Finding Julia

by Desiree Holt

  He cupped her chin and forced her to look at him. She tried to read him, but there was so much going on in her own mind.

  “Listen to me. I’m a lot of things right now. Pissed off. Murderous. Sad. Hurt. The list is endless. But mostly I’m upset you let a man bully you into sacrificing your life because you wanted to protect me. Julia, I’m a grown man who’s not without resources, and Rod Maguire sounds like nothing but a penny ante tyrant. Most likely just as Charles was.”

  “But—”

  “No buts. Okay?” His breath was a warm breeze against her chilled skin. “I won’t lie to you. I dealt with a lot of emotions today, not the least of which was anger. But there’s so much to sort out here. Now I’m thinking about the kind of hell you’ve lived in for the past fourteen years. This won’t be easy but we’ll sort it out, honey. I promise you.”

  She pressed her face against his chest. “I love you, Luke. I’ve never stopped. I have to make you believe what I’m telling you.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “I know you do. Same goes here. I guess it’s the reason it hurt so much. But we’ll get past it.”

  “I did try to find you a few times,” she said in a small voice. “Now I wish I’d tried harder.”

  “And I could have stopped feeling sorry for myself, said to hell with it, shown up here and taken care of whatever had to be done so we could be together. So we each have regrets.” He pressed a soft kiss on her lips. “Meanwhile, we have a lot of damage control to do. Have you told the kids why you’ve never said anything about this?”

  “Yes. Today.” A small hysterical laugh escaped her. “I think they were angrier than you or me, if that’s possible. Especially when I told them why Rod felt so beholden to Charles. Andy called him the asshole of assholes.

  “I couldn’t agree more.” He kissed her again. “But now we need to make some plans. Maguire will be looking to do his worst. I’m sure it pissed him off the way you stood up to him just now.”

  “I really don’t want him to confront the kids,” she whispered.

  “He won’t.” He took one of her hands in his. “We have a lot to sort out, including what’s between us. But I think this is enough for tonight. Tomorrow is Sunday. Let’s have a civilized brunch. Then we can decide what we’re going to say to Courtney. Together. After that, we’ll make plans. Okay?”

  She gave him a weak smile. “Okay.”

  * * * *

  A light rain misted in the air when they left the restaurant, but by the time they turned onto Julia’s street a capricious wind had whipped up a full-blown storm. Yet even through the rain, Julia saw Claire’s car in the driveway behind Andy’s and Beth’s. For some reason they’d turned on every light in the house. Her stomach clenched and a sick feeling rushed through her.

  “Something’s wrong.” She fought to keep herself together. What else could possibly happen tonight?

  “Don’t borrow trouble yet,” he told her. “Let’s see what’s up first.”

  “But there’s no reason for Claire to be here tonight. She and Brad made plans.”

  “Let’s get inside first before we panic. It may be nothing.”

  Apparently, someone watched for them, because the front door opened and Andy hurried out with a big umbrella. Luke hunched his shoulders against the rain as he opened Julia’s door, then squeezed her between Andy and himself as they ran into the house. Miranda, a strained look on her face, waited for them in the foyer with towels to blot themselves dry.

  Julia looked around. Claire and Beth sat on the stairs. Brad leaned against the wall, his hands in his pockets. No one smiled. Julia unconsciously reached for Luke’s hand, five pairs of eyes noticing the movement.

  “All right. What’s wrong? Is it Courtney? Where is she?”

  “First of all, don’t get too excited.” Claire rose and came over to her, giving her a hug. “I’m sure everything’s going to be fine.”

  “My God.” Julia trembled. “Is she sick? Did you take her to the hospital? What is it?”

  “Mom?” Andy was next to her now. “Don’t freak, but she’s gone.”

  “Gone?” Julia thought her heart stopped beating. She squeezed Luke’s hand as hard as she could to keep herself together. “What do you mean, gone?”

  “I checked on her right after you left,” Beth said. “Andy and I thought we’d take her out to eat, but she wouldn’t open her door. Wouldn’t say anything except tell us to go away. I should have just opened it the way you do. ”

  Andy picked up the thread. “We waited about a half hour and then I went up. I was ready to break the door down if necessary, but it was unlocked. Her window was open and she was gone.”

  “B-But how? How did she get out?”

  “Over the garage roof, I think,” Andy told her. “It’s right out her window. Then she can shimmy down the drainpipe.”

  “They called me,” Claire added, “because they didn’t want to disturb the two of you until it was necessary.”

  “Necessary?” Hysteria bubbled in Julia’s throat. “My child disappeared and you don’t think it’s necessary to call me?”

  “Julia.” Luke reached for her but she pulled away.

  Brad uncorked himself from the wall and held out his hand to Luke. “Brad Westbrook. Sorry to meet like this.” He turned to Julia. “I went out looking in my car. Figured a kid her age couldn’t get too far. And we’re not exactly on a bus line here. Claire and the twins started calling her friends.”

  “Mom, she hardly sees any of them anymore.” Beth’s face was filled with distress. “They said she hangs out with a weird group.”

  “I know. We’ve had huge fights about it.”

  Luke seemed to rouse himself from whatever shock he was in. “Julia, you need to put on something warm and dry. Why don’t you go change and we’ll go into the family room and see where we’re at. I promise you she’s not far away. She’s just trying to scare you. Us.”

  “I can’t—”

  He touched a finger to her lips. “Yes. You won’t be any good if you get sick.” He looked at Beth. “Why don’t you help your mother? Andy, is there any brandy around here?”

  “She likes hot tea,” Miranda put in.

  “Dump some brandy in it,” Luke told her. He took Julia’s hand again. “Go on. Put on something comfortable while we work on this.”

  “Luke, she’s been gone a long time.”

  “I know, honey. But it will work out. I’m sure of it. Okay?”

  She finally let Beth lead her upstairs and obediently changed into the sweats her daughter dug out of the closet for her. She was startled when Beth drew her into a fierce hug and began to cry.

  “It’s my fault,” she sobbed. “I should have kept a closer eye on her. I knew she was upset. I should have made her open the door to me.”

  “Hush.” Julia stroked her daughter’s hair. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. I tried to protect everyone and just ended up making a mess of things.”

  “I’m so sorry, Mom. I’m just so sorry.”

  Julia tipped Beth’s face up so she could look at it. “Stop it. You have nothing to be sorry about. I should have done something about this situation a long time ago. I was a coward and now every one of us is paying for it.”

  “D-Does he want to see her?” Beth asked in a small voice.

  “Oh, honey, of course he does. He’s furious with me because I kept her from him for so long.” She released Beth and stepped back, running her fingers through her hair. “Another problem I’ll have to deal with.”

  “Do you… Do you think you guys can work it out?”

  From somewhere, Julia found a smile. “I hope so. Right now, we’re taking things one at a time. And the first thing is to find Courtney.”

  Luke was standing in the foyer when they came back downstairs, everyone else hovering in the background.

  “The security guard in my building just called me on my cell,” he said. “Appar
ently Courtney’s there asking for me.”

  “Oh, my God.” Julia dug her fingernails into her palms to steady herself. “How did she get there? Is she okay? Wait. I’ll get my coat and we can go down there right away.”

  “Hold it.” Luke held up a hand. “I’m doing this one solo.”

  “But—”

  “She came to see me. Made it her business to find a way to get there. I think I should talk to her alone first. Julia, if she sees you, she’ll think I sold her out and she’ll clam up.”

  “But I’m her mother,” she protested.

  “Of course you are.” He gave her a steady look. “And I’m her father. It’s time I stepped up to the plate in that role.”

  “He’s right.” Claire hugged Julia. “Maybe things were just supposed to happen this way. Maybe it’s the stick of dynamite needed to blow it apart so you guys can put it back together.”

  “Come on, Mom.” Andy tugged her toward the kitchen. “I’ve got tea and brandy for you, and Luke’s cell phone number. Let him do this. Okay?”

  Julia stood rooted to the floor for a long moment, filled with indecision and panic, and the sense she was losing everything. But then Luke stepped over to her and pressed a brief kiss to her lips. The five people watching didn’t seem to phase him, giving her the first real flame of hope.

  “I promise I’ll call you. I’ll let you know when I get there, and then I’ll call again after she and I talk. Now go let your friends and family take care of you.”

  He nodded to the others then headed out into the night and the rain. She could only imagine what disaster awaited when he was alone with Courtney, the daughter he’d just found out about.

  * * * *

  Luke sat across the kitchen table from his daughter, marveling at how such a wondrous creature had come into his life and at the same time dreading the pain he knew was yet to come. In some ways, teenage girls weren’t much different than teenage boys. They were both rebellious, angry, and uncertain. He just hoped he had the sense and strength to get a handle on things before she became a teenager in earnest.

  She looked much different than the sodden mess waiting for him in the lobby with the guard when he’d arrived.

  “I hope it was okay to call you, Mr. Buchanan.” He looked at Courtney. “She claims she’s your daughter and wanted me to let her into your place. Is she telling the truth?”

  “Yes, she’s my daughter.”

  “Well, I hadn’t seen her before and I thought I ought to check with you first.”

  “You did the right thing. Thanks.” He tucked a folded bill into the guard’s hand, then nodded to Courtney. “How about we go upstairs? You look too damn wet to be comfortable.”

  She’d been a combination of surly and scared when he got her upstairs. He managed to convince her she needed to get out of her wet clothes and bully her into a shower. When he was sure she stood under the hot spray he called Julia to tell her Courtney was safe, explained she’d walked in the rain to the gas station a mile away and called a taxi, using her birthday money to pay for it. He’d call again soon but she was not to rush right down there. He asked her to put Claire on the phone, wanting to make sure she and Brad didn’t let her out of their sight.

  He obviously didn’t have proper clothes for a thirteen-year-old girl, so he did the best he could: a pair of shorts, and a T-shirt, and a couple of safety pins. He’d poured hot tea into her and sat in silence, waiting for her to say whatever she’d come to tell him. He hoped he’d be able to give her the answers she was looking for.

  It was his fault as much as Julia’s. He could have pushed harder. Tried harder. Used Claire as an ally. Somehow bullied her into telling him the hellish situation Julia had trapped herself in. Well, so much water under the bridge now. It was what it was, and they could only move forward.

  He’d fixed Courtney something to eat, but she let it sit in front of her as everything rolled out of her. The pain. Everything. Thirteen years worth of it. She’d bombarded him with questions, sulked and then shouted at him, and cried her way through half a box of tissues before finally settling down. Now she finished the last of the sandwich and drained her glass of milk. She wiped her mouth with the paper napkin, crumpled it into a ball, and dropped it on the empty plate.

  “So are you gonna hang around or what?”

  Her air of false bravado stabbed at him. She wanted so badly to have a father, to have a place in his life, but she’d been flailing at the wind for so long she didn’t know quite how to settle down.

  “That’s my plan,” he told her calmly. “Does it appeal to you?”

  “I guess. I mean, if you’d like it too.”

  Her defenses were so sharp they pierced his heart. He and Julia had a lot of fence mending to do, not the least of which was between the two of them.

  “Very much.” He took a swallow of his coffee.

  “Will you move into our house? Live with us?” She spoke without looking at him, as if fearing what she might see on his face.

  “That’s up to your mother and me. But wherever I live, Courtney, you will be an important part of my life. An essential part. I promise you.”

  Silence.

  “Is she mad at me?”

  He didn’t have to ask who she was. “I think scared and worried is more like it.”

  “Are you mad at me?”

  “There’s plenty of time for me to get mad at you when we sort this out. I think all parents get mad at their kids at some time or other.” He smiled. “How often I get mad and how much will depend on you.”

  More silence.

  “Do you want to live with us?”

  Did he? Could he forgive Julia so easily? More than his anger was a fierce sense of protectiveness, and a different kind of rage, this one aimed at Charles Patterson and Rod Maguire. He’d take care of the situation in his own way. And if he put everything else aside, he’d never stopped loving Julia. Not even his anger and pain now could disguise his feelings or displace them. So yes, he wanted to live with Julia and Courtney. As a family.

  “Yes,” he told her. “I do. As soon as your mother and I…fix some things.”

  “Are you as mad at her for not telling you as I am?”

  Luke knew this was an important question. “I don’t think mad is the word. Hurt, maybe. And sorry I’ve missed out on so much of your life. But we have plenty of time now to make up for it.”

  It took the better part of another hour before Courtney finally ran down and exhaustion grabbed her.

  “How about if you bunk in the guest room?” he asked gently. “I’ll call your mother and work it out with her. That okay with you?”

  Her eyelids were already drooping. “Yeah. If you want me to, I mean.”

  “You have no idea how much.” He hoped his words conveyed how he felt.

  “All right, then.”

  She was asleep seconds after her head hit the pillow. Luke left the door cracked open in case she had a nightmare or got scared in the middle of the night. Then he called Julia.

  “She’s fine,” he assured her when she insisted she was coming right down there. “Go to bed, Julia. And have someone bring you here in the morning. Let me talk to Claire.”

  But it was Andy who came on the phone. “We’ll make sure she gets to bed,” he told Luke. “I know you and Mom have a lot to talk about, but Beth and I would like to bring her to your place in the morning and take everyone out to breakfast.” He hesitated. “If that’s okay.”

  How many times had he heard that phrase already tonight?

  “Yes. Good. Then you can take Courtney home so your mother and I can take care of business.”

  “Thank you, sir. We’ll see you about nine o’clock. I don’t think we can keep her away longer than that.”

  Luke actually found himself laughing. “No, I guess you’re right. Nine o’clock it is. And bring some clothes for your sister.”

  Epilogue

  “Luke, could
you zip up my dress, please?” Julia called.

  The dress was a pain in the rear, and expensive as hell to boot. But the moment she‘d tried it on, both her husband and her daughter had insisted it was the one. And for such a special day as Courtney’s graduation, she was willing to indulge them. Now she stood in the big walk-in closet struggling to reach behind her.

  “Here. I’ll do it.”

  Luke’s warm hands brushed hers away and before he tugged on the metal tab, he took a moment to kiss the nape of her neck.

  “You smell great,” he murmured. “Too bad we’re on a time table here, or I’d yank this dress off, toss you on the bed, and ravish you.”

  “Could you hold that thought until later?” she teased.

  “You bet. Then I’ll be holding something else.” He nipped the lobe of her ear, then pulled the zipper into place.

  “We have to leave in ten minutes,” Courtney called from the hall.

  “We’ll be ready,” Luke answered. “Come on in and let us see you.”

  While Julia, Courtney, and Beth did the salon thing that morning, Luke had taken Andy to breakfast. Julia never stopped being amazed at how the twins had bonded with Luke so easily after such a disastrous beginning. Their wedding took place two months after what she’d taken to calling “the disaster weekend.” They were married quietly at the house, with only the children, Claire, Brad, and Miranda in attendance. Miranda prepared a feast for them in celebration. And somehow the family structure developed from such a fragile beginning.

  Not without its hurdles, however.

  A week after their “disaster,” on Saturday morning, they were finishing a family breakfast with everyone there including Andy and Beth when Rod Maguire showed up at their door unannounced. Andy happened to be the one who opened the door for him, and from her seat at the kitchen table Julia saw his body tighten with anger.

  “We’re busy,” he said.

  “I came to see your mother, so just get out of my way and let me take care of business.”

  He rudely pushed Andy aside and strode into the kitchen. But Andy was beside him in a second.