Finding Julia

by Desiree Holt

  Julia swallowed. “I saw it in the airport and it appealed to me. Besides, you no longer have the right to tell me what to do or wear.”

  “Really?” He lifted an eyebrow. “Now that’s where you’re wrong.”

  “Excuse me?” Now what?

  “You may not realize it”—he smirked—“but you may have just handed me the keys to the kingdom.”

  She frowned. “I don’t understand. You’d better explain.”

  “Not now. Right now I’d like you to leave.” His voice was cold, like chipped ice. “I have a lot of thinking to do and I’d rather do it alone.”

  “Fine.” Julia gathered up her purse and jacket. “I’ll be back in a few days. It’s obvious you’re fine without me and I have things to do.”

  “I want you back here tomorrow,” he snapped. “But in the afternoon. I’m going to have Rod come by in the morning. Then we’re going to have a discussion about the future. Everyone’s, including mine and yours.”

  Outside the room, she leaned against the wall, her legs threatening to collapse under her.

  “Mrs. Patterson?” One of the nurses stood next to her. “Can I get you something? A drink of water?”

  Julia drew a breath and exhaled slowly. “No. Thank you. I’m fine now.” She walked to the elevator on rubbery legs, her mind whirling. She felt guilty enough about Charles’s condition without nearly hastening his demise, but she was not getting rid of this child. Charles wasn’t going to live forever. Was she a terrible person because she clung to that thought like a lifeline? And then she could make a life with Luke.

  * * * *

  She had avoided telling Claire about her situation, but in fairness to her friend, she couldn’t stall any longer. She called the office from the car. “Can you stay a little later today? I need to talk to you.”

  “Sure. Of course. What’s up? Is Charles worse?”

  “No.” Not exactly. “I just need to chat with you a few minutes.”

  “No problem. Come on. I’ll wait for you.”

  All the way to the office, she rehearsed how she would break the news to Claire. It should have been easier than Charles, but for some reason this was worse. When Julia walked in the door, her practiced speeches failed her, and she simply blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”

  Claire stared at her, open-mouthed. “It’s his, isn’t it,” she said, eyes flashing.

  “Whose?” Julia tried to keep her voice level.

  “The deep voice. It is, isn’t it? Come on, Julia, we’ve known each other forever. ’Fess up.”

  Julia was silent and Claire laughed.

  “How fascinating. A love child. Our proper Julia. Good for you.”

  “Claire!”

  “Don’t ‘Claire’ me. You needed a little spice in your life, being married to an ice cube. And I won’t help with the hair shirt you insist on wearing by condemning you for this.”

  “Charles is just…reserved.”

  “Ha!” Claire barked a laugh. “Reserved, my ass. How are you going to tell his majesty, anyway? The man you’re all but divorced from?”

  “He guessed. The nausea and vomiting, and the fatigue, gave it away. He remembered.”

  “You could have been upset about this whole situation. Emotionally distressed.”

  Julia flapped her hand. “I’m all that, for sure. But his eagle eye zeroed in on the symptoms from my last pregnancy. It might have been a shot in the dark but he scored a bull’s-eye. We had an unpleasant little conversation today.” She dropped into the chair in front of Claire’s desk. “I don’t think I’d like to repeat the process.”

  “I can’t imagine what he said.” It was a statement, not a question.

  “No. You can’t. He wants me to have an abortion.”

  “What?” Claire was nearly speechless. “What a bastard. That’s harsh even for him.”

  Julia twisted her hands. “He knows it’s not his. That’s reason enough.”

  “But... You’re practically divorced. And would be if he hadn’t been such a prick. It’s none of his business.” She shook her head. “Let him go to the nursing home and rot there.”

  “I…I just…” She felt herself sway.

  “Oh, my God. Stop.” Claire came out from behind the desk. “You need some tea. Sit down and let me fix you a cup.” She literally pushed Julia onto the couch, pulled a tiny footstool over to prop her feet on, and plugged in the kettle in the powder room to heat water. In minutes, she handed Julia a steaming mug of fragrant liquid. “Drink. So. The baby is Luke’s.”

  Julia nodded. “Yes. It is.” Her hand automatically went to her stomach.

  “What happens next? I’m sure you didn’t agree to an abortion.”

  “No way. I told him I’m keeping this child and nothing he said could change my mind.”

  “Good for you. Who knows how long Charles will be around, anyway?”

  “Claire!”

  “Julia, you can’t run away from the truth. His heart condition is acute and Rombauer told you the prognosis is not good.”

  Julia shoved her hand through her hair. “This couldn’t be happening at a worse time.”

  “Are you going to tell Luke?”

  “Are you out of your mind?” Julia’s jaw dropped.

  “The man has a right to know.”

  “The man also knows I have a husband who is dying, twins who need my love and support, and an uphill battle no matter how you look at it. I know Luke. If I tell him, he’d hang up and jump on the next plane to San Antonio. How would I possibly keep this little secret from him? And then we’ll be in a bigger mess. You think Charles flexed his muscle to hold up the divorce? You ain’t seen nothing yet.”

  “Secrets have a way of coming out, Julia. One of these days it will come back to bite you.”

  “Well, this one has to remain well-hidden. At least for now.” Until Charles was gone and she could pick up the frayed edges of her life. Then if Luke didn’t hate her for keeping this from him and still wanted a life with her, she might finally be able to embrace happiness.

  “When are you due?”

  “August.”

  “You’re going to have to make some preparations. For one thing, you need to tell the twins. And by the time another month rolls around you’ll be in maternity clothes, so it won’t exactly be a secret.”

  “I know, I know. Oh, God.” She looked into the mug as if it held the answers she was seeking.

  “You should go home and get some rest. You look like hell and this is no time to neglect yourself.”

  “Thanks so much.”

  “Don’t go back to the hospital tomorrow. You’ve been cutting back on your visits. He won’t miss you.”

  Julia shook her head. “He has something in mind. Whatever it is involves Rod McGuire so you know it can’t be good. I’m to report back tomorrow afternoon.”

  “Oh, sweetie.” Claire gave her a hug.

  “I wish to all that’s holy I knew what the bond is between those two.”

  Claire giggled. “You don’t suppose they’re both closet homosexuals, do you? Maybe they’ve had a thing going all these years.”

  Julia stared at her. “What? No. I may be stupid about a lot of things, and Charles may be a dud in bed, but I never got a hint of that. Especially when they were together. There are always signs. No, it’s something else. Something that makes a bond thicker than blood.”

  Claire nibbled on the edge of a nail. “I’ll tell you what. I’m going to find out what it is.”

  “Leave it alone, Please. Besides, who would you ask?”

  “Leave it to me. I promise you I won’t make any waves and it will never get back to either of them.”

  “Good, because I’ve got all the stress I can handle right about now.”

  “You’re right. Go home, take a hot bath, and cuddle your kids. That’s an order.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” A ghost of a smile chased itself across Julia’s f
ace. “Whatever would I do without you?”

  “I’m not about to let you find out. Don’t you worry. I’m going to coddle you like a piece of china. No traveling and no late events. I’m happy to do it all.” She hugged her friend. “Something special in your life. You need it.”

  * * * *

  Charles sat propped up in bed when Julia entered his room the following morning. His face still held the same implacable look and anger still simmered in his eyes. She wasn’t sure what to say to him. Hello? How are you feeling? Rotten, I hope.

  “Sit down,” he snapped. “We have business to discuss.”

  She took the chair furthest from the bed. “Then let’s get on with it.” She was proud of the controlled tone of her voice.

  “I’ve given this entire situation a great deal of consideration. I don’t have much else to do, as you well know.”

  “Yes, Charles. I’m aware of your incapacitation.”

  “At its best, your—situation—is still a problem. Even if the child were mine, this would not be the best time for you to be pregnant.”

  She said nothing. Silence was her best tack right now.

  “Since you insist on keeping this bastard child, there are only a few options. It would create more embarrassment than I’m willing to endure to have you parading around fat and swollen and have to deny the child was mine.”

  “Yours?” She raised her eyebrows. “B-But…I mean, the divorce…everyone knows…”

  “Yes,” he spat. “The stupid divorce. Another manifestation of your childish behavior.”

  Anger surged through her. “Childish—”

  Charles held up a hand. “Please let me finish. I discussed everything in detail with Rod this morning. He’s only too happy to help me carry out my wishes.”

  I’m sure he is, she wanted to spit out, but pressed her lips together.

  “Under the circumstances, divorce is no longer even a consideration. Especially since my signature is the one holding up the process and I have no intention of signing now. Or ever. Oh, yes, I know a judge can force the issue but you’d have to find one willing to do it. And at this point I’m prepared to contest it.”

  “But—” Julia felt the nausea creeping up again. Every word was like a body blow.

  “So, what to do,” he went on, as if discussing some errant business problem. “What solution would be a fair compromise for the parties concerned? Having looked at the entire situation from every angle, I’ve decided to offer you a bargain.”

  “A bargain? How magnanimous of you.” She forced herself to be calm although inside she was shaking like watery Jello. “What do I have to do, cut my heart out?”

  “Here are the terms if you don’t want to lose your present children and be thrown out in the streets,” he went on, ignoring her remarks. “Rombauer made it quite clear my days are numbered and my condition will continue to deteriorate. He is recommending I be moved to a nursing home.”

  “Yes. He went over everything with me.”

  “I refuse to accept it as an option. For whatever time remains to me, I choose not to spend it in the care and company of strangers.”

  “Then what’s the alternative?” Julia frowned, puzzled.

  “I want to go home.”

  “Home?” She was sure her voice squeaked.

  “Yes. We can turn the den into a room for me, a hospital bed can be brought in, we can arrange for home health care. Everything can be done quite simply.”

  Bring him back into the house? Where she’d never have a minute’s peace?

  “And?”

  “And the rest of my care will fall to you.”

  “You’re out of your mind.” She clenched her fists at her sides. “You want a pregnant woman to be at your beck and call twenty-four seven, taking care of you? How will I even manage?”

  “That will be up to you. You have Miranda to help you. Let her earn the outrageous salary we pay her. However you do it, I expect the finest care and attention. Are you listening?”

  She nodded, gritting her teeth.

  “We will tell everyone the child is mine. We tried a…reconciliation we hoped would work.”

  She goggled. The only word for it. “Are you out of your mind?”

  “There is nothing wrong with my mind. I have been over this from every angle and discussed it thoroughly with Rod. I will allow this child to have my name and share equally in my estate. The public would expect it.”

  The public. Of course.

  “You will say nothing of this to anyone,” he told her. “For the next few months you will be the loving, dutiful wife I always hoped you’d be, sharing with me the joy of the coming birth.”

  “As if anyone would believe you wanted another child.”

  He held up a hand. “Please. It will be up to you to make them believe it.”

  “And if I say no? What possible advantage would this be to me?”

  “If you don’t agree, I will countersue for divorce. Some proceedings can be dragged out for a long time. And while that’s going on I’ll have you declared an unfit mother and the twins will be removed from your care and custody.”

  For a terrifying moment she was afraid she’d faint. “Un-Unfit? But you can’t—”

  “Of course I can. Rod is prepared to parade a number of witnesses who will testify to your inability to care for your children. How you leave them for hours to pursue your own pleasures. How I was forced to hire a housekeeper because I feared for their welfare. How I—”

  “Stop!” She pressed her hands to her temples. “Those are all lies. Every one of them.”

  “Are they?” His features settled into a smug expression. “Who will argue against them? Your little friend Claire? Your support circle is very small, Julia, while mine is large and powerful.”

  “You can’t do that,” she whispered. But she knew he could. She’d heard of so many situations where people lost everything, from their families, to their businesses, to their lives because people richer and stronger and more influential pulled the right strings. Right now, she barely had the strength to get from one day to the next, never mind fight a battle she would probably lose. People in Charles’s circle never lost anything.

  “No? It happens all the time. Watch television. Look on the Internet. Read the newspapers. Push me and you’ll find out.” He fiddled with the sheet. “When we married you told me more than anything you wanted a stable home and financial security. I gave you that and you made a mockery of it.”

  “You made a mockery of our marriage,” she cried.

  “Quiet. There’s no need to broadcast this all over the floor. So...” He paused. “You will still have that security you wanted, only under certain terms.”

  “Such as?” She was afraid to even ask.

  He paused to steady himself with some deep breaths. “This man, whoever he is, will never become a part of your life again. Ever. That’s not negotiable. It would pain me greatly to think as soon as my body was cold, you’d be running off to a love nest.”

  “And how will you insure that, you bastard?” Luke!

  “I discussed this at length with Rod McGuire. He’ll serve as my executor. He has sealed instructions to follow if you break your promise. He will activate the charge of unfit mother and have my parents sue for custody of the twins.”

  “Your parents? I don’t see them as having two children invading the discipline of their lives.”

  “They don’t have to. They will immediately ship them off to boarding school.”

  “Boarding— What? Are you serious?”

  “He’ll have all those witnesses lined up, ready to go at any time. You will only see the children for limited amounts of time each year.”

  Her heart was galloping. Lose her children? “I’ll fight you.”

  He waved a hand at her. “Feel free. But it’s a long and expensive process. Under these circumstances, your financial settlement would be null and void so you’d
be penniless before long. And of course unable to provide a suitable environment for the children. As I pointed out to you many times Julia, power and money control the game. Nobody fucks with me and gets away with it.”

  Julia thought she would faint. This was worse than a nightmare.

  “I also plan to leave a letter to be delivered to Andrew and Elizabeth detailing exactly what kind of woman their mother is. Instead of staying home taking care of them, she was out whoring in some man’s bed.”

  “But you don’t even know who he is.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to know.” He twisted his lips in a caricature of a smile. “And don’t think the future holds any hope for you. Whore. Rod has promised me any man who tries to make a place in your life he’ll methodically destroy. We have the resources to do it. A word to the man’s employer. Clients. Friends. Again, the power of money and influence. I hope it was all worth it, Julia.”

  “God, you are the cruelest man I know.” She felt sick and shaken.

  “Cruel? You call me cruel? You’re the one who ran off to another man’s bed.”

  She curled her hands into fists, fighting for control. “If it weren’t for the twins, I’d tell you to go to hell, heart condition or not. But I won’t put their security with me in danger. They love me, the only parent who has shown them affection, regardless of what your lying friends might say. I will not jeopardize that.”

  “Well, Julia, those are my terms. Take them or leave them.”

  The most important thing was the children, all of them, including Luke’s child. She must safeguard its future no matter what it cost her. And she could not put her children through a public scandal.

  “I’m waiting, Julia.”

  She nodded. “You win. Now excuse me so I can throw up.”

  Chapter 12

  Bringing Charles home was the easy part. The mechanics of preparing the den for him, of arranging for home health care, of listening to instructions from Rombauer were accomplished with a minimal amount of stress. She’d scheduled the ambulance to deliver him during the time the children were in school. She was unwilling to subject them to the distress of watching him being carried in and arranged in bed, seeing a nurse hook up his monitors and his medication.