“That means a lot to me. It really, truly does.”
“You keep fighting the good fight, Carter. You’re going to beat this thing. I know it.”
“I hope you’re right.” The thought of failing makes my chest clench.
“I am. My knee has been killing me lately. Whenever that old football injury acts up and something bad is going on, I know whatever troubles are a’coming, everything will be all right.”
“Your knee is psychic?” I muse.
“Ain’t never been wrong yet. You’ll see.”
“Well, Luke Boyd, let’s hope you and your psychic knee are right. If they aren’t, make sure my gravestone says Luke was wrong.”
Luke laughs loudly, causing me to grin.
For a moment, hope swells inside me at Luke’s words. I have to believe it. The alternative is way too fucking painful.
“What are you doing awake?” I ask Derek, sinking down into a seat around the coals of a fire that’s long gone out.
“Nothing. Molly and I are looking at the stars,” he answers, his eyes focusing on me. Molly whines and comes to sit beside me, her head on my lap. I give her a good scratching that has her eyes closing, a deep, contented breath leaving her.
“Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah. That was fucking brutal.”
Derek gets to his feet and spears a hot dog then brings it over to me.
“Eat. Those coals should still be warm enough.”
I take the speared hot dog from him and roast it over the fire for a few minutes before placing it in a bun. Derek hands me some toppings, and I place them on top. Then I take a bite. It’s delicious. I’m suddenly starving.
“You need to tell Teddy. This is killing her,” his voice is low and urgent.
I swallow my bite and look to the ground.
“I know.”
“When are you going to do it? You said you were going to. You’re getting worse, Carter.”
“I’m calling Doctor Abrams tomorrow. I’m agreeing to see the doctor he heard about if he’ll take me as a patient. I’m going to do the procedure. Teddy called her dad tonight, and he says he’ll see me too. After I see where the hell I stand, I’ll tell her. I just want to do it with maybe some good news to follow up the shitty news with.”
Derek nods, looking satisfied. “Good. I’m glad you’re going to tell her soon. She scares me sometimes. She threatened to bury me out here if I didn’t tell her. I believe her, too! Girl is fierce.”
“Yeah, she is,” I say fondly. “Derek?”
“Yeah?”
“If none of this works out, will you take care of her? Make sure she’s safe and happy.”
“Carter—”
“No other words. Just your promise. I’m so fucking in love with that woman. I need to know that if shit goes below ground, she’ll have people around her to take care of her. Promise me.”
“I promise,” Derek sighs. “But you better promise me that you’ll fight as long and as hard as you can. No pussying out.”
He holds his hand out to me, and I grin at him.
“Deal.”
Day one million ten (Or that’s what it feels like.)
My body hurts. My muscles scream at me as something as simple as breathing begins to cause me tremendous pain. I’m tired. But I’m happy. The happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. Funny, it took dying to learn how to live.
We’re holding off on the rafting trip for another day. Two tops. I’m calling Phil later to tell him I’ll do the procedure if chosen. I’m fucking scared.
Scared of death. Scared of living like this. Scared of telling Teddy that I’m dying. Scared of losing her forever.
It’s too much to write today. I can’t.
I really only came here to say one thing anyway.
Teddy Bear, if I’m gone when you wake up, I love you.
31
Carter
My lips work their way up her bare leg, scattering tender kisses on her warm skin. I’m feeling better and know that Teddy is stressed because of me. If there’s one thing I need to do, it’s make my girl feel good.
She lets out a soft moan as I reach the apex of her thighs. I place a tender kiss in the place I long to taste.
“Carter,” she whispers, her voice filled with sleep.
Her fingers thread through my hair, nails raking against my scalp, making me want to full on purr beneath her loving touch.
“Teddy Bear,” I growl before spreading her legs apart.
A sigh of contentment falls from her lips as I dip my tongue into her sweet center and feast on her. It doesn’t take long for her back to arch. She tugs fiercely on my hair, pulling my face into her warm, wet core. She’s a savage beauty so close to treating me to what I’m so desperate to see. To hear. To taste.
One final flick of my tongue sends her spiraling over the edge, her breathing shallow, her moans of pleasure making my hard cock ache with want.
I kiss my way up to her breasts, taking care to lick and suckle on each of them. She whimpers as I nibble, her body writhing beneath mine. My mouth finds hers, kissing her deeply. I swallow her moan as my cock slides against her slick folds.
“Are you sure?” she manages breathlessly as I tease her.
“I’ve never been so sure of anything before,” I murmur against her lips as I push my throbbing cock into her.
Her breath hitches as I drill deeper in until I’m buried to the hilt, her tight heat making my dick ache even more with want. I move in and out, pushing the niggling ache in my head away. I close my eyes, my forehead against hers, as I make love to her.
It doesn’t take my girl long to explode in a magnitude of gasps and moans around me, milking me for all I’m worth. I spiral with her, both of us breathless by the end.
I don’t withdraw. Instead, I stay nestled within her warm confines. My own personal heaven.
“You’re shaking,” she whispers. “We shouldn’t have—”
“Shh, baby,” I say in a hoarse voice. “I needed this. I needed to feel you. I needed to be inside of you. You’re my happy place.”
“Oh, Carter,” her voice trembles, a tear slipping from her eye. “I love you so much. I’m so worried about you.”
I kiss her tears away. “I’m going to be OK. I promise.” My words are fierce. “I’d do anything for you, Teddy Bear. And that includes being OK. Do you believe me?”
Her lips meet mine in a tender kiss, her hand cradling my face.
“Yes, I believe you.”
That’s all I need to hear. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I am going to beat this thing. I have to. I can’t be without her. Not now. Not ever. I said it before. This girl is my heaven. There’s no need to die when I’m already where I’m supposed to be.
“Phil, it’s Carter,” I say into the phone the following morning.
“Carter, how are you feeling?” Doctor Abrams greets me, his voice painted with relief.
“Like hell,” I admit, fidgeting with the drawstring on my basketball shorts. “Coordination is going to shit. I’m dizzy. Tired. Weak. My speech is slurred sometimes. I’ve probably lost twenty pounds. My head is killing me most of the time,” I rattle off a list of my current ailments, leaving off my heartbreak and the anxiety over the possibility of not making it out of my current predicament alive.
“Unfortunately, those are things we expect,” Phil says. “But I have good news. You’ve been accepted as a candidate for the procedure. The team has already secured a room in a hospital in the city for when you return. You’ll meet with the lead doctor beforehand to sort out any concerns. It’s sounds like they want to start immediately. The doctors on this team think you have a shot. That is, if you’re willing to take it.”
I bite my bottom lip and look at Teddy across the campsite. While still beautiful, she looks tired. Stricken. Sad. I hate that I’m putting her through it. I need to find an end to this shit. Either I die and leave her with some semblance of a future, or I kick this dise
ase and spend my life with her. Even though I’ve promised myself that I’m going to beat this, I still made the plans with my attorneys to set her up, along with Derek. Even if I’m gone, Teddy will be taken care of. I’ve made sure of it.
“I’m going to do it,” I say, tearing my gaze from Teddy as she gives Molly a good scratching. “When do I need to meet with the team?”
“I’m so glad to hear it,” Phil exclaims, his voice filled with relief. “I’m going to email you the paperwork. All you need to do is give your digital signature, and we can get things rolling immediately. The lead doctor thinks we need to get on this sooner rather than later. And I gotta tell you, Carter. I’m with him.”
I nod. “I understand. Did, h-he say the l-l-likelihood of success?” I grind my teeth at the pain in my head and the stutter.
“Well,” Phil sighs. “It’s experimental, Carter. You understand that. It’s not a one hundred percent know-all win.”
“I know,” I murmur. “I just want to know if I should be saying my last goodbyes anytime soon.”
“That’s up to you, Son. I think at this point, it might not hurt,” Phil’s voice is gentle, but I get it.
There are no guarantees. I might be dead this time next week. I peek at Teddy again. She’s smiling at Derek as he tries to juggle some jumbo marshmallows.
“I have to try. Even if it can’t save me, it might save someone else. It’ll be my magnum opus.”
“For what it’s worth, I think you have a fair shot. If nothing else, it could buy you some time if—”
“If it doesn’t kill me first. I get it. It’s fucking scary, but I get it. And I’m all in. Send the paperwork over.”
“I’m doing it as we speak,” Phil confirms. The tippy-type of his computer keyboard fills the background. He pauses. “Carter?”
“Yes?”
“What made you change your mind?”
I chuckle softly and lock eyes on Teddy who gives me a sweet smile which warms every facet of my being.
“I’m in love. I want to get married.”
Phil is silent for a moment before answering, his voice shaking, “Then let’s get to work, shall we?”
“Let’s fucking do it.”
32
Teddy
“We don’t need to do this, Carter,” I say as Carter brushes his soft lips against mine. His body shakes, his eyes unfocused as we break apart. Even with the extra few days of rest he looks rough. “Let’s just get you home. You can see your new doctor.”
Knowing he has it set up has given me a few moments of relief. The way he’s looking today though has my heart in a vice. He’s pale and quivering with dark circles under his brown eyes.
“We came here to raft, baby doll. And we aren’t leaving until I conquer that water.” He gives me a sad, sweet, tired smile. If there’s one thing I’m learning about Carter George, it’s that he’s stubborn as hell.
“Stop w-worrying, sweetheart. I’ve already promised Derek that the moment my feet touch solid ground, we’ll head back to New York. Besides, I can fly back if I need to. No worries. Promise.”
“OK,” I pout with a sigh.
He grins, the dullness in his eyes fading away. My heart flutters. God, this man…
“You ready?” Derek shouts. “Our ride is here to take us down to the launch site.”
I reluctantly pull away from Carter and grab the last of our bags. Carter snatches them from me before I can protest and loads them into the Beastmaster.
I give Molly a kiss on her head as we depart. Carter, the sweetheart that he is, looked up dog sitters and managed to find someone on short notice to come sit in the air-conditioned Beastmaster with Molly while we’re gone for a few hours. Waving goodbye to Greta, the college-aged dog sitter, we climb into the waiting SUV, Carter and Derek sandwiching me in the backseat.
“Are you excited?” Derek asks me was we bump along the road to the launch site.
I cast a glance at Carter who seems even paler than before.
“No. I just want this over with. I’m worried.”
Carter squeezes my hand and gives me a tired smile. “Don’t worry. Everything is OK. I’m just a little tired. That’s all.”
Derek catches my eyes. Our eyes mirror one another’s. We’re both worried. Carter has never looked like this before.
The rest of the ride is silent. When we arrive at the launch site, we’re greeted by a well-built guy around my age.
“I’m Bo. I’ll be the guide on your adventure today,” he introduces himself and shakes each of our hands.
“I’m Carter. This here is Derek, and this beauty is Teddy.”
Bo gives us a smile before launching into the dos and don’ts of boating safety. Carter becomes paler as the minutes pass by, his body trembling.
“Carter, we should wait—”
“I don’t have time to w-wait,” he says, his voice a low hiss.
He’s never spoken to me like that before, and I flinch away from him, his words creating a whirlwind of fear in my guts.
“Baby, I’m s-sorry,” Carter says, reaching for my hand and clutching it. “I just really n-need to do this. Please. M-my headaches are getting worse. I may be laid up for a while. With work and all after this, I don’t know when I’ll get back here.”
He’s lying. I know he is. This isn’t about work and stress. There’s so much more he isn’t telling me. I know arguing with his stubborn ass won’t change anything, so I let it go. Again. Getting him to my dad can’t happen quickly enough.
“Fine. But if you get sick on this, I’m going to be so mad at you,” I huff.
His eyes soften as he leans in and plants a tender kiss on my lips.
Before he can say anything, Bo is directing us to get into the raft. We do so quickly. Carter stumbles. Derek catches him before he falls.
“You OK?” Bo asks, looking from Carter to me. “You look sick. No offense, but we haven’t even started.”
“Just had a late night,” Carter mumbles, situating himself in the raft. He gives me a tired smile and pats the spot next to him. I sit in it, immediately reaching out to clasp his hand. He takes it and gives it a trembling squeeze. Within the half-hour, we’re settled into the raft and ready to begin our journey from the western edge of the canyon into Hualapai tribal lands.
“The river is faster than I thought it was going to be,” Derek shouts.
I nod, my stomach twisting into tighter knots. Carter is smiling, laughter bubbling from his lips.
We quickly get wet, rounding the first bend where the winds whip the water. We glide over smooth rock, dipping and swaying with the swirling eddies, first left then right in semi-circles. Bo keeps a watchful eye on the river and our faces, giving us maximum adventure.
“Holy shit.” Derek bursts out laughing, reaching over and gripping the rope railing of the soft cataraft. “Now, that’s exactly what I expected.”
“Well good, since we’ve got nine more miles of it until we hit Lake Mead,” I holler out over the rushing torrent of the river, my heart pounding in my chest from that initial rush.
I’m not sure what I’m more worried about at this point—this damn wild ride or the fact that Carter’s hand is shaking in my grasp.
Cold water continually splashes and drenches us as Bo maneuvers us through the harrowing turns.
“Are you all ready?” Bo yells out. We all look up, but before I can ask, he points to a small waterfall we’re about to go over.
And down we go. Sideways.
“Holy shit!” we all scream, the momentum lifting us from our seats.
Bo revs the engine on impact and uses an oar to push against a rock, forcing us out of the cascading water. The water smooths out as we drift away from the faster currents.
“Whew,” I say, taking my seat again after being bounced. I lean forward to catch my breath. I press my hand to my chest and look to check on Carter.
“Y-y-y-you all right, Ted-d-d-d-dy Bear-r-r-r?” his lips quiver and voice shakes from
the ice-cold water soaking his clothes. At least that’s what I tell myself it’s from.
“Damnation, I’m fantastic. Jesus, what a ride. Now I know why my parents didn’t take me rafting all those years ago. I don’t think they would’ve survived that.” I laugh, trying to lighten my mood. Carter shoots me a grin that actually reaches his eyes.
At mile five, we drift onto the shoreline for a brief hike, where we can snack and rest.
“My damn hands and feet are numb from that icy water,” Carter says as we walk behind Bo.
I don’t waste any time and rush up between him and Derek and hug him, rubbing my warmth into his fingers. “I’ll warm you up, babe.”
Carter winks at me, still playful, even though he looks like the walking dead.
“Yeah,” Bo agrees. He pulls back on the rim of cloth around his ankles to show two pairs of socks. “In the early part of the season like this, the water temps and weather are unpredictable. It’s definitely a shock when that first frigid splash hits your skin.” He guides us to a ladder built into a hidden alcove in the rock. It leads to a summit of outcroppings where a small waterfall washes over purple and grey granite.
I gasp as I step off the ladder. “Good God, just look at that view.”
Carter squeezes my hand and moves to wrap his arms around me from behind. We stare out into the wide expanse of the canyon and take in how tiny we are in this big world. He plants a sweet kiss on my cheek.
“It’s almost as beautiful as you,” he whispers in my ear.
Goosebumps erupt on my skin at his words. I snuggle into his arms and let out a deep breath, hoping to let my worries go for just a moment.
Derek pulls his camera from his bag and starts taking shots. “C’mon, you two. Let’s get a selfie with the canyon behind us.”
We get into position and smile like lunatics having the time of our lives. Bo takes a few pics for us before we finish our snack and head back down to the raft.
Sweetest Obsessions - Anthology Page 77
