Travis had a sudden urge to either join her beside the tub, or step back, leave the house, and drive away as quickly as the law would allow. Before he could force his feet to make a decision, she looked up with her radiant smile.
“You’ve entered the quack zone.”
Travis vowed he wouldn’t take a step closer. “How does a grown-up take a bath in here?”
“A grown-up could clean up the toys, but would be wiser to use the other bathroom. Could you hand me the yellow towel?”
He hesitated, then stepped into the hot zone. Instantly, baby smells surrounded him. He’d picked up the towel—with ducks—off the side of the wash basin when she pulled Josh out of the tub. The kid was trailing enough water to fill a horse trough.
Moving forward, he wrapped the towel around the baby.
“The hooded part goes on his head.”
He focused on ignoring how damp her hair was, the way her sleeves were rolled up past her elbows, the flush in her cheeks.
“I don’t see a hood.”
“The triangle—it goes over Josh’s head to keep him warm.”
She held the baby between them as he continued to fumble with the towel. Finally managing to work out the contraption, he moved forward to place it over Josh’s head.
Erin took a step back.
And they nearly all went down in the land of the ducks.
Travis grabbed them both just in time. His arms securely around her, Josh warm and wet between them, he stared down into her gorgeous brown eyes—eyes he could look into until he was a very old man.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine?”
“Josh?”
“Looks fine. Joshie, you okay?”
Josh rubbed his fists into his eyes, then curled into Travis’s chest. Something loosened, unfurled within him, and he wasn’t sure how he would ever get it back into the place he’d kept it locked.
“I’ll take him,” Erin whispered.
“No. It’s okay. I can—”
Together they changed him and readied him for bed.
The evening wasn’t going at all as Travis had envisioned it. Standing beside Josh’s changing table, handing Erin items, and watching her hands as she diapered and dressed him for sleep, he realized firsthand how much care went into the daily tending of a person. It was evident in her every touch.
“If you’ll rock him a minute, I’ll go and check on our dinner.”
He raised an eyebrow at the rocker.
“It held my foster father. It’ll hold you.”
He nodded, accepted the boy, and sat down gingerly. The old oak rocker didn’t even groan.
Five minutes later Josh was out like the lights on Wrigley Field, and Travis could have been, too, if it weren’t for the knots in his stomach over the conversation he needed to have.
He walked back into the kitchen and refocused on the reason he had come to the ARK tonight.
—
“I appreciate you coming over, Travis. I thought I could handle things on my own, and I probably could have.”
Erin had put the finishing touches on the table before Travis walked in—the salad she’d added croutons and cherry tomatoes to, their plates set on cloth placemats, the toasted bread she’d found, and various condiments to spice things up, along with real napkins and silverware.
“But I would have been exhausted. Doc said he’d come by tomorrow to look over the deer and check on a few of the other animals. He also said he’d loan me one of his interns, and I think I should take him up on that—at least a few hours a day.”
“Good idea.”
She waited for him to sit down at the table with her. He was still standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. She felt the smile tugging at her face. She’d tried to stay angry with him, tried to focus on her hurt from the night before, but being with him felt too right. He gave her that boyish smile and her heart melted every time.
“Something wrong?” she asked.
“No. Nothing. Dinner looks great.”
“I feel really awkward asking this.” His head snapped up, and she wondered what he thought she was about to say. “I just wondered if you’d bless the food.”
“Sure. Of course.” He reached for her hand, then drew back—but not before she noticed.
Laughing, she entwined her fingers with his. The contact of his skin caused all thoughts in her mind to meld nicely together, much like the foods’ aroma in front of them.
“Um, Father, thank you for this food. Thank you for the hands that prepared it, brought it to Erin and myself and Josh. Thank you for community and friends. Thank you for Josh and his great-grandmother, and thank you for providing Erin to care for him. Help us both to know his needs. Amen.”
When she opened her eyes, he was staring at her. She felt the corner of her heart give another tug and remembered again that he had called Josh beautiful—the way he had looked holding him in the rocker. She glanced down at their fingers, still entwined, and felt the heat rise in her cheeks.
He pulled his hand away, picked up his napkin, and fiddled with his silverware. “Chicken spaghetti, huh?”
“Yeah. I don’t even remember who brought it.”
“Probably Miss Geitner. I’ve had this before.” Travis shoveled a forkful in and closed his eyes as the mixture of pasta, cheese, and spices found their spot. He looked for all the world like a man who’d had his cares taken away.
“Are you having a moment there, Williams?” Erin sat back and studied him, waving her fork in the air. “Do you two want to be alone?”
“Didn’t taste like this at my place when I broke my leg last fall.”
“Let me guess, you nuked it.”
“Guilty. Probably haven’t turned my oven on in almost a year since I baked a turkey for the charity pantry last Thanksgiving.”
Erin shook her head. “How did you break your leg?”
“Baseball, men’s church league. Thought I could slide into home like I did in high school. Try this, Erin. It’s amazing.”
“I’m not very hungry.” She took a tentative first bite and froze, her fork still between her lips.
“Uh-huh. Who’s having a moment now?”
Erin laughed and took a second bite. “I’m surprised I like it. The words chicken and spaghetti don’t really mix for me.”
“You’re a tomato spaghetti woman.”
“Yes, I am.”
The conversation came easily. They talked of food and family recipes, the things they did in high school, even sports. She didn’t understand half of what he said, but it was obvious he was passionate about anything involving sweat, a ball, and a team.
He leaned back in his chair, pushed away from the table, and his voice took on the timbre of a storyteller. She felt as if she were sitting in the stands, ready to cheer for the home team.
When she reluctantly stood to clear off the dishes, he was out of his seat in a second.
“I’ll help you with those.”
“You’ve done enough tonight. Don’t you need to get home?”
“Not a lot I have to do in an apartment. No yard work, not much laundry, no goat to feed.”
She bumped him with her shoulder, and he stopped, blocking her way to the sink. There was no way around him, and she couldn’t go through him.
“You’re feeling much better, aren’t you?” His eyes searched hers, dared her.
“Yeah, I am.” She was holding their plates in both hands. She wanted to fidget, push her hair back behind her ears, but all she could do was look up at him and nod.
“But it’s more than the meds and getting over the flu you had, more even than finally taking the time for some much needed rest.”
She nodded again, a lump rising in her throat for the first time since he’d arrived.
“I’ll wash, and you can tell me about it. If you want to.”
And suddenly she did want to tell him. She wanted to know if what she was feeling was normal, and if it would last.
<
br /> As he filled the sink with soapy water and slipped the dishes in, she picked up a dish towel and thought about the last twenty-four hours. “I suppose I was really angry at God when Jules and Nina died. If you’d asked me, I wouldn’t have admitted that, but they were all I had—except for Dana.”
“Your sister?”
“Right. And she’s so far away.”
“Where does she live?”
“New Mexico.” She accepted the first plate, dried it, and set it on the shelf. The simple task made talking easier. “You’d like Dana.”
“I would if she’s like you.”
Erin’s hands froze on the next plate. She stared at Travis, her color again mounting. When he only grinned, she began to giggle. “Dana’s nothing like me, but you’d like her anyway.”
She dried the plate, and he didn’t rush her. Instead, he washed slowly, allowing her time to find her words. “Dana wanted me to move with her to Taos, but I needed to stay here—”
“With the ARK.”
“Yes, and maybe with the memory of my foster parents. I guess my bitterness had grown. I’m not sure. I wouldn’t have said I was an angry person, but I had definitely shut everyone out. I didn’t want to…” She stopped, wrapping the towel around her hand. “I didn’t want to care about someone if there was a chance they’d be ripped away.”
Travis took the towel from her, dried his own hands, then cupped her face. “Look at me, Erin. It must have been a frightening thing to find Josh. To start caring again.”
She nodded and fought to ignore the shivers running up and down her spine from his touch. “I think I loved him the moment I laid eyes on him.”
“God has a plan and a purpose for you two.”
“Jeremiah 29:11. Evelyn and Doc shared that verse with me.”
His hand trailed down her arm until he clasped her hand. “Want to go and sit in the living room?”
Erin nodded, though her stomach was doing flips. What was it about this man that caused such a reaction in her? Certainly he was physically attractive, but there was something more. His manner, the way he looked at her, the feelings he stirred up inside her. Travis Williams was more than she had bargained for, and he had been walking through her town all the years she had lived here. The thought confused her, as did her feelings.
Life had taken a strange turn, and she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do about it. So she followed him to the couch and continued to pour out her heart.
Thirty-One
Travis needed to get this evening back on solid ground. One part of his mind recognized that.
The other part of his mind enjoyed holding Erin’s hand—wanted to prolong the moment a little longer.
Something had happened earlier when he and James had first arrived at the barn. One moment she’d been prickly and guarded. The next all of her defenses had fallen. Why?
Fixing dinner, helping with Josh, then sharing the simple meal—through each part of the evening he’d reminded himself he needed to step back, to explain to her what had happened the night before, and why it couldn’t happen again.
Instead, he was sitting on her couch, her small hand entwined in his.
“Faith isn’t new to me,” Erin said softly.
When she didn’t continue, Travis rubbed his thumb slowly across the back of her hand, trying to give her courage.
“I don’t think I ever stopped believing in God. I did stop trusting in His plans for me. They didn’t seem to be something I could bear.”
“Erin—”
She finally looked up, and he saw the tears sliding down her cheeks. Her vulnerability physically hurt him—felt like the times he’d taken a risk and slid into home base, pebbles cutting into his palms, the ground tearing at his legs. It had been worth it every time, but he’d always paid the price the next day.
“Nina and Jules took me to church every Sunday. I knew my Old Testament, knew God often teaches us by taking away what we love most.”
“But He doesn’t—”
“He did with Job, and I thought He had with me. I didn’t want to have anything to do with that sort of God.”
“Erin, that’s before the covenant of grace. God isn’t the reason Jules and Nina died in a car accident.”
“I realize that—now. At least I think I’m beginning to trust that somehow God can use what happened. I don’t fully know how.” Her lip trembled, and she drew it in between near perfect teeth and bit down gently. “But he didn’t cause their death. He couldn’t have. Could He?”
“No, sweetie. God loved Nina and Jules.”
She nodded, tucked her hair behind her ear with her one free hand, and clutched his hand more fiercely with her other. “Someone who chose to drink and drive is responsible for their deaths, and that person couldn’t destroy God’s plan for me. I don’t really know what His plan is yet, but I’m ready to believe He has one. I’m ready to believe those words in Jeremiah—for Josh and for myself.”
She smiled, and the incongruity of her smile and the tears still wet on her cheeks tore at his heart. He reached out and brushed them away.
“When I became so sick, I was frightened—terrified really. Lying there I began to appreciate the friends who have helped me since Josh came into my life—friends who haven’t forgotten me. Part of the reason I learned that was because of you, because you pushed me out of my cocoon.”
He shifted uncomfortably beside her on the couch. “I was doing my job.”
“I know, but it made a difference in my life, and in Josh’s. By taking me to your parents—”
“About last night…”
Travis looked down at their hands, cleared his throat, and wished he had brought in his glass of tea. He needed something to wet his throat, something to help the next words come.
“I remember what you said last night, Travis. And I’m confused about that. I’ll admit it upset me after, well, after you kissed me, but I realized earlier tonight how much you care for Josh.” She moved her hand up his arm, sending sparks all the way to his shoulder. “You do care about him, don’t you?”
Travis shot off the couch like a bullet and pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Of course I care about him. It’s my job to care about the cases assigned to me. Josh is important, and I want to oversee his welfare.”
Erin angled her head and studied him, but didn’t speak.
“Look, Erin. Do you mind if I go get a drink?”
“No. Of course not.”
Travis escaped to the kitchen, calmed himself by retrieving ice from the freezer, then pouring tea into a glass. By the time he returned to the living room, he’d convinced himself to be honest with her—to be mercifully blunt.
He downed the entire glass and set it on the coaster.
“Erin, I’ve broken almost every rule between a caseworker and a client, and that isn’t like me.” He sat down in the chair opposite the couch, then stood back up again. “Of course, I care about Josh.”
She crossed her arms around her waist, but still she remained silent.
“And you, I care about you, but I am your caseworker. I wouldn’t want to jeopardize the status of Josh’s placement or my job by becoming involved with you personally. That’s why I said those things last night.”
“And why did you kiss me?”
“That was a mistake.” Her eyes widened, and he wanted to take her face in his hands, hold it, kiss her again. Instead he sat back down. “It wasn’t a mistake in the way you might think. If you weren’t my client, it wouldn’t have been a mistake at all. But given our—”
“Situation?”
“Yes! Given our situation, it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have done that.” He sighed, relieved she was finally understanding his point of view.
“I didn’t mind.” She smiled at him, and he wanted to groan, wanted to pull her into his arms.
“Erin, you’re making me crazy.” He ran his hands over his face and tried to think of how to make her see the seriousness of their situatio
n. “This was easier when you were mad at me.”
“Excuse me?”
“Last night you were angry, and I knew how to respond to that. Tonight you’re—” He searched for the right word, but came up empty.
“Reasonable?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. My thoughts are all tangled right now.”
He began to pace again.
“Travis, look at me. I understand now that you do truly care about Josh, and I think maybe you care about me.”
“I do.” The words felt like barbs as they escaped from his throat.
“This must be difficult for you. My feelings were hurt last night, because I thought I’d misread…” Her face turned crimson and her hands came out, then dropped in her lap.
“You didn’t.”
“So what do we do now? I don’t want this to be hard for you. I appreciate all you’ve done, all you’re doing. If God has a plan for me and Josh, and if it includes you, it will work out.”
“Erin—”
“What I’m saying is, tell me what you want me to do.” Her voice was gentle, patient.
He jerked his head up and studied her. “Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“And you would do it?”
“Within reason, and provided I believe it’s in Josh’s best interest.”
“Spoken like a true mom.” He stood, paced the room twice more, and wondered if he’d lost his mind. Finally, he stopped in front of her. “All right, but hear me out. You’re not going to like it.”
—
Erin was almost relieved when Travis’s cell phone interrupted their conversation. She needed time to process what he’d proposed.
As the night had progressed, her uncertainties had dropped away like a winter coat—left behind and forgotten as the days grew warmer. It seemed childish to question whether Travis cared for her.
He blushed whenever she touched him.
Stuttered when she stepped into his zone.
Lost his train of thought when she maintained eye contact.
Erin had never learned to flirt, and she certainly didn’t consider what she’d done tonight to be anything that manipulative. It was more like a deer drawn to a stream.
She needed to touch him.
Protected (Jacobs Family Series Book 2) Page 19
