew they’d arrive early. I was already waiting with everything ready. I stare out the window at the garden that belongs to my ex-wife. It was the one request she had. She wanted a tranquil place to meditate when she was stressed or needed some time alone; a place she could call her own.

  I don’t know why in the hell I pay someone to keep it up. Gabrielle’s room is directly above my office. I’ve caught her sitting in her window seat looking at it many times over the years, and maybe I’ve kept it for her. Just because her mother left doesn’t mean I want to take every reminder of her away. “Patéras.”

  I smile. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard her use Greek terms. She hasn’t been back home since before sh
e got pregnant. Of course, this is still home to her and always will be. To me both places are what I would consider home. I made sure she had a Greek tutor from the time she was young. Always spoke to her in both languages off and on so that she would fit in when we visited just like she does here. “Kóri.”

  I turn around. Her dark eyes are full of tears. It’s the only thing in life that cripples me. She’s only ever cried over two people, and neither of those were her mother. She’s the only woman that holds any power over me. She just doesn’t realize it, because my upbringing taught me to be hard in all the places someone can see.

  When she blinks the tears fall. “If this is some twisted game to you tell me now. My heart can’t take much more. Are you really giving him to us? I made Maddox wait in the living room. I can’t hurt him like that. Dad, please, I’ll do anything. You win. I just want my son.”

  I exhale. It’s unfortunate her own mother didn’t fight so damn hard for her. I told her she wasn’t taking my daughter away from me or I’d kill her. I never said I would keep Gabrielle from her. We could have shared in a way that made sense. I’m a reasonable man, which is why I backed out of the closed adoption at the end of her pregnancy. For her. “He’s always been yours, Gabrielle. His birth name is Madden Leroy Thanos Burns. Both of you are listed as his parents on his birth certificate. You can be mad at me all you want to, but you needed to be a normal teenager. You’ll understand when your kids are at that age. Keeping you from him forever was never part of the plan.”

  More tears fall from her big, dark eyes. “It wasn’t?”

  “No.”

  “But I thought . . . You said you chose a family.”

  And as the memory from that day comes back, I say, “you changed my mind.”

  She finally turns the baby loose. As I walk across the room, I hand him to a member of nursery staff to take him away as she screams out in agony, making my stomach roll with nausea. My father could have done this with no second thought, but I ended up with my mother’s soft heart, and she’s been wearing me down with her pleas the entire pregnancy.

  The second I walked into the bathroom to her in the bathtub trying to labor on her own, I knew I couldn’t do it. She wasn’t going to call me for help. She was going to go through it all on her own to keep him, and I have no doubt she would have ran, putting them both in danger, so I made a few calls.

  I follow the baby all the way to the nursery, not letting him out of my sight. She’s screaming at the top of her lungs. The baby is crying. I can’t stand to see my only daughter in so much pain, but I’m also not saddling my kid with a kid. She just turned fifteen. She’s barely old enough for high school and she’s already given birth. She’s not mature enough to handle motherhood. She’s not even driving for God’s sake.

  These are the times I could kill my ex-wife with my bare hands. There are times when a girl needs a mother. If I wasn’t still in love with the very bitch I also hate, maybe I could meet someone else.

  Neither of them would benefit from this situation. Kids aren’t supposed to be having kids. It’s not good for either of them. She needs to grow up. He needs stability, love, a family.

  Her cries continue to filter down the hall, proving how loud she is. I told her not to hold him. It would only make it harder. This is the exact reason I suggested an abortion, though I’m proud she chose not to take the easy way out. I can see so much of me in her. Sometimes it’s scary.

  I don’t know how long I’ve been standing at the nursery window, but they’ve already bathed him, bundled him, and fed him a bottle. A body flanks each side of me, one masculine, one feminine. “We came as fast as we could,” she says.

  “I’ve spoken with the hospital administrator and paid for a private room for both of you and the baby until he’s released. He needs to bond with someone. He was just pried from his mother. Then you can take him home, raise him, and care for him until I feel she’s ready.”

  “Does she know?” he asks.

  “No. She’ll want to be where he is, making all of this pointless. She needs to believe I gave him up to the family I had picked out—the couple that’s miscarried so many times they finally gave up conceiving and got sterilized. Figured they deserved him.”

  “So what’s stopping you? She can have more children later.”

  “My love for my daughter. Taking him from her will haunt me forever.”

  “She’s going to hate you either way,” he adds.

  “That’s something I’ll just have to live with. At least I’ll know deep down that I gave my kid a shot at a real childhood. It’s worth it to me.”

  “You’re making the right call,” she tells me from my left. “Family takes care of family.”

  “Dad, are you listening to me? Where is he? Who has my son?”

  I snap out of it. She’s closer than she was before. “My parents,” I answer. “He lives in Greece with them.”

  Her lips tremble and she takes a step back. Her eyes haven’t dried up yet. “All these years he’s been with Pappoús and Giagiá? My own family?”

  “Yes.”

  “Does he know you?”

  “He does.”

  “When did you see him last?”

  “Over the summer.”

  “And had I come with you?”

  “I’ve never hidden him from you. I invited you every trip. I knew when you were ready, you would come.”

  “Excuse me,” she says, her voice already trembling, and then she turns on her heel and runs out of the room. I haven’t told her I love her in so long. I haven’t heard it in even longer. I’m tired of living like I don’t when it kills me that we seem so far apart. Turns out, my mother’s heart is as dominant as my father’s eyes. Gabrielle has it too.

  Forty-Nine

  Gabby

  “Gab, are you okay? You haven’t spoken since you ran out of your dad’s office and told me we were leaving. Will you talk to me? Why are we here?”

  I tighten my hands on the steering wheel as I look out the windshield of the rental at nothing but a narrow winding road with no paint lines that runs between nothing but woods, before finally meeting his worried stare.

  We’ve been parked on the side of the road for probably twenty minutes now. “This is where it started and ended for us. Just kinda feels like our place, you know? I gave you my virginity here and we conceived our son here. Holds a lot of important memories for me.”

  “I fell in love with you here,” he adds.

  I laugh out, trying my best to stop crying and failing. “And to think, I was scared you wouldn’t call. Normal girls would have probably been freaking out they’d just done the deed for the first time, while I, on the other hand, was worried I didn’t put it on you good enough to hook you.”

  “That was the longest twelve hours of my life, baby. I was told to wait at least twenty-four to avoid looking desperate. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t sleep a wink that whole night.”

  I lay my head back against the headrest. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Maddox. I’m so thankful you didn’t find someone else.”

  He grabs my hand, lacing both of ours together. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you long enough to try. What happened in your dad’s office?”

  I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my thin long sleeve shirt. “I was scared he was playing mind games. Instead, I got a piece of the dad I’ve been holding onto for years. The one that has a heart. He put us on the birth certificate.” My voice cracks. “Both of us. And both of our last names. Madden Leroy Thanos Burns. Our son got your last name after all.”

  As Maddox stares at me, a tear runs down his face. “How?”

  My shoulders fold into myself. “My grandparents have him. They’ve had him all along. He was a visit away. I was so angry I wanted no part of my dad. I knew me visiting my grandparents was a big deal for him. He’s always made sure I knew where we came from even though I was born an American. My son was just a plane ride from me. And apparently, he knows his g
randfather, but he doesn’t know his own parents. I don’t know how to feel. In ways I feel betrayed by my own family. In others, I feel thankful that it turned out this way. I’m also just sad. We missed so much of his life. I needed a breather to absorb it all.”

  He pulls away from me and the door opens, his foot stepping down on the pavement for him to immediately get out. I watch him round the front of the sedan we’re in, wondering what he’s doing. When he opens the driver’s side door and squats before me, I get my answer.

  My body starts to turn from him pulling on my leg so that I’ll face him, and he grabs my left hand in his right, playing with the diamond ring he slid on my finger the night of my birthday. “Baby, I know all of this is a lot to take in. I’m having a hard time adjusting to it all too, and I can’t even imagine the depth of how hard it could be had I went through the parts you did . . .”

  I wrap my right hand around his neck and play with the ends of his hair. “There’s a but coming, isn’t there?”

  He brings my hand toward him, kissing the finger holding my promise of forever to him. “There’s always a but. I was raised to look at the positive in every situation, despite how difficult it can sometimes be. Things can always be worse. He could be with a family we don’t know. He could be legally someone else’s, making us have to take leaps and bounds to even look at him. I’m not trying to downplay what you went through, because Gabby, no one would ever understand how this feels without going through it. I know it’s hard, and it’s going to be a huge adjustment for us, and especially for him. Not only will he be completely changing his living arrangement but the people he lives with too. Then, to top it off, he’s going to have a brother or sister, but . . .” A tear falls down his face. “We’re getting him. From here on out we’re going to raise our son. We will just have to make up for all the time we lost by giving him extra hugs, making sure he never goes to sleep without knowing we love him, and never taking for granted that at the time it mattered the most, your dad had a heart.”