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‘He made me sleep in his bed each night. I dreaded his weight on me, the pain, the soreness as he—’ Conrad swallowed hard. ‘I sobbed myself to sleep most nights. Then he’d beat me again. I ran away once. He laughed and joked with the vigiles when they brought me back, then he beat me unconscious. I was only a kid but I swore I would kill him when I was strong enough. He said I was nothing and would never be anything but his pet animal. He made me live outside in the day in a dog hutch. None of the servants would speak to me – they were too frightened of him.
‘Later, I found out my dad had died, in an ‘accident’ they said, but nobody had told me.
‘I didn’t see Uncle Quintus except once. He came and fetched me from the hutch. I ran into his arms, begging him to take me away, but he gently set me down and told me Caius wasn’t going to hurt me any more, but I would have to stay there. I watched with Quintus as the servants unloaded an unconscious Caius from the back of Quintus’s car and carried him into the house. Quintus’s eyes were hard and he looked as nasty as Caius as he watched his brother disappear into the house.
‘I wept as I watched Quintus’s car disappear down the drive, but he was right; Caius didn’t touch me after that. He ignored me apart from giving me an occasional kicking. And later, he went away to the town and only came back occasionally. I would sneak into the kitchen by the back door and pilfer food from the servants’ hall. Sometimes they let me stay inside.
‘One day when I was nine, he suddenly appeared, beat me again and locked me in the cellar in the dark. He never came back again. Uncle Quintus rescued me.’
I seized both of Conrad’s hands and pressed them. Tears trickled down my face, but I ignored them.
‘Quintus says the farm we went to live on was almost derelict. I thought it was Elysium. Nobody bothered me. Quintus was so kind when he found me sobbing over a dead chicken or just nothing. He’d hold me until the sadness passed. The other kids at school showed me how children should be cared for. I vowed my children would be treated like gods and protected from everything. No child of mine would ever be deprived or suffer, even if I died in making sure that happened.’
His eyes flamed in his grey, exhausted face. He dropped my hands and clenched his fists. His whole body shuddered. I said nothing but pulled him into my arms.
*
Hours later, I woke at the sound of the plane descending. My left arm and shoulder were numb with Conrad’s weight full on it. I nudged him awake. He looked around, disorientated.
‘It’s okay, we’re nearly home.’ I said. ‘Here, drink this,’ and I handed him a water flask. He shook his head, sat up and glanced at the guards sitting with impassive faces.
‘It’d be easier if I just threw myself off the plane,‘ he said and sighed.
‘No way.’ I tried to smile. ‘Too late, anyway, we’re nearly down. Look, I’ll find you the best psychoanalyst, therapist, whatever. And Sertorius will do the legal stuff. But you are undoubtedly going down for years. Or if the judge is really pissed, they’ll make you stateless and deport you.’
His Adams apple bounced as he swallowed hard. Exile was the worst punishment any Roman could be given; a living death cut off from every connection and family and friends forbidden to communicate with or see them.
‘But you,’ he said, ‘and the children? Gods, the children!’ He reached out and grabbed my hand. ‘Divorce me. Now. That’ll stop the worst.’
XXIV
‘You need to come with us, Conradus Mitelus.’
He stood and Paula drew his hands behind him and cuffed him. He stared down at me as she grasped his arm. I couldn’t stop myself following him with my eyes as she led him down the back ramp at the open end of the transport. Nor watching him climb in the back of the short wheelbase, hardly needing Paula’s assistance. I swallowed and wiped an imaginary speck of dust off my cheek as my heart left and went with him.
Faenia gave me a measured look. ‘Go home, Countess, and rest.’
‘Thanks for your concern, but I have an appointment.’ I cleared my throat. ‘Can I drop you anywhere?’
*
I had to wait for Silvia; she was in a meeting with the chancellor. Her assistant gave me a life-saving coffee, the first good one for five days.
I closed my eyes and wondered how Conrad was doing. He’d be processed much as any other detainee and housed in the PGSF cells for the pre-trial period. If he was convicted, I’d have the lawyer try to have him hospitalised for treatment, not sent to the central military prison or, Jupiter save us, the silver mines at Truscium. In his fragile state, he wouldn’t survive a week.
My eyes snapped open as I shuddered awake. Silvia’s assistant was touching my shoulder and looking worried. I smiled at her, stood up, patted down my creased clothes and followed her into Silvia’s office.
‘Welcome back, Carina.’ She searched my face. ’You look shattered. I won’t hold you up. Just give me the basics.’
She indicated an easy chair and took the one opposite. She listened, her concentration on full. She didn’t move until I’d finished.
‘It was a choice, bring Conradus back here ASAP or go after Nicola. I had to come back with him. You do understand that?’
‘I admit those were my instructions,’ Silvia said. ‘I don’t often proscribe somebody – it must therefore be the priority. But I’m a little disappointed you couldn’t neutralise the threat itself – the girl.’
Juno’s tears! I was mentally and physically exhausted, my life was falling apart around me and she wanted a fricking miracle. I jammed my lips together. No way could I give her a polite answer until I controlled my resentment. And a little guilt.
‘I’ll do a proper report for you and the Council, of course,’ I said after a few moments. ’Maybe you could remind me of the date? I’ve been a little busy lately.’
‘In four days’ time,’ she replied as tersely.
She folded her hand and rubbed the tips of her fingers and thumb against each other. ‘How is he?’
‘Outwardly fine, inside, a total fuck-up.’ I looked at her twitching hand. ‘Sorry, that was a little strong. But he’s a mess. I’m going to try persuade whoever to let him be assessed and start psychotherapy now.’
Whatever you might say, I thought.
I waited to be dismissed. I wanted a measure of Nonna’s French brandy and my bed.
The awkward pause grew.
‘Look, I’m sorry, Carina. I didn’t mean to be ungrateful. You’ve done everything I asked and with your usual dedication. I shouldn’t have thrown Nicola in your face. I just hoped you might have been your usual superhero self.’
Gods, she had unrealistic expectations sometimes. Still, I had to keep trying.
‘Don’t worry. She’s next on my agenda.’
*
Allegra wound her arms around my neck and laid her head on my chest like I did with Aurelia when she was alive. Except Allegra tucked her feet under her legs as we sat on the big couch in the atrium. Tonia and Gil were behind us in the alcove absorbed in competing up the levels in some computer game.
‘Can I see him?’
‘I’m sure I can arrange something.’ Older children could visit parents in a regular prison, but I’d never seen one in the PGSF barracks. But then we didn’t get many parents held on treason charges.
‘You look so tired, Mama.’ She stroked my cheek. ’Why don’t you go up? I’ll chase these two out in a minute.’
I was bone-weary but annoyed everybody wanted to be my mother. But her eyes were large with concern.
‘Okay, you win.’
I stumbled my way into bed, missing Conrad tonight more than I had in all the previous months.
*
Sertorius dropped his pompous act when I explained the seriousness of Conrad’s case. He fiddled with his immaculate hand-woven silk tie and scratched the side of his open mouth before replying.
‘Diminished responsibility is the only way out I can see. I say that, of course, without having consu
lted my histories.’ He tapped on his el-pad. ‘I’m free at 13.00 today for an hour. We’ll go and register my representation with whoever is in charge,’ He glanced at me. ‘If, of course, you are available to accompany me then, Countess,’ he added as an afterthought.
With me in my formal black suit and Sertorius in his lawyer’s Italian tailoring, we looked like a pair of management consultants as we crossed the courtyard to the PGSF entrance.
Although I had full access privileges as imperial agent, I thought it more polite to wait in the entrance hallway. I studied the photos of ceremonial occasions without really seeing them. Sertorius fidgeted with his papers; he’d never been inside this building and looked disconcerted at the fully-kitted guard porting a bullpup assault rifle and helmet with black visor.
‘Carina.’ Daniel appeared from the side corridor. His face wore a solemn, but not unfriendly expression.
‘You should distance yourself,’ I said. ‘Tainted by association and so on,’ I added at his puzzled look.
He snorted. ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
I held his eyes for a few moments, trying to convey my gratitude and a warning at the same time.
Sertorius coughed.
‘Well, come on, then. You know the way.’ Daniel spoke into his commset, telling them to bring the prisoner to Interview 2 where he had visitors. Sertorius registered with the custody sergeant for all-times access. The sergeant had to look up some regulation; they hadn’t had a suspected traitor under their guard for a while.
‘Usual rules; audio off, video on. And don’t push it,’ Daniel warned me as the guard unlocked the door.
Inside were a plastic-topped metal table bolted to the floor and three plastic chairs, two empty, side by side, the third on the other side of the table occupied by a yellow-clad figure curled over, away from the chair’s back support, head drooping down with his hands in his lap. He looked up as we entered.
It was his eyes. The despair I read in those hazel eyes. I went up to him, pulled him up off his chair and bear-hugged him. He leaned into me. Something like a gulp echoed through my shoulder as he buried his face in my neck. I had the weird feeling of being a mother comforting a hurt child. I grasped his upper arms, pulled him gently away. The skin had shrunk into his face. I stroked the edge of his cheekbone. He closed his eyes for a moment.
Sertorius coughed. Again. I’d get him a bottle of syrup for next time. I moved my chair next to Conrad’s and took his hand as Sertorius began to throw questions at him.
‘Has anybody interviewed you yet?’
‘Only preliminary facts. And advising me of the charges.’
Sertorius shot a look over his glasses. ‘Did you accept the charges?’
‘Of course not.’ The old fire blazed in Conrad’s eyes. ‘I may be stressed, mental, or what you want to call it, but I’m not stupid.’
‘Very well.’ Sertorius’s voice went down a few degrees in temperature. ‘You will not agree to any interview or interrogation of any sort without me present. As you are a seasoned practitioner of techniques to get people to talk, I am confident you won’t fall for any of them. Whatever the provocation.
‘Next, I am arranging a full psychiatric examination for you as soon as possible. Please be completely honest. I also need you to write or record a full account of everything since you first learnt of Nicola Tella’s existence. Everything. I don’t want any surprises in open court from the imperial accusatrix when she starts outlining the case for the prosecution. It doesn’t matter if it’s not in time order. Note the day or date or peg it on to something else. My assistant will pull it all together.’
He held up a digital recorder, a pad of paper and a sealable folder to the camera in the corner of the room, turning them 360 degrees for the security staff watching us.
‘Seal it in the plastic folder. My assistant will collect what you have produced every day and give you a new set. Clear?’
Conrad nodded. The simple recorder was passwordable, but somebody several degrees less good than Fausta could crack it within minutes. But it was something that all sides respected. Mostly. Sertorius dredged through some formalities. Conrad sat impassive as he listened, seemed to take it all in. At last, the lawyer pushed the representation order towards Conrad.
‘I apologise for my rudeness earlier, Gaius Sertorius,’ Conrad said as he signed and gave the document back. ‘I’m feeling a little unsteady at present.’
Sertorius thawed and smiled. ‘Understandable,’ he replied, looking around the plain beige room with its concrete floor, plastic furniture and lack of windows. ‘I’ll call in tomorrow morning first thing to check when the interviews are scheduled.’ He stood, shook my hand, pressed Conrad’s shoulder briefly and knocked on the door to be let out.
I waited. Conrad’s hand gripped mine. His eyes chased around the room. Eventually they stopped.
‘I only wanted to make it up to her. Quintus rescued me, I wanted to rescue her from struggling. She was on her own, having to fight her way through. Everybody was against her, she told me. She said your attitude was typical.’ He covered his face. ‘Jupiter, I’ve been so bloody stupid.’
‘Yes, but for the noblest of reasons and with all the pig-headedness of a true Tella.’
To be honest, I’d been frightened by his account of his three year terror at Caius’s hands. Anything he’d had to endure in his later life was peanuts in comparison. No wonder he’d become so intent on doing the right thing, making sure that even the tough military structure he lived in was fair and just. At that moment, I respected him more than ever before.
‘You’ve carried around the trauma of when you were a kid buried inside you,’ I said, ‘and it’s come out at the same time as Nicola’s attack. Did you never talk to anybody seriously about what Caius did to you?’
‘No, we were too busy trying to keep alive. We slaved in the fields on that farm, every hour there was. I was nine. Until the vegetables came through we had nothing to eat except occasional eggs the scruffy hens laid and what the charity people gave us. Quintus got a school voucher for me and I ate midday at the school and they’d give me milk and bread before I walked back to the farm each evening. No, we had no “time to talk” as you Americans call it.’
*
As I checked out, the custody sergeant said the legate had asked if I would drop by his office. I stared at him for a moment. Then I collected my brains; of course, he meant Daniel.
No assistant in the front office, so I walked past their desk and knocked.
‘Come!’
He was concentrating on his screen, glanced up to see who it was.
‘Give me a couple of minutes.’
I looked around the room. Conrad’s books were still there, but not the personal stuff. Daniel had a photo of his mother and late brother on his desk but that was all.
He finished, grabbed a folder and opened it. His shoulders were hunched, rigid, just as his mouth was set in a straight line. Any sign of jokiness, of the overgrown schoolboy had vanished.
‘This is the most awkward situation I’ve been in. No doubt it’s the same for you. The only way to get through it is to do it all by the book. As Conrad’s accused of threatening the state, the PGSF is the only body legally enabled to hold him. But the politicos are watching us like hawks to make sure we don’t do him any special favours.’
‘I’m sure you’ll carry out your duty meticulously, Legate.’
‘Don’t get huffy with me – that’s exactly what I mean.’ He fixed me with his eyes. ‘You have to promise me not to get up to any of your heroics. If I suspect anything, I’ll close him down into isolation.’
Only Sertorius would be able to visit on nominated days; none of the rest of us.
‘I’m too tired, Daniel, I just want to get him out of the dark hole he’s living in. And I’m going to give him my hundred per cent support.’
‘Well, you’ll probably have to surrender your imperial warrant. You can’t be part of the state machine and fight
it at the same time.’
*
I emailed my report late the next morning to the Imperial Council secretariat for the meeting on Wednesday and copied it to Silvia. After lunch, I took Allegra to see her father. We signed in at the front desk and she received her bio-pass. As she looped it over her neck, her eyes widened at the armed guard at the back of the lobby where it split into the two-way corridor. At the entrance to the guard zone, at the walk-through scanner arch, she was checked again.
‘They’re very strict, aren’t they? Nobody could get in. Or out.’
‘No, darling, nobody.’
Only from the inside like that traitor Petronax had done years ago.
She held her arms out, perfectly calm, when the custody team scanned her, and took her coat off and turned out her pockets like she did it every day. I was so proud of how she read the declaration sheet with a firm clear voice, more at ease than most adults.
After giving Conrad a smile and a peck on the cheek, I left them alone. As the door shut, I saw his arm came around her waist, hers around his neck.
I leaned on the wall outside Interview 2, my eyes closed. I shook my head when the guard asked if I wanted a chair. Twenty minutes later, Allegra came out. Although outwardly calm, the skin was tight across her face and her cheeks glistened.
Nicola Sandbrook’s account had just gone into double deficit.
XXV
After the Imperial Council meeting, I went straight back to the PGSF barracks, walked into the bar and swallowed a brandy in one. The mess steward said nothing, glanced at me and poured me another. I had nearly stopped trembling with anger when I sensed somebody next to me.
‘Hey, Bruna, it’s a bit early to hit the hard stuff?’
Livius. And Paula, approaching fast.