Yours truly, Mr. Darcy: A Pride and Prejudice Variation

by Denise O'Hara

  First, that her eldest daughter had real expectations of marrying Mr. Bingley. On closer observation, he had detected no partiality on Miss Bennet’s side, though a strong attraction on his friend’s. Very strong, in fact. If last night were any indication, it appeared Charles Bingley was likely thinking of proposing to Miss Bennet. Yes, he was sure his friend’s mind was thus engaged, despite the disadvantageous circumstances he would be throwing himself into. The family was a disgrace to well-bred society, at least all but the two eldest Miss Bennets. It was too bad that they had to be connected to such a family.

  And secondly, Mrs. Bennet had expressed hopes of her daughter Elizabeth marrying soon. He overheard her say that her daughter’s dashing suitor was a frequent visitor at Longbourn. Mr. Darcy could not stop thinking about how cold Elizabeth Bennet was to him during their dance. The lady had been agitated and had talked only of Mr. Wickham. She wished Mr. Wickham had been able to attend the gathering, that his circumstances allowed him more freedom, that he had more steadfast friends.

  Darcy closed his eyes and sighed. That a woman with her sense had been completely taken in and deceived by such a blackguard was weighing heavily on his conscience. What a disastrous night it had been!

  As he made his way down Netherfield’s grand staircase to join the others, Miss Bingley was the first to greet him.

  “Ah, Mr. Darcy! We were just saying how exhausting it is to host a Ball. And that was two days ago! Are you quite recovered, sir?”

  “Fairly, Miss Bingley. In my experience, it can take a few days for one’s body to regain its energy after having expended so much dancing into the early morning hours.”

  “Well, you certainly seemed to dance more than you usually have of late, Mr. Darcy. Would you like some breakfast?”

  “No, thank you. Just tea for me please.”

  “A splash of milk, if I remember correctly,” said Caroline as she handed him a cup of the steaming liquid. “We have done our duty to the neighborhood and will not be called upon to do so again, at least for some time. We had quite a crowd! I believe everyone invited was in attendance. Well, there was one exception. I was telling Louisa that I heard from a most reliable source that Miss Elizabeth Bennet is becoming serious with Mr. Wickham. You may have noticed she appeared to be very put out by that gentleman’s absence from the Ball. I did, however, make an attempt to warn her about him, but Miss Eliza did not care to listen. She was very curt with me and suggested perhaps I did not know all the particulars of his situation. As a friend, Mr. Darcy, I must caution you against allowing a pair of fine eyes to catch your fancy, for they do seem to be focused in another direction.”

  “No warning is necessary, Miss Bingley, I assure you. If you will excuse me,” he said to them after he had downed the last of his tea from his cup. “I have been remiss these last few days in my regular routine of getting some fresh air and exercise.” Mr. Darcy left them to engage in a vigorous walk toward the hills near Longbourn. He picked up his walking stick and headed out the door.

  As most of the family at Longbourn were gathering for breakfast, Lizzy sighed, “Lydia, do try to control your manners! Running into a house and slamming doors are not the actions of a lady!”

  “You especially will not be chastising me when you learn my news, Lizzy! Brace yourself, for I fear you will faint dead away when you hear it. I went into town to pay a call on the officers and what do you think Denny told me? Mr. Wickham is to marry Miss Mary King!”

  “What? No, you must be mistaken, Lydia.”

  “I knew you would be surprised. But I am not mistaken. She has inherited ten thousand pounds from a relative that died recently, and they are engaged as of last night.”

  ‘Oh, Lizzy!” said a stunned Mrs. Bennet.

  Lizzy had just enough control over her emotions to get out, “Excuse me.” Feeling the immediate need for more air than was available in her childhood home, she grabbed her bonnet and gently closed the door behind her.

  After half an hour’s time, Jane walked into a secluded wooded area on the nearby hill that was a favorite of her sister’s. She approached her sister, who was sitting on a stump. “I thought I might find you here. My dearest Lizzy, what might I do for you?”

  On being asked this by her sister, Elizabeth’s tears began to flow. “There is nothing to be done, Jane. Unless, perhaps, you can spare a handkerchief,” Lizzy said as she laughed in distress. “Thank you, I feel that is all the good that I can hope for at the moment. You know I had already determined that nothing but the deepest love would tempt me to wed. I truly believed I was finding just that with Mr. Wickham. There is such goodness in him and that he remains in high spirits despite his difficulties in life appealed to my heart as no other ever has,” she burst into tears again.

  After a pause to get her emotions together, she continued, “He realized he would be doing me an injustice by having me live in poverty, with no hope of rising from it. I suggested that others lived on a similar soldier’s salary, but he indicated that as our family grew, our situation would become dire. Oh, Jane, how those words haunt me! Our family! Our family that shall never be! So, he did the honorable thing and let go of what he loved most. Oh, yes, he told me he loved me. Though I did not speak the words back, I believe I soon would have.”

  After considering her sister’s words, Jane asked, “As painful as it is, is there not truth in what he said? It would have been very difficult to live on so little after children came.”

  “I have always been aware of that, but I had the foolish notion that with our loving hearts and good housekeeping and economy, we would manage. I was ready to live on a soldier’s salary for the rest of my life if need be. Jane, we had spoken of our future together. I know it was unreasonable, but when is love not so? After he declared his love for me, he said he hoped his circumstances would still allow us to be together. The last few days I have been trying to come up with a satisfactory solution. If only Mr. Darcy had not inflicted this upon us. I hate the sight of the man! He might as well have stuck a knife in my heart himself, for it would have been the same outcome.”

  “Lizzy, I am so sorry for you! I am heartbroken to see you thus. But, Lizzy, I am still in shock that Mr. Wickham could change his course so quickly! Dearest, I only want to be of help at this time, and it is with purely caring intentions that I would share some information Mr. Bingley shared with me. But if this is not the time for it, it shall remain unspoken until you are prepared to hear it.”

  “Oh, Jane, my emotions are in such turmoil, I cannot imagine anything making the situation worse! I leave it to your discretion to share what you will with me.”

  “It is just that Mr. Bingley did say he did not think Mr. Wickham was a man to be trusted. In view of his most recent action, it does make one wonder if there is some certainty in his words.”

  “And who did he hear his information from, I ask you? No doubt it was from Mr. Darcy! I grant you it is to Mr. Bingley's credit that he is loyal to his friend. But when that friend has no regard for the feelings of those who are beneath him in social standing and situation in life, I do have every reason to question the information! Indeed, Mr. Darcy has reduced Mr. Wickham to his current state of poverty and has ruined our chance at happiness! I do not doubt that he would smear the man’s name! It would be a small feat for a man who has no conscience!”

  “Lizzy, I have difficulty accepting that Mr. Bingley would align himself with such a person if all you say is true of Mr. Darcy. Mr. Bingley is the most likable and sincere man I have ever known. I cannot think ill of him or his opinion. I do believe he looks for the good in all he meets and would not speak against any man without due cause. Does not Mr. Wickham’s engagement to Miss King support that there is something amiss with his character? If he truly was in love with another, is it not unfair and deceitful for him to declare himself to Miss King?”

  “My dear Jane, your excellent Mr. Bingley is as you say. I find no fault with him. I may suggest that he is the one, because of his go
od nature, that has been deceived. In spite of my own misery, I am happy for you, my sweetest sister. It does appear your Mr. Bingley is quite in love with you. You deserve all the happiness life can give you. So, I shall remain an old maid and teach your ten children to play the piano forte very ill indeed.”

  “He is not my Mr. Bingley, Lizzy. Though I can honestly say I prefer him over any man I have ever met. If he chooses to be my Bingley I shall be very happy and will devote myself to making him so. But that is to be determined. He has not yet declared himself. For now, my thoughts are towards another gentleman. I hardly know what to think of Mr. Wickham.”

  “As for me, my opinion of him remains high. I rather think he is desperate and was likely accepting his lot in life with this decision. He has such a good disposition that he wants to make the best of his situation. I see his decision as a testimony of his desire to try to be happy when what his heart desires will never be within reach. Mr. Darcy's cheating of his childhood friend and a favorite of his father has wreaked havoc on more than one life. I shall never forgive him!”

  “Perhaps there has been some misunderstanding on the part of both gentlemen.”

  “You are too good, Jane. You cannot make them both good. No, the entire neighborhood will testify that Mr. Wickham has all the goodness, while Mr. Darcy, all the pride and arrogance! Oh, let me return home to mourn my loss in my own bed. I feel exhaustion about to overwhelm me.

  As the Bennet sisters walked arm in arm together out of the woods towards their home, Mr. Darcy came out from where he had been, concealed behind a large oak tree. He was not one to eavesdrop, but hearing Elizabeth in such turmoil had torn at his heart. And realizing that the source of her distress was none other than his enemy, he felt he could not move from his spot. He had heard all: her feelings for Wickham, her hatred of himself, her blaming him for the other man’s situation in life. What lies had Wickham told now? He needed to find out, so that he might defend himself against the charges!

  He sat down on the stump Elizabeth sat upon only minutes before. He was hurt and angry. It certainly sounded like Elizabeth would have accepted Mr. Wickham had he made her an offer. Though it appeared that this fate was no longer imminent, he felt fear and heartache at what might have been.

  He rose and began to pace back and forth in the small clearing. What he was feeling hit him with full force. Had she married Wickham, he would have lost the only woman who had ever touched his heart. His beloved Elizabeth would be under the influence and subjected to such a man for the duration of her life! The image of them together infuriated him. He would not have recovered from permitting such a thing to happen to….. to the woman he obviously loved more than he had allowed himself to accept. But now that he knew, there was no denying it. He felt it in every part of his being.

  As he walked back to Netherfield, his thoughts ran in every direction. Elizabeth hated him! And loved Wickham! He knew she was friendly with that scoundrel, but he would not have predicted this turn of events. He must somehow remedy the situation! Another moment later, his thoughts were on how he had misjudged Jane Bennet after all. She really did care a great deal for his friend. She also seemed to have good sense. Again he wondered how the two eldest Bennet daughters came from such a family?

  Upon arriving back at Netherfield, he went directly to his rooms. Loosening the knot from his shirt, he could not stop thinking of how close to disaster the situation between Elizabeth and Wickham had come. If those two had gotten married! I am so angry with myself for not letting Wickham’s true character become known. Bad decision, Darcy, bad decision! But what of Georgiana? She could have been irrevocable harmed had I allowed the truth to come out.

  Darcy unbuttoned his vest to facilitate easier breathing. He found he was having trouble catching his breath. What have I done? I came very close to losing Elizabeth without ever letting her know my feelings. He recalled how he had wanted to go to her when he heard her crying, how it had hurt him! I could not endure it if I lost her. I am completely in love with her, and I have been a fool.

  But how can I fix this? I cannot at this time tell her about Wickham, he reasoned, not with her being so distraught and disliking me so considerably at the moment. She blames me for her ruined future. Oh, poor, dear Elizabeth. If only you knew how close you actually came to being ruined. How could he expose Wickham for who he actually was and restore his own good name in the process? And win her affections?

  A thought occurred to him. It was purely coincidental that he happened upon the place in the woods she obviously frequented often. Her sister had insinuated it was a favorite spot of Elizabeth’s. I wonder just how habitually she goes there. Seeing how little of a chance he had of winning her heart or even gaining her good opinion under the circumstances, he would need to form a plan of action to sway her view of him.

  He took out paper and ink. He would go at this as if he was in a battle that he could not afford to lose. He thought back to his history lessons and decided a frontal attack would not do in this particular battle. No, a surprise attack, one completely unexpected, would be his only chance. He would have to infiltrate the opposing side without their knowledge, without her knowledge. And he must attack from more than one direction to improve his chances of success.

  He thought back again with pain to her opinion of him. She does not know me at all. I am most certainly not a man without a conscience. I am most definitely not a man who would cheat anyone, ever. Pride? Perhaps there was something in what she expressed to her sister. He admitted to having pride. He always thought of pride as a virtue. Hmmm, he remembered in a previous conversation Miss Elizabeth saying the word in such a way as to insinuate it was a negative quality. He wanted to speak with her, to communicate and get to know her better. He wanted her to come to know the man he truly was, not the kind of man Wickham had portrayed him to be.

  He undid his cuffs and rolled up his shirt sleeves a ways. He had the advantage on his side, since he had been studying her. How should he think of her? She was not the enemy. His adversary? No, that did not suit either. His opponent! She opposed him all right, every chance she got. He smiled at the thought of her feisty spirit and sharp tongue. The taming of the shrew was more like it! He chuckled at the thought. No, he certainly would not want to tame or change her. He needed to win her.

  He considered what he knew that might help in his pursuit of her? She was kind and compassionate. He had seen it in her concern for her sister when Jane had been ill. But he had also seen it at other times. Just this morning when she had been so hurt and upset, she still managed to speak positively and warmly of Jane’s expectations, though her own hopes in that area, in her belief, had been crushed. He had seen more than a few ladies become consumed with their own feelings under comparable circumstances. Most could not, or would not, spare a kind word for anyone else’s happiness.

  By telling her who knows what, he thought indignantly, Wickham had been able to elicit her sympathy. She defended those who she felt had been treated unfairly.

  Yet, she was unfazed by the wealth and high position of the Bingley sisters. She unquestionably did not seek them out, much less court their favor when conditions threw them together. At the same time, she was loyal to those she felt deserved it. She had a high estimation of Bingley. So she valued the personality traits of an unassuming nature and an easy going disposition. Well, that does not come naturally to me, he thought begrudgingly. He would have to work on that. His thoughts went to the pain he felt on hearing her cry. Yes, he could work on his disposition.

  What if he smiled when Bingley smiled? Everyone loved Bingley. He would watch his friend to discern when smiling would be expected and try to copy him.

  What else did he know of her? She was quite opinionated for one so young. Though he liked many of her opinions, some were almost humorous. He shook his head and smiled as he thought back to her combative words on accomplished women, or rather, lack thereof. Or her assigning views to himself that he had never expressed. He had never met any
one like her.

  Getting back to the task at hand, he sat down and began to write a letter. In truth, he at first wrote a letter that he ended up circling whole parts of which could not be used at this time. When he was satisfied with what remained, he carefully recopied it onto fresh paper. He folded and sealed it, not with the Darcy seal but, instead, with an older one his mother had liked to use. It had the imprint of a rose on it. It was simple yet elegant.

  He looked over the original lengthy letter and placed it inside his desk compartment. There was much there that he could use later, if his plan worked.

  He asked for a tray to be sent up to his room as he continued planning out the steps he must take to accomplish his goals. Early the next morning, just before the sun began to rise in the sky, he quietly left Netherfield and returned to the place where he had seen Elizabeth the previous day. He had noticed the knot hole directly across from where Elizabeth, and later he, had sat on a stump. He placed the letter just so that it would likely catch her eye with the red seal facing out, if she returned to the spot! Surely it was not a place regularly visited by many. It may all come to naught but he felt it would be worth everything if it worked out perfectly. He turned and began the walk back to Netherfield with a hopeful smile on his face and anticipation in his heart. If she would help him with his problem, she may find a remedy to her own.

  Chapter Four

  Elizabeth’s appetite was barely discernable at breakfast the next morning, something her mother was quick to point out. “Lizzy, you must keep your strength up. Though I understand your disappointment, for your mother had favorites among the militia in her day, you know. Though I was too young to be courted when they were stationed near our home, I do not doubt my father would have been applied to if I were just a year or two older. In any event, those memories remain dear to my heart, though I settled well a few years later. This brings me to the point, Lizzy. I have some good news for you. Your cousin, Mr. Collins, had his eye on you, you know, but because of your involvement with Mr. Wickham, he held back. Now that the way is clear, you might just expect him to renew his attentions to you. It may work out in the end. He may not be as dashing as a red coat, but as the heir of Longbourn, in many ways it is a much better situation for us all.”