Trying to Stay Saved

by E. N. Joy

  “Don’t start,” Paige teased. “You can get it up in this piece too. Besides, I lost another two pounds last week.”

  “I know, baby, I know. I’m just messing around with you.”

  “Really now?” Paige looked at her husband seductively. “Well, I can think of better ways for you to mess around with me.”

  Blake stared at his wife and shook his head. “My wife, the only woman I know who can take out a chick in one round and still have the energy to take care of her man.”

  “Is that what I do, take care of my man?” Paige asked.

  Blake stared at her with eyes full of passion. “Yes, that’s exactly what you do,” he stated as he slowly leaned in toward his wife.

  Paige puckered her lips, but before Blake could lay one on her, the doorbell rang.

  “Are you serious?” Paige sighed. “Who in the world is ringing our bell this late, and without calling first?” Next came a loud pounding on the door.

  “It must be an emergency.” There was a worried look on Blake’s face. “They knocking like the po-po.” Paige had a look on her face that matched Blake’s.

  “I’ll be right back,” Blake said.

  Paige sank back down in the tub as Blake exited the bathroom. She felt so awful about how she’d acted today. “God, I repent. Please forgive me,” she prayed. “I know I grieved you today with my actions. I’m so sorry, and any punishment you deem fitting for me, I accept, God. But please, as in Psalm Fifty-one, ‘have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving-kindness; according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.’” Paige continued reciting Psalm Fifty-one. “. . . I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest—”

  “You can’t go in there! She’s in the tub, for Pete’s sake.” Blake’s yelling interrupted Paige’s prayer.

  Startled, she stood up, climbed out of the tub, and grabbed a towel to wrap around her. And thank God she did that when she did, because the next thing she knew, the bathroom door flew open and behind Blake was a police officer.

  “What’s going on here?” Paige panicked. “What are you doing to my husband? Leave him alone.” Once again, Paige was ready to go into protection mode. She wasn’t sure, but she was certain this had to be what the streets meant by a “down chick; a ride-or-die chick,” because that is just what she was willing to be when it came to her husband.

  “Ma’am, we’re not doing anything to your husband,” the police officer spoke as another officer suddenly appeared behind them. “Are you Mrs. Paige Dickenson?”

  “Yes, but what is—” Paige started.

  “Then it’s you we’re here for,” the police officer told her as he whipped out his handcuffs. “Paige Dickenson, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you . . .”

  This had to be a nightmare Paige thought as the steel bracelets locked her wrists behind her back. The room was spinning. She could see the police officer’s lips moving while her Miranda Rights. She could see Blake yelling at the officers something about at least allowing her to get dressed. The other officer appeared to be trying to settle both Blake and the first officer down. It was a mess. It was a nightmare, especially when Paige was ushered out of her home, barefoot, wearing nothing but a towel. At that moment, it surpassed just being a mess. It surpassed just being a nightmare. It was now officially a certified living hell.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  “So what time is this Justice supposed to be here anyway?” Mother Doreen asked Bethany as she sat down at the kitchen table with two cups of tea in hand. She placed one in front of Bethany, who was seated at the table. Then she took a sip from the other one. “And I still can’t believe you’re letting the child have a boy over for supper. Momma and Daddy would have never heard of such a thing when all of us were coming up. It didn’t matter how many years apart us children were; the rules never changed. We were lucky if a boy could walk us home from school, stopping off at the malt shop for ice cream, let alone setting foot inside to break bread.”

  “Uh-huh, and that’s exactly why we got mixed up with some of the boys we did back in the day,” Bethany reasoned. “If Momma and Daddy had let us experience male-female relationships in high school, then we wouldn’t have been so culture shocked once we were able to date. We wouldn’t have latched on to just any ole everybody.”

  “Tuh, you the only one who dated everybody,” Mother Doreen chuckled. “From what I hear, Pa was always chasing some boy out of your bedroom window with his shotgun.”

  “Oh, you think that’s funny, huh? Well, you would have known firsthand if old Willie hadn’t had your nose wide open,” Bethany laughed.

  Mother Doreen pointed. “Don’t you go there, girl.”

  Bethany put her hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. But you know what I’m saying. Anyway, Justice should be here around five. Sadie’s coming straight home from school today. She’s missing band practice and everything so that she can help out in the kitchen with dinner.”

  Mother Doreen couldn’t hide the shocked expression on her face. “What? The child actually wants to cook for the young fellow? I need to take her back to New Day to teach those women a thing or two. Child, you should have heard ’em fussing one time when I suggested they do some cooking in order to get men folk involved in the Singles Ministry.” Mother Doreen shook her head as she began to mock the women in the Singles Ministry. “I ain’t cooking for no man unless he’s my husband.”

  “Well, I guess they do have a point,” Bethany reasoned.

  “From the woman who fed her husband Beanie-Weenies and frozen dinners,” Mother Doreen laughed.

  “Stop it now,” Bethany told her sister as she tried to hide her smile. “Uriah didn’t marry me for my cooking. He married me because he loved me.” The smile grew bigger as Bethany stared off.

  Mother Doreen couldn’t help but notice her baby sister’s trip to La-La Land. “What you thinking about?”

  Bethany coyly put her head down. “Nothing.”

  “That look on your face wasn’t from thinking about nothing,” Mother Doreen pressed. “You were thinking about you and Uriah, weren’t you?”

  Bethany’s eyes watered as she nodded. She didn’t want to speak because she didn’t want her emotions to get the best of her.

  “Oh, now, now.” Mother Doreen slid out of her seat and went over to comfort her sister. “It’s going to be all right,” Mother Doreen assured Bethany as she rubbed her shoulders. “Y’all just going through right now, but trust in the Lord. He’ll bring you out. You know that.”

  Tears fell from Bethany’s eyes. “I can’t even be mad at him, ’Reen,” she sniffed. “I mean, I complained so much when our mortgage kept going up. I was worried we were gonna lose this house. Yet he was so bound and determined to do whatever he had to do to take care of us. But me, not only back then didn’t I trust God the way I needed to, but I didn’t trust my own husband either.” Bethany allowed herself to collapse down on the table. “Oh, Sis, what did I do? What have I done?”

  Mother Doreen squeezed her tighter. “Nothing that God can’t fix. You didn’t do nothing that God can’t fix.” Mother Doreen held Bethany for a moment before she spoke again. “Beth, can I ask you something?”

  “Sure, sure,” Bethany said, sitting upright and wiping her face.

  “Are you still seeing, you know, Pastor Davidson?”

  Bethany shook her head. “No. I haven’t seen him since he left here.”

  Mother Doreen stopped rubbing Bethany’s shoulders and made her way back over to her seat. “Do you want to see him?”

  Bethany thought for a moment. She took a sip of her tea, then she thought for another moment. “You know what? I honestly haven’t thought about the man. My mind has been too stayed on Uriah and this entire death-faking thing, and now him being back again. Then I have my new grandbaby . . . it’s just so much. I mean, when I first saw Uriah th
at night he came home, I was stunned; shocked. I didn’t really get the chance to examine how I felt about it at the moment because I was too riddled with shame. I mean, it wasn’t much of a homecoming for him to find another man standing in his living room, hearing all those details. It just made me feel . . . it made me feel . . .”

  “Convicted,” Mother Doreen helped her find the right words.

  Bethany once again nodded her head. “I hate to admit it, because I’ve tried to justify my actions for so long. I tried to blame it on love instead of just blaming the real guilty party—me.”

  Mother Doreen could finally exhale about the situation regarding her sister having an affair with Pastor Davidson. For months, Bethany had walked around as if she’d done no wrong. As if the entire world, including God, was supposed to understand her infidelity. Mother Doreen knew better though; she knew that until Bethany confessed her wrongdoing and asked for God’s forgiveness, then she and Uriah could never really move on in their marriage.

  “I know that was hard for you to confess,” Mother Doreen told Bethany. “But now you have to repent to God and seek His forgiveness, then your husband’s.”

  Bethany let out a chuckle. “It’s funny, I can sit here and finally confess it to you, but I feel too ashamed to confess it to the two men who really need to hear it.” Bethany wiped a lone tear, then looked up at Mother Doreen. “Come with?” Bethany asked her sister.

  A confused look covered Mother Doreen’s face. “Come with” is what Bethany used to say when she was younger and wanted to go “bye-bye” with Mother Doreen.

  “Come where?” Mother Doreen asked.

  “Come with me to the throne.” Bethany extended her hand. “I’m sure God won’t mind if I bring along a little company. I don’t need you to pray for me or for my forgiveness. I know that’s something that I need to do. I just need you there holding my hand. It’s like when I was younger and would do something wrong and Momma would make me tell Daddy what I did when he got home. I always wanted one of my sisters to come with me. I always needed one of my sisters.” Bethany stared Mother Doreen in the eyes. “I need you, Sis. I’ve always needed you, and I’m so glad God sent you here to Kentucky. I appreciate you so much, and I appreciate everything you’ve done since coming here. And I mean, everything. I know a lot of times it didn’t seem like I wanted you here, but that was because I wanted to do bad all by myself; I didn’t want anyone around to witness it. But I don’t know what I would have done had you not been by my side . . .”

  “Uh-uh.” Mother Doreen shook her index finger as if she was disciplining a child. “Who did I tell you them words are for?”

  Bethany thought for a minute back to when she was in the hospital and what Mother Doreen had told her. “You said, ‘Them are words for Jesus only.’”

  “So you do listen.” Mother Doreen winked.

  “Yes, I really do, and I’m going to start listening more, to both you and God. But right now, I need Him to listen to me.” And on that note, both Mother Doreen and Bethany bowed their heads while Bethany prayed to God. She repented for her sins and asked for God to forgive her, and just like that, He did. He didn’t make her jump through any hoops, and He didn’t tell her He’d forgive her based on any conditions. He just forgave her just like that . . . because He’s God . . . and that’s what He does.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  The ringing doorbell made Lorain jump up out of her sleep. She hadn’t been sleeping that well to begin with. For the last twenty-four hours, she’d been at her mother’s side next to Broady, who lay unresponsive in his hospital bed. In those twenty-four hours, they’d had to resuscitate him twice. Lorain knew better than anybody that playing God was not an option; that He was the author of life and death, but she could now understand why some families chose for their love one not to be resuscitated. At some point, it just seemed like outright cruelty—having all the nurses and doctors running to Broady’s aid, sending those waves of electric shock through him in order to get his heart back beating.

  Every time Lorain envisioned his poor body, it sent chills through her. Those visions now covered and replaced the previous visions she’d been having of Broady before. It was now those visions that kept her up at night. It was because of those visions of a man she could clearly see slipping away from life that had her praying for him. Yes, that’s right. She was praying for the man who’d molested her as a child. The man who had turned her life upside down and was responsible for her making one of the worst decisions of her life—throwing their baby in the trash can only minutes after she was born.

  So much was going through Lorain’s head now, things opposite of what had been going through her head before. At first, she’d been worried about how she was going to tell her mother that she was one of Broady’s victims. Now, she worried about how she’d be able to go on with life not telling her mother the truth. It was no longer one of her ultimate missions. Right now, her only mission was to see her mother through this thing and hopefully see her mother happy again. Telling her the truth at this point would only break her mother’s heart. She was not going to be responsible for that. Her mother was going through enough.

  As a matter of fact, Lorain figured that was probably her mother at the door. Some of the congregation of the church she and Broady were members of had been coming up to the hospital trying to convince Eleanor to go home and get some rest. Eleanor refused. Lorain knew it was because she didn’t want to go back home without her husband. Her church family had probably finally convinced her to go home, only now she was at Lorain’s door because she didn’t want to be alone.

  At one point in the past, Eleanor had been home alone, overweight and depressed for years, triggered by Lorain’s father up and leaving them. Eleanor had eaten her way through misery, gaining pound after pound after pound, never once thinking that she had a chance for life after divorce. Lorain, on the other hand, was young. She began seeking the attention of men, finally sleeping her way through life with men: married, single, and one gay one . . . Well, he wasn’t all the way gay, which is what he’d told Lorain when she caught him with one of his boy toys. “Bi-curious” was the word he’d used. Bi-curious mixed with a few shots of Hennessy, to be exact.

  Nonetheless, eventually mother and daughter were able to pick up the pieces of their past and throw it out with the rest of the garbage in their life. Eleanor ended up getting bariatric surgery, and Lorain ended up getting an HIV scare that ultimately gave her a religious awakening. Eventually, both had been led to God, and it was He who was helping them clean up their lives. So for now, Lorain just wanted to put all her mess aside and be there for her mother.

  Grabbing her robe and house slippers, Lorain hurried to the front door. As she approached it, the bell rang again, twice . . . back to back. Then a third time.

  Tying her robe around her waist, Lorain proceeded to open the door. “Hold on, Mom. I’m coming . . .” Her words trailed off. She was shocked to see who stood at her door. She frantically unlocked the screen and opened the screen door. “Come on in here.”

  After her guest was inside, she relocked her door. “Unique, what are you doing here this late? How did you get here?” Lorain asked.

  Unique didn’t look like herself. She looked worn-out. Her shoulders were slumped. Her weave ponytail was lopsided. Her lipstick was smeared, and she stumbled trying to stand.

  “Unique!” Lorain ran to her aid to catch her before she fell over. She still fell over, but onto the couch. “What’s wrong?” Lorain looked Unique up and down. “Did someone do something to you? Did someone hurt you? Do we need to call the police?” With each question, Lorain’s tone became more frantic. All she could think was that history was repeating itself; that Unique was right, she was part of a curse. Not the curse passed down from her foster mother, the one of having a bunch of kids with a bunch of different fathers. But the curse of being sexually abused. “Who did this to you, Unique? You can tell me.” Lorain had her hands rested on Unique’s shoulders. T
hat was, until Unique brushed them off her.

  “No, ain’t nobody done did nothing to me.” Unique’s words were slurred, and her head was bobbing on her neck like she was a Bobble head. “Nothing I ain’t want them to do anyway, know what I’m saying?” Unique let out a laugh.

  Now it was very apparent to Lorain what was going on here. Unique was drunk off her behind.

  “Girl, you been drinking?” Lorain straight-out asked.

  “I might have had a little somethin’ somethin’,” Unique admitted.

  “Well, what you need now is some coffee,” Lorain sniffed the air, “and a shower. Girl, have you been with a man?”

  “What if I have? So what? So what if I have me a little drinky-drinky here and there. And what’s wrong with a little male companionship? I’m stuck up in that house with nobody but my sister and all of our kids. Don’t you think I need some ‘me time’ every now and then? What’s wrong with me going out to make sure that a man still wants me? I just need to make sure of that every now and then, you know what I’m saying?” Unique gagged as if she was about to throw up but regained control.

  “Yeah, I know exactly what you’re saying,” Lorain replied sympathetically, because she did. “But there’s only one man that can validate you. I learned that the hard way. And that one man is God.”

  “Oh, here we go,” Unique slurred, rolling her eyes up in her head. “Now you about to start preaching. Well, I don’t need no preaching.” Unique looked down as tears filled her eyes. “I need somebody to love me. To take care of me.” She wiped the tears away, and then looked up with a mischievous grin on her face. “And one of my baby daddies just took care of me real good. Or should I say I took care of him?” She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. But either way it goes, I got this.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a wad of money.

  “Oh, so you not only go out here and drink, but you tricking too,” Lorain said. Her comment seemed to sober up Unique instantly.