Austin’s mouth quirks. The bastard is grinning at me, and he’s about to eat his own teeth for breakfast. “You ain’t gonna win. Best leave it alone.”
“You’re begging for it,” I warn, taking a defensive step forward.
“You gonna push me, little boy?”
“No.” The slapping sound of skin ricochets through pasture as I crack Austin across the face open palmed. “I’m gonna smack you like the little bitch you are!”
Fuck being nice. He’s been goading me since day one. I tried to make it work, but this is war.
His lips curl over his teeth in a vicious sneer. He throws a swing, but I duck and tackle him to the ground, sending his stupid cowboy hat flying. A dirt cloud plumes up as I smack Austin’s head into the dry grass.
“AJ!” Casey is behind me in an instant. Her tiny hands close around my bicep and pull, trying her best to get me off Austin who’s lying on the ground letting me beat him up. It makes no sense. He’s been dying for a piece of me ever since I got here. Why now, when I’ve finally given him a reason to fight me, is he holding back?
I stand, brushing the dry, dead grass from my pants as Casey continues. “So this is how it’s gonna be now? Y’all are just gonna fight like a bunch of children?” Her piercing blue eyes are full of blame as they narrow on me. “This shit is gonna stop. I need to know right now from both a’ y’all. Are we gonna have a problem here?”
“No, ma’am,” Austin mutters.
“Are we gonna coexist like adults, or do I need to get out Gran’s spoon and give y’all an ass-whoopin’?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he replies again.
“This is some hillbilly bullshit,” I mumble under my breath.
“What was that?” When Casey steps closer, I notice the pulse vibrating in her neck. Her lips tremble, and her eyes shine with anger. She’s yelling at us both, but she’s furious at me.
“I know Austin untied that rope.” I enunciate each word, clear and even. I’m not backing down on this. He’s sabotaging what we have, turning us against each other, and he's winning.
“Go in the house, AJ. I’m too busy for this bull-spit.”
“So you’re taking his side?”
“I ain’t takin’ a side. I’m shuttin’ this down. Austin and I have work.”
I can’t believe this! My mouth falls open as I listen to her stand up for him while chastising me as if I’m an insolent toddler. She didn’t see the look on his face. I’m not wrong about this.
Casey and Austin both turn away, leaving me standing there wondering what the hell just happened. Today went from great to shit, and that fucker is behind it all the way. There’s something underhanded about that man. Every time he walks into a room, it feels like a thousand spiders are crawling all over my skin. He smells like hidden motives, and I don’t trust him. He may have her fooled but not me.
26
Casey
Morning sun peeks through the blinds as the alarm starts to buzz through my room. The bed shifts behind me and the room goes silent, save for my sleepy groan. How is it morning already?
“You sleep, cowgirl. I’ll feed the kids their breakfast.” A soft yet bristly kiss falls against my cheek, forcing a smile on my tired face. AJ’s taken to referring to the horses as “the kids,” which I find adorable.
As AJ rushes around to get dressed for the day, Austin’s words drift back to mind. He gave me doubts, but he was wrong. After a week on the ranch, AJ’s entire demeanor has shifted. Back in New Jersey, he was troubled, reserved. Out here, he’s happy. The sadness in his steel gray eyes has lifted, replaced with a cheerful twinkle and an easy smile. His presence here has added something this ranch was missing.
It gave it life.
I roll onto my back feeling lonely without him next to me and force myself to get out of bed. I’ve blown off so many chores to hang out with AJ, and things are starting to pile up around the house. It doesn’t matter how long I let it sit, the laundry just isn’t going to wash itself.
The dryer is full of Austin’s clothes. I pull them out and fold them into neat piles then stack them into my basket to carry to his room. His bed hasn’t been slept in. Ever since AJ tackled him in the pasture, he’s taken to sleeping in the barn. He’s always been so kind and gentle. Austin wouldn’t even hurt a fly. AJ lost his mind that day. I know he’s sorry, but things between him and Austin will never be the same. Not that they were very good to begin with.
It breaks my heart, but maybe it’s better. Being around Austin only stirs up complicated feelings. He shouldn’t still affect me this way. I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t let him go—his presence here is too valuable—but I can’t keep walking on eggshells, afraid of how he’ll react when he sees AJ and me together.
I set the basket on the small oak dresser in his room and shimmy open the top drawer to set his things away. Everything is right where it always was. Socks in the top drawer, tees in the middle, pants in the bottom, shirts in the closet. His room is simple, defined. Easy to navigate.
Hangers clang together as I begin to hang his shirts in a neat little row. My bare toe scrapes against something in the corner of the tiny closet, forcing me to the floor. A wooden box sits alone on the hardwood. Putting his clothes away is one thing, but going through his personal stuff is quite another. I kick the box back into the corner, but curiosity gets the best of me, so I slide it out and peel off the lid.
An instant lump forms in my throat. My gut is yelling at me to snap the lid back on and leave, but my heart won’t allow it. The contents are a strange brew of items that no one else would bother to look twice at, but everything that grazes past my fingertip is something special: A small bottle of lilac lotion. Two movie tickets. A hair scrunchie. A small stuffed horse. A guitar pick. A heart-shaped rock.
An engagement ring.
A whole host of things from a life we almost built wrapped up tight in a little wooden box. A metaphor for the love we once shared, now dead, buried in a coffin deep inside a closet.
“What are you doin’ in here?”
I gasp at the sound of Austin’s voice and scramble to my feet. “I’m sorry. I was just puttin’ your clothes away and …” The look on his face almost overshadows the sight of him wearing nothing but a towel.
Almost.
“Why did you keep all this?”
His hand grasps the knot around his waist as he walks toward the dresser and begins taking out his clothes. “It made me feel close to you.”
Heat rises up my neck and into my face. I chastise myself for being nosy, but all thought comes to a grinding halt when the towel falls to the floor. A squeak hurtles from the back of my throat seeing his long body on full display. The muscles in his back ripple as he bends over to slip clean jeans up his thick thighs and over his lean, round ass. “You got somethin’ to say?”
Dryness takes over my throat. My lips stick to my teeth as his gaze locks on mine in the mirror ahead. All I can muster in response is, “Mm-mm,” with a head shake as I turn toward the door.
“Wait.” He turns, gently taking my forearm. I force my eyes to stay focused on his face, and not on the trimmed patch of exposed hair showing beneath the tiny metal teeth of his open fly. “I’ve been tryin’ to understand what’s going on between us, but it’s so hard.”
“Austin …”
“Just listen for a second.” He steps closer, his damp skin brushing dangerously close to my chest. The clean smell of his shaving cream blends with the scent of my shampoo on his hair, creating a masculine yet feminine fragrance that jumbles my mind and making it hard to know the difference between right and wrong. “It’s been killin’ me all these years, wonderin’ why you left, but I think I finally figured it out. You were young, and I didn’t want to make you feel forced to do anything, so I never tried. I waited for you to make all the first moves because I was too shy, too respectful. You needed a man. One who knew how to make you feel like a woman.”
Dark eyes burn into mine as he
continues to move forward until my back hits the wall with an “oomph.” “I’m every bit that man, Casey Jane. You have no idea what kind of things I wanted to do to you. The things that went through my head, that still do.” Hot breath blows against my mouth, as his head dips to mine. Once again, I find myself trapped in more ways than one.
Without waiting for permission, his lips claim mine. Every nerve in my body pops. He’s rough and angry, devouring my mouth like he’s punishing it. The hard lines of his body press against me. I feel him growing along my skin, going from flaccid to hard as he presses into the soft center of my stomach.
Aggression pours from his lips. I can taste it on my tongue, feel it simmering in my gut. It’s unpleasant, and I don’t like it.
“We both know you want this.” His voice is gruff as his hand roams my backside and slides under my knee. “I want you in my bed. AJ never has to know.”
“AJ already knows.”
The hurt in AJ’s voice is a punch to the gut. Austin’s grip on me remains tight as AJ turns and storms away. “AJ wait!”
“Let him go. You don’t need him.”
“Austin, I love him.”
I love him.
The realization hits me hard. I didn’t know it until just this very second, until I was face to face with both men and backed into a literal corner. When forced to choose, my heart knew all along what my head couldn’t decide. I’m in love with AJ.
All those feelings I have for Austin aren’t real. I projected my guilt and held on to a life I thought I missed because I couldn’t stand the one I had. I never saw a future with Austin because I didn’t want one. When I look at AJ, I see it all. My entire life stretched before me, with a man who loves me. A man who I love more than I thought my heart would allow.
He forgave me once. I’ll lose him now for sure.
I smack Austin’s face and break free from his tight embrace, running up the stairs to my room. AJ sits at the edge of my bed with his head hanging in his hands. An empty pack of Marlboro Reds lies crushed in a ball near his feet.
“It’s not what you think.”
“Not what I think,” he mumbles at the ground. When his head pops up, his gaze is dripping with acid. Knowing it’s there because of me sends a few more cracks rippling through my already tender heart. I hurt him. “I don’t have to think, Casey! I saw it!”
“I know it looked terrible, but please just listen.”
“I’m done listening! You think I’m stupid? You don’t think I see the looks? The way your shoulders tense every time he enters the room?” He stabs his hands through his hair, pushing it back off his forehead. It splits in the exact location of the scar, making it seem much larger than it usually does. “I tried, all right? I tried pretending it didn’t matter, but it does. I told you flat out – I refuse share you, Casey! I need to know that I’m the only one.”
The sound of drum beats rings through the room from the cell phone in AJ’s pocket. He looks at the screen and sends the caller to voicemail.
“It was a mistake. You’re the man I want, you always have been. Austin works for me, that’s all.”
AJ runs a hard hand down his weary face. “No. It’s not enough. He’s not just on the ranch, he’s still in here,” he says, dropping his fingertips over my heart. “I need to be the only one inside your heart. Because you’re the only one who’s ever been in mine.”
He turns, but my grip on his arm tightens. “Don’t leave.”
“Then tell him to!” The mini drum solo in his pocket starts up a second time. He sends the caller to voicemail again.
“AJ, please understand.” The words stutter on my tongue as I try to hold back the tears I feel saturating my eyes. Staring into his sad face, the lust that consumed me just a few moments ago has vanished. Heartbreak, confusion, and regret have replaced it.
“I watched my mother die then my father. I stared death in the face a third time when he came for me, but I fought my way back and came out clean on the other side. All of that was nothing compared to this ... this slow, agonizing torture that leaves me with nothing to fight for.” His fingers trace the pink scar in his hairline, before moving his hair back in place to cover it. “After all of that, this is going to be what finally kills me. You chose him, and I can’t stay here.”
“I’m not choosing him. I love you.”
Holding back the landslide of emotions building up inside, it comes out as a whisper. I’m not sure if he heard me over the loud ringing of his phone for the third time.
With a sigh, he looks down again and slides his thumb over the screen. “Not a good time, Jameson.”
His incessant pacing stops as the pained expression falls off his face. He’s a stone. A wall. A statue, standing stock-still and staring straight through me before falling onto the corner of the bed. “What does that mean? Is she going to be all right? Okay ... Okay ... I’m coming.”
He drops his hand to his lap, still squeezing the phone in his fist. “Everything all right?”
The length of time it takes him to respond feels like an eternity. When his eyes refocus and snap to mine, all I see inside them is fear. “Have you ever heard of an ectopic pregnancy?”
My mind races back to my high school health class. “That’s when the baby grows in the fallopian tube instead of the uterus, I think. Why?”
“Jillian’s just ruptured.”
27
AJ
Coming here was a mistake.
I run around Casey’s room throwing everything I own into my duffel bag. The sooner I get to the airport, the quicker I can get my ass home and replace this nightmare with a new one.
“What can I do?”
“You’ve done enough, believe me,” I say, tugging the zipper on my bag closed.
“Don’t shut me out, AJ. Let me help.”
“Leave all this. Come back with me.”
A lone tear breaks over the dam of her lash line and rolls down her conflicted face. “This is my home, AJ. I’m not goin’ back.”
And there’s that swinging bat again, smashing me in the heart for the second time that morning. The wheel of emotions spins again. Past anger. Past confusion. Next stop: pain. Hearing her say it makes it too real. I ran all the way out here, but it was too little, too late. I’d already lost her.
“You’re staying because of him.”
“No.” Blond hair brushes past her shoulder as she shakes her head. My fingers tingle, wanting to slide through it, but I keep them at my sides. I can’t touch her right now. “I’m stayin’ because this is where I belong. I may have lived back East, but I wasn’t livin’. I was existing. Pourin’ drinks in a dive, goin’ about the motions like I didn’t hate every second of every day that I was there.” Another tear falls, another twisted twitch of the hand that I refuse to move to wipe it away. “Gran left me this place for a reason. I’m not gonna let her down.”
Heat radiates from her body, spreading through my chest and down my legs as she moves closer to me and rests her hand on my cheek. “You of all people should appreciate that.”
I do. I know exactly where she’s coming from, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I turn and head down the stairs, but she follows close behind. “AJ.” Casey’s soft voice stops me at the door. Rays of morning light cascade through her kitchen windows. It’s too fuckin’ bright. I can’t stand it. The sky and the sun just remind me of Casey, and I never want to see either again.
It’s funny how just a few months can feel like years. Casey and I have spent more time apart than together, but I still can’t fathom the idea that things between us are over. I feel like the Tin Man, hollow and cavernous. If you bang on my chest, all you’d hear is an echo.
“All those things you said on the bull, marriage, children, I want that, too. Don’t leave like this. Promise you’ll come back.” She steps forward and falls against my chest. Soft hair tickles my skin. Her lips move against my neck with a mixture of kisses and mumbling, “Stay with me, stay wit
h me, stay with me …”
My head’s not right when I’m standing this close. Her scent is all around me. Sweet notes of honey and flowers wrapped around my fingers and embedded into the fibers of my shirt. The girl gets under my skin. She’s a predator posing as a house pet, determined to eat me alive the second I let my guard down.
I try to leave, but she stops me again. “Aren’t you even gonna say goodbye?”
“How do I say goodbye to my heart?” I turn back toward the door and pull it open. The promise of a scorching day greets me, followed by the smell of hay and fresh cut grass. Without looking back, I step off the porch, feeling her gaze bore into my back.
Horses whinny in the distance. I look toward the direction of the stables one last time and see Austin saunter my way. “You win, dude. She’s all yours.”
“She was mine to begin with.”
“Whatever,” I grumble, turning away from him.
I shove in my ear buds to dull the serene sounds of Casey’s home. Taylor Swift’s ethereal voice comes through, followed by the gravelly twang of Tim McGraw. Instinctively, I start to sing along then stop myself. I know all the songs and all the names. Stupid country music has infected my heart the same way Casey has. That’s what she is. An infection. Something I caught along the way but just can’t shake, no matter how hard I try. No antibiotic can cure this horrible affliction. No. What I got, I have for life.
It’s late by the time I arrive at the house. One lonely light shines through the window, creating a creepy, horror house-type setting behind the shop. This grim, bleak atmosphere is more my speed. It’s depressing and lonely, just like my life.
I let myself in and close the door with a quiet click. A thick swatch of red-orange hair dangles off the olive colored couch pillows where Marisa lays sprawled out on her back.
What the hell is she doing here?
“Marisa.”
Sweetest Obsessions - Anthology Page 20
