I gently shake her freckled shoulder. She rouses with a snort, her green eyes still consumed with sleep. “You’re back. What time is it?”
“Around one. Why are you here?”
Marisa sits up, blinking herself back to the human race. Her orange brows pinch together and a tiny pout forms along her lips. I never noticed how many freckles cover her milky skin. Without her usual war paint, she looks ten years younger. “Casey called me.”
I wait for her to elaborate, but she’s still half asleep. “And?”
“She said your family had an emergency and needed me to babysit. Your sister and James are at Crestmere Hospital. Zakk’s upstairs.”
I’m too stunned to correct her when she botches my brother-in-law’s name. Casey called in reinforcements to help my family. Why would she do that? Does she think this makes us even? Hopefully, for her, her little phone call helps her sleep soundly, but it doesn’t change the fact that she tore through my heart like tissue paper then wiped her ass with it. “I’m here now. You can go.”
Marisa’s light eyes narrow into slits. “You’re a real asshole, you know that?”
“Whatever.”
“Case in point,” she snaps, rising to her feet. “And since you failed to ask, she’s a wreck thanks to you.”
“Thanks to me? She was the one with her tongue down Austin’s throat!”
“She’s a human being. She made a mistake. And all that little kiss did was prove to her how much she loves you.”
“Right. She loves me so much she used me to make her ex-fiancé jealous.”
“If you really believe that, then you’re a bigger asshole than I thought.” Marisa shoves her feet into her shoes and grabs her stuff before heading to the door. “And by the way. Your sister came out of surgery just fine. You’re welcome.”
Jillian lies on the couch propped up on pillows, watching cheesy music videos from the eighties on Vh1 Classic. Zakk stands at the edge beside her, grasping the cushions with both hands. He lets go when he sees me and falls on his diaper-covered butt before rolling over and doing it again.
A Johnson & Johnson commercial comes on the television, and Jillian’s chocolate eyes well with tears. “Frig,” she says, wiping them away. “These damned hormones. I can’t stop crying.” When she shifts and moans, Jameson runs to her aid like a hired hand.
He hasn’t left her side for a second. If I ever doubted his devotion to my sister, I’d be a believer now. When he finally came home from the hospital, the red rings around his eyes were nothing compared to the Parkinson’s-style shaking of his hands. He was a mess. Jillian was in surgery for hours. Apparently, she’d been suffering from abdominal pain and nausea for weeks but kept it a secret. She’s always so busy taking care of everyone else that she never stops to worry about herself. This time was no different.
“The blood,” he said. “I’ve never seen a person bleed so much and live to talk about it.”
She’s been home for three days now, and every time he looks at her, I can see the relief plain as the nose on his face. If he lost her, he’d have lost himself. They complete each other in a way that’s rare and special. Apart, they were two halves, but coming together made them whole. I thought I had that with Casey, but I was wrong.
The lead singer from Zebra, a guy with the unfortunate name of Randy Jackson, screeches out of the television set, assaulting me with his words. Crying over the madness of giving everything and coming up with nothing.
Behold the bludgeoning of irony.
The weight of Jill’s stare tears my attention off the television. “You have to call her.”
I lift the brim of my cap and scratch underneath with a sigh. This conversation is pointless. Casey and I said what we needed to say. She’s staying in Texas. If circumstances were different, maybe I’d consider starting over, but I can’t. Austin’s always going to be there; the third corner in a twisted love triangle that makes none of us happy. Removing me from the equation was the only way to resolve the problem.
She still loves him.
And I love her enough to let her be happy.
My silence doesn’t stop Jill’s incessant need to mother, however. “It was sweet of you to run home for me, but I’m fine. Your obligation to me is over.”
Already, I feel the burning sting sweep across my eyes, and we’ve only tapped the surface of our chat. “Maybe I’m just meant to be alone. My purpose in life is to work and hang out. Not everyone gets a happy ending.”
“You sound like a loser when you talk like that. You had the opportunity for happiness. You blew it.”
“Let me ask you something.” My hands start their twitchy need to bang on something, but I ball them on my lap instead. “What would you do if you walked in on Jameson kissing another girl? Seriously, Jill ... what?”
She cringes at the thought. “Let me counter your question with this one: What would I have missed if I didn’t at least try to work past it?”
Zakk chants “ma ma ma ma ma” as his pudgy little hands beat against the cushion, vying for his mother’s attention. She strokes his hair and tickles under his chin. Giggly squeals erupt from his drool-covered lips, and he falls on the floor again. “What we have … it’s worth fighting for. You and Casey had it. You sat in our kitchen deflecting our questions about your new mystery woman. I saw it then.”
“All of this is moot. You forget the biggest problem here. She lives in Texas.”
“So what?”
My top lip curls. Wow, she must be loopy as hell from the meds. “So ... we live in New Jersey. I can’t leave you. You guys need me too much.”
She shimmies herself as close to sitting as her wounded abdomen will allow. “Listen to me. You’re always going to be my big brother, and my best friend, but you need to stop. I found my soul mate. You need to go find yours. Even if it means moving to Texas.”
“You’re high. What the hell am I going to do in Texas?”
“Help Casey with the ranch. You hate fixing cars anyway.”
“Why didn’t I think of that? Oh, that’s right! Because I don’t know shit about horses or ranching.”
“Yeah, but you know a ton about business. Morello and Tate is kicking ass because of you. You can do anything, AJ. You’re smart, and you’re driven. I can’t stand seeing you like this anymore.”
“Like what?”
“Empty. Brooding. When she was around, the old, fun AJ was starting to return. I miss that guy because, frankly, this new guy is shit.”
I stew on the couch while Jillian’s words sink into my thick skull. Can I really do this? If I don’t try, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, but I’m having trouble turning my back on everything I know and taking the leap.
It’s not just a new state. It’s a whole new life.
“Look,” she continues with a sigh. “I’m gonna be honest, AJ. Straight up, no bullshit—you are one of my favorite people on the planet, but you are incredibly hard to love. Casey loves you. Don’t take that for granted.”
Jill’s words are a sledgehammer to my ego, but I can’t deny them. I’m a selfish bastard. Everything has to be my way. I’m moody and arrogant, pigheaded and dismissive. Casey changes me. I’m a better man just having been with her. She moves me. She gets me dancing, makes me sing. With her, I feel invincible, lively, and playful. I want to be that AJ. Not the judgmental asshole I’ve been.
Making a big life change is scary but not nearly as much as regret. I’m done with those. I’m in love with the girl. I need her. Her effect on me is greater than all the songs, all the drum beats, and every loud, growling heavy metal vocal. She’s the rock to my roll and the soother of my soul. All this time, I expected her to fit into my life, but that was wrong. Maybe I’m supposed to fit into hers.
The opening chords to “Love Song” by Tesla float from the screen and stab me in the chest. Eyes as blue as the sky cross over my subconscious. The chorus belts out, loud and proud for all to hear. It’s a sign. Even Jillian telling me to go wa
sn’t enough. I needed fate to intervene, and here it is. It’s screaming at me with pure rock ballad fervor, reminding me that love will find a way.
28
Casey
“You ever gonna talk to me again, baby girl?” Austin leans against the doorframe with each thick forearm.
“I ain’t your baby,” I say without missing a beat.
“It’s been a week. How long you gonna keep this up?”
I grab the bag of Safe Choice off the shelf and start measuring it out, spilling half the contents in the process. “I haven’t decided yet. Maybe forever.”
“You can’t stay mad at me forever. We have to live together.”
“Do we, Austin?” I ask, scooping up the fallen feed. “Because I’ve been seriously contemplatin’ that.”
“Why? You going somewhere?”
I roll my eyes. He’s going to keep holding this over my head for the rest of my life. Nothing I do will ever make up for it. It’s always going to be that third person in the room hanging out between us. My monumental fuck up and the ruination of Austin Krehley. I’ve spent far too long punishing myself over it. I refuse to live like this.
“No. You are.”
Austin’s body fills the space behind me. “You are not kickin’ me off this ranch, Casey.” His already deep voice turns into a scary baritone that I’ve never heard come out of his mouth before.
“I’m not?” I challenge. “I kept you on for Gran’s sake, but I’ve about had all I can stand from you.”
“The sign out front may say Grainger, but you and I both know this here’s my land. I’ve been a slave to these pastures for the past fifteen years. You left. I stayed.”
I look up from the floor. His brown eyes darken to a menacing shade. Once warm and inviting, they now look cold and bleak. I stand. “This isn’t about me at all, is it? You don’t want me. You want the ranch.”
I suddenly see Austin in a whole new light. Sweet, kind Austin. The man who bent over backward for my family. The one who never stopped pursuing me, who wanted to marry me the second I turned eighteen. It all makes sense. He knew Gran would never leave this place to Mama, and he sure as shit knew she wouldn’t leave it to him. In order to take over, he’d have to marry in.
“You diabolical son of a bitch.”
“Hey, hey, that ain’t right.” His hand closes around my forearm, biting my skin with its rough grasp. “You and I? We’re destined. You’ll see soon enough that marryin’ me is the best choice for both of us.” His handsome face twists into a scowl.
“Austin, you’re scarin’ me.”
“Ain’t no reason to be scared, baby.” His voice is placating, but his grasp on my arm doesn’t falter. Skin bubbles between his fingers, and I’m sure I’ll have a hand-shaped bruise when he finally lets go. “Just so long as you know that I will kill you before I see you with another man. Got it?”
He jerks my arm, pulling me closer. “That hurts!”
Suddenly terrified of the man I once found far too gentle, I don’t know whether to cry or scream. Austin’s finally snapped. I can see it in his eyes. His piercing gaze bounces around my face, bopping with senseless fury. Did I drive him to this? Or was I so wrapped up in young love that I never noticed the evil dancing along the edges all along? I’m starting to wonder if everything I knew about Austin was a ruse. A ploy for my attention, but all the while hidden beneath that quiet exterior was a psychopath waiting to emerge at any given moment.
“You made me look like a fool. Now, you owe me, and I’m takin’ what’s mine.”
“What do you want?” I squeak out, timid as a church mouse.
“I want it all!”
His mouth crushes mine just before he throws me to the floor. Straw scratches my back; the smells of fertilizer and feed surround me. Hoofbeats clop near my head as the horses snort and whinny in their stalls with nervous energy.
Austin turns for a split second. I use that as an opportunity to scramble away, but I’m paralyzed with fear when I see him turn back with a rope. “I’m sorry, Austin. Please don’t hurt me.”
“You don’t know what pain is, you fuckin’ bitch! Pain is seven years lost! It’s workin’ your whole life toward something only to have it ripped out from under you! It’s watchin’ the woman you love get fucked by another man in the home you’ve kept for her! You took everything from me, and now, I’m takin’ it back!”
The rope cuts into my skin as he wraps it tight around my wrists before moving to my feet. “Don’t fuss, now,” he cajoles as he twists it around my ankles. The combination of tears and terror blur my vision. He pulls on the rope, and my wrists and ankles join. Leave it to Austin to know how to fasten a perfect Boy Scout knot even when he’s hog tying a person.
“You cryin’? Shit, you know I can’t stand it when a woman cries.” The last thing I see is his arm reaching out to snatch one of the horse blankets off the hook before daylight disappears.
The blanket muffles my screams as he starts tugging at my shorts. “Remember that night you snuck into my room to seduce me? You were so sweet. You just laid there and let me break you.”
AJ’s face pops into my mind. Staying was a bad idea. A string in the long line of awful decisions I’ve made throughout my life. I don’t know what Austin plans to do with me, whether he intends to kill me or what, but my biggest regret to date isn’t choosing to stay. It’s that AJ will never know how much I love him.
Sobs echo in the stiff fabric as the salt water leaking from my eyes collects in my ears. I feel the denim shimmy past my hips, but I can’t move to stop it. Austin continues his insane ranting in a tone more akin to reminiscing over tea than attacking a person in cold blood. “I told you then that I was gonna marry you, and I still intend to. Soon as we’re done makin’ up for lost time.”
I feel his hardness poke the back of my thigh, and I know he’s taken his pants down. The blood rushing my ears soon becomes a shrill ringing. I’m sucking in a breath, but I can’t get enough air in my lungs. Even under the blanket, I can see my vision begin to pixelate, starting around the edges and moving slowly inward. It’s fuzzy, like static on an old television set. It’s then that I realize I’m about to pass out.
Voices tunnel in from a far off distance, echoing in my mind like a dream sequence. The scuffling of boots, the clopping of hooves, then crashing, yelling, cracking, grunting. Intense heat flares up all around me. Then … nothing.
29
AJ
Two thousand miles doesn’t sound long when you say it. Two thousand miles. However, while sitting behind the wheel of my truck, hauling the tiniest trailer with all my belongings inside, it feels endless. It never occurred to me how little I cared about anything until I had to decide whether to pack it. In the end, all I took was my drum set, some clothes, my tools, and a photo album Jillian put together for me. The tears on her face as she watched me pull away broke my heart, but she’s right. It’s time to move on. Jill and Jameson will always be my best friends, but Casey is my life. Her embrace is my home. Her bed is my church. I just hope it’s not too late.
Thirty hours on the highway alone leaves a guy with a lot of time to think. First, I apologized to Marisa for being a douchebag. It was awesome of her to run to my sister’s house the way she did. She’s a good friend, and I’ve never treated her the way she deserved. Together, we worked up a speech of all the things I need to get off my chest. I want to tell Casey I’m sorry for not trusting her. That I don’t care about her past with Austin because I want to be her future. And, most of all, I want to kiss her until her lips are red and raw and until her body aches for only me.
Adrenaline courses through my veins at a rapid-fire pace as I pass the sign for Grainger Ranch, but the sound of bloodcurdling screams flying from the open door of the stables turns my fiery blood to ice. Casey.
Wind whips past my face as I take off across the pasture, running at top speed. What I see when I get there is a nightmare come to life. Casey’s bound like a pig on a spit. Aust
in is on his knees behind her, toying with her, talking to her, touching her in places that send a molten river of rage flooding into my veins. “Get off her!”
“What the ...?”
I lunge at Austin. He falls into a garbage can full of feed, knocking it to the ground and sending tiny pellets rolling all over the floor. The crook of my elbow closes around his throat in an instant, dragging him across the stable. He’s big and heavy, but the adrenaline still drives through my body, adding to my already brute force.
His elbow lands in my gut, knocking the wind from my lungs as I fly backward. “You don’t fuckin’ learn, do ya?” Austin runs toward me, but the butt of my palm catches him in the nose. Blood splatters from his face like a broken water balloon. Temporarily blinded, he doesn’t see me running toward him again.
I ram my shoulder into his gut, and his feet leave the ground. We fly through the air, crashing into another garbage can, this one full of oats. Punches send daggers of pain shooting up my side, but it doesn’t slow my attack. The kiss was nothing. Seeing him manhandle her, hearing her pleas for help—that was my breaking point.
A punch to the kidney forces me to my side. Then he’s on me. His hands wrap around my throat, squeezing my windpipe. Unable to get enough air, my vision grows fuzzy. I’m fucked. He’s going to strangle me to death right here in the stable, and Casey’s going to have to live with the ghost of another dead body emblazoned into her memory forever. That thought alone gives me one last surge of strength.
My sloppy, flailing arms find his face. I jam a thumb into an eye socket. A brutal bellow rings through the stable as Austin falls to the side.
I scramble onto all fours, sucking wind and grasping my throat while Austin groans behind me. His moans soon become maniacal, super villain laughter as he pushes to his feet. Sunlight slices in through all the windows in the stable, creating a blinding shine glinting off the Zippo in his hand.
Sweetest Obsessions - Anthology Page 21
