by Mika Jolie
Chapter Thirty
"Love has no awareness of merit or demerit; it has no scale… Love loves; this is its nature."
Howard Thurman
Desperation to balance the scales and resolve the situation had been the driver for Minka’s risk-taking behavior tonight.
Well, she hoped her words stirred something inside him. She hoped he would lower his guard and hear her out.
Instead here in the middle of the night, she sat in Jason’s driveway practically stalking his house. She knew he was in there—she was parked right next to his beloved Jeep—but the house was pitch black.
Oh God, please let him still be here.
Minka ran a trembling hand through her curls. The last two weeks had been the best weeks of her adult years. Just the idea, the possibility of Jason not being in her life left a hole in her heart, as if a piece of her had already gone missing.
He loved her. Not that he had professed his undying love, but those closest to him had managed to convince her so. And let’s not forget he had told her he needed her. That was as close to a love declaration as anything else.
She loved him with every piece of her.
That had to be enough.
The light from his bedroom sparkled from the otherwise dark house and his shadow came into view, causing her to jump.
This was her opportunity, when she should leap out of her car and sprint to his door, into his arms. Instead, doubts crept up and peeked over her insecurities. What the hell had she done? She was sitting in Jason’s driveway in the middle of the night, in her silk organza dress, convinced she could get him to listen.
Her mind went to the worst-case scenario, such as Jason kicking her out of his house, or even more humiliating, to come face to face with Lisa in all her glory, reminding Minka she had reached her expiration date. The woman made it obvious she wanted a piece of him, and the last Minka knew she and Jason had ceased to exist.
Oh yeah, she should definitely put the car on reverse and make a run for it. As fast as she could.
Minka shook her head in an effort to ignore the empty feeling in the pit of her stomach and gathered her scattered thoughts. She needed to stay focused. She had driven here determined to get Jason to listen. She needed to do that, to try. After that she would walk away.
Her fingers were about to press on the doorbell once more when the door swung open, bringing her face to face with Jason. He stood before her in a pair of low-slung black Polo boxers that clung to every piece of him. A towel thrown over his shoulder, his hair wet. An image of Jason dripping wet with the water running over his hard body flashed before her eyes
Minka sucked in a breath. Her well-rehearsed dialogue melted away.
Somewhere in the deep end of her cranium, she heard Jason’s voice calling out to her. She snapped back to reality and tried to regain her composure.
“Oh, um…” she mumbled, struggling to focus.
He stepped aside to make room for her to enter the house. “For a second there you went into a trance. Is everything okay?”
Actually no, everything was not okay. He had walked out of her life. But more importantly, he had no right to look that good in boxers or answer his door wearing next to nothing. She could have been a burglar for Pete’s sake, or worse, a female burglar. She would have jumped his bones.
Minka wanted to jump his bones.
With her heart thundering in her chest, she walked past him into the house. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her. His look was pensive, his mouth unfriendly.
“What can I do for you, Minka?”
Me. You can do me. Right here, right now. I’ve missed you. I love you.
“You left the wedding early,” she said with what strength she had left. She turned and met his gaze. “You didn’t even say goodbye.”
An expression crossed over his face, but it was so fleeting it barely registered.
“Blake and Keely were aware I had to leave early.”
“I meant to me.” Her unexpected boldness surprised him, and this gave her strength. “Do you hate me that much?”
“I don’t hate you, Minka. I dislike what you did.”
A full minute of silence passed between them, then he closed the door behind her and started to walk down the hall where he grabbed his jeans hanging on a chair. She detected the overnight bag.
“You’re leaving tonight?”
He slipped into the jeans but didn’t fasten the button. She was disappointed he felt the need to put his jeans on around her.
“Tomorrow morning,” he said. “Tonight I’m heading to Boston.”
Massachusetts Gazette was headquartered in Boston, which meant Lisa was there too.
“I overheard you telling Lisa you couldn’t date her until tomorrow. So technically, I still have tonight.”
To her surprise he smiled, a tight smile but she’d take it.
“I’m heading there for a business meeting scheduled early in the morning before my flight.”
“With Lisa?” She needed to know.
“No. I want to hire someone to manage the inn. I’m meeting with her in the morning.”
That made her feel better. “You’re not managing the inn any longer?” What had changed? The inn was his baby.
“I’m going back to work with my father after the summer.”
Minka noticed the anger that was once there whenever the topic of working with his father again seemed to have melted away. For that she was glad.
“Why all of these questions, Minka? Does it matter what I do in my life?”
Yes. Actually everything he did mattered.
“I’m sorry I hurt you, Jason,” she said softly, “It’s killing me inside to know you think I set out to hurt you, or everyone else I love.”
He looked into her face briefly, then nodded. “I don’t think you know what love is.”
Well, that hurt. Still, she refused to cower and retreat to her safe haven. She met his gaze dead on and smiled. “I know I love you. I know I only want and need you.”
Her voice shook as she said the words, not because they were not genuine. On the contrary, she was never more honest in her life. But bold and brazen was not part of her repertoire.
He crossed his arms over his chest, assessing her, evaluating, judging.
“You’re missing the point,” he said at last. “You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else.”
The words caught her off-guard. She was unprepared for them. A part of her wanted to argue, to try to convince him that wasn’t the case. Instead she looked away.
“Yes, my ego was bruised,” he admitted, “when you kissed Blake…”
With a sharp motion, her gaze met his. “I was saying goodbye,” she argued, “so I can give you all of me. I’m not in love with him. I never was. He was there for me during a dark time in my life and,” she said, chuckling, “in my stupidity, I convinced myself I was in love with him and carried an animosity for my sister that was unwarranted.”
“I know that now. Blake told me. And I’m over it.” His gaze swept over her face, giving away nothing. “I’m sorry about that experience.”
His tone gentled, making her fall in love ten times over.
“And I’m glad you and Keely were able to mend things.”
“Jason…”
“Tonight in your speech, you talked about self-acceptance.”
At least he heard part of her speech.
“You need to embrace all your qualities and flaws, in a nutshell, your happiness. I can’t give you that.”
She stood there unable to think properly, almost unable to breathe. No sign of inner calm.
“I can’t love you if you don’t love yourself.”
The emotional detachment in his voice shocked the hell out of her. She shuffled back a step or two.
“Goodbye, Minka.”
* * * *
In the last three months, Minka had rearranged her value system, put family first—so she made a point to di
ne with her parents at least once a week. She also spent time with Blake and Keely whenever possible; right now they were in Japan researching for Keely’s spring collection.
She also made simplicity a priority, and little things were important, such as going for a two-mile walk a couple of times a week or going to bikram yoga with Lily, as they were supposed to do this evening. An elusive text simply saying, Missing yoga tonight, have fun. Love ya! And her friend was officially MIA.
MIA was just a tad on the extreme end, but Lily had called out of work as well. She knew her friend had a brother still in Afghanistan and concern brought Minka to her door where she was greeted by a flushed Lily, who looked as if she just rolled out of bed.
“Minka, I was going to call you later.”
She walked past Lily into the apartment. As much as Lily had claimed to be unaffected she had been in denial after all. “You’re still sleeping with Adam.”
“Yes.”
The acknowledgement brought a stab of agony through her heart. She was happy for Lily; her friend and Adam were good together. Only this realization brought the empty feeling inside of her she had come to accept.
“I’m sorry, Minka,” Lily offered a heartfelt apology. “I really tried to stay away, but…”
“Liliana,” Adam’s voice called.
He soon came to stand behind Lily wearing only a pair of loosely fitted sweatpants. His hair ruffled, his face as flushed as her friend’s. Upon seeing her, he smiled warmly.
“Minka, what a wonderful pleasure, come in. By the way, Jason is a fool. I told him so.”
Two hours later, physically drained from the hot yoga and mentally spent from hanging out with Adam and Lily, Minka entered her apartment to find Keely sitting in her living room watching some show on MTV and the smell of something delicious, that reminded her the last thing she ate was lunch.
She had not expected her sister to return until the following week but was happy to see her nonetheless.
“I’m regretting giving you a key to my apartment,” Minka said with no hint of regret. Their relationship was still what she referred to as a WIP, a work-in-progress. But it was heading in the right direction.
“I brought Chinese food,” Keely said, barely taking her eyes off the television screen. “By the way, you look great. How much weight have you lost?”
Minka had no idea. She only knew she’d gone down a dress size and was now comfortable with her body. “I don’t know. I no longer own a scale.”
“Where are you coming from?”
“Lily’s. Adam is there but I have a feeling you already knew that.” Lily and Keely had grown closer since the trip to Chappy.
Keely shrugged, walked over to Minka, and pulled her into a hug. “Physically you look great. But inside,” one long finger pointed where Minka’s heart used to be. “You’re dying. You miss him.”
Minka had no response for a true observation.
Her sister released her and walked over to the kitchen to dish out the food. “I think it’s time we talk over wine and food about you getting your man back.”
Might as well entertain her sister, she retrieved the chilled bottle of wine from her fridge. “Jason wants nothing to do with me.”
“How do you know that?”
“I tried, Keely. Three months ago, remember? I practically begged. He kicked me out. On your wedding night you spent the night with me.”
Her sister popped a piece of broccoli in her mouth and closed her eyes as she savored the taste of the vegetable. “Oh yes, that little incident. That was three months ago and,” she glanced at Minka, “he had a point with that finding your own happiness crap, and I think it’s fair to say you’re finally there.”
“Geez, thanks.”
“Go to him.”
“And what? Beg again?”
Keely let out a chuckle. “There is a heavy price to be paid to obtain happiness of the lasting variety…you have to trade-off your ego for it.”
Minka reached for a fork and picked a piece of broccoli. “You sound like a fortune cookie.”
“But you know I’m right. He’s back on the island. He’s miserable. Claire and I have officially changed his name to grumpy-ass.”
Minka felt herself smile a little, picturing a cranky Jason around the island. “How do you know he’s miserable?”
“Blake and I were there before we came home. Jason and Charles offered Blake Jason’s old position and he accepted. So we’re moving back to The Vineyard.”
Minka let the news sink in. She would miss them terribly but she also knew as much as Blake hated to admit it, a piece of him missed being home with his extended family. If Keely and Blake made The Vineyard their permanent home, that meant she couldn’t go on avoiding the emptiness Jason’s absence left inside of her. Eventually she’d cross his path. Eventually she’d have to get over him. Except that may take a lifetime and more.
“Anyhow,” Keely continued, chewing down a mouthful of scallops, “the point is, Jason is in a major grumpy mood right now. Oh, he’s going about like everything is okay but we know better. He actually flinched when I casually mentioned your name.”
“Why did you do that?”
Keely grinned, her eyes shining with delight. “To see if you still have a hold on him.”
Minka looked away.
“You still do. He loves you, sis.”
Minka fought back the tears and the ache in her chest that only Jason could soothe intensified. She loved him. Oh, how she loved him. The last three months she had tried her best to forget him and focused on her well-being. While she had managed to achieve the balance she needed in her life, she wanted more of Jason. A yearning, she admitted, that would never diminish.
“His art show is next weekend.”
She remembered. He had asked her to come back and be with him that weekend. How things changed.
“You should go,” Keely added.
Minka shook her head. “I wasn’t invited.”
Keely shrugged. “You can continue to sulk or suck it up and put yourself on the line and go be with the man you love. That’s going to be an important night for him, Minka. He has come a long way dealing with his mother’s death.” Keely exhaled and reached for her wine glass for a refill. “Let’s drink now. I’m done preaching.”
Chapter Thirty-One
“Incidentally, the world is magical.
Magic is simply what's off our human scale... at the moment.”
Vera Nazarian
Minka spotted Jason right away. The three months since she last saw him faded as the familiarity of the man she loved rose again to the surface. It felt like yesterday they last touched, last made love. In reality, many nights had passed where she cried and ached for him.
She remained frozen between the doorways watching him. Dressed in a gray plaid wool suit, he moved within the crowd with a confidence and ease only he possessed. No sign of ill temperament as her sister had claimed. He looked relaxed, poised, and happy.
Her eyes wandered to the filled walls with black and white photographs his mother had taken that were now on display. At one time he had invited her to come be with him tonight, but even that seemed like an eternity.
Breathing hard, she closed her eyes in pain, still hurting from their last conversation, their goodbye. “Let me know if you’re pregnant,” he had said coolly. The coldness in his voice had left her shivering with humiliation.
What now?
She had let her sister convinced her to attend tonight’s event. To let Jason see her and maybe, just maybe…
Her mind was now blank. I’m sorry, she thought. I could simply apologize again. But how many times had she done that before she left for New Jersey. Each time he had pushed her away.
Minka released a long slow breath. Her heart was beating too fast, she needed to calm down, gather her thoughts before approaching him. She glanced in his direction again. He stood talking to his father and Rosa, the tension that once existed between the two men no longer ap
parent.
He was soon approached by Adam, Blake and Forrest. She spotted Claire, Keely, and Lily laughing together. The gang, she thought sadly. They were all here celebrating his mother’s legacy. He had even invited Lily but not me. The thought left her devastated.
Lily had offered to decline the invitation but Minka had insisted she was okay. She had not wanted to be that friend who stopped someone from honoring his mother with him. Or deny Lily an opportunity to spend more time with Adam. As much as her friend insisted their relationship was based on sex only, Minka liked them together and secretly hoped more would come out of it.
She’d told them she was coming, asking them not to tell him. From his appearance, it looked like they had held their part of the bargain. A blonde woman whom Minka recognized as the editor of the magazine who did the article on Martha’s Way slipped her arm in Jason’s. He lowered his head and smiled down at her.
Her body went numb. He’d moved on. Crushed, she gasped and was about to turn on her heels to leave when he abruptly turned toward the door.
His steely blue look spied her. No trace of Wow, what a pleasant surprise as she had hoped. Minka watched him slip out of Lisa’s arms and make his way to where she stood. It wasn’t until he was inches away did she catch her sister’s gesture.
You can do it, her sister mouthed the words from across the room. Minka wasn’t so sure about that. She smiled weakly at her. With her heart in her throat, she turned on her heel to leave but he had already closed the space between them and caught her wrist.
“Let’s go in the garden.” Before Minka could argue, Jason was already walking past her, dragging her along.
“I shouldn’t have come here. I was just leaving.”
“We will talk outside.” He didn’t bother to look at her as he said the words. Instead he seemed to have quickened his steps and Minka did her best to keep up.
Once outside he released her wrist and fixed his laser-like eyes on her. Feeling vulnerable, Minka massaged her now-free wrist, not because he had hurt her. On the contrary, his touch had scorched her skin, a reminder of how he used to touch and hold her.
