Team Newb

by M Helbig

  I aimed another strike at his neck, but this time he was ready for me. He spun to my left, while still managing an off-balance hit to my forearm for 6. The fight was far from over. He easily dodged the next two attempts at his neck. Now that he knew what I was trying, it was highly doubtful I’d be able to land another blow there. The good thing was he was panicking and swinging wildly. His next two counterattacks were easy to dodge. I figured the fight would’ve gone either way at that point, at least I did until the DoT ticked off again.

  In desperation, I tried to think of another possible target for a Vital Strike when he caught me under the eye for 8. The pain was terrible, but it did give me an idea. If I can get him in the right spot . . .

  “Look out! There’s a wall behind you.” I spun to the left to stand in front of the wall.

  He shook his head in disdain at my intentionally terrible ploy, but then his eyes lit up as he took in the actual location of the wall. His next shot was slow, no doubt to get me to back up, and I did the last thing he expected; I stepped into the blow, taking it hard in the gut for a 7.

  With his momentum pushing him forward, not to mention his complete surprise, I had an easy time catching him across the right eye with a Vital Strike. If I’d chosen a straighter sword or had more room to slash, I’d have ended him there. As it was, I could only stab him awkwardly with my curved scimitar. A 25! was still fantastic. With him blindly staggering about with 8% left, I could’ve even taken my time. However, I was full on vengeance and empty on patience. I kicked him on his back for 1, so he couldn’t squirm away.

  Just before I brought my sword down, a puff of smoke appeared over his off hand, replacing his knife with some sort of roundish object. I reflexively dodged to the side for what I assumed was some sort of incoming grenade. My sword came down hard in the dirt next to his head as the healing potion touched his lips. His Hit Points shot up to 41%.

  “You have no honor, do you?” I growled.

  “Exactly like your old man.” He grinned as he tossed a handful of loose dirt at my face. As I frantically tried to clear my eyes, his blade caught me in the knee for 7.

  “Don’t you dare mention my dad!” I swung my blade in the direction his blow must have come from, and he screamed. The white 12! that shot through the darkness was all I needed to see. I quickly pulled the blade back and swung it again in the same spot to finish him, yet found nothing but dirt. A sudden noise came from my right, and I instinctively swung there. My blade briefly scraped against hard leather for 6 before finding air.

  I could feel his presence a split second before a blunt force hit me hard in the midsection, and I toppled to the ground on my back. A foot landed on top of me, and my vision returned just in time to see him smirking down before he finished me off. I tried to squirm away, but he had his full weight on me.

  “You know I could’ve used my new Sneak Attack skill to turn you into a bloody pulp, but I figured why bother,” Nyytro said. “You were always below average in life, why should you get a spectacular death? Even my weakest Vital Strikes should be more than enough to finish you . . . again.”

  As his blade descended, a wry thought crossed my mind. With how well everything’s been going, of course I’m going to be killed this easily. In my last fight we took down a boss and I leveled too. Levels don’t equal smarts, though. Level . . . I just leveled and I have two stats points I haven’t used! I hastily tossed both points into Stamina, bringing my current HPs up to 24, and it just as quickly descended back down to 5 as his blow landed.

  Nyytro released his foot and turned around, raising his hands in victory as the 19! floated from my body. “And that is what losers get,” he said to my friends through the gate.

  My groupmates rattled the gates impotently in response, but they should’ve saved the effort as I jumped up and landed a perfect Vital Strike to the back of Nyytro’s neck for 20!

  Carl clutched his neck and turned back to me. “Eh, at least it’s a shorter walk from the bind location than it is from here. Thanks for saving me the time, kiddo. See ya around.” His weaselly laugh faded with his body.

  Elation coursed through my body as I soaked in my victory; at least until I took in the disappointed look on Decrona’s face. As I stared at the spot where Nyytro had been, I knew where I’d gone wrong before Decrona even opened her mouth. An appropriately ragged clap came from the tiny crowd in the stands.

  “Killing him put him back at his bind point,” Decrona said. “If you’d gotten him down to 5%, the fight would’ve ended.” Decrona kicked the dirt in frustration.

  Olaf pushed past her and shook my hand. “What she means is that was some very impressive fighting, and we are all very proud of you.”

  Alizia’s large hand gripped my shoulders and nearly lifted me from the ground. “Best duel I ever saw.”

  “You told me you have never seen a duel before,” Olaf said.

  Alizia let go of me to scratch her chin. “True, but still awesome!”

  The two guards in the archway were motioning for us to leave. With nothing more to do, we complied.

  “If he’s at the bind point, maybe we can still catch him,” I said as we entered the plaza. The crowds were thick, just not as thick as before. I pulled up my map and headed to the dot that was helpfully marked for my bind point next to the gate. I didn’t look back but could hear my friends following.

  We arrived back at the bind point a few minutes later; Nyytro was nowhere to be found. I slowly nodded in resignation as I stared at the ground. “I was so close.”

  Decrona patted me on the shoulder awkwardly. “Fret not. We’ll find him again. Remember all the loot we got today, though. You upgraded your belt and with the split for the junk loot, you will probably be able to afford to upgrade another piece or two. Why don’t you go back to the inn and have a drink while I go sell this stuff?”

  Alizia paused her mock reenactment of my duel. “You better not be selling my headdress, Deccy.”

  Decrona bit her lip. “I promised I wouldn’t, and I won’t.”

  “The villain may still be in the area,” Olaf said. “We can meet at the inn after we’ve scoured the area.”

  I saluted him. “I’ll cover the west and you cover the south, Olaf?”

  “And I will ask around with the merchants while I sell today’s loot,” Decrona said.

  “While I search for him in the tavern!” Alizia said. “They are the best place for information in every fantasy story, after all.”

  I started with a visual search, running through the area as fast as the crowds would allow. When that didn’t work, I began systematically asking every player and NPC who would speak to me if they’d seen him. Despite his unusual look, no one had seen or heard anything of his whereabouts. It was like he’d never existed.

  I tried to maintain contact with everyone through group chat, but the only thing I could get out of Alizia were complaints about Decrona and the headdress, leaving Decrona to ignore us. Olaf, however, was a great help. Unfortunately, his results were much the same as my own. When the Tiredness debuff dropped me down to half speed, I was forced to concede the search as a lost cause and return to the inn. It was incredibly disheartening, but I knew in my gut that I’d find him again.

  Rolling in the Profit

  When I arrived back at the inn, I found Alizia with a sock stuck in her mouth. The barkeep informed me that he’d stuck it there by popular demand. Olaf and I managed to convince him to let us remove it after she agreed to not mention the headdress, Decrona, or for some reason, The Muppet Christmas Carol. Our food arrived soon after and Alizia was presented with the meatloaf the waitress had picked out for her earlier. Seeing the look on her face, I switched it for my pot pie. I’d always hated meatloaf, but the dish the waitress presented me tasted nothing like the soggy, ketchup-covered mess my mom made. It was crunchy, beefy, and heavenly. For a few blissful minutes, I was enjoying being dead.

  After we cleared our dinner, we ordered a round of the local brew while w
e waited for Decrona, who had informed us through group chat that it’d be a while and then temporarily left the group after Alizia began complaining again. The Tiredness debuff was all the way up to its maximum of 75% stat and skill decrease, but fortunately, low stats didn’t affect our drinking. Olaf bought the first round, and Alizia bought the next. I tried to take the one after, but Alizia insisted. She could be quite persuasive when she was drunk. It was close to midnight when we finished the last round with still no sight of Decrona.

  Alizia nearly dropped the healing potion/rum mixture she called an “Elixir of Fun” on the table. “That dirty rat! She said she’d discuss the headdress with us at dinner, but she didn’t say dinner tonight, did she?”

  Olaf stared at her thoughtfully. “She did not, but I doubt Decrona would do something underhanded intentionally.”

  Alizia grumbled something and went back to her elixir. Thankfully, before she finished, the door opened and Decrona entered. She signaled with two fingers toward the waitress, who nodded and went back into the kitchen.

  “My sincere apologies about the delay,” Decrona said. “But I had to meet with my contacts to go over a few things.”

  “Like where to stash the headdress I won?” Alizia asked.

  “No.” Decrona pulled the headdress with its multi-colored feathers out and set it on the table. “I needed to gather some intel for our next adventure tomorrow. Oh, yes, and I also asked if they knew anything about your son, Olaf.”

  “We all know your contacts are the local library,” Alizia said through her empty bottle. “And I doubt you’re going to find anything about Kasper in a book.”

  Decrona rolled her eyes. “They hadn’t heard of any players named Kasper; however, they had heard of a Holy Fist named Oskar.”

  Olaf shot out of his chair and enfolded Decrona in a big hug. “That’s the name of Kasper’s friend. It must be him. Thank you, Decrona. Finally, something to go on.”

  While it wasn’t exactly the most common name, there was still a good chance it was another person named Oskar, but seeing the smile on Olaf’s face, I decided not to bring that up. “Great job, Decrona,” I said.

  Decrona modestly took in the group’s thanks and seemed quite relieved when the waitress set a stew in front of her. As soon as she had her first bite, Alizia reached for the headdress. Decrona pulled it back out her reach while somehow managing to not spill a drop.

  “Alizia, I’ve been thinking about this item, and I believe I have a compromise that you’ll be amenable to,” Decrona said.

  Alizia crossed her arms. “You give me the item I won, and then you cry. More than fair.”

  “As you didn’t actually win the roll—the Vice-Shaman did—I propose a re-roll.”

  Alizia summoned a piece of paper and slammed it down on the table in front of Decrona, splashing stew everywhere. “And I propose you read this!”

  Three heads darted down to the paper. It was a ballad titled “Forbidden Potion.” After the third “my word” from Decrona, Alizia grabbed the page off the table and looked at it.

  “Woops,” Alizia said. “Must’ve been thinking about this when I tried to have the game create a copy of what I was supposed to be thinking about.” The page disappeared in a puff of smoke and was replaced by a different page. This time she read it over before slamming it down on the table. “Try this! Please, focus on the parts I’ve highlighted. Also, if you could not repeat anything from my song, I’d really appreciate it. It wasn’t finished, and the part about the dwarf and his beard were private.”

  This time the document read Decrona’s Group Charter. It was the same document I’d read before joining the group. The first part she highlighted was scribbled in crayon and read “Decrona must buy Alizia a shot every time she says, ‘well, actually’ and must be shaved bald if she doesn’t give Alizia any loot she won within five minutes.” Alizia’s grin faded and she tossed away her scissors when everyone ignored it and went on to the non-crayon part. The second part read, “Non-group members are not entitled to roll on loot unless previously agreed upon by the group. Agreement shall be done by a simple majority.”

  When she was sure we were all done, Alizia cleared her throat dramatically. “Now, Deccy, did we previously agree to let the Vice-Shaman roll on loot?”

  Decrona sighed. “No.”

  “And that means?”

  Decrona sighed again and pushed the headdress toward Alizia.

  “Congratulations, Alizia,” Olaf said. “I am very impressed that you not only managed to read something that was not in a comic strip, but actually out-lawyered our resident rules lawyer.”

  Decrona stared daggers at Olaf.

  I was about to say, “Put it on,” but Alizia somehow already had it on her head. I swore she hadn’t moved a muscle.

  Olaf bowed elaborately. “It looks magnificent on you, Your Majesty.”

  “It does!” Taking in Decrona’s scowl, she stopped clapping. “And what have we learned from this, Deccy?”

  Decrona turned away to signal down the waitress. “That non-group members do not get to roll unless we agree on it first.”

  “And?”

  Decrona stared at her and deadpanned, “This.”

  Decrona has split money with the group. You have received 7 gold, 3 silver, 9 copper as your share of the loot (out of 36 gold, 9 silver, 5 copper).

  “Seven gold!” Olaf said. “Wow. That’s seven times more than we’ve gotten before.”

  “Geez . . . Maybe we should let Decrona steal our rolls more often,” Alizia muttered.

  “What was that?” Decrona asked.

  “I said you’re a jerk and that stew needs more rolls.” She grabbed a buttered roll off a nearby table and plopped it down in Decrona’s stew.

  Decrona stared at the food and smiled. “Glad to see you’re back to normal.”

  “Deccy, baby, there isn’t a thing that’s remotely normal about this girl.”

  Decrona pulled the roll out of her stew and stared at it like it was made of poison. Alizia laughed uncontrollably and the rest of us soon joined in. After the laughter stopped, Olaf called his night to a close and went upstairs. Another drink later, Alizia and I called it a night as well.

  I was thankful that the act of sleeping was quite different than it was in the real world, as normally there was no way I’d have been able to doze off after the events with Nyytro and the battle with the High Shaman. But, in this game the act of lying down immediately began the sleep cycle.

  Getting Classy

  I awoke the next morning still without the need to pee, shave, brush my teeth, comb my hair, or shower. It was a fantastic time saver, but something I wasn’t sure I could get used to. I arrived in the inn’s common room to see Olaf alone at a table, but before I could sit down, Alizia came down the stairs to join us. Decrona arrived less than a minute later. It seemed that since we all went to sleep at roughly the same time, we all woke up at roughly the same time as well.

  The waitress brought us the usual oatmeal and bacon, and it tasted just as fantastic as I remembered it. I was beginning to think every food in this world tasted and smelled heavenly. The waitress gave us each our bill for the day’s rest and two meals.

  “So, what’re the options today, Deccy?” Alizia asked. “What ya got in a cave? I want to take on a boss. Still can’t believe we gained two levels in one day.”

  “Unbelievable, that was,” Olaf said. “It took us almost a month to gain the previous two, but now that we know what we’re doing and have our new friend Horus to help, we should gain the next ones just as fast.”

  Decrona gave each of us a slow scan. When she got to me, I could feel the familiar tingle of Inspect. “Nothing quite that dangerous, but we shouldn’t hunt again until later, probably tomorrow. Since we all hit level five yesterday, we should all go select our classes. Agreed?”

  “And you always said I was classless,” Alizia said.

  Decrona sighed. “That wasn’t—never mind. Since you get to redis
tribute your points for free at level five, you can now get rid of that useless Charisma. I have several ideas for where you can put them instead.” She summoned a binder from her bag and set it on the table.

  Alizia picked it up and put it in a nearby trash can. “And I have several other ideas for where you can stick the next one of these.”

  Decrona massaged her temple. “That wasn’t even a real binder. It was only a manifestation of the information I’ve stored in my account. I can summon as many of them as I want.”

  “While you two figure that out, why don’t Horus and I head to our training halls?” Olaf asked.

  Decrona summoned two more binders. “Before you go, I have several ideas about where you can tweak your points as well. A couple of extra points in Dexterity would increase your DPS by .001 and only decrease your survivability ratio by .00031. However . . .” She furiously paged through the second binder.

  Olaf and I rushed for the door. Somehow, the seven-foot tall, loud-even-when-not-moving-a-muscle Alizia had already made it out without either of us noticing. Right as I crossed the doorway, I glanced back and was relieved to see that Decrona hadn’t noticed us move. She was currently engrossed in an argument with herself over the benefits of Agility versus Stamina for warriors.

  “Which way to the Woodsman’s trainer, Olaf?” I asked as I shut the door. “Is it near the forest?”

  Olaf snickered. “That would be a very sensible location for it, but no. This city was built for convenience. Most of the trainers are bunched together in the military district, with the exception being the Mage’s trainer in the Magic Quarter. I think there is something in the lore about it being to prevent Shadow Collective spies from getting to our secrets or some nonsense. Would you mind if we stopped in a few shops, first?”

  I looked down at my shabby gear. “Yeah, probably a good idea.”