Trying to Stay Saved

by E. N. Joy

  Sadie squeezed her eyes tightly, trying to lock in the tears. Then she squeezed her father even tighter as she said, “I forgive you, Daddy.” Whispering in his ear, she said, “Don’t tell him I told you, but Hudson forgives you too. But you know Hudson; he only told me because he knew I’d tell you.”

  After holding on to his daughter for a few more seconds, Uriah stood up straight. “Good, because I learned in those couple of weeks in jail that not willing to forgive someone can ruin your life.” He looked at Pastor Davidson. “Sometimes we have to forgive people even when we never thought we could.”

  Uriah thought about some of the jailhouse stories he’d heard. How some of the men were in jail because of revenge or crimes of passion. Some had never had as much as a parking ticket, but were now looking at life in prison. And for what? Because someone stole from them? Because someone did something to them they just couldn’t let go? Because someone slept with their wife or girlfriend? No, Uriah was not going to be one of those men. Being hurt was a part of life, but letting go of that hurt and forgiving the person that caused it was a part of enjoying life. Uriah had been given a second chance with his wife and children, and he wasn’t going to waste not one part of it harboring any type of anger toward Pastor Davidson. Yeah, maybe some might think that breaking bread with the man who’d slept with his wife and impregnated her was a bit much. But tell Jesus that about Judas.

  Uriah extended his hand to Pastor Davidson. “Glad you could join us.”

  Pastor Davidson shook his hand. “I’m glad God put it on your heart to allow me to join you. You are a good man, Uriah. A darn good man. And about that money still owed from the loan, forget about—”

  “No, sir,” Uriah stated, cutting him off. “We shook hands like men when that money exchanged hands. We had a deal. You’re going to get back every dime, with interest.” And Uriah meant it. He’d made up in his mind that since there was a part of him that felt Pastor Davidson had tried to buy his wife by loaning him that money, then he was about to buy her right back. “Besides, that company is already offering money to settle out of court. It will just be a matter of time before we get—”

  “I know you’re good for it,” Pastor Davidson interrupted. “Besides, if the State of Kentucky and Uncle Sam are confident that you’ll pay them, then I guess I can trust you enough as well.”

  Both Uriah and Pastor Davidson chuckled. Somehow they were able to get past the past. No, not somehow; it was God. God had shown Uriah favor. Unmerited, undeserved favor on top of both His grace and mercy. So much favor that his defense attorney made a plea with the courts, after convincing them that Uriah wasn’t a flight risk, that restitution payments could be set up and that with the windfall coming Uriah’s way, the insurance company and the government would be paid back. No one from the insurance company or the government showed up to argue against the court’s decision. So it was done.

  “And thank you for coming too, Pastor Frey,” Uriah said, shaking Pastor Frey’s hand. “You’ve always been such a great support to me and my family. That’s why I wasn’t surprised to see you in the courtroom at my initial hearing.”

  The look of astonishment that covered Mother Doreen’s face went unnoticed. He did know she was still in Kentucky. He had to know because he would have seen her in the courtroom. Besides that, he would have known that she would not have left her sister at such a difficult time. Yet, he hadn’t reached out to her; hadn’t tried to stop her from returning to Ohio. A part of Mother Doreen had secretly wanted just that to take place. After all, that’s how it usually happened in movies, on soap operas, and in romance novels. But this was none of those, that much Mother Doreen was sure of.

  Uriah looked at both Mother Doreen and his wife. “Is everything okay?” He wanted to make sure the extra guests wouldn’t be a problem. Before either of them could reply, footsteps were heard coming up the walk.

  “What’s he doing here?” This time, it came from Pastor Frey. The “he” Pastor Frey was referring to was Bishop Klein.

  Everything was not okay.

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  “I’m glad you could find the time to squeeze me into your life, into your schedule.”

  Lorain detected far more than just a hint of sarcasm and bitterness in Unique’s tone. She’d thought when Unique had called her up and asked if she could come get her and the kids and go to the park, that things would be pleasant. Lorain needed a breath of fresh air. The last few days had been consuming and rough.

  “Yeah, well, I know we haven’t talked in the last couple of days—” Lorain started before Unique cut her off.

  “Forty-six hours, three minutes, and twenty-two seconds, to be exact,” Unique rattled off. “That’s how long it’s been since we last talked.”

  “Wow, I guess time flies,” Lorain said. In all honesty, trying to comfort Eleanor in her time of bereavement had drained Lorain.

  “Yeah, I guess time does fly when you’re having fun. I suppose you’ve been having lots of fun.”

  Lorain had no idea what Unique was getting at; what her problem was. “Let’s sit on this bench right here where we can still see the kids playing.”

  At the park Unique and Lorain were at, the playground sat in the middle of a mile long circular walking trail. Benches and exercise equipment were scattered around the trail every twenty to thirty feet or so.

  “Fine,” Unique agreed, and then sullenly flopped down on the bench.

  From how Lorain saw it, Unique was acting like a teenager throwing a temper tantrum. Was this what she’d missed out on? Lorain glanced over at the boys. “I can’t believe I’m a grandmother,” she smiled.

  “Slow your row. You’re barely my mother, so don’t start acting all sappy with my kids. We agreed I wouldn’t say anything to them until you and I got things situated and on one accord.”

  “Yes, I know,” Lorain affirmed. “It’s just going to be so hard not being able to be granny; you know, to do things grannies do.”

  Unique let out a harrumph. “You mean as hard as it was not being able to be a mother; to do things mothers do?”

  Lorain was reconsidering whether it had been a good idea to accept Unique’s invitation to the park. She thought it would be a chance for them to talk and bond, not for Unique to beat her upside the head with slick comments, reminding her of her mistakes. “Yes, it is going to be just that hard.” Lorain turned to face Unique. “Had I known my baby was alive somewhere, it would have been hard to go through life without being able to—”

  “Who are you kidding?” Unique interrupted. “Had our paths not crossed the way they did, you would have never thought twice about me. I know your story and all, but I’ve had some time to think. Yeah, you might have been just a kid yourself when you had me, and you probably didn’t think about the consequences or the possibility that I was still alive. But once you got older, didn’t you care? Didn’t you even think to find out what happened to the baby that got thrown in the trash? Where it was buried so that you could at least come put flowers on my grave?”

  “I did wonder, for a minute. I was even wondering the day I saw on the news when the reporter said that someone had thrown their newborn baby in the trash. My mom just started talking and cursing the woman who did such a horrific thing. And I started talking over her about something else. Neither of us even heard what else the news reporter said. We didn’t hear whether the baby was dead or had been found alive. I just assumed—”

  It was clear that Unique was not going to let Lorain finish a complete thought. “But couldn’t you feel it? Wasn’t there something, an instinct, a sixth sense, that told you that your baby was alive? Like that Lifetime movie they show during Latino month. That one where the Hispanic woman is told that her daughter died in a fire, but she never believed it. She felt in her soul, in her heart, that her daughter was alive. She even recognized her daughter when she saw her years later. Some mothers say that they even know the moment their child has died.” By now, Unique’s angry words
had turned to tears. “Didn’t you feel anything? Anything at all?” she cried.

  Lorain inhaled. A part of her wanted to make up something, something Unique wanted to hear; something that would make her feel better; take away more of the pain from past years. She couldn’t. Open and honest. So she opted to remain silent.

  “I didn’t think so,” Unique said, drying her tears. “And you don’t really feel anything now. If you had, then you would have at least picked up the phone and called me these past days. But you don’t really care. I’m grown now. I don’t need you.”

  “Unique, my mother’s husband just died. His funeral was yesterday, you know that. Not that you showed up to support me.”

  “I had a really huge catering affair to attend,” was Unique’s reason for not going.

  “And I had to help my mother make the arrangements and everything, so it seems we’ve both been busy. I haven’t had a moment’s rest since . . . since the last time I talked to you.”

  Unique felt bad. She felt selfish. “I’m sorry.” Now she felt sad, but then, a sudden thought occurred to her. “Was he my grandfather? Your mother’s husband, was he also your dad? Was he my grandfather?”

  Lorain shook her head. “No . . . no, he wasn’t your grandfather.” That wasn’t a lie. Broady wasn’t her grandfather. “He was someone my mom had just recently married actually.” She said a silent prayer that Unique wouldn’t ask her anything else about him. “Look, Unique, I do love you. I loved you before I even found out you were my daughter. It’s just that—”

  “I’m pregnant.” Unique said it as if she was giving Lorain the weather report.

  “Huh? What?” Lorain didn’t know what to say.

  “That’s why I really asked you here. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself.” Unique closed her eyes and shook her head in dismay and disgust at her condition; a condition she knew all too well.

  “My God, Unique. How could this have happened? I mean, why? What about you wanting to break the family curse of having babies with all these men and not having a husband?”

  “I messed up, all right?” Unique cried.

  “I’m . . . I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just . . .” Lorain was at a loss for words.

  “Shocked? Well, that makes two of us. Make that three of us.”

  “Three? You mean the father?”

  Unique nodded.

  “Who is it?”

  “Remember that night I came over to your house drunk? That night you told me about . . . Well, you know.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, turns out that one little slipup got me knocked up.”

  “So it’s your son’s father? He’s the father of this baby too?”

  “Yeah, my oldest boy’s daddy.”

  “Well, at least it’s not a different man. I guess the upside to all of this is that at least two of your four children will have the same father.”

  “Tuh,” Unique spat. “Four kids? I’m not keeping this baby.”

  “What do you mean you’re not keeping the baby?” Lorain asked sternly. “Young lady, I’m not allowing you to get an abortion. I won’t hear of it. I’d rather you—”

  “You’d rather me what?” Unique snarled. “Give birth to it, and then throw it away in the trash like you did with me?” Just as soon as Unique uttered those words, she wished she could take them back.

  Lorain sat there as the words went through her. The bullets Unique had just spit didn’t penetrate her. She didn’t allow them to. Instead, they zipped in and out, missing her main organ, her heart. There was nothing anyone could do or say, including Unique, to make her feel guilt and shame about her past; not any more. She’d repented, and God had forgiven her. She’d apologized to Unique as much as she was going to.

  “I’m sorry.” Unique’s sudden apology shocked Lorain. But it pleased Lorain more so.

  “Apology accepted.”

  “It’s just that you haven’t even been my momma for that long, and already you’re trying to step in and lecture me.”

  “No, that’s where you’re wrong,” Lorain corrected her. “I’ve been your momma for all your life. Now I can’t make up for all those years where I didn’t play the role of your mother, but I can promise you that moving forward, I’ll be the best at it that I know how to be. That’s if you’ll let me.”

  Unique sighed. “To be honest with you, I’m so confused I wouldn’t care if Mary Jones from the movie Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire was my mother.”

  Both Lorain and Unique began to laugh. It was better than crying. And the situation Unique had put herself in by turning up pregnant was indeed worth a few tears.

  “I know you don’t want me preaching to you, acting like your mother, but, sweetheart, I am your mother. And you talking about not keeping the baby and getting an abortion is not going to fly with me.”

  Unique put her hand up to stop Lorain from continuing. “Hold up, wait a minute. I ain’t said nothing about having no abortion. I’m a Christian. Now I know a sin is a sin, but a fornicator, okay, I’ll take that title, but a murderer? Please. I ain’t killing my baby. Now that’s one thing the women in my family don’t do; abortions. As you can see, we have our babies,” Unique clarified. “I was thinking about giving the baby up for adoption.”

  “Adoption?” Lorain allowed the word to fall off her lips in a whisper.

  “Yeah, I mean, I was watching this reality show marathon the other day,” Unique started, then looked at Lorain. “You know how I am about my marathons,” she continued. “And there was this couple who gave their baby up for adoption. They were only like sixteen. So if a sixteen-year-old girl had enough wisdom to, first, realize that she couldn’t provide for that baby like some other couple could, and second, to have the strength to go through with it, then I think I can do it too. I’d like to think I’m pretty strong. Granted, I didn’t use wisdom when I laid down, had unprotected sex by a man who was not my husband, and got pregnant, but there’s no better time to start using wisdom than now.” Unique paused while she looked at Lorain, whose thoughts appeared to be wandering off somewhere. “So, what do you think?”

  Lorain just remained silent for a minute with a serious faraway look on her face. Then suddenly her eyes locked with Unique’s and a smile spread across her face that was so huge it lit the entire park up brighter than the sun could have. “I think it sounds like a wonderful idea,” Lorain told Unique as she threw her arms around her daughter and hugged her tightly. She then pulled back and looked Unique straight in the eyes. “And I know just the person who’d love to adopt your baby.”

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Half an hour after Tamarra departed, Paige left her house and found herself back downtown at a familiar place. Standing hand in hand with Blake and escorted by Randall, the three of them entered the conference room of Ms. Turner’s office.

  Blake’s mother and sister were already waiting, sitting beside Ms. Turner. They each wore victory smirks on their faces. The smirks made Paige want to snatch the papers from out of Randall’s hands and rip them to shreds. But it was too late. Before the three of them could even sit down, Randall was already handing Ms. Turner the paperwork.

  “I’ve already sent drafts back and forth to your paralegal, so I’m sure that everything in the contract will be to both your and your client’s satisfaction,” he stated. “Still, we’ll give you all a couple of minutes to look over it.” After handing Ms. Turner the paperwork, Randall sat down and began to converse with Blake in a whisper.

  “I don’t understand all that legal mumbo jumbo,” Barnita said to Ms. Turner as she tried to go over the documents with her. She then looked over at her daughter. “Sharlita, didn’t you take a couple of legal assisting classes over at the community college?”

  “Yeah, but that was just so they wouldn’t cut off my benefits,” Sharlita answered. “But then when I got pregnant with Rahtekia, I knew they was gonna have to give me a check anyway, so I quit.”


  “Oh.” There was a slight disappointment in Barnita’s tone. “Oh, well, I’m sure you still learned in those classes more than I know.” She stood up. “Here, trade places with me. You sit by Ms. Turner and go over this with her. I gotta go pee.”

  Paige, as a black woman, was just outright embarrassed. These two belonged in a Wayans Bros. movie as far as she was concerned. She rolled her eyes as Barnita exited the conference room after being given directions to the ladies’ room.

  As Paige sat there watching Blake and Randall hold a private conversation and then Ms. Turner and Sharlita going over the legal documents, she felt useless. There was only one other person she could have a conversation with, and she knew exactly what she wanted to say.

  After excusing herself from the conference room, Paige made her way into the women’s bathroom. She’d hoped to catch Barnita in there alone. Her wish was granted as she pushed open the bathroom door to find Barnita at the sink washing her hands and the two bathroom stalls empty.

  Barnita glared at Paige as she snatched a paper towel from the holder. “The one on the left doesn’t have any toilet paper.” She nodded in the direction of the stalls.

  “Thanks, but I didn’t come in here to use the bathroom,” Paige shot back.

  “Oh, I see.” Barnita balled up the paper towel, and then threw it way. “I can see you got a lot on your mind; some things you probably want to say to me. So let’s do this.” She said it as though she were challenging Paige to a brawl.

  “Okay,” Paige accepted the challenge. “Let’s do this then.” And without biting her tongue Paige did it. “What kind of sorry excuse for a mother are you? What kind of lowlife woman runs off and leaves her flesh and blood for dead, then comes back all these years later and sues him? Seems like this entire lawsuit should be offset by the back child support you owe.”

  Paige threw a few more not-so-nice shots at Barnita. Surprisingly enough, Barnita didn’t even try to interrupt her. She didn’t roll her eyes, snap her neck, put her hands on her hips, or anything. She just stood there and took it until Paige ran out of insults or ran out of breath to say anything else; one or the other.