A Bookworm for Christmas (Gay Romance)

by Trina Solet

  Sometimes he would be reading and then laugh suddenly, the sound of it ringing through the quiet store. Gavin remembered how that startled him then made him smile. There was never any doubt that Miles liked to read. He would get absorbed in it and then talk about what he read like he was rushing to get the words out, all of them at once. Then he would stare at Gavin uncertainly, like it dawned on him that his words couldn't capture what he just read. Gavin knew the feeling. For some reason one set of words couldn't capture another.

  That inexpressible magic found in the written word was why Gavin decided to buy the bookstore and try to make a success of it. Whether it was beauty or terror or something dry and scholarly, he had a thirst for the written word and decided to make it his life's work. But at the end of the day, it would have been nice to have someone to share it with and not only that little guy in the kid's section.

  When Gavin tried to picture that someone, his mind got stuck on the image of Miles – laughter in his eyes, a smile on his full lips, a promise of warmth on his smooth skin and in his slim body. Gavin shook his head. That was only because he had just seen him. Miles couldn't be the one.

  Chapter 4

  Miles tried to swear off making himself a nuisance at the Bookworm, but that only lasted a few days. His morning class had been cancelled, and Miles considered that a sign that he should go visit Gavin at the bookstore. This early in the day, there wouldn't be too many shoppers. He might even get Gavin all to himself.

  The streets were busy and Miles walked fast dodging and weaving down the sidewalks, not wanting to give up what little time he had to slow walking people and window shoppers. Once in front of the bookstore, he stopped to catch his breath. Now Miles was the one window shopping, but he wasn't interested in any merchandise. He only had eyes for Gavin.

  Peering in through the store windows, his eyes searched for Gavin. He was easy to find, standing behind the counter, looking tall and gorgeous. Only one other person was inside the store and she was on her way out.

  His focus shifted from Gavin behind the counter to his own reflection in the glass. Why couldn't he get his hair to behave? And he would bet anything that Gavin liked a more clean-shaven look. There was no way that unkempt and scruffy was his type. Running his hand through his hair, Miles sighed.

  He started staring at Gavin again, so trim, neatly dressed, but mostly just plain gorgeous. Why was Miles doing this to himself? Since he had a taste of his company, he was fantasizing about Gavin constantly, wanting him hopelessly, visiting Gavin, now watching him like some kind of stalker. It wasn't smart and it couldn't end well.

  Seeing that he had been spotted, Miles waved at him through the glass and Gavin waved him in.

  "You looked busy. I didn't want to bother you," Miles said to make an excuse for lurking outside instead of just coming in like a normal person.

  "Not too busy," Gavin said and greeted him with a cautious smile. "Doing more shopping?"

  "Maybe I'm just visiting," Miles said only half willing to admit that he wanted to see Gavin again. He was sure that if he told him, Gavin would turn very stern and firmly inform him that there was no hope for the two of them. Miles already knew that, but it wasn't enough to keep him away.

  Miles walked around the front of the store, checking out the shelves closest to the register. Running his finger over the book spines, he was remembering what it was like to work there surrounded by all these books, breathing in that scent and getting to see Gavin practically every day. "I do miss this place."

  "That's why you visit as often as you can," Gavin said sarcastically and came over to lean a hand on the shelf next to Miles.

  "Aha! You missed me," Miles accused him, though he didn't believe it for a second. The whole time he tried not to stare at Gavin. If he locked eyes with him up close, he was sure to give himself away.

  "Miss you? Where did you get that idea?" Gavin said defensively.

  "From you," Miles said to him. "You just said you couldn't wait for me to come back and visit."

  "Maybe you're here looking for more Christmas gifts," Gavin hinted, playing the salesman.

  "Mainly I'm here for a hit of nostalgia. This place brings back memories."

  "Of slacking off?"

  "Mmm, yes. Some of the best slacking off of my young life. Plus I got to ogle you," Miles said, feeling brave all if a sudden. Or more likely suicidal. Standing so close to Gavin was scrambling his circuits.

  "Ha. I don't believe that for a second," Gavin said, dismissing his claim. "If I remember correctly, you called me the lonely librarian type."

  "Maybe I like librarian types," Miles said. He didn't tell him the rest. How he thought Gavin was oh so strict, so uptight, so fuckable. Or that he used to ogle his ass whenever he got the chance. Instead he turned to look around the store like he was a real shopper.

  "Actually I might pick up some more gifts while I'm here. I've been struggling with Christmas shopping. I should get some nonfiction for my dad," Miles said so he would have an excuse to stay longer. He wished he could just admit he liked coming here.

  His heart sank at the thought that he had to rein in his feelings. He liked these feelings. They lifted him up, made him fly and grin like a fool. He didn't want to give that up. Did he have a choice though?

  No matter how much he told himself to give it up already, he felt such a strong pull back to this bookstore. Old memories and the warmth of the place, being with Gavin and now Benji too, it had all dragged him back here against his better judgment. He should stop coming back here. He should stop torturing himself.

  "Are you really considering a book about unusual diseases as a holiday gift for someone?" Gavin asked from right behind him, startling him.

  "Maybe I should get it for my brother-in-law. He's kind of a hypochondriac," Miles told him without turning around. Trying to give nothing away, he held his breath then let it out slowly to calm himself. He was too aware of how close Gavin was standing to dare to look over his shoulder. If he turned around... What would happen? Only one way to find out, a rebellious voice inside him said. And then some rebellious part of his body followed through.

  Against his better judgment, Miles was turning to face Gavin. Then he was leaning in, imperceptibly at first until only a single breath separated him from Gavin. Now Miles had no choice but to take this the rest of the way. He looked past Gavin's blue eyes, past the dark stubble on his sharply sculpted jaw line, and focused on the red of his slightly parted lips.

  Miles grabbed his shoulders and pressed his mouth to Gavin's too hard like he was being driven by demons and not desire. Reeling from that kiss, he staggered against Gavin and clutched at him hard like he wanted to dig his fingers through his flesh. He needed him so much and any second Gavin would push him away. Miles knew he would. He braced himself for it, but when it didn't happen, Miles gave himself up to that kiss. But it wasn't just him. Gavin shifted closer, chest to chest with him, thighs and hips pressed together. Fingers tangled through Miles' hair, Gavin kissed him deeper.

  God knows how long they would have kissed frantically, pushing against each other, if the door chime didn't sound followed by two voices in mid conversation. Gavin and Miles pulled apart but not very far. They stood with the toes of their shoes almost touching. They were out of sight for now, and at first they didn't move. Miles for one was frozen, not even breathing.

  His stomach in knots, he stared down at his feet, afraid to raise his eyes to Gavin's face, afraid of what he would see there if he dared to look. He knew what would happen next. Gavin would reject him, tell him it was a bad idea, a mistake.

  Miles had always known that. It was the whole reason he couldn't keep working for him. Now he was going to be proven right. His heart was about to get crushed. The pain was already blooming inside him. He had stopped breathing and he didn't know how to start, and Gavin noticed.

  "Are you holding your breath?" Gavin asked him. He touched Miles elbows lightly. "Come on, breathe," he ordered him.

 
"Only if you promise that wasn't the last time I'm ever going to kiss you," Miles blackmailed him.

  There was a pause during which Miles felt himself sinking into the darkest oblivion. "We'll see," Gavin finally said pulling him out of it.

  Miles eyed him uncertainly. "That wasn't exactly a rejection, was it?" he asked to make sure he heard him right.

  "Not exactly," Gavin confirmed but he seemed uneasy, so Miles knew he better not push his luck any more than he already did.

  "I was sure you were going to reject me," he admitted.

  Gavin responded with an admission of his own. "I couldn't. You looked so scared."

  "That happens when you want something too much."

  "So you weren't just messing around when you kissed me?" Gavin said, eyeing him sharply.

  "With you, I wouldn't dare," Miles told him seriously. "I was ready for rejection, now I don't know what to do."

  "Don't get carried away. That's one thing you can do," Gavin warned him.

  Miles nodded. It was all he could do at that moment. He took a few deep breaths then his eyes fell on the donation box for kids' holiday gifts. It was already half full of children's books.

  "I'll get something for that box while I'm at it," Miles said. It gave him a chance to keep busy, not make a fool of himself by tackling Gavin to the floor, and it was for a good cause. OK. He had a plan for the next few minutes. But he had no idea what he was going to do with himself after that, other than be late for class. Gavin had made him forget all about that. How the hell was he supposed to not get carried away?

  Chapter 5

  Setting out first thing in the morning, Benji was all bundled up and had on his striped red and white knit cap, which they had nicknamed the candy cane hat. Gavin carried Benji's book bag and held his hand. They were on their way to Benji's kindergarten. The morning air was cold and damp, still a little foggy. Stopped at the crosswalk, Gavin didn't start walking when the light turned green and Benji tugged at his hand to get him to move.

  After a restless night spent thinking about Miles and that crazy kiss, Gavin was a little unfocused. He remembered that it wasn't this hard to keep his mind off Miles when he used to work for him. Just reminding himself that Miles was barely eighteen was enough to keep his attraction at bay. He made sure never to lose his composure around him, to stay cool and professional, not to look at him for too long, not to admire him. If he caught himself fantasizing about him, he snapped out of it lightning fast.

  That was then. Last night Gavin hardly slept. He was consumed by that kiss and what might have happened if they had been somewhere more private instead of in the middle of the store, hidden only by some shelves. In his fantasies, he took Miles against those shelves, on the floor, and in the very bed where Gavin was jerking off.

  He imagined that somehow Miles had sneaked into his bedroom in the middle of the night. Already naked, he had climbed on top of him. He rode Gavin until he came. Even after that, Gavin wasn't able to sleep. He wanted Miles to still be there so he could reach for his unruly hair and kiss his luscious mouth. His mind refused to rest until the night turned to dawn.

  Gavin woke up feeling tired and vaguely guilty. He shouldn't feel guilty for wanting Miles, but he couldn't give into it either. He couldn't think only of his own needs. He was a father now. He had to think about what was best for Benji.

  Benji was usually more shy and standoffish with new people, but he warmed to Miles right away. That should have been a good thing. With both father and son giving him the thumbs up, Miles should be a shoe-in. But it wouldn't be good for Benji to get attached to a guy who wasn't going to stick around.

  His gaze finally resting on Benji by his side, Gavin smiled. He was counting how many taxis passed by while they waited to cross the street at yet another crosswalk. As the light turned green, Benji turned up his face to Gavin and reported that he counted four taxis, but only two were yellow. Looking at his little boy, his sweet face and curious eyes, quieted Gavin's turmoil like nothing else could. Benji was happy. He was doing so well. The crisis was only in his own heart.

  After he dropped off Benji at kindergarten, Gavin headed for the bookstore while fantasizing about Miles the whole way. This time of the year the sidewalks were more crowded than usual, and he noticed a few people waiting outside stores that hadn't opened yet. That made him think of his own store, which was doing well especially with all the holiday shoppers dropping in.

  Gavin couldn't keep his mind on business for long though. Thinking about the bookstore meant thinking about Miles and how he had kissed him. It hadn't been exactly a shock since Gavin had lingered near him when he had other things he should have been doing. He as much as invited that kiss, so he had no right to regret it. Not that he did. He questioned it, relived it, took it a step further even.

  Preoccupied with Miles, Gavin didn't notice that the lady who was about to cut across his path was actually wheeling a stroller in front of her. He veered away from them too quickly and stepped on the edge of the curb clumsily, twisting his ankle. As he bit back a curse and his face contorted, the woman and her little girl both looked at him with concern.

  "I'm OK," Gavin lied.

  The little girl pouted at him like she knew he was lying, and he limped away with his ankle hurting more with every step he took.

  Taking stock of where he was, Gavin realized he was closer to his apartment than to the bookstore and decided to go and get his car. Since parking was such a nightmare, especially this time of the year, he usually walked most places. Now the car was a better way to get himself to the bookstore without further injury.

  Luckily, he managed to drive himself there in time to open the store at the usual hour. Hobbling past the sales counter into the back room, he turned up the thermostat on the way. He fetched the barstool so he could sit at the counter and work the register without being on his feet the whole time.

  The barstool had been gathering dust in the corner of the back room since the days when Miles worked there. Gavin liked to stand, or as Miles called it, stand at attention. And Meredith didn't stand still at all. Always tireless, she busied herself all around the store. Being her perfect opposite, Miles was the only one who liked to use the barstool as he perched himself at the counter with his nose buried in a book. Gavin smiled fondly at the memory and sat down at the counter.

  It wasn't long after opening the store that Gavin spotted the reason for his injury coming up the sidewalk. The door swung open and the chime sounded. Flushed and breathing hard, Miles rushed in as if a gust of cold wind had carried him there.

  "I ran here and I hardly slept a wink, so don't throw me out," Miles said all in one breath. Then he added, "And don't throw me away either." He made it sound like a demand but his lower lip trembled and that almost broke Gavin's heart.

  "Relax," Gavin told him. "No one is getting thrown anywhere." He was tempted to tell him that he had trouble sleeping as well, but he didn't think that it was a good idea to encourage him too much.

  "Sorry. I know I wasn't supposed to get carried away. But ever since I ran into you guys at Vic's Diner, I tried not coming by at all. That didn't work. I tried not coming here so much. That didn't work either," Miles rambled while taking off his jacket like he was already getting hot.

  Gavin went over to check the thermostat to make sure he hadn't turned it up too much when he came in. He didn't want customers leaving the store because they found it too warm in there. Unfortunately, Miles had distracted him and he forgot that his ankle was still hurting. He put too much weight on it and winced.

  Miles noticed he was in pain and frowned with concern. "Hey, you're hurt. Should you be walking around? Should you be on crutches?"

  "It's just my ankle. I twisted it a little. Nothing major," Gavin assured him.

  "How did you do this to yourself?" Miles asked.

  Gavin nearly told him that it happened because he was thinking about him. He didn't though. "I was walking Benji to school and stepped wrong on the edge of a cur
b. It's not a big deal."

  "What are you going to do with your ankle like that?"

  "Limp. Hobble. That sort of thing," Gavin told him. He didn't have much choice about that until Meredith came in.

  Miles didn't like his plan. "How about rest? How about get off your feet? If you need help, I can pitch in," Miles offered. "I do know my way around the place."

  The offer surprised Gavin. "Are you asking for your old job back?"

  "Are you hiring?"

  "Not at the moment."

  "Let me help out. I'll even work for free," Miles said. He was really determined.

  It was tempting but Gavin was uneasy about it. "I don't want to lean on you," he admitted to Miles.

  "Oh, come on. Lean!" Miles urged him.

  "If I do, it might become a habit."

  "That's what I'm counting on," Miles said with a grin.

  Gavin grumbled but then he relented. "OK. I do need to rest this ankle so it can heal."

  Miles was happy to hear it. "I'm on it. So I should shelve these?" he asked seeing a box of new arrivals behind the counter. "But first let's get you somewhere more comfortable."

  "I'm only letting you help. I didn't put you in charge," Gavin pointed out when Miles came around and took him by the arm.

  Miles wasn't discouraged though. He put Gavin's arm over his shoulder and led him into the back.

  "Look at you limping," he said then walked him over to the couch. "This is where I want you. In more ways than one." Miles mumbled that last part, but Gavin was close enough to hear him clearly.

  Gavin eyed him but Miles only shrugged innocently.

  As he eased himself onto the couch with Miles' help, Gavin groaned. "I can't believe I did this to myself."

  "Aren't you supposed to keep it up to ease the swelling?" Miles asked. He looked around then took hold of the back of the office chair from Gavin's desk and wheeled it over. Being careful not to hurt him, he raised Gavin's leg up to rest on it. "Is that OK?"