Slick

by Daniel Price

  Of course she was. And from everything said, it was clear that I was only making it worse. I was trying too hard to prove what a genuinely swell guy I was. By overdoing it, I was only reinforcing her suspicion that I was being disingenuous, even when I wasn’t. In the media world, we call that the Al Gore Effect. The corrective course was to play down the fairy-godmother bit and start cozying up to her cynicism. Modern-day advertising was built on this foundation.

  “You want to know why you’re really tripping?”

  Harmony smirked with mocking humor. “Why am I really tripping?”

  “Because no matter how much I comfort you, no matter what I promise, you know that in the end, my job is to help Hunta. Not you.”

  Her eyes lit up. “Yes! See? That’s exactly what it is!”

  “Right. Of course. He’s the one paying me. I never hid that. What, you think I’m doing this because I’m a rap fan?”

  She shook her head, amused but not relieved.

  “I’m getting paid a lot of money to save his ass,” I said. “If I don’t deliver, I’ll probably never see a dime. So yeah, that makes me his loyal soldier. That’s great for him but I can see why it raises troubling issues for you.”

  “That’s right.”

  “Like what’s to stop me from sacrificing you in order to save him?”

  “Right...”

  The poor thing. My new tack was throwing her for a loop. But I was going somewhere with this.

  “If you want the answer to that one,” I teased, “then touch my face.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Just poke it, real quick. Wherever you want.”

  She hesitated, confused.

  “It’s okay. I don’t have anything contagious.”

  After another brief pause, she reached over and gently prodded my cheek.

  “Okay,” I said. “Now tell me. Does it feel like I’m wearing a mask?”

  “No.”

  “Right. That means you know what I really look like.”

  Shifting in my seat, I retrieved my wallet and dropped it on her lap. “My license is in there. Take it. Study it. Then you won’t just know my face, you’ll know my full name and address.”

  She opened my wallet, but only gave my ID a cursory glance.

  “I may be loyal,” I added, “but not enough to go to jail for him. The problem is that you’ve got an invisible lasso around me now. So if you go down, all you’d have to do is give it a tug and...yoink. I go down with you.”

  “Unless you take me out.” She was only half kidding.

  “I’m just a publicist, hon. Forget the moral argument. If you die by any means, there’ll be a cloud of suspicion hanging over me and my clients for the rest of our lives. We don’t want that. Trust me. The cheapest, easiest, safest way to keep you quiet is to keep you happy. Just think about it.”

  At last, she could see me through the darkness. She took my advice and retreated inside her own head, checking my equations.

  By the time we exited the UCLA campus, she came back for more numbers.

  “How much?” she asked.

  “How much what?”

  “How much you making from all this?”

  “You really want to know? Because I’ll tell you.”

  “Tell me.”

  I smiled modestly. “A hundred and sixty thousand.”

  “JESUS!”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “JESUS!”

  “I know.”

  “You always make that much?!”

  “Nope.”

  “Goddamn!”

  She was quiet again. Her next response was so obvious, I could have counted down to it. Three... two...one...

  “How much will I make?”

  “That’s hard to tell, since your money won’t be coming from us. There’ll be the exclusive interview deal you’ll squeeze from one of the networks. The book deal. Movie rights...”

  “Give me a ballpark.”

  “I can’t. I just know it’ll be more than what I’m making. A lot more.”

  “Holy shit.”

  “Yeah. You’ll come out okay.”

  “And even if I admit to lying and all that, they’ll still want my story?”

  “Especially if you admit to lying. Because then everyone’s going to be focused on this sinister conspiracy you ended up foiling. We’ll even get you some bodyguards to make it look like your life is in danger for speaking out. It’ll be exciting stuff. After that, they’ll pay through the nose to hear your side of things.”

  “And Hunta will be all clear and shit,” she said, utterly amazed.

  “That’s the plan.”

  Harmony’s eyes were wide open now. The look of marvel on her face filled me with warm satisfaction, like I had just gotten all the Christmas lights to work.

  “You thought this whole thing up yourself?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “Wow,” she said, with a chuckle, “I just...”

  Her sudden amusement snowballed into an uncontrollable fit of giggles. Silly, desperate, incredulous laughter. I smiled along but I was hopelessly locked outside on this one.

  Eventually, she slowed down enough for a winded moan. She pressed the side of her mouth. “Ow.”

  “You all right?”

  “Yeah. It’s always sore like this for a few days.”

  We kept silent as we cut through Westwood. Her cigarette had been burning between her fingers, unsmoked, for over two minutes now. She finally just threw it away.

  “You ever listen to anything by Wu-Tang?”

  “Can’t say I’m familiar with his work.”

  She laughed. “It’s a group. You ever hear of the Five Percent Nation?”

  “We’re talking religion now. Not music.”

  “Right. Good. So you heard of them.”

  “Yeah. They’re an offshoot of the Nation of Islam. Right?”

  She batted my shoulder. “Right. Very good. I’m impressed, Scott.”

  I learned it from a TV crime show. “Why do you bring them up?”

  “Well, they believe the people of the world are split up three ways, okay? Five percent are the righteous teachers who preach the truth to the masses, like Wu-Tang or Common. Eighty-five percent of the people are the masses. You know, the ignorant and dumb who need to be saved. That would probably be me.”

  That didn’t seem to bother her. She smiled wider. “And then there’s the last ten percent. Some call them the white devils but they don’t all got to be white. They got the knowledge and the power but they use it to dick around that eighty-five percent. They twist the truth to abuse and confuse the masses.”

  “Hey, that sounds like me.”

  She giggled again, touching my arm. “Baby, that is you!”

  “So that’s why you’re laughing.”

  “No. I’m laughing because I ain’t never had one on my side before.”

  She fell into another hysterical giggle fit, one so flimsy that a stiff breeze could have knocked it over and sent her to tears.

  “I like it,” she said, wiping her eyes. “God help me. I like it.”

  ________________

  We all knew that Hunta’s hideout would inevitably be uncovered, but few expected it to happen so soon. News vans camped all along Burton Way, guarding every exit from L’Ermitage. Rather than sneak Hunta to another hotel, the Judge simply rented out the two other rooms in the wing and then hired extra muscle to guard it like a compound. It was a wise decision. The trick for me was smuggling Harmony up to Suite 511 without having our picture taken.

  This morning Doug gave me the drill. As I approach the hotel, call him. Then drive down to the second level of the garage. Wait for Big Bank. Follow him to the maintenance hallway. Finally, take the service elevator up to the fifth floor. By then it should be clear of any stragglers.

  With each step of the process, Harmony wound herself up tighter and tighter, to the point where she practically creaked. Who could blame her? I had lured her into t
he woods, and now she was starting to realize how truly lost she was. The appearance of large, scary creatures like Big Bank didn’t help.

  As Doug promised, the fifth floor was all secure. As Big Bank opened the door to Hunta’s suite, I gently pulled Harmony aside.

  “Hey. I want to ask you how you’re doing, but that’s probably a silly question.”

  “I’m scared out of my mind,” she said.

  “I know. The thing is, this is it. This is pretty much your last chance to back out without causing damage. If you truly feel you can’t handle it, I’ll take you home right now. No guilt. No questions. No problem. But if you do—”

  “I’m ready.”

  “You’re sure now?”

  “I’m sure. But if you keep talking, I might not be.”

  That tickled Big Bank. I threw them both a shrug. “Fair enough.”

  She took my arm. “Wait. Just...stick by me, okay? Don’t leave me alone with anyone.”

  “I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

  With that, she was ready. But she didn’t let go of my arm until we crossed the threshold together.

  ________________

  The only time Harmony had ever been inside a fancy hotel before, ironically, was the Mean World Christmas party. And even then she hadn’t ventured inside any of the majestic rooms (although that story would change). Thus, Suite 511 was a mad assault on her working class senses. She drank in the opulence with such intensity that the curtains almost swayed toward her.

  I, on the other hand, was surprised by the excess of people. Our secret operation began with a core group of seven. Now there were over twice as many strangers in the room, all young black professionals in dynamic, East Coast business wear. Clearly this was Maxina’s posse, not Hunta’s.

  Most of the furniture had been cleared to make way for an ad hoc production studio, currently in session. As Big Bank led us deeper into the suite, I could see some round, familiar faces padding the crowd of flacks: the Judge, Doug, and Maxina herself. They stood scattered among the cameras and lights, all aimed at the lovely young family on the sofa.

  At long last, Hunta was speaking out about the Bitch Fiends.

  “I know I got a responsibility,” he declared, looking respectably dapper in his white silk shirt. “I mean as an artist. And I take it very seriously, you know what I’m saying? I never hurt a woman in my life. I never forced a woman into sex. And I never, ever told anyone they should do that stuff. Never said it. Never wrote it. Never rapped it.”

  That was good. Very good. Next to him, Simba held Latisha in her bare arms, nodding along. That wasn’t so good. Her supportive expression was hopelessly overdone, which meant she was pissed about something. If I were in charge of this production, I would have stopped filming immediately to address the issue. I also would have handed Latisha her crawling papers. Her presence in the shot was nakedly political. It reeked of desperation.

  Harmony and I sat on a desk, well off to the side of the cameras. The Judge was the first to notice us. He looked at me like I just brought a match into a gas-filled room.

  “What are they doing?” Harmony whispered up to me.

  “They’re shooting his exclusive interview.”

  “For who?”

  “For whoever wants it the most.”

  Across from them, outside camera range, a mousy young woman read from her clipboard: “Simba, how did you interpret the song when you first heard it?”

  Simba crossed her legs studiously. “I didn’t hear it. I read the words before they were ever recorded. I think that’s the key difference. If you read the lyrics, you’ll see my husband’s only telling a story. Not only that, he condemns the main character in the very last verse. I mean it’s right there.”

  Harmony leaned in to me again. “Who’s the woman asking questions?”

  “She’s just a press agent. She won’t be in the final cut. Whoever gets the tape will eventually loop in their own person.”

  “What?”

  “I’ll explain later.”

  Some members of the crew began to look our way. Admittedly, Harmony and I made quite the elephant in the corner. Surely by now they had all been briefed on the tall white man and his devious white plan. And that pretty young thing with him? My word. She’s awfully small for an A-bomb.

  Doug saw us and held up a courteous finger. One more minute.

  “Try it again,” Maxina told Simba. “You came off a little too combative. And uncross your legs.”

  Simba rolled her eyes and uncrossed her legs. “Can I get the question again?”

  The associate scanned her clipboard. “How did you interpret the song when you first heard it?”

  Simba repeated her answer almost verbatim. I could see the hints of frustration on Maxina’s face. Her underlings were simply bored.

  Harmony shifted uncomfortably. “They keep looking at us.”

  “They know who we are.”

  “How? We ain’t done nothing yet.”

  “Yes,” I said, “but they know what we’re about to do.”

  I assumed she’d never held any real weight before, that she’d never made ripples just by entering a room. I couldn’t tell if she was enjoying her first small taste of power or not. Her fresh young face, which was normally quite expressive, went fully opaque as she processed the implications.

  But to my pleasure, she soon breathed a teasing whisper into my ear. “You know you the only white man here.”

  “I know. Why do you think I gave you my wallet?”

  She let out a loud laugh, then covered her mouth. Now everyone looked at us.

  “Sorry,” I said. “My fault.”

  Hunta shielded his eyes from the light. “Yo, is that Slick?”

  Maxina crossed in front of the cameras. “All right. Let’s take a little breather.”

  Simba shot to her feet. “Thank God. These goddamn lights are frying the baby.”

  Her husband sniffed. “She ain’t the one complaining. You are.”

  “Then why don’t you do this fucking thing alone, okay?”

  Now Latisha cried. Simba carried her through the crowd, furiously brushing away any hand that tried to calm her.

  “Expect me to sit and nod my head like some black Barbara Bush. This is bullshit. Why don’t I just bake some goddamn cookies while I’m at it? Hi, Scott.”

  I waved to her as she passed. Simba and Harmony traded glances.

  For a moment I feared the fiery Ms. Shange would say something I’d have to fix. Fortunately, she kept going, all the way out the door.

  Sighing, Maxina cleaned her glasses on her untucked blouse and then worked her way toward us.

  “Well, if it isn’t L.A.’s answer to Sidney Falco. And this must be the lovely young Harmony Prince.”

  I stood up. “Harmony, this is Maxina Howard. She’s in charge of the whole effort.”

  Harmony turned to me in surprise. “I thought you were.”

  Maxina raised an eyebrow. Oh, come on. It’s not like I had time to whip up an org chart.

  “No,” I corrected, “I’m just in charge of the part that involves you.”

  “You’re in good hands,” Maxina added graciously. “Scott here has one of the craftiest minds in the business.”

  She leaned forward and gave Harmony some lighthearted sidespeak. “And although he’d never admit it, the man’s got a heart in there, too.”

  Harmony grinned. “I believe it.”

  “Good. In that case, I’ll leave you two to work while I see what I can do about Simba.” She donned her glasses. “What do you think, Scott? Leave the baby out next time?”

  “You read my mind.”

  She winked at Harmony. “He’s never been one for the front-door approach.”

  Maxina could be pretty damn sly herself. I knew she wouldn’t try to undermine my influence with Harmony, but she was such a Zen master of subtext that she could talk about the weather and still slip a message through. And with Harmony, the message was clear:
I’ve got a handle on this man, even if you don’t. Listen to him, but put your trust in me.

  Once Maxina left, I shot Doug an impatient look. He nodded, then addressed the troops.

  “Okay. Listen, everyone. While we break from filming, we’re going to take some pictures of Jeremy and...well, I guess I should formally introduce her. Folks, this is Harmony Prince.”

  Some of the publicists greeted her as if she just stepped into an AA meeting. Others actually applauded, as if she were about to go up in the space shuttle. As for Harmony, she might as well have left the planet already. This was too bizarre.

  “You’ll get used to it,” I told her.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Let’s just shoot these photos so we can get you out of here.”

  The workers were already setting up the cameras and backgrounds. Some of them stopped to introduce themselves. Doug took a moment to shower Harmony in words of comfort and goodwill. The Judge kept his distance, but only because he was enmeshed in a tense phone call. He snapped and hissed into his cellular all the way out of the suite.

  Throughout all of this, Hunta simply stewed from his spot on the interview couch. Who could blame him for his pissy mood? He was being forced to stay sober just so he could defend himself for the way his song was misread. His wife was giving him shit. And now he had to sit and watch while everyone in the room kissed up to the woman who was about to falsely accuse him of sex crimes, just to stop another woman from doing the same. He was only twenty-three years old, goddamn it. He had superbly managed to follow his mentor’s success without repeating any of his mistakes. Yet now he was in for an avalanche of persecution, the likes of which Tupac had never seen.

  In spite of everything, he was amazingly level. Before anyone had to ask, he stood up and moved on to the next set piece, where Harmony was waiting. He pulled a pack of smokes from his back pocket and quietly offered her one. Nervously, she obliged.

  “So,” he said, lighting up both of them, “I guess we about to have a history together.”

  ________________

  The next ninety minutes were spent catching up on old times. Our goal was to take a set of pictures from three different eras: three months ago, seven months ago, and ten months ago. Per my instructions, all of these so-called candids were to be completely non-suggestive. Just Hunta and Harmony sitting around, friendly but not too friendly. Together but never alone together. I made sure the backgrounds were peppered with faceless extras, whoever was available in the room. The key here was subtlety. Let the media draw their own conclusions.