Pretend With Me (Midnight Society #1)

by Jemma Grey

  “Oh my God...” I cried, my hands flying to my mouth. I went down at his side, cradling his head in my lap. “Oh my God.” I didn’t want to touch him anywhere. I was too afraid if I did I would only hurt him. He seemed so broken and fragile now, and all I saw was blood pouring out of his chest. “Oh my God,” I cried again. I didn’t recognize my own voice.

  “Jen,” he breathed out, and my head snapped up to look at his face. Tears blinded me, and I shook my head, spilling them. “Jen you need to leave... now...”

  “No,” I whimpered. “I’m not leaving you,” I shook my head again, clearing tears. “I’m not leaving you, I’m staying.” It didn’t matter if the police came and hauled me off to prison, or Zane and his friends came back to finish what they started with me. I didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore.

  He grabbed my hand, pulling me towards him. “Jenifer... Kate... Carson,” he sighed weakly, using my full name, “leave now or I will haunt you when I’m dead.”

  “As long as you're with me... I won't care,” I cried as the police sirens got louder. This was good, help was coming.

  Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I jumped at the touch. Everything inside me recoiled at being touched.

  “Jen!” It was Danny, the owner of the voice that had been calling out to me while I was shoving my way up the stairs. “Jen come on, we need to go!” He was frantic.

  “No!” I screamed, not taking my eyes off Daren.

  “It’s okay, Jen,” Daren smiled, gripping my hand tighter. “Everything will be fine, I promise,” he whispered, and as simple as a candle burning out, his eyes went cold. His hand loosened, falling from mine, and just like that he was gone.

  I sat there in silence staring at him. What was happening? I didn’t understand anything – nothing made any sense. I felt like I was drunk – like the world was spinning around me and I couldn’t keep up. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe anymore; I was drowning.

  “No!” I heard someone shriek using my voice. “Wake up! Daren wake up now!” I heard an ear piercing, shattered scream, and it was only when someone pulled me up and clamped a hand over my mouth I realized it was me. I was screaming.

  I fought against the person holding me – my mind had gone back hours earlier. My nails dug into skin. I was suddenly facing him and he was shaking me forcefully. “Jen, open your eyes! It’s me, Danny.” He stopped shaking me then, and I could feel his eyes boring a huge gaping hole into my face. I turned my head to the side, still keeping my eyes shut, not wanting to see anything.

  “I don't know what they did to you,” his voice was angry, hard, and protective. My eyes flashed open and I found myself staring into his face. “But we need to go,” he whispered. “I called the police, we can’t stay here. They can’t find us here.” His voice was urging me to understand, but I couldn’t. I didn't know if he was talking about the police finding us or Zane. Either way, though, leaving Daren was not an option.

  “No, I’m not leaving him,” I shouted, but before I could finish I was being dragged out of the room. All the way I heard myself screaming.

  “Daren!” I shouted flying up to find myself lying on the bed, back in the room. My hand was stretched out in front of me and my face was wet with tears from the dream. I still couldn’t breathe.

  Eric was instantly at my side. He placed a hand on my shoulder and instinctively I recoiled at his touch, slapping his hand away. I was off the bed instantly, my back pressed against a wall. The lights flashed on, and it was then that I let out a breath. But relief didn’t come – it was just that, a breath.

  “It’s fine,” he whispered, slowly walking up to me. He then hugged me and I felt myself stiffen. He felt it too, because he released me and took my good hand, leading me back to the bed. “What happened?” he asked at my side.

  I pulled my hand back wiping away the tears and sweat from my face. It took me long, indecisive minutes to answer, and when I did my voice didn’t sound like my own. “I dreamed him.” Eric nodded at once.

  “How long ago...” he trailed off and I instantly understood what he was asking.

  “Three weeks...” I muttered looking past him.

  “What happened?”

  “He was murdered... I held him in my arms... I begged him to stay with me, would have given anything for it…”

  “I’m sorry,” Eric whispered, sitting beside me and pulling me into his arms again. I didn’t tense t his time, but I didn’t react either. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No,” I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t even want to remember.

  “It’s okay Jen,” he whispered. My head snapped up instantly. “Everything will be –”

  “Don’t.” My voice was barely a whisper. “Don’t say it. Don’t promise that everything will be fine, Eric... The last person who said that died...” He nodded and laid me on the bed, and for the second time in one morning, I fell asleep listening to his breaths come and go.

  When I awoke, I was alone in the room and I sat up looking around. Without Eric the room felt huge and empty, but I would never tell him that. Almost as if he could hear my thoughts, he walked into the room shaking water drops off his hair, and wearing only pants. Obviously, he’d just showered. His wet towel was hanging over his shoulder, barely covering his chest. Water drops fell from his hair, rolling down his naked chest, making him look glorious in every way.

  “Did I wake you?” he asked when he saw me w atching him. “I’m sorry, I just came in for a shirt.”

  “No, you didn’t,” I sighed, not taking my eyes of his shirtless body. God he was gorgeous. How could he be that appealing? It wasn’t fair.

  He stopped dead in his tracks and stared at me confused. “Why are you staring? Do I have something on me?” He was abruptly horrified.

  “No,” I sighed again, this time looking down at the covers, trying not to blush. If only he could tell what was running through my mind right now...

  “Jen...” he said, sitting down on the edge of the bed and something in his voice made me look up to him. “I have to leave, but I won’t be long, I swear.”

  “Where are you going?” I asked trying to be as normal as I could about this, but I didn’t want to be alone here. Not after that dream...

  “I’m meeting a friend... Well she’s more of an old acquaintance really,” he replied awkwardly. My eyebrows rose at this.

  “So,” I mused trying to be as casual as I could. “How do you know her?” I could ask that, right?

  “Hmm,” he considered, “well I’ve known about Katalin since I was born, I guess. Kind of like you.”

  “Okay,” I muttered and got out of the bed, walking out of the bedroom and towards the beach. I didn’t go far; instead I sat down on the sand, as close to the forest’s edge as I could, closing my eyes as the wind blew around me. There was a soft, cold bite in the air and in response, I wrapped my arms around myself as shivers ripped through me, folding my legs so that my knees met my chest. There was nothing I wanted more than to curl up into a bal, and just vanish. I knew I was being foolish but I felt trapped, and it wasn’t just the marriage with Eric; it was everything.

  There were so many questions and no answers to keep them company. For one, who was Eric, really? I knew that he was rich, that his family was well-known and powerful, but that was all. Why had my parents kept this from me? Why did this marriage have to be now? Why not when both Eric and I were older? I was seventeen and he was twenty. How did he know to bring me here? And those were just the questions that had been staring at me. I was sure that if I thought about this some more there would be others, harder ones.

  I felt as if my life had been plunged into total darkness, and I was stumbling about lost and confused. I had been feeling so ever since that night... It was like... when Daren died, he had taken my sight with him, leaving me blind.

  For so long he had made everything in my life seem sane and now that he was gone, I was puzzled and alone, and no matter how hard I tri
ed to break free - the more I fought and struggled - was the more blinding the darkness became. Sometimes I felt like I was still trapped in the closet they had locked me in. And I was still banging on that door, screaming as loud as I could, but no one even turns my way.

  Without realizing it, I had started to cry. I wiped the tears from my face, but as soon as it was gone more spilled out. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then another, and another, but no matter how many breaths I took, I wouldn’t stop crying.

  When I did finally stop, I stood up numbly and started to make my way back at the house. Eric was still gone and it felt empty and cold without him. The house was gorgeous, just as I imagined it would be. The door to the room, which was the master, opened up to the kitchen, dining room, and living room. There were two other bedrooms, meant for kids by the looks of it and two toilets and baths including the one in the master bedroom.

  After I had finished touring the house, Eric still wasn’t back yet so I decided on a shower. The only problem was that I couldn’t find my clothes. All I found were Eric’s clothes, still wrapped neatly in clear plastic bags and smelled brand new. I made up my mind that he wouldn’t mind, and even if he did, I’m sure that I wouldn’t care.

  By the time I was done, my belly was practically screaming to be fed. I opened the cupboards and fridge, and found they were filled with every type of food I could imagine.

  This was perfect - I loved cooking, as long as there wasn't anyone around to bug or direct me. I was too hungry for anything extravagant, so I settled for a butter and cheese pasta. In a rush I got out all the ingredients and got to work, munching on cheese bits.

  While the pasta was cooking, I dug out Daren's iPod and connected it to the dock, turning up the volume as loud as it could go. Soon the entire house was pulsing with music, and against every painful thing in my life I found myself singing and dancing to the songs.

  I had just finished straining the macaroni and was mixing in the cheese and butter when I felt someone lay a hand on my shoulder. Instantly, panic flooded me and I spun around, using the wooden spoon as my weapon.

  “Holy fuck,” I breathed out when I saw Eric standing in the kitchen, staring at me sheepishly. Every part of me was shaking, my heart hammered away in my chest, and my pulse was going crazy in my veins. Then mixing in with the fear I felt pure anger at him, but moments later I really saw Eric and all the annoyance drained away. He was covered in my mixture of melted cheese and butter. It was splattered on his face and arms, staining his t-shirt and I couldn't help but grin at the sight before me.

  “Oh, so you think this is funny?” he asked pointing to himself as he took a step closer to me.

  “No,” I shook my head but my grin grew wider and Eric took another step, completely closing the distance between us. This close I could smell him, and as usual his scent fogged up my head, making my brain go blank. “Nope, not funny at all,” I giggled staring up at his face as I raised the hand I was holding the spoon with and then swiped the messy, cheesy, buttery end on his face.

  “Oh, now you're going to get it,” he smirked and grabbed both my shoulders, keeping me in place as he wiped his face all over mine, messing me up. In fits of screams and giggles, I smacked him with the dirty spoon and then dashed off. He was instantly behind me, laughing joyously. I found that I, too, was giggling uncontrollably. I ran into one of the rooms laughing, then toppled down on the bed. Eric was instantly at the door sending a devilish smile at me. He jumped on the bed rolling on top of me and began tickling me. I was suddenly laughing uncontrollably. I couldn’t remember the last time I had laughed like this. He only stopped when I said in between breaths that I couldn’t breathe, which was kind of true. He rolled and I was abruptly on top of him now.

  “Jen,” he blinked, linking our fingers at the sides of his head. “Not that I... mind, but why are you in my clothes,” he smiled.

  “Couldn’t find my own,” I frowned, looking everywhere but his face. I was waiting for him to start demanding that I get out of them. I waited a full minute before I let my eyes wander to his face. He was smiling like a circus clown on stage and I was instantly confused.

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” his smile grew bigger. “It’s just... I was expecting something else.”

  “You mean like 'if you have a problem with it, take it to your overpaid shrink'?” I asked smiling back now. In one movement Eric sat up on the bed, carrying both my weight and his own without using his hands. Now I was on his lap, facing him. Already I could feel the air around us changing into something that was charged. My mouth went dry and my breathing became uneven. My pulse was racing, and at any second I felt as though my heart was going to burst out of my chest, but this time it wasn't because of fear.

  He released my hand and wound both of his hands around my neck and then through my damp hair. God, that felt so good, it gave me chills running down my spine. “Yes, something charming such as that.” He leaned towards me, his breath washing over my skin. I could feel his body heat or maybe it was me, I didn't know - my brain cells had started clicking off already. I inhaled his scent again, knowing this would only make it harder to resist the urge to rip his clothes off, but I couldn’t help myself, he just smelled so good.

  “I thought about it,” I answered honestly, inhaling deeply. Damn, most of my brain cells had gone from stunned to completely fried. Did he know the effect he was having on me? That he could make me feel things beyond pain and heartache, things I'd given up on feeling ever again? What was this thing between us, and why in God's name was it so intense?

  “But?” he encouraged gently kissing my cheek and ear, teasing me. I got my answer then – yes he did know, and he was having a field day. Maybe two could play at this game.

  “But…” I whispered in his ears and gently touched his cheek with my lips, tasting the mixture of cheese and butter. “I would have ruined this perfectly good moment,” I muttered, making my way from his ear to his lips. I watched with a deep sense of satisfaction as he pulled away from me shocked and amazed.

  I then wrapped my good hand around his neck, once again copying his movements. “What? No comeback?” I asked and touched my lips to his for just a slow second. I felt him smile against my lips and I pulled back looking at him. In his eyes, he held the world. I closed my eyes and this time when I kissed him, it wasn’t brief, quick or gentle. It was just then I heard a familiar voice – an impossible voice, one that should not exist anymore, telling me that he was dead and I was moving on. That he was gone and I was betraying him.

  My whole body tensed, my muscles locked and my eyes shot open. I was on my back; Eric was on top of me. Silent tears rolled down the sides of my face. Eric pulled away but he didn’t say anything. He just looked at me with eyes that seemed to be studying my soul, and I instantly felt like I was standing naked in front of a crowd.

  “What happened to you, Jen?” His voice was just an echo. I swallowed and then took in a deep breath, trying to calm my frantic heart. I opened my mouth to say something – anything at all – but nothing came out so I shut it.

  “Jen... please let me help you. I know something happened... Why won’t you let me in..?”

  I stared into his eyes and saw only the truth. But I couldn’t tell him – I couldn’t relive that. I was struggling to keep myself from breaking apart as it was already. I didn’t want to shatter into pieces again. Once in a lifetime was enough. “I’m tired,” I heard myself say.

  Quietly he rolled off me and onto his back. I heard him let out a sigh and I turned my head to him. Great, I thought, now Eric hated me as much as I hated myself.

  I was suddenly shocked at how much this thought hurt me. All the time this was what I had wanted. So why was there a sharp, aching pain where my heart should be? What was going on?

  I sat up on the bed and he followed. He raised a hand to cup my cheek, but before he could touch me, I pulled away from him. “I...” I started confused and horrified. I had no idea what I was trying
to say or how to say anything. I couldn’t form a coherent thought in my head. “I – just leave me alone,” I snapped frustrated at my own confusion and pain.

  “What did I do now?” he asked at the edge of anger. I was suddenly pissed at him.

  “Nothing!” I screamed and stormed out the house. Minutes later I was once again on the beach. Everything was warm – the sand under my feet, the gentle breeze, the water splashing at my ankles.

  About an hour later, Eric came out of the house with a white plate in one hand and a huge cup in the other. The aroma of food filled my nose, making me remember just how hungry I was.

  He sat at my side, facing me and then placed the cup and plate between us. “I bear food and Coke,” he smiled. I said nothing. I didn’t even look at him, no matter how much I wanted to, and I craved it so much that not looking was almost painful.

  “Jenifer,” he sung my name holding the plate in front of my nose. “I know you want it.” He shook it over my face. My eyes narrowed at his hand and I smacked it away from me. “Goddamn it, I’m trying to make up with you, you unreasonable girl!” he shouted. I turned my head to him. “And I shouldn't, because I did nothing!”

  He was right. I shouldn't be angry with him. I didn’t even know why I was angry. “You’re right Eric, I’m sorry,” I whispered, sitting up to face him.

  “I have a proposition for us.”

  “What?” I asked curiously.

  “You eat, I’ll talk,” he ordered. I didn’t object to this, instead I took the fork he offered and dug into the pasta. “So...” he began and I looked up to his face.

  Eric in the moonlight was flawless. His skin seemed to glow silver, and if I wasn’t curious or starving I would have had to tie my hands and feet together to prevent myself from jumping him.