by Tia Lewis
After a few weeks, I felt I needed John.
John
My mind is quite advanced in the areas of love, honesty, and relationships. I'm a very confident man who is extremely comfortable with myself, and I'm extremely positive thinking. I'm also extremely good at sex. I know how women think, what they like, how to make them cum harder than they ever imagined. I feel as though I'm capable of doing everything that I want, and so far I have. I'm a world renowned doctor, one of the best. Becoming a successful doctor has changed my life dramatically. From the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I carry myself, the way I love, the way I spend money, the way I fuck, the way I eat—it's all different now. I have evolved way beyond my own expectations. Everyone wants to get close to me, everyone wants something from me. At first, I was surprised at all of the attention I received, but after a while, I realized how many more opportunities it would allow me. I realized this was the life I deserved all along, this was what my life had been preparing me for. The only difference between my work ethic and everyone else's was that I was ruthless, I pursued what I wanted until I got every piece of it. I wasn't going to shy away from my destiny. Your life is what you make it, and I made mine perfect.
Back in the day, my life wasn't this easy. I grew up in London. My Mother died from breast cancer when I was five, so I never had a strong female influence growing up. My Father raised me to be as much like him as possible. I got my self-confidence, focus, aggressive pursuit of goals, and obsession with women from my Dad. He also passed on his rejection of authority and emotional detachment to me, as well. There were ups and downs to each characteristic, but I was proud to say I was from the Michaels family.
I had my fair share of struggles along the way. Back in high school, girls would not pay me much attention. Some girls would even make fun of me and call me an ugly virgin. I was still going through puberty. At the time, I was really awkward, all gangly arms and legs, and unsure of myself. I focused on my academics and developed an interest in science. I was pretty involved in science fairs and clubs, but back then teenaged girls pay more attention to the guys that played football and rugby. I was pretty quiet and kept to myself. I decided to move to California and attend Stanford, ready to start my life over. I felt a pressing need to get away from the influence of my domineering father and peers.
Moving to California was the best decision I have ever made. In the UK, I was just a quiet science nerd that everyone picked on. In California, I was the sexy, smart Englishman that everyone wanted to get to know. I grew out of my awkward phase and filled out. I got a lot taller, worked on building muscle, I began to improve myself. I finally lost my virginity at nineteen.
Women began to notice me more and were constantly complimenting my accent. It wasn't until I graduated from med school and became a doctor that women started throwing themselves at me. I'm not complaining at all, I was more than happy to make up for lost time. There were women everywhere I went— nurses, patients, interns— they all wanted me. I would find women waiting for me in my cars, in hotels I was staying at, in front of my gated property, everywhere I went. I was making some risky investments and was able to double my income in the first five years. I was mentioned in medical books and magazines for my medical advancements and accomplishments. If my investments go as I plan, I will be able to retire with $100 million by the time I'm forty-five. I could have whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted; whomever I wanted, however I wanted.
You would think that having all of that would get old. People say that money, fame, and success cannot buy you happiness but they are bloody wrong. At this very second, I could stand up and fly anywhere in the world. I could even just sit on my couch and pay people to do everything for me for the rest of my life. I have complete freedom and no limitations on my life. That is what happiness is to me—total freedom. None of that shit got old. I was having a great time all the time and was still a great doctor. I could do it all; I was on top of the world.
Even though my life was filled with endless stability and everything I could have ever asked for, I still wanted more. I was never satisfied. Sometimes I felt like I was a glass half empty type of person but the glass half full people never got anywhere. The best way to get what you want out of life is to walk into a room and say "that glass should be perfectly fucking full and I'm going to make sure of it." I had a thirst for achievement and milestones. I was working harder than I ever had in my life but what did I have to show for it? My mansion, my cars, my vacation pictures—all of it was more than I ever dreamed of but it didn't matter much. All of it would be gone and worthless the second I died. I thought about my legacy and who would be there for me when I no longer had enough breath in my lungs to say another word.
Every time I went back to London to visit my old friends and family, I was surprised by how many of them were married with kids. I was swiftly approaching thirty-eight and hadn't even had a serious, long-term relationship. I never felt the need to settle down until I saw that many of my friends seemed happier with their children than I ever did with all of my material possessions. They were forming deep connections with their friends, their spouses, their children, and were feeling completely fulfilled by their lives. Even though some of them were in their late forties and struggling with their crippling debt, their lives were full of light and happiness.
I knew I was happy, I was proud of myself and what I had done with my time up until that point. I just couldn't help but wonder if I had done it all wrong. Had I put too much value on my career and money, should I have spent more time getting to know the people around me? Was I becoming cold hearted and lacking empathy toward others? I worked sixty hours a week and still found time to work out in my personal gym at least four times a week. If I had free time, I was usually too tired to go out of the house. I didn't have many personal relationships. I would only see the people from my past that mattered to me a few times a year. They all knew I was busy and never pressured me to make time for them. Sometimes I wanted someone around that really cared about what I was doing, how I was spending my time, what I wanted in the future. I was starting to acknowledge the small part of me that lurked in the depths of my soul that wanted a wife and children. I wanted to be able to use my massive fortune to take care of people I care about, to provide them with a life that only a few people in the world will ever have the luxury of comprehending.
My father was in his seventies and was still confident that he would be able to hold his grandchildren before his time came. Even though I had never given him a reason to think that I was interested in having a family, he always knew that it would come when I was ready. I could still hear him saying "It's in your nature to procreate. Your time will come." I purchased a house for him in Topanga Canyon a few years ago so that we could be closer together. For whatever reason, he still spent half of the year back in London. I knew if I were to ever have children, he would be a terrific grandfather. My father would want to be as involved in their lives as possible.
All of this led up to the moment that I filled out my profile on Tinder. I had never online dated before. I never needed to—I had no problem meeting sexy women in person. California was full of gorgeous women who were dying to date a doctor. I wanted to meet someone that didn't know who I was, who didn't know about my accomplishments or hadn't seen my Malibu home featured in home decor magazines. I wanted someone that liked me for me, someone that would be attracted to me even if I had nothing to offer but love and affection. I figured online dating was a great way to meet someone who was completely disconnected from my life. I had heard about some of the other dating apps, such as Plenty of Fish and Ok Cupid. I was told they were for younger singles that were looking for more casual encounters. I knew Tinder was a good fit for me because it filtered out certain factors that I may not be interested in.
I started to scroll through the limited amount of pictures I had of me. Most of them were professional headshots that were taken at interviews or small photo shoots. I never took picture
s of myself or with my friends, so I wasn't sure what to put on my profile. I found a few shots of me from a charity event that I went to three years ago. I put up another shot of me at a 5K run I participated in last year. Even though none of the pictures were that recent, I figured it generally showed what I looked like without seeming too flashy.
I started to swipe through the various profiles. Tinder's platform seemed to be pretty straightforward. If you liked someone, you were supposed to swipe right. If you didn't like the person, you swiped left. After going through numerous profiles, it felt like for every twenty profiles I swiped left on, there would only be one that I liked enough to swipe right. Even then, I didn't feel as though many of the women were all that incredible at first glance. Within the first few hours, I received ten messages from all types of women. I scrolled through the first couple of messages.
Hey, I may be twenty years older than you, but when we get together you will feel like I'm twenty years younger. I'm looking for a younger man to have a good time with. I'm a widow living in Beverly Hills alone. If you're interested in having some fun, message me back ASAP. I'm looking for something casual, maybe we could meet up about once a week. I'm willing to compensate you for your time, but we would need to work out the guidelines. Provide me with a list of your health problems and concerns, if you have any. I'm not looking to waste any time.
XOXO
Mary
I cringed while reading the message. Is this what the internet had to offer? She's twenty years older, willing to compensate me, and interested in men with significant health problems? That's pretty dangerous. Was this the new way people were soliciting prostitutes? I would imagine something like this coming from an older man but hardly from an older woman. I deleted the message from my inbox and kept moving on.
Another message caught my eye. It was from a younger woman. She was probably in her early thirties. I must have swiped right without really even looking at her profile. From her profile picture, it seemed as though she was from Armenia. The woman had a couple of pictures with her two children who seemed to be around the ages two and four. She seemed pretty attractive, but something about the look in her eye made me wonder if she was crazy. I read her message next.
Hello, you're very handsome. Are you a doctor? I figured you were based on your screen name. I'm on this website to make friends. I'm already married but just looking for some babysitters and other couples to get drinks with. In the meantime, I was hoping you could give me some medical advice. My youngest child Arthur recently broke out with a rash all over his leg. I believe he was playing in poison ivy when he got the rash, but I'm not sure. Can you come over and take a look at the rash? I do not have health insurance so it would be a big help. My husband works from home so let me know when you want to come by and I will make sure he knows when you will be on the way. Hopefully, you can find some time this weekend.
Wow, what a nightmare! I thought to myself. I couldn't believe any parent would be so irresponsible to turn to Tinder for medical advice. She really needs to take her child to urgent care rather than contacting a stranger on a dating service. I didn't even realize married women would be on the website. I started to become even more hesitant about online dating. There was definitely a wide variety of women on Tinder. It might be harder to find a regular, stable woman than I imagined.
I kept swiping through the different profiles, but none of them really stood out to me. The next morning, my inbox was flooded with messages. I started to quickly browse through them, not even clicking on half of them. I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking for, but I knew that I would know it when I saw it. I had always been drawn to women that were confident and motivated. It seemed like I had a bad pattern of finding the confident women that became complete divas when you got to know them on anything deeper than a surface level. I wasn't attracted to dramatic personalities or cockiness. There was a fine line between confidence and egotistical maniacs.
I loved to fuck Queen Bees, the type of women that demanded attention. They wanted to be with guys like me; they liked showing up to parties in Lamborghinis and making other women jealous of their flashy lives, even if they hadn't earned that lifestyle themselves. I knew if I was going to change my ways and settle down with someone, I was going to have to find someone that wasn't like the rest. I wanted to find someone with a good nature, someone that was innocent but was still capable of holding her ground. Someone who always had good intentions and would never speak badly of another person. I wasn't sure if women like that existed in California. I wasn't sure if a woman like that would even be interested in someone like me.
I wondered if soulmates were real. I liked the idea of someone being made for me, a puzzle piece that fit perfectly with my jagged edges. I hoped I would be able to find the epitome of love and partnership. I was ready for a mental connection that was unbreakable. Maybe my other half has been out there all along, and I just haven't made enough of an effort to seek them out.
I was unraveling my most secret desires. I didn't want to put too much pressure on the situation. It would all happen how it was supposed to when it was meant to happen. I scrolled through a couple more messages before I got out of my King bed and started to get ready for work.
My work day was a lot smoother than most Sundays. One of the lead nurses told me that twenty new nurses were going to start training the next day. It always made me uncomfortable to have so many inexperienced people at the hospital at the same time, but I was always appreciative of the extra hands. I went the entire day without looking at my Tinder profile. When I started to reflect on my decision to make the profile, I started to reconsider. I began to convince myself to delete the profile when I got home. Did I really want to meet a stranger from the internet? Was that really the way I was hoping to meet my soulmate? I started to feel like my nerdy teenage self again.
When I got home from work, I was too tired to even think about dating or whatever messages might have appeared in my inbox. I simply ate dinner and then went straight to bed without a second thought. The next morning when I woke up, I had the same doubts as I did the night before. I didn't know if I was making the right decision, and it was starting to seem even more outlandish than I thought. I opened up my app with intentions of deleting it. Before demolishing my profile, I figured there was no harm in browsing through a couple of profiles one last time just to be sure. I scrolled down the page, carelessly observing each profile.
But then I saw her.
She looked like an angel. She had a sculpted figure with large breasts. A pair of arched eyebrows looked down on sweeping eyelashes. Her blonde hair framed a button nose. I looked at her dazzling white teeth gleaming as I scrolled between each picture on her profile. Her smile could light up an entire room. It was as if an electric current shocked my entire body, causing my full attention to be drawn to this gorgeous woman.
I quickly scrolled through her profile, trying to find out as much information as I could about her. She listed that she was new to California and was interested in getting to know new people. I had never been so infatuated with someone so quickly. I shifted my weight in my seat and took a deep breath.
I kept my eyes fixed on the screen as I swiped right on this perfect woman. Immediately, my phone showed that we were a match, she had already swiped right on me! I opened up the inbox to see a message from her. I was ecstatic to finally find someone who seemed to be everything I was looking for. I wanted to ask all about her, but I didn't know what to say first. How do you have a conversation with a woman that looks like your personal Aphrodite? What would we talk about?
After a significant amount of contemplation, I messaged her back. I felt my heart start to pound when she messaged me back a second time. We exchanged messages back and forth, but after the morning, I stopped hearing from her. Over the next few days, I couldn't help but think about her. All of the other girls online didn't seem to be as genuine as she was. I kept wondering why she stood out to me so much; why did she seem like t
he only woman I wanted to talk to when I didn't even know her full name.
Maybe the perfect girl from online wasn't real, maybe she wasn't as perfect. But I told myself I had to let it go. There was nothing I could do about it. If something is meant to be, then it would happen naturally. I took a deep breath and finished the last sip of my whiskey on the rocks. I crawled into bed, focusing my thoughts on all of the work I had the next day.
Three weeks later, I had released the perfect girl from my thoughts. I woke up and started my normal routine. I felt relaxed, my mind was still. I didn't check my dating profile, I didn't dwell on the perfect girl that stopped messaging me, and I prepared myself for another day as a renowned doctor. Little did I know, that perfect girl hadn't gone away at all.
I was sitting at my desk, reviewing a patient's files when I heard my phone vibrate. I looked down at the screen to see I had a new message on my dating profile. The username listed look familiar but it wasn't until I opened the app that I realized who it was: the perfect girl. She was back.
Perfect Girl: I'm sorry I disappeared. I've had a lot going on. How have you been?
I could feel my heart start to pound in my chest. I couldn't believe I was hearing from her again. I was confident that I was never going to hear from her again. I wondered what she had been going through.
Me: Hey, it's good to hear from you. I have been well, thanks.
Me: How about you? Everything alright?
I sent my response back to her. I wondered if it would be a few days before I heard from her again. Maybe she had a family emergency, or maybe she had started dating someone from the site, but it didn't go well. I created one hundred scenarios off the top of my head. Before I could form a conclusion, I heard my phone vibrate again.
