[Jenna's] Gang of Deadheads_a World of Deadheads novel

by Paul Atreides

  She moved to the kitchen and leaned against the counter. Her unseen entourage went with her. “David? JoAnne. What’s the problem? What happened? I thought you had this all arranged.”

  “I did. Why?”

  “I came here to check on things, like you asked, and nothing’s been done. Three guys are standing in the front of the building, with their thumbs up their asses, refusing to go back in.” Except for loud hums and the banging of metal on metal, David’s end of the line stayed silent. “David, are you there?”

  “Yeah. Hold on a sec, it’s too noisy here in the bakery. Let me go into the storeroom where I can talk. …” The sounds of mixers and exhaust fans receded. “Okay, that’s better. Now, what seems to be their problem?”

  “Two of them are spouting some crazy bullshit.”

  “Like…”

  “What difference does it make, David? I agreed to give you time to get through the holidays. It’s the middle of February already. Now, this has to get done today. I have an appointment tomorrow with a consignment shop for the furniture and the rest of this shit needs to be gone.”

  Jenna turned to Marvin, confusion written in the creases of her forehead. “What is she saying, Marvin, what does this mean?”

  Marvin ignored the question. “Shit? Did she say shit?” Marvin’s hands balled into fists and he started in on one of his rants. “Did she just call our stuff shit? Doesn’t she have some balls. How would she like it if we went into her place and —”

  “Dude, calm down, it’s just an expression.”

  Marvin raised his voice. “I’ll give her an expression.”

  Jenna grabbed his arm. “Marv, shush. I want to hear what they’re saying. I want to know what’s happening.”

  JoAnne continued her conversation with David, oblivious to the ruckus going on around her.

  Colleen, who had just walked in, wrapped an arm around Jenna’s shoulder. “I thought I heard you all in here.” Jenna allowed herself to be enveloped in a hug as Colleen continued. “What’s wrong, dear? Patrick told me you ran out of the building, crying.”

  “I don’t understand why they’re boxing our things. They’re putting them on a truck and —”

  “Well, I hate to be the one to break it to you, dear. But, it appears they’re selling your things.”

  “But they can’t. I need them.” Jenna broke away from Colleen, a fresh torrent of tears welling up, and turned to Marvin.

  Moving back into the living room, Mike shrugged. “Sorry, guys. But this is a fact of life. It’s what happens when you die. Your belongings are given away. Besides, you can get whatever you need, any time you want.”

  Colleen gazed at Jenna with a sorrowful expression. “I know it’s a shock to you, but I’m afraid he’s right, dear. Besides, if you’ll allow a foolish old woman her old-fashioned way of thinking, things are just things.”

  Jenna sniffled. “You’re not foolish, don’t talk like that.”

  “And, when the men are done in here,” Colleen continued. “They’ll be going across the hall to our place.”

  “Why would they do that?” Tommy asked.

  “Well, because — and I probably should’ve told her this before — it’s because I left everything to her.” Colleen nodded at Jenna.

  Jenna stared in disbelief. “You did what?”

  “Who else did Patrick and I have? And you were so kind to this old woman,” Colleen said. Though the aches and pains and infirmaries of age had vanished with death, the habitual referral remained.

  Jenna went to her. “Oh, that’s so sweet.”

  “Oh, go on.” Colleen gave a wave of her hand and smiled. Then she sighed and added, “Of course, now it’ll go to whomever you named. Who did you leave your things to?”

  Jenna pointed at JoAnne, who burst out in anger. “Have you lost your mind? I’m telling you, there’s nobody here but me. … Fine. Whatever.” She pulled the phone away from her ear and touched a finger to the screen. “Okay, you’re on speaker, are you happy? Now what?”

  David’s voice came through clean and crisp. “Now, humor me. Don’t interrupt, just stand and let me talk.”

  “I won’t say a word. Talk ‘til you’re blue or your father grabs your ear and pulls you back to the ovens. Whatever makes you happy.” JoAnne glared at the phone.

  “Marv? You’re there, aren’t you? You said something about an expression?”

  “You are one crazy motherfucker,” JoAnne grumbled.

  “You need to keep quiet, JoAnne, and let me talk.”

  “I’m not saying a word. You go right ahead and have your conversation with …” She gawked around the room. “The walls.”

  Marvin leaned over the phone in JoAnne’s outstretched hand. “She’s a bit of a pushy broad, but don’t pay any attention to her, David.” Jenna slapped Marvin. “Ow! You could let a guy finish. You never let me finish, Jen.”

  “I’ll let you finish all right.”

  “Now, now, you two, don’t start. Don’t make your Uncle Tommy put you in separate corners.”

  “Look, Marv, and I assume Jenna and your two buddies that came to visit me last year are there, too.”

  Marv leaned over the phone again. “They are. And the woman from across the hall. I take it you know she left everything to Jenna.”

  “I know this is tough on you, both of you. But, it has to be done. The men are there because everything — clothes and household goods — are being given to the women’s shelter you used to volunteer with, Jenna. Because I thought that’s what you would want.”

  In awe that Marvin seemed to be having a conversation with his brother because the living never seemed to hear her when she spoke, Jenna nodded in silent agreement, but gave a questioning look to Tommy.

  “Well, some people are open to it. Eh, mostly it’s kids. They haven’t lost the ability to believe in things they can’t see. David appears to be one of them, but hasn’t outgrown it.”

  “Look, Marvin,” David continued after a pause, “I don’t know how things work over there — ”

  “Well, duh!” Tommy interjected and Mike shushed him.

  “— so I’ll just have to hope … Anyway, I’m happy you two are together. If she’d believe me, Ma would be thrilled.”

  Hearing that comment, Jenna’s face screwed up into disbelief and she found her voice. “Oh, yeah, that’ll be the day.”

  “But, at some point, the world has to move on. So, Jenna,” David added in a soft tone, “let these guys do what they need to do. Deal?” He paused and strained to listen for a response.

  Jenna’s shoulders dropped in defeat. “I guess. What else can I do?”

  “I miss you guys. Be good, okay? Oh, and Marv? Come visit again sometime, there’s beer in the fridge just for you. … Okay, JoAnne, that should do it.”

  JoAnne heaved a sigh. “You are totally crackers, you know that? I think all that yeast has gone to your brain.”

  “Yeah, well. See if it doesn’t help, then judge. Call if you need anything else.”

  “What are you going to do, bring in ghost hunters?” JoAnne taunted in a derisive tone and shook her head.

  Singing the theme to Ghost Busters, Tommy moved to her, gripped the edge of the phone with one hand, and tapped a finger against the screen.

  JoAnne watched with a bored expression as the keyboard function activated and ‘BOO!’ appeared on the screen. “Yeah, that’s funny, David. Look, I have to get back to the office. I’ll talk to you later.” She ended the call and walked out the door in search of the workmen.

  Tommy looked at Jenna in surprise. “Dude, she’s a tough cookie.”

  Jenna, who’d gotten used to Tommy addressing everyone as ‘dude,’ let loose a short chuckle. “Yes, she is. But, now what? Where do we all go?” She gestured to Marvin and Colleen.

  “You move into the hotel,” Mike said. “There’re five more suites on our floor that rarely get booked.”

  “That’s a great idea! Dudes, think of the fun we can have.”
>
  Jenna looked to Marvin, who nodded and said, “It is pretty swanky.”

  “Then it’s settled?” Jenna turned to Colleen with a questioning look.

  Colleen gazed at the group, one at a time in turn. “Why would you young people want such a couple of old fogeys hanging around?”

  “Now, how can I live anywhere if you’re not across the hall with your tea?”

  Colleen turned wistful. “Well, I can’t promise anything; I do have to consider Patrick again.”

  “Mrs. McClaskey?” Mike offered his arm to squire her back across the hall. “I’d be happy to talk to him about it.”

  “Where else do you have to go?” Tommy asked.

  After taking Mike’s proffered arm, Colleen turned to Tommy. “Patrick told me about…well, this may sound a bit odd but, then again, everything here seems odd, doesn’t it? But, he told me about a woman, this amazing-sounding woman who offered to let him join her. He told her he had to wait for me. Wasn’t that dear of him? Anyway, he said she was the most serene looking person he’d ever met, that there was something about her; a brightness, an aura around her that felt warm and inviting. And he’d like to find her to see if we might both go with her.”

  Tommy’s face dropped into sadness. “Teresa. He means Teresa, doesn’t he?”

  “I believe that was her name, yes. Why the sullen look, young man? It sounded like heaven to me.”

  “That’s it…” In answer to the questioning looks, Tommy explained, “But, once you join her, that’s it.”

  “What does that mean, hippie?”

  “Marvin, dude, she’s Jason’s, uh …” Tommy struggled for a moment. “Opposite, I guess you’d call it.”

  The conversation was interrupted when the three men returned, stepping into the room with slow, cautious steps. Dan, again taking up the rear and pushing his co-workers from behind, stopped half way through the room, shuddering with a sudden chill.

  Colleen let out a little scream and jumped aside when Ben stumbled through her and she ran right through Clancy. He let out a yelp, ran to the bedroom, and slammed the door behind him, breathing hard.

  Tommy started to laugh. “You think that can keep us out?” He strode to the door, pushed his head through and yelled, “Heeeeeere’s Johnny.” It wasn’t until Clancy’s body shivered in a violent tremble, and he went screaming and running to the other side of the room that Tommy realized he’d popped his head right through the guy’s chest, which, of course, made Tommy burst into a fit of giggles. “Oh, my God! Did you hear that scream? Like a little girl. Good Lord, these guys are priceless. I swear, I want to stay and mess with them all afternoon.”

  Dan crossed through the living room, barking orders. “When I open that door, I better not see anything but asses and elbows, and full boxes to carry out to the truck.”

  Jenna, who’d taken the full brunt of Dan as he walked through her, followed and slapped at him repeatedly. “I thought I told you to get out.” Then she removed several costume jewelry bracelets and dropped them to the floor in front of his face. Turning back to the group, she smiled. “He deserved that.”

  Dan ignored the raining bracelets. In a series of gasps, he bent over double, clutching at his left arm. “Ah, shit. I think I’m having a heart attack.” He forced some coughs, and plopped to the edge of Marvin’s chair, rubbing at the numbness in his arm. “No, no, no. This can’t be happening.”

  “Oh, don’t worry, big boy.” Mike picked up the errant jewelry, and patted Dan’s shoulder. “The feeling will pass.”

  “My heavens, all this is too much commotion for my liking.” Colleen headed through the entry. “I think I’d like a nice soothing cup of tea. Would anybody like to join me?

  -12-

  Jenna had long since realized it wasn’t the tea itself that soothed her old friend, but the ritual of preparation. She pulled out Colleen’s best china and silver tea service to set the table.

  “Napkins and all, dear,” Colleen said. “Just because we’re … well, here doesn’t mean we shouldn’t follow proper procedure for entertaining guests,” she clarified and went about boiling the water and preparing the tea.

  Marvin and Tommy ran to Epstein’s where they snatched a half-dozen bagels from the bakery case.

  Moe let out a sigh as they disappeared, one by one, into thin air. “Oh, of course. Don’t forget the cream cheese,” he said when the cooler door slid open. “God forbid you should leave my last container for a paying customer.”

  “Eh, go ahead, put it back,” Marvin said. “I think I can do without the schmear. I don’t know where he gets it, but,” he gazed at the container with longing, “his is heads above the crap in the grocery stores.”

  “Up to you, dude.” Tommy waited, holding the cooler open.

  “The coolers aren’t for augmenting the air conditioning, you know,” Moe said in a huff under his breath, turning back to his grill.

  “We might have some in the fridge. I’ll check on the way back. And, if not, maybe Mrs. McClaskey has some.”

  Tommy shrugged and let the door slide closed.

  Thirty minutes later, everyone had gathered around the dining table and Patrick passed the cups as Colleen poured.

  “This is really nice, Colleen,” Mike said accepting his.

  Colleen smiled broadly. “It is, isn’t it? I find a nice cup of tea does wonders. You know, I just realized, we haven’t had this many people at our table in, goodness, how many years has it been, Patrick?”

  Patrick passed a cup over to Marvin. “Oh, let me calculate. I retired in, what, nineteen…eighty-seven.”

  “Eighty-six,” Colleen corrected.

  “And we hosted a small gathering that Christmas just before I crossed over. So, that’s, my goodness.” Patrick’s eyes opened wide. “It’s been twenty-eight years.”

  Tommy accepted his cup. “Oh, dude, you’d just retired? Isn’t that a total bummer?”

  Patrick smiled at him. “It is indeed a ‘total bummer’. But only because it meant being parted from my beautiful lassie, here.”

  Colleen blushed and gave a small wave of her hand. “Oh, go on with you.”

  “Oh, let him, Colleen.” Marvin hoisted his cup in a toast. “I know exactly what he means.”

  She placed a hand to her chin as if to shield her comment, though her volume didn’t lower a bit. “I fully intend to, Marvin. But a girl has to play the proper role, you know.” After the laughter settled, she took her place at the end of the table opposite her husband and prompted the conversation. It wouldn’t do to have awkward moments of silence. A hostess’ duty to lead conversation and see to her guests’ comfort was one of the things she believed in. “Now, Tommy, you were beginning to tell us all about this Teresa before you were so abruptly cut short.”

  “Oh, right.” Tommy put his cup on the table and grew oddly serious. “Um, how do I explain this? She, Teresa that is, is the head of a sect here. When you, um” he paused to search for words that wouldn’t upset anyone since Colleen and Jenna were new to the world of deadheads.

  “Die,” Marv blurted out.

  Tommy scowled. “Dude, don’t be so crass. Anyway, these groups know how we’ve lead our lives.” He put a hand up to Mike’s questioning look. “How I couldn’t tell you, but they know. Just like Jason and his people know who shouldn’t be allowed here and take them right away so they can’t do any more bad things. But, with Teresa’s group, an offer is made; we have a choice. We can stay here or join them.”

  “Is the choice final?” Patrick asked.

  “To stay here, no. In fact, lots of people, usually older ones like you,” Tommy said, nodding to his hosts. “They just get, I don’t know, tired I suppose is the right word, and they go. I’ve seen it happen. There’s this pure, bright white aura that grows around them — these Sanctuarians, I guess you might call them, they don’t really have a name that I know of — and they get huge. Just like Jason did with you Marv, but it’s not scary or anything. Then their bodies just sort of
surround the person, they shrink back down to normal size and, poof!

  “But once you accept and go into them, you can’t come back here. I guess that’s why the world isn’t overrun with us,” Tommy concluded.

  “What happens? In them, I mean,” Jenna asked, her voice a quiet whisper.

  “I don’t know.” Tommy shrugged. “I’ve heard rumors, of course, that everything is wiped clean, your memory, everything; like you never existed.” His body shuddered. “The claim is, it’s what Hindus refer to as ‘Bardo,’ where people are prepared for rebirth.” He noticed Colleen and Patrick exchange a glance and a sense of worried urgency entered his voice. “You aren’t thinking of going, are you? Oh, you can’t, you just can’t. Tell me you aren’t ready to do that, yet.”

  “Tommy!” Mike nudged him. “Don’t you think that’s up to them?”

  “But they can’t. I mean, they have to stay. At least until after the wedding.”

  A chorus of jumbled words filled the air, as everyone spoke at once, until Jenna stood and her voice overpowered the rest. “Stop, already.”

  “Jenna, dear, but I think it’s wonderful! And, Tommy, we grant your wish.” Colleen shifted her focus to her husband. “Don’t we, Patrick?”

  Enthusiastic nods from the guests accompanied his response. “If that’s what you want to do, that’s what we’ll do.”

  “You see, Marvin?” Jenna asked in a belligerent tone, her hands on her hips.

  Marvin looked around in confusion. “See what?”

  “Why can’t you be that cooperative?”

  “What are you talking about?” Marvin dropped his bagel onto the plate, ready to spar. “I’m cooperative, I’m always cooperative.”

  “Oh, yeah, right. It’s always what you want. What about —”

  “Now, now, children, what has your Uncle Tommy told you two about arguing in front of company?” Tommy stood and his arms stretched wide. “I think we need a hug!”

  Marvin, who’d gotten used to Tommy’s intercessions, smiled but said, “Oh, give it rest, hippie.”