When We Fall

by Sloane Murphy

  Mason sidesteps slowly, keeping me behind him, but I can see the room better now. I hear a noise come from deeper in the corridor, the squeak of a sneaker on the polished floor followed by a scream. Josh spins towards the noise and stalks between the lockers. I hear a squeal and then I see him coming back towards us, dragging a girl by the hair. He throws her to the floor at Masons feet and she looks up at us. Tegan. Her hair is a mess, mascara running down her face. I always thought I’d rue the day I saw her like this, but not today. Today, I just want us all to survive.

  “This bitch was the worst of them all. This bitch is going to die.”

  “Josh, come on. No-one else needs to die. You’ve made your point. People are going to remember you. They will know you. I don’t think anyone is ever going to mistake you for something you’re not, ever again,” Mason speaks softly. I don’t know how he can stay so calm, but I am so thankful for him.

  “No! I’m not done yet, and if you don’t shut up, I’ll think you’re on their side.”

  “I’m not on anyone’s side, man – I just want to get me and Erin out of here.”

  “Erin? That whore. She chases around after Walker her entire life, begging for scraps of his attention, like he holds the fucking moon, then you show up and her puppy eyes turn to you. She’s as bad as them. She watched the hell I was living and did nothing. Get out of the way, Mason."

  “I can’t do that,” he tells him, standing taller, trying to cover me fully, backing us up towards the wall. The door to the locker room bursts open and Evan appears with two other guys from the football team. Josh spins towards the door, gun raised. The two with Evan manage to run back out of the room before the door fully closes and I hear two more gun shots. They’re so loud my ears ring. I hear a grunt before the room goes quiet again. I look at Evan stood by the door, paralyzed by his fear.

  “Evan, help me,” Tegan sobs from the floor.

  “Shut up, you stupid little slut!” Josh spits at her, before ushering Evan away from the door. He goes to the floor with Tegan. I don’t think he’s even realized I’m here.

  “What’s your plan here, Josh?” Mason asks, trying to take control of the situation again.

  “There is no plan,” Josh laughs manically. “They just need to pay,” he says, waving the gun at Tegan and Evan.

  “Please, don’t kill me,” Evan squeaks, putting himself behind Tegan. I have never been so disgusted in him in my entire life.

  “Killing you is going to be a sweet, sweet joy. In front of your stupid plastic girlfriend, and the whorish puppy who has loved you since kindergarten.”

  “Huh?”

  “Dickface, get the fuck up and man up,” Mason growls at Evan, and that’s when he sees me and his eyes go wide. Josh lets out a weird giggle, before he points the gun at Tegan and pulls the trigger. I hear her scream and dart around Mason to get to her. He grabs me by the waist and pulls me to him.

  “I need to help her, Mason!” I cry, as I try to struggle, but when I see her, I see it’s pointless. I watch as the blood pools in her chest. “Please, let me at least try,” I beg as he lets me go. I drop to the floor and pull off my hoodie, balling it up on her wound, applying pressure.

  “Little Miss Goodie. Let me ask you something. Which one of them would you save if you had the choice? Evan Walker, star quarterback, your lifelong crush and utter asshole, or Mason Knight: new fuck on the block.”

  “What?” I ask, stunned. He can’t be serious, right? Right?

  “You heard me. You might have followed him around like a puppy, but they shunned you, too, just like me. But Mason, he was different. So, you get to pick who lives and who dies. One or the other.”

  “You can’t ask me to do that!”

  “If you don’t pick, I’ll shoot you instead,” he says pointing the gun in my face. I stop breathing. It feels like time slows down around me as I stare at the gun. Everything else fades away until there’s nothing but the gun in my face.

  “Just kill her and let me go!” Evan squeals beside me, distracting Josh for a minute. Mason pounces on him and time speeds up. I hear a scream; I think it’s me as Evan runs out of the room while Mason wrestles with Josh. I’m rooted to the spot unable to move. That’s when I hear another shot go off and Mason falls to the floor on top of Josh. Neither of them move, and then I hear one more shot. Time stands still as I watch, unable to move. I hear Mason groan as he rolls off Josh. Metal skids across the floor as he bats the gun away.

  I look down at Tegan, her breathing is slowing; my hoodie is covered in the blood and I can’t feel anything. I get up and run towards Mason.

  “Oh my God, Mason. You’re bleeding.”

  I fall to my knees and put my hands over the hole in his stomach.

  “I’m okay,” he groans.

  “No, you’re not! You’ve been shot!” I shout hysterically. I’m trying to keep my shit together, but the threads are unravelling quickly. I look over at Josh who has hold of his stomach. “You shot him, too.”

  “I had to make sure you were okay,” he murmurs, reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

  I hear shouts coming down the corridor, and the door bursts open. The room is flooded with police, yelling. The rest rushes past me in a blur as the paramedics come in and take Josh and Mason away. I just sit on the floor, the knees of my jeans soaked in blood. I try to wipe my hands clean on them but it’s no use. One of the police men tries to speak to me, but it’s as if I’m underwater and I can’t hear him right. He wraps his jacket around my shoulders and walks me out of the school. I look around to see there are news crews, police, ambulances, everywhere. And so many people. It barely registers other than the flashes from a camera and I’m led to a waiting ambulance. I get on without even really thinking about it and just sit as the doors close.

  Part Two

  Chapter Twelve

  “Most people are stronger than they know. They just forget to believe it sometimes.”

  ~ Unknown

  6 Months Later

  I close my eyes and hold my breath, trying to stop the pain of the memories taking over. One. Two. Three. Deep breath. Four. Five. Six. I breath out and imagine the pain and fear leaving me. It doesn’t get me so much anymore, but sometimes, when my brain wanders, it takes me under and it’s like I’m back there. Living it. Those gun shots ring out, and my whole world tilts. Everything changed that day, it’s not something that will ever really leave me.

  Scottie coos as she bounces onto my bed and brings me back to the present. “I still cannot believe you’re our valedictorian! I mean, I totally can, but shit! How’s your speech going?”

  “It’s done,” I say. “I sat with Mason last weekend and went through it with him. He says it’s epic, but well, he’s also crazy biased.”

  “How’s he doing?” She asks

  “You mean considering a crazed student shot him? You should really talk to him, Scottie, but yeah – he’s okay. Doc says, considering the bullet ruptured his stomach, he’s healed up nicely; and he’s been cleared to travel; We head out after graduation.”

  “That’s awesome news, about the travelling, and I know I should go and see him, I just don’t know what to say. I never helped Josh. I should have, and now he’s waiting on trial, and Mason, I just; the guilt I feel, I just can’t speak about it yet.”

  “Scottie, you aren’t responsible, no more than anybody else in the school – in fact, there are some people who are a hell of a lot more responsible than others, but you know, the one person who is really responsible, is Josh. He got to choose, Scottie. He made his choice and it was a terrible, devastating choice – but it wasn’t yours."

  Tears well in Scottie’s eyes. I know that no matter how many times I tell her this, she isn’t going to take it on board. Mason may have taken a bullet in the stomach, but Scottie took one in the soul, and in some ways, that’s going to leave a greater scar.

  “I get it,” I reassure her, placing my hand on hers. “So does Mason, but whenever y
ou’re ready, we’re here for you.”

  “Thanks, dude. I saw the mandatory counsellor at school, like we all did, but I just couldn’t, ya know?”

  “I know. I started my therapy sessions again, curtesy of Monica; my anxiety was crazy intense – but I’m coping better now; and I’m actually excited to be getting away.”

  “I bet! Right, I’m going to bounce; Mom will be expecting me back to help with the brats. It’s Josie’s tenth birthday, and it was her brilliant idea to have a slumber party. What a fucking epic way to spend my Saturday!” The sarcasm rolling from her is enough to crack a smile from even the toughest guy on the planet.

  “See you Monday, Scottie,” I laugh as she drags herself off my bed.

  “Just one week to go!” She squeals, wrapping me up in a hug before she leaves.

  I can’t stop the smile that traces my lips. It’s been the toughest six months of my life, but now, there’s one week left of high school, and my life is completely different to where it was a year ago – hell, even from where it was at the beginning of this school year. If you’d told me then I’d be dating the hottest, sweetest guy on earth, who literally saved my life; that the girl who tortured me my entire life would become an almost friend; and the guy I’d crushed on forever would become persona-non-grata, well, hell, I’d have laughed you out of the damn state, let alone the town. But that’s where I am.

  And now, I get to go on the biggest adventure of my life with the guy I love. We spent the last six months tweaking the plan, after what we went through, we decided we wanted to experience everything we could, without being away for too long. It might only be going away for two weeks, but I get to spend them with the guy of my dreams. I sound like a total cheese-ball, but I’m at the point where I just don’t give a shit. If nothing else, I have to thank Josh for that. What he did was beyond horrifying, two students died, Ella and Eric, but I didn’t, and now I know just how precious the time we have here is – and I want to live.

  First, though, I need to get through this graduation ceremony, and an overprotective Monica. I swear, her anxiety about my upcoming trip is way worse than mine has ever been. I get it, I mean, what happened in January irrevocably changed the lives of every single person it touched. How could it not? I’ve never seen a parent more broken than Sherriff Saunders as Mason was taken away in an ambulance, and his son bundled into a cop car. The realization his son had become a monster, crippled the guy; right there and then on the sidewalk. He never saw it coming – all those years working with criminals, with the disaffected, with the angry, and he didn’t recognize it in his own son. Monica said the community has rallied around as much as they can to support Sherriff Saunders and his wife, but it’s hard to separate the high-school killer with his parents; there have been a lot of quiet conversations at the grocery store and the bank about what Josh’s parents ‘did wrong’ – I don’t think I’ll ever understand that mess.

  Then there are the parents of the two kids who died. Ella Baker was on track to be an Olympic swimmer. Her little sister idolized her. Seeing that little girl at the funeral, crying for the big sister she lost, broke me all over again, and all of the memories they’d never get to make. Eric’s mom had to be held up as her legs gave way – the grief swallowing her whole. I will never forget those moments – or those in the locker room; they are always going to be with me – but I know they will push me to live my life to the fullest. Every day, I honor the fact I still have my life to live, and I have to remember that when the darkness threatens to swallow me up.

  I grab my hoodie and follow Scottie out of the house.

  “Mon, I’m heading to Mason’s for a bit!” I call out as we reach the front door.

  “Make sure you have your phone on you! And don’t be late – or at least, let me know if you’re going to be.”

  “You know I will! Love you.”

  “Love you too, Erin!” She says as she waves me off.

  I head across town to Mason’s; I’ve done this walk so many times since January that I could probably do it with my eyes closed. I put my ear buds in and jam out to Jaded Hearts’ latest album.

  When I turn the corner onto Mason’s street, I see Parker in their front yard with his friend Eric. I’ve spent so much time here, it’s almost like my second home. I even roped Parker into helping me give the house a new coat of paint a few weeks ago and he got his friends involved; it was hilarious – a really good day. I’m pretty sure they ended up wearing more paint than they actually put on the house. Mason sat and watched from the back yard, barking out orders after we refused to let him help. He probably could have helped, but I wasn’t risking it; his fourth round of surgery was only a few weeks ago and his stitches are still holding him together. He jokes about them just installing a zipper and being done with it – it’s funny but hurts, too. Mason will never be the Mason he was before, neither mentally or physically. They still don’t know how much his injury is going to impact on his life.

  The fear I felt when he laid on the floor as I pushed on his stomach to try and stem the bleed, is immeasurable. Every vision of what our future might possibly hold was gone in an instant. People often say that time ticks to a different tock in those situations, and it’s true; the time we spent in the waiting room, holding each other’s hands, Grams aging with worry before my eyes, lasted an eternity.

  Now, every time I see Mason, I feel elation and relief; a flood of love, which ties us all together – not just Mason and me but our families, too.

  I knock on the front door whilst walking in. I learnt quickly that family doesn’t knock and wait for permission; the knock is just a means of announcing your arrival.

  “Hey, Grams,” I call, walking through to the kitchen – where she always is.

  “Get over here and give me a hug,” she yells. “That’s right, my boy doesn’t get all your sweet lovin’, sugar.”

  Mason hollers through from the front room, “Grams, you best leave enough lovin’ for me!” He joins us, sandwiching me between them in a three-way hug. I breathe them both in, feeling blessed.

  “Boy, you need to learn to wear clothes!” Gram’s guffaws, pushing him away from her as she releases me.

  “It’s hot out there, Grams!” He says, stretching his arms in the air, making out he’s yawning, but really, he’s just displaying himself to me, knowing how much I love that body of his. “You just don’t like seeing my scar,” he jokes, but the mood shifts, just like on a summer’s day when a cloud creeps over the sun.

  “Of course, I don’t, you crazy fool! It reminds me that I almost lost you!” She says, her voice still cracking even after all of these months.

  His hand strokes over it and he flashes a toothy grin. “It should also remind you, I’m a fighter, Grams. I’m not going anywhere,” he says, pulling her in close again. He looks at me over her head, and flashes me that heart-melting smile of his. He mouths, ‘I love you’ to me and the grin cracks my face.

  He lets go of her and takes my hand, leading me to his room as I wave back to Grams.

  “No funny business,” Gram’s calls after us.

  Mason just laughs and I try to hide my blushes behind my hair as we practically run up the stairs.

  He closes his door behind me and pins me to it, his hands gripping my hips as he devours me with his kiss. His healing process has prevented us fully sleeping together, and while it’s been nice, taking it slow, messing around, exploring one another, I’m about ready to tear his clothes off. He kisses me like I’m the air he breathes, like I’m his lifeblood, and I drown in him. I lean into him as his fingers tease me, skimming up past my waist, before his hands take my wrists and pin them above my head. He pulls back panting, his eyes like the sea after a heavy storm, pulling me under.

  “I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of you, Erin Michaels.”

  His hot breath falls against my collarbone and he brushes my skin with teasing kisses down my neck, trailing down the neckline of my top and caressing the top of my bra li
ne with his soft lips and tongue, nipping and licking. It’s sweet agony. Every thought is consumed with the thought of him. I need him closer to me; I need us to be one body, no ending, and no beginning – no him and no me, just us.

  “Mason,” I stutter, as one of his hands leaves my wrists and travels down and slips past my waist band.

  “Have you missed me, baby?”

  “You know I have,” I moan as his fingers trace the lace edging of my panties. It doesn’t matter how many times he touches me, the effect he has on my body surprises me. I stretch forward, opening my legs, allowing his fingers to explore the secret parts of me, the parts that now belong to only Mason and me. I capture his lips again, and the rhythm of his breathing is one with his movements until he brings me to the precipice of pleasure and swallows down my moans.

  “I missed you, too,” he says between soft kisses, releasing my wrists and I run my hands down the ridges of his bare back. He takes my hand and lays me down, and covering me with his beautifully lean body.

  I giggle against his lips. “I thought Grams said no funny business!”

  “Oh, I’m not being funny,” he says, looking at me with mock brooding, “I’m being deadly serious. You’re mine, and I’m yours – always, which means…” He claims my kiss again and I melt into the bed.

  “Forever,” I sigh.

  “Forever,” he says, sitting up and pulling me into his lap. “And that means, as much as it pains me to say, we can wait until it’s perfect. You deserve perfect.”

  I can’t stop the little wave of disappointment – he’s such a tease, and I know he’s loving the whole thing about taking me to the edge on a promise and then leaving me hanging there.