When We Fall

by Sloane Murphy

  “Thank you, again, for this, Erin. We’ve only been gone a day, and I’m already having the time of my life.”

  “I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.”

  “You’re incredible, you know that? I thought my life was good before I met you. I had Grams, and Parker. My friends. Things were going okay. But then there you were, sat in the corner, and it was like my life had been in black and white, and suddenly, I could see color. You opened my eyes, and made my life whole.” He pulls my closer, and tips my chin up towards him.

  “I love you, Erin Michaels, I’m going to spend my entire life showing you just how much.” He takes my mouth with his, and I can’t even pinpoint how I feel. Loved. Overwhelmed. Blessed.

  “I love you, too,” I murmur through our kiss. These next two weeks are going to be amazing.

  ***

  I lay here watching him sleep. I can't believe he finally told me he loved me – sort of.

  I made sure to video chat Monica before I went to bed last night, she asked for daily updates, but I managed to get her to agree to every other day. I miss her already, just like I knew I would. This is the longest I’ve ever been away from home. She smiled in all the right places and laughed until she cried when I told her about my trip into the voodoo shop, where I tripped over some voodoo charm and caused some horrific insult to the shops owners. It took Mason some time to calm them down and convince them I wasn't a child of the devil, merely that I'm clumsy as hell. All of this explains the message I woke up to at stupid o’clock.

  Monica: Morning my little Hellraiser. Be safe today, and try not to start world war three while you're out there having the time of your life!

  If it wasn't so funny, I'd be pissed. Today we’re heading to Nashville, and I am beyond pumped.

  “You fidget a lot when you’re excited, you know that?” Mason laughs as he places his hand on my knee, trying to stop my bouncing leg.

  “I know, I know – but it’s freaking Nashville! I know we’re not seeing Jaded Hearts here, but this is the home of country music, and you might not have realized, but inside this black heart of mine lives the bleeding heart of a country music lover.”

  He laughs at me, shaking his head.

  “You know, I’d have never guessed from today’s playlist. I guess it’s a good thing it’s only just seven in the morning, and we’ve only got another seven hours on the road.”

  I squeal with glee. I don’t remember ever being this happy – ever!

  “I love you,” I sigh happily.

  It feels so right to say it. I try to think about the moment I fell in love with him, the moment when he stepped forward and I realized he was the guy for me. Some people will think it was fast, we’ve not even been together a year, but who said love is measured in time? I think I might have fallen in love with him the first time he stood up for me, and didn’t let me be a victim of the bullying. It might have been the moment he demanded I let him in, when I realized he wasn’t like all the others. Really, it doesn’t matter when, what matters is that he is more than I could have ever hoped for. To the naysayers who want to tell us we’re too young to be in love, I tell them to shove their negativity up their ass. This is my love, and no-one else gets to judge us.

  ”You okay there, hellcat?”

  “I’m right here with you, why would I be anything other than happy.”

  ***

  Nashville is more than I could have ever dreamed. The people, the atmosphere, the food! This place knows the way to my heart, for sure. As we walk through downtown Nashville, I can’t help but be awed – music follows you everywhere. It’s a whole row of bars and cowboy boot stores, and every single building has music pouring out of it. Life is a party here.

  Tonight though, tonight I get to go and do the real cowboy thing. Tonight, we’re going line dancing, and I’m beyond excited, even if Mason has rolled his eyes so much that I feared they’d fall out at one point. You can call me a geek if you want, but no fucks given. The excitement is real. I slip into my cut off shorts, and white shirt when Mason enters the hotel room, loaded up with shopping bags.

  “Had fun?” I ask.

  He looks frustrated and sweaty but when he sees me, some of the tension lifts and he gifts me with that smile – the one that makes me want to do nothing but stay in bed with him all night.

  “People are crazy. Like, I’ve been to some ghettos, and I’d pick those over a boot store any day. Women lose their goddamn minds!” He says, dropping the bags at his feet and walking towards me, he pushes me back on the bed and lays himself over me, holding himself up on his elbows.

  “God, you’re sweaty,” I giggle and he nuzzles into my neck pretending to eat me, while tickling me.

  “You haven’t been out there; you could fry and egg on the pavement. How do people live here?”

  “Get off me, you goofball!” I squeal.

  “You need to shower,” I tell him, pushing him off me as he laughs.

  “Want to join me?” He asks, wagging his eyebrows.

  “You’re in a better mood.”

  “What can I say darlin’, you bring out the best in me.”

  “Get in that shower, I want to get going!”

  “You’re going to want these first,” he says, getting up from the bed and handing me one of the bags he came back with.

  “What the…. You didn’t have to get me anything.”

  “I know, but I wanted to.”

  I open the bag, and pull out the box as he wanders into the bathroom and turns on the shower.

  “Oh my God, Mason, these are beautiful!” I squeal, jumping up on his back. He catches me and spins me around as I kiss him on the cheeks, neck, wherever I can reach. “I love them!”

  I drop down to the floor and run back to the bed with my new pair of beautiful black Lucchese boots, with white detailing.

  “I thought they’d be great for tonight, plus, the entire way here, you were basically convincing me you are a cowgirl at heart. So obviously, you needed matching boots.”

  “I don’t even know what to say. Thank you – so much!”

  “I would do anything for you, Erin Michaels.”

  I sigh at his words; He really is everything I could have ever dreamed. He kisses me, gently before pulling away and getting in the shower.

  “Now get that pretty ass of yours dressed,” he calls out to me. “You don’t want to be late."

  ***

  We stroll down Main Street hand in hand, and I can’t help but be fascinated with the people here. Everyone is like family, and they’re so nice. I watch as a woman walks out of a restaurant with a little girl, holding her hand as the little girl eats an ice cream cone with the other. I watch as the mom walks forward, and the little girl isn’t expecting it – she drops her cone and starts to cry. Her mom bends down and pulls her into the tightest hug imaginable, and I can see pure love running from the mom to the child.

  Out of nowhere, it makes me think about my birth mom – and how she just gave me away. I try not to think about her too often; I mean, I’ve been so lucky with Monica as she’s quite literally the mom I never had, but sometimes, I can’t help but wonder what she’s like, and what made it so she had to abandon me the way she did.

  “Where did you go, pretty girl?” Mason says, bumping my hip with his.

  “I’m here, I was just thinking about my Mom,” I reply softly, despising the sound of sadness in my voice. That woman doesn’t get to do that to me.

  “Monica?” he asks.

  “No, my birth mom.”

  “You’ve never mentioned her before,” he says, squeezing my hand tighter, and pulling me over to a bench so we can sit. “What’s going on in that amazing brain of yours?”

  “I don’t know,” I shrug. “I just saw something that made me think about how much parents love their children; how much Monica loves me. I feel so happy, like my life is becoming whole, but sometimes, I wonder about her – my birth mother – if I look like her or if I have any of her qu
irks. I can’t help but ask why she gave me up the way she did. I try not to dwell on it, because, well, because Monica is so amazing, and sometimes it feels like a betrayal of her.”

  “She would never think that; she loves you too much. Have you ever thought about trying to find your birth mom? Get some answers to those questions that are quietly eating you up?” He asks.

  “Sometimes, but it’s never something I’ve thought about properly. Just a passing thought. I don’t really want anything to do with her,” I say, turning to him and smiling. ‘I have everyone I need in my life right now. It’s just curiosity, you know?”

  “So would you like to track her down from a distance?”

  “I don’t know. I already have so much. Is it wrong of me to want more?”

  “If it’s something you want to explore, then you should; I’ll be by your side whatever you decide to do.”

  “Thank you. I just… It just weirdly hit me that I’m kind of an adult now, and I have no idea where I come from. I’m moving on with my life, but there’s a little bit of me that feels… missing. Does that make any sense?”

  “That darlin’, makes more sense than most things.”

  “I just want to understand, I guess. I mean, if I had a child, I’d never be able to leave them. Not for anything.”

  “Is that something you’ve thought about? Kids, I mean,” he asks.

  “Well, yeah kind of,” I say blushing. “When I look at where my life is twenty years from now, I see us. Our family. I couldn’t imagine it any other way.”

  He kisses me, taking me by surprise and I relax into him, feeling just how much he loves me.

  “You make me a happy, happy man, Erin Michaels.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Get it down. Take chances.

  It might be bad, but it’s the only way you can do anything

  really good.”

  ~ William Faulkner

  Three days in Nashville just wasn’t enough, and I can’t believe we’ve been gone from home almost a week already. It feels like almost no time has passed at all, but today… Today we head to New York and I am so excited. It’s one of those places I’ve always wanted to go but never thought I would. The drive has been epically long, but so worth it. I guess, I’m not driving, so I can say that, but this time with Mason, has been everything. If I didn’t know already how much I loved him, I now know beyond a doubt. He is my world.

  “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Mason asks, lifting my hand to his lips.

  “Just thinking about life – about us and our future?”

  “Oh yeah, darlin’, what about it?”

  “Just that I have never been happier than I am right now. This moment, this trip. You. Me. Us. It’s just… everything.”

  “No sweetheart, you are everything, and you make me feel like the luckiest man alive.”

  I lean over and kiss his neck. “I love you, Mason Knight. Forever.”

  “And I love you, Erin Michaels. Always.”

  We drive on in comfortable silence, today’s playlist filling the quiet as we come to the outer city limits.

  “Oh wow,” I gasp. Its dark outside now, the thirteen-hour drive has made me so stiff, but I forget about it all as I look around at the city.

  “You okay darlin’?”

  “I am more than okay, look at this! This is beautiful. We only have two nights here before we’re off again. Promise me we’ll come back here someday?”

  “For you? Anything,” he smiles, and I know he means it. I feel like such a sap – being this in love; being here. There’s a little voice inside my head, that’s whispering this can’t all last forever: waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I quieten that spiteful little bitch and just enjoy these moments. Experiencing all these new things, these new places, with Mason.

  ***

  “Are you ready for today?” He asks me as I finish my pancakes.

  “What exactly do you have planned?” I ask skeptically.

  He demanded he got to plan at least part of our trip, and he chose New York City. Of course, he did.

  “You will find out as we go. Where’s the fun of it if I just tell you?” He laughs, shaking his head at me.

  “Now, come on, room service breakfast was just the start of our day. Get dressed!” He says.

  Part of me wants to disobey him, just a really small part, because the rest of me is just ridiculously excited to find out what he has planned.

  “What am I dressing for?” I ask.

  “Everything.”

  I get dressed, and am whisked away down to the front of the hotel where a car is waiting for us. Our first stop is New York Public Library. Some people might wonder why the hell this is our first stop, but I just squeal and hug Mason, peppering him in kisses.

  “You brought me to a library?” I laugh.

  “Well, yeah. I know that inside that hard exterior of yours is a book nerd, happiest in a library, but mainly, it’s because this is where you let me in. Well, not here, but at the library back home. This is the beginning of our story, Erin – when you, oh-so-reluctantly, agreed to tutor me; that was the first crack in that wall you keep around you. So, we start at the library.”

  I could literally swoon. He opens the car door, climbing out and holding out his hand to help me out. The heat of the city hits me, even this early in the day. The sounds, the lights, the people. The city is alive, and you can almost feel the thrum of it.

  He leads me through the entrance, and I’m hit by the smell! That amazing smell of paper and ink. All those books. We explore every single level, including the children’s library, because obviously, Winnie the Pooh was a childhood hero of mine. Then we hit the Reading Room. This might not be amazing for everyone, but for me, it couldn’t be a more perfect start to the day.

  “Thank you, Mason. This place is incredible. You are incredible.”

  “Oh darlin’, this is just the beginning, you haven’t seen anything yet,” he says with a cheeky smile before pulling me close and kissing me with so much passion, so much heat, that I think my panties just caught fire.

  “And that is just a prelude of what’s to come later,” he says to me quietly, his voice hoarse with desire. The knowledge that he can’t get enough of me is intoxicating. I’m speechless; he stole all of my breath. I touch my lips as he pulls away from me, clasping my other hand.

  “Come on, darlin’, we’ve got so much more to explore.”

  ***

  We spend the day exploring New York; From the Empire State building, where we feel on top of the world, to ground zero, where we feel so small.

  I have no idea where we’re heading next, but I’ve loved ditching the car and taking the subway with everyone else. We catch the 4, when Mason announces our next stop is The Statue of Liberty. I squeal, and then hide my face in his shoulder when I see how many people are looking at us. Oops.

  “There’s no need to hide, Tiger. I love your fire,” he chuckles quietly.

  We’re watching the people come and go as we travel to our stop, when a group of young men get on our train. They’re covered in tattoos and they’re terrifying. I can’t put my finger on exactly why, but they scream danger. They look over at us, eyeing Mason up and I feel him go rigid beside me.

  “Are you okay?” I ask softly.

  “We need to get off at the next stop,” he tells me, his words clipped.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, the cold feeling creeping over my skin picks up pace when I look into his eyes; they’ve gone flat, totally void of emotion. I’ve never seen him like this before – except for that time down at the beach, when Joey and his thugs turned up. But this is different – worse.

  “Not right now, Erin,” he says and I shut up.

  He’s never taken that tone with me before and I’m shocked into silence. He takes my hand and leads me off of the train and up to ground level of the city. It’s not until we walk a few blocks and sit down in a coffee shop that he starts to relax.


  “What the hell was that?” I ask. My worry has transformed into anger. I’m not some puppet he can drag around with no explanation.

  “I’m sorry, Erin.”

  “That’s not quite going to cut it, Mason. What is going on? Who were those people?”

  “There are some things about my past I sort of iced over, Erin. Stuff I’m not proud of. I tried to tell you before, but you said you didn’t need to know. But now, well now, I have to tell you. When I said I ran with a bad crowd before Grams moved us, what I didn’t say was, that that crowd was a gang. A big one. Not just like Joey and his idiots playing at it. This is serious stuff. This gang has factions across States. I’ve met those guys before, and I recognized their colors. I’m not sure they would recognize me, but, well, it isn’t a chance I want to take. They’re bad news – seriously, bad news.”

  “You were in a gang?” I ask, reeling. I mean, I guess it’s not that shocking, especially considering Joey, but for it to reach us here – that’s crazy.

  “Yes – kind of. I was never fully inducted. Grams got me out before it got that far, but I was in enough to have crossed paths with other gangs; to end up in a street war that wasn’t mine. That’s where I recognized those guys from. They were part of the crew who went up against mine.”

  “That’s how you knew about Josh’s gun,” I say, taking it all in and putting it together.

  “I understand if this changes things,” he says, his shoulders slumped.

  “What on earth are you on about?”

  “My past: this. It could follow us anywhere. Everywhere. I did some bad stuff before I met you, Erin. I was not exactly good guy, not always. Some of what I did, I’ll carry with me for my entire life.”

  He sees the look on my face. I want to ask but I don’t.

  “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I never… I never killed anyone, and I didn’t hurt anyone, not anyone innocent. It was more a case of what I didn’t do – of standing by and…”