by Tia Lewis
Perfect Girl: Glad you're doing well, I'm doing well also. I really am sorry about not messaging you back for so long. I started a new job and have been really busy ever since. I really am interested in you, I hope I didn't make you think otherwise.
Me: Thank you. Wow, you're beautiful, smart AND hardworking, that's hard to find these days. Where do you work? I don't believe I got your name. My name is John.
Perfect Girl: Nice to meet you, John. My name is Anna. I just started working at a hospital, I'm a nurse.
Me: Ah ok, we are both medical professionals. We already have so much in common ;)
Anna: Yeah, it seems like we have some similarities and some differences, as well. I like the picture of you on the motorcycle. Is that yours?
Me: Yes, that's one of my new toys. I've been riding for five years. It's a great way to take my mind off of everything going on. Do you ride?
Anna: That's cool. No, I've never been on a motorcycle before. To be honest, it seems scary.
Me: Maybe but you're supposed to do all of the things you fear the most, right?
Anna: Idk maybe not all of them haha. But you seem like someone I'd like to try new things with
Me: You can ride my bike anytime ;)
Anna: I might have to take you up on that offer.
Anna: I don't mean to be rude but can I ask how old you are?
Me: It's not rude. I'm 37. What about you?
Anna: I'm 22. Does our age difference bother you?
Me: No, not at all. It's not about age. It's about the connection. Does it bother you?
Anna: No, but I figured I'd ask you anyway :)
Me: What hospital do you work at?
Anna: I work at a hospital downtown.
Me: CA Hospital Medical?
Anna: No, it's another one. I'm not sure if you've heard of it.
Me: Good Samaritan Hospital? I've been to most of them. Maybe we've met before?
Anna: I don't think we would've met before, I just moved here from North Carolina.
Anna: I'm still pretty new to the area. What do you like to do in your free time?
I immediately noticed that she changed the subject. I got the hint that she didn't want me to know what hospital she worked at but I couldn't help but wonder why. I suppose it was safe to not let people from the internet know where you work but I couldn't help wonder if she was lying. Maybe she didn't want to tell me where she worked because she knew I could easily access a list of every nurse in any hospital. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and decided that she was just trying to protect her privacy. I could respect that.
Me: I don't often have too much free time, but I like to golf, hike, go to the beach,
travel, watch movies… I guess nothing too unordinary. What about you?
Me: I've never been to North Carolina before, but I've heard good things about it.
Me: I would be happy to show you around.
Anna: I like all of those activities too. Well, I don't golf but I really like to ski.
Anna: I've been hoping to learn how to surf while living in California.
Anna: Yeah, it would be nice to have someone to show me around. Where are you from?
Me: I'm originally from London. I moved to California for University.
Me: I've gotten used to the lifestyle and haven't wanted to leave since.
Me: I'd be happy to be your tour guide. Are you free this weekend?
Anna: That's great, I've never met or dated someone from London before. I'd like to meet you, but I'd rather get to know you better first.
Anna: Is that okay?
Me: Really? I've always wanted to be an ambassador ;)
Me: Yes, of course. How did you decide to move to California?
So she was just trying to protect her privacy. There is nothing wrong with that. I hoped she was exactly who she said she was. I didn't know much about online dating, but a friend had told me that you should be careful of the people that are not willing to meet up in person. I wanted to meet Anna sooner than later, but I wasn't going to rush her. She probably had a good reason for wanting to talk for a while before meeting up. Maybe she had bad experiences in the past, maybe all of this was new to her, also.
The more we talked, the more I liked her. In a way, it was great being able to talk to someone without seeing them because you could get to know each other in a unique way. Usually, when I was interested in women, we would have sex so quickly that I wouldn't really get the chance to know them. A lot of them hadn't seemed interested in getting to know each other. Anna was different. I could feel a connection growing between us. We both wanted to know every detail about each other. Over the next two months, Anna and I talked constantly. I got used to her being there to say good morning and goodnight. I got used to the way she would ask about my day and how I was feeling. I started to tell her intimate details of my life, even some things that I had never said aloud before. We exchanged secrets but, mostly, we exchanged our lives. Without even meeting, Anna had become integrated into my life. She was becoming a part of my everyday life.
I wanted to give her the time she needed to get to know me before she felt comfortable meeting up. The mystery of who she really was was starting to get to me. I needed to meet this woman who was perfect inside and out. I needed to know what she was like in person, what her smile was like, what her hair felt like, how it felt to kiss her, how her skin felt against mine. Anna and I had already shared so much, but it was only the beginning. We had so much more to learn about each other, so many things we could see together.
I wanted to see the person behind the username. I wanted to meet the woman I had been falling in love with over the internet.
Anna
I woke up to the sound of pouring rain. It was the first time it had rained since I moved to LA. I had slept through my alarm and was running late for work. I sped to the hospital, quickly parked my car, and ran into the building. I was rounding a corner when I collided with someone. We both collapsed onto the ground, their thermos went flying into the air and landed right on my chest. Scalding hot coffee went running down the front of my blue scrubs. I gasped, I could feel my bra was getting drenched as the coffee seeped in. I quickly got onto my knees and pulled the wet fabric away from my body to relieve the pain.
"I'm so sorry," a deep voice said.
I looked up to see a pair of deep green eyes focused on me; it was John. He jumped to his feet and extended a hand, helping me off the ground. It was the first time I had seen John since my first day of training, but it was his first time seeing me. It was my first time seeing John since I had given in and started to message him online again. I knew I was being deceptive by not letting him know we worked together but I wanted to get to know him first. I wanted to know if he was worth risking my job for. From the amazing conversations we had over the last two months, I was beginning to think he was. However, I wasn't sure if I was ready to reveal myself to him just yet.
Instead of playing it off casually, I started to panic. I was frozen, I didn't know what to say or do. I just stood there, holding my scrubs away from my body.
"I've been in such a rush all morning. Please, come into my office. I have an extra pair of scrubs in my closet," John said.
"I'm… I'm running late," I stammered.
"I'm sure they can stand to wait a few more minutes. Besides, you need dry clothes, and it's the least I could do. Please," he insisted.
I looked into his beautiful eyes, completely mesmerized by him. It was the first time I was able to get a good look at him. John seemed even more polished in person than he did in his photos. He looked like he was a little older in person than he did in his photos. John had a firm chest, toned arms, and stood at about 6'4".
I slowly nodded and followed him to his office. We walked down the hallway side by side, but I didn't dare to say a word. He made a comment about how busy the hospital had been lately. John unlocked the door and opened it. He had a large corner office with a big window that looked out on
to the courtyard. He had an oak desk with chairs on either side of it. John went into a closet near the window to retrieve a pair of green scrubs. He took them off of a hanger and handed them to me. As he was extending his hand, he wrinkled his nose.
"You look oddly familiar," he said suspiciously. "Have we met before?"
I shifted my weight awkwardly. "No, I wouldn't imagine so. I'm new here," I offered a warm smile, looking around his office. He had pictures of his family on his desk and diplomas on his wall. At this point, I had almost completely forgotten about the spilled coffee on my shirt and the pain from the bruise forming on my shin. I was completely focused on analyzing every detail of Dr. Michaels and his tidy office.
John smiled back but kept his eyes fixed on me. "I know I've seen you somewhere before. I'm going to have to figure it out… Where did you go to university?"
"Nowhere near here. I don't think we've met before; I'm sure I would have remembered you," I smiled. I realized I was flirting but couldn't help myself. Between his piercing eyes, his perfect smile and his English accent, I didn't stand a chance. I could feel myself losing control standing in front of him. I knew he was attracted to my online dating pictures, but I wondered if he was just as attracted to me in person. "I think it's time I'm honest with you. I'm Anna."
John stared at me for a few seconds, finally making the connection. His smile turned into a serious expression. "Anna?" he said softly. "You've been working here all along?"
"I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid," I explained. "I saw you on my first day of training, that's when I stopped messaging you for a few weeks. I didn't want to jeopardize either of our jobs. But I couldn't stay away from you. I had to know what you were like. Now that we've gotten to know each other, I knew I made the right choice. I just hope you feel the same way. Are you mad?"
"Mad?" John took a few steps toward me, tightening the space between us. "Why would I be mad? The one person I've been wanting to meet for two months is standing right in front of me. I have nothing to be mad about. Your photos were gorgeous, but you look even more beautiful in person. You can't see the freckles on your nose or the flecks of silver in your eyes in your profile pictures."
He looked up and down my face, paying attention to every detail. I looked into his wondering eyes, not wanting to shy away from his attention. "Thank you, Dr. Michaels," I said softly. "You're very handsome in both your pictures and in person."
"Call me John," Dr. Michaels urged.
"John," I repeated, I had always loved that name. John took another step toward me, I kept my feet planted on the ground. "If only we had met under different circumstances."
"What's wrong with this circumstance?" John tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"We work together…" I said bluntly.
"I don't mind breaking the rules if it's for a good reason," John smiled and took my hand in his. "Do you?"
"You don't care that we work together? You don't care that I lied to you about where I worked and that I had been around you for the last two to three months?" I was confused. I thought he would be angry when he finally found out that we had worked together all along. I took my hand away from his and held the clean pair of green scrubs closer to my body. I was really happy getting to know John, but I didn't know if I was ready to let him into my real life.
"Well, I have to admit I'm pretty shocked but I don't see why we can't keep it private," John leaned against his desk. He folded his arms while examining my face. "I know there's a part of you that doesn't really mind that we work together or else you wouldn't have messaged me."
My lips curled into a grin. "You're right, but I wasn't planning to reveal myself so soon. I guess I still felt like I wasn't ready just yet."
"What's there to be ready for?"
"I'm not sure… I just didn't feel it was the right time. Maybe I just need to get to know you in person more. I really need this job. I can't lose it. Can we just be friends for now?"
"You want to be my friend?" John looked amused. I could tell he wasn't used to hearing that.
"Yes, for now. Is that alright?"
"Alright, alright. I'll behave myself if you do but I promise it won't be easy," John smiled.
I knew he was right. John was the type of person that I should have been searching for all along; maybe I was, and I just hadn't realized it yet. I have met thousands of people, and none of them really phased me. Now standing here in front of John, everything felt different. I was feeling conflicted, but I knew that I had to keep my job no matter what. I hadn't come this far to lose my job over a ridiculously attractive Englishman.
"Thank you for the scrubs. I'll wash them after my shift and bring them back to you tomorrow," I nodded.
"That's nice of you to offer, but it's unnecessary. Keep them, I have plenty."
"Alright, I appreciate that. It was nice to meet you," I extended my right hand and shook his. I was trying to be professional, but I couldn't help but notice the softness of his skin.
"Nice to meet you, as well. It's good to know you're polite," John walked toward the door, and I followed his lead.
"Why is that?"
He stopped right before the door, grabbed the scrubs I was holding between my hands and pulled me closer. "Because when you change your mind and beg me to date you, I know you'll say please," John let go of the scrubs, flashed another flawless smile and then held the door open for me.
"I don't beg," I said with a sassy smile. "If anything, you're going to be the one doing the begging, John. If you want me, you'll have to earn me. And I don't come easy."
I walked through the door with one eyebrow raised. I kept a tight grip on the scrubs as I quickly went to the bathroom to change. As soon as I got into a stall, I exhaled as if I had just been underwater for two minutes straight. Did John really just say that? Am I really calling him John instead of Dr. Michaels? What if the other nurses find out? How many other new nurses has he come on to? Is this normal for him? My mind went wild. He was aggressive, but I felt aroused by it. No one had ever talked to me like that before. I had to admit, I liked it. Even though he was being very straightforward, I wanted him to know that I could stand my ground too. It was frustrating to know that, no matter how I felt, I couldn't act on my feelings. I had to be logical about this situation. I couldn't risk my job. I wasn't going back to North Carolina. I was going to make it work here.
I quickly changed into the clean pair of scrubs and balled the cold, wet clothes up, pushing them under my arm. When I walked out of the bathroom, I saw John from down the hallway holding a clipboard. He smiled and winked at me as he turned down another hallway. I looked around to see if anyone had noticed, but no one was paying attention. I walked toward the nurses' station and started my shift as if nothing had happened. I thought I would be in trouble for being late, but I was told: "Dr. Michaels explained everything." I wasn't sure what exactly he had said, but I could tell he didn't mention our brief exchange by the casual expression on the lead nurse's face.
The rest of the shift went as expected. There were a lot of violently sick patients in the ER that day. The mother of five that came in with all of her children and two kidney stones, a victim who had been shot in a gas station robbery, and a nun that was thrown from her car in an accident stood out in my mind as I drove home from work. I wondered why bad things happened to good people. It made me appreciate the health and fortune I had. It also made me reflect on the people in my life that were important to me.
I had never given love a second thought after my parents' divorce. It wasn't for me, it wasn't something I wanted to feel pain from again. I still felt that way but couldn't figure out why I couldn't stop smiling the whole day. When I got home from work, I was excited to catch Brooke up on everything that had happened.
When I finally told Brooke about the last sentence John said to me, she burst out laughing but then put her hand up to her heart. "Oh my God, Anna," Brooke's jaw dropped. "That's so hot! Like I really didn't expect that
at all. What are you going to do?"
"What do you mean what am I going to do? I'm not going to do anything about it. I need this job. I don't want to be searching for a new job the next month because a really attractive doctor is interested in me. I have to let it go, it's the right thing to do," I assured her and myself at the same time. It is the right thing to do, right? I second guessed myself now that I saw Brooke's shocked expression.
"I mean he said that he doesn't mind breaking the rules and he's probably been at that hospital for a long time. I'm sure he doesn't want to risk his job either but knows ways around the rules. As long as you play it casual at work, no one will ever know. I think you should go for it," Brooke was overly excited. She knew how inexperienced I was, and this was something she had wanted for me for a long time.
"I don't know. I really like him. He seems really kind, smart, and… experienced. He's really confident; he's observant. I know I shouldn't be interested in him but how can I help it? What am I supposed to do?" I sat down on the couch next to Brooke and rested my head on the arm.
"Do him," she laughed. "I'm just kidding. You should probably have your kiss before you worry about that. But really, it's a decision that you need to make for yourself. You have to do what feels right in your heart. If your job wasn't at risk, do you think you would have any hesitations about meeting up with him?"
"I don't think so, not really. Well, he's a lot older than me, but it doesn't really bother me."
