Force of Nature

by Kim Baldwin

  “Cool!”

  “Look at that!”

  “Whoa! That one is amazing!”

  Another car approached, and slowed to a stop when it got to where they were standing. “Car trouble?” a man in the passenger seat asked.

  “Nope, we’re fine, thanks. Just watching the northern lights,” Erin explained with a wave, and the car continued on.

  It took a few moments for their eyes to readjust and regain some night vision. Gable rubbed the back of her neck, which was beginning to ache from looking up. “We’re going to feel this tomorrow.”

  “You know, we’re still close to the beach. Want to go watch from there?” Erin asked. “I have a tarp in the back of the truck we can lie on.”

  “Sure,” Gable answered, and they found a deserted stretch of public beach not far away and unrolled Erin’s small tarp near the water. It was just big enough for both of them, lying shoulder to shoulder.

  The sky above was a dazzling display of color, changing from moment to moment. A curtain of green, then a large whorl of yellow, then streaks of pink and red. In the distance, a chorus of crickets lent a resonant counterpoint to the gentle constant lapping of the surf against the shore near where they lay. With Erin pressed up against her side, Gable could hardly imagine a more perfect moment.

  “Have you ever seen anything this beautiful?” Erin asked, her voice soft and full of wonder.

  “Never,” Gable answered in equally hushed tone. “I’ve seen the northern lights before, but it was never like this.”

  “Sure makes you feel kind of small.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean. Gets you thinking about things like, what’s our place in all this?”

  As if in punctuation to her statement, a shooting star flashed across the sky, and they both gasped.

  They watched in silence for another few minutes as the vibrant spectacle continued unabated.

  “Gable, do you believe that there’s one person that we’re supposed to be with? Or do you think there’s lots of people out there who could make us happy?”

  It took Gable a long moment to answer. “I’ve always kind of believed in the soulmate thing,” she admitted. “One special person for each of us. But I always expected that when it happens, it would hit you between the eyes, and you'd recognize it immediately. You know? Bam!” She took a deep breath and let it out. “But maybe it’s not like that at all. Maybe it takes a while sometimes to know it. And I wonder whether you can miss it when it happens, if it doesn’t happen just exactly like you always imagined it would.”

  “So you think it does always happen…I mean, that you will eventually meet that right person…but you just don’t always recognize it?” Erin asked.

  “Something like that, yes. Maybe they won’t look at all like you thought they would. Maybe they can’t fulfill every single one of your expectations. But that doesn’t mean they can’t make you happier than you ever imagined.”

  There was a very long silence between them then, and Gable wondered whether she’d said too much, given too much away. But there was something about the magic of that moment under the stars that told her to speak from her heart.

  The northern lights began to fade, and in a few moments there was only a mere hint of what had been—a thin transparent veil of green, near the horizon.

  “It’s very late, and I know you have to work tomorrow,” Erin said, sitting up. “But I’m very glad we stopped and got to share this.”

  Gable got to her feet. “Me too.”

  Erin extended her hand in a silent plea for help getting up, and Gable happily complied. Once she was pulled to her feet, she hugged Gable around the waist. “Thanks for a wonderful day.”

  “It sure was. Thank you for suggesting it.”

  They gathered up the tarp and headed back to the truck, walking close together, saying nothing. They were mostly silent on the way home too, but it was a companionable quiet, neither strained or awkward. More the result of their sharing such an awesome and rare celestial display.

  “So I’ll see you tomorrow night, then?” Erin asked as she pulled up in front of Gable’s at half past eleven.

  “I’ll be there. Can I bring anything?” Gable offered, turning toward her.

  “Just yourself.” Erin paused. “Gable, I…I…” She opened her mouth, then quickly shut it again.

  Gable waited, one hand on the door handle, but Erin gave an embarrassed laugh and shrugged. “Never mind. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “You sure?” It sure looked as though she wanted to say something else, and Gable’s curiosity was piqued.

  “Go,” Erin said, giving her a playful shove and a smile. “I’ve kept you up too late already.”

  Gable opened the door. “I wouldn’t have missed a minute of it,” she said, getting out.

  Erin nodded thoughtfully. “Me too, Gable. Good night.”

  *

  Erin had seemed so relaxed and happy during their Sunday together that Gable wondered what the heck must have happened in the hours since to make Erin so nervous and jumpy on Monday night.

  It had been a slow day at the pharmacy, so Gable had had much time to reflect on their previous day. I’d give just about anything for a lot more days like that, she thought, as she pulled into Erin’s drive for dinner. She was becoming quite used to…and immensely fond of…Erin’s hugs, and rather hoped she’d get one tonight too.

  But right from the get-go, it was obvious that Erin had something on her mind. She barely made eye contact with Gable when she answered the door, and she seemed harried and anxious about dinner, where she was usually the picture of calm.

  “Go on in and make yourself comfortable. I’ll get you a glass of wine,” She gestured toward the couch, then headed off toward the kitchen. In a tone that fell short of humor, she called over her shoulder. “You may need it—dinner isn’t turning out quite like I planned. I shouldn’t be trying a new recipe.”

  “Hey, I’m sure it’s fine,” Gable called after her.

  Earl Grey came running full-tilt out of Erin’s bedroom at the sound of Gable’s voice and bounded down the stairs toward her. She scooped him up and scratched him under his chin while she glanced around, waiting for Erin to return. The dining table was set as before, with candles and flowers, and carefully laid formal place settings. The house was spotless. And there against one wall of the great room was the new piano, beautifully handmade of mahogany and polished to a high gloss. Gable stepped over to it, admiring the craftsmanship. Erin joined her, a glass of merlot in each hand.

  “It’s beautiful,” Gable said, setting down the cat to take one of the glasses.

  Erin skimmed one hand lightly along the keys. “Yes, isn’t it? I am so glad I insured the other one, or it would have been a long time before I could have afforded this.”

  “So, do I get to hear you play?”

  “Later,” Erin said. “After I subject you to my first attempt at a soufflé. I should say first and last attempt, as it looks nothing at all like the photo in the cookbook, but I swear I followed every direction to the letter.”

  It was true that the soufflé looked rather flat and unappealing, but it actually tasted all right, and Erin had made a Caesar salad to go with it so there was plenty to eat. But Gable could tell that Erin was unusually flustered that everything hadn’t gone according to plan.

  “Well, I promise I won’t make you my new-recipe guinea pig anymore,” she apologized again as they did the dishes together.

  “Will you stop? It was fine!”

  “It wasn’t fine. I should’ve just gone with something I’d tried before,” Erin groused.

  “Erin, please! It was fine!” Gable couldn’t keep the amusement out of her voice, and it seemed to relax Erin slightly.

  “All right. I’ll let it go,” She dried the last plate and set it in the cabinet. “Thanks for washing.”

  “Any time. Thanks for cooking.” Gable rinsed out the sink. “So now do I get to hear you play?”

 
Erin took a deep breath, as if gathering her nerve. She nodded her head. “Now or never,” she answered, almost to herself.

  Gable took a seat on the couch while Erin settled onto the piano bench, staring down at the keys for a moment as if considering what to play. Gable liked her vantage point—she could stare unabashedly at Erin in profile from where she sat, seeing every expression, every graceful movement of those wonderfully petite hands over the keys.

  Erin started off with a medley of Cole Porter songs, all Gable’s favorites: “I’ve Got You Under My Skin,” followed by “You Do Something To Me” and “You’d Be So Nice To Come Home To,” and finally, “Easy To Love.” A few lines of each song, just enough for Gable to identify it.

  She played with feeling, eyes closed, her hands skimming effortlessly over the keys, her face and body one with the music, adding nuances and flourishes that told Gable she was indeed most accomplished on piano.

  When she finished, she opened her eyes and looked toward Gable for a reaction, her face expectant and hopeful.

  Gable smiled and politely applauded. “That was wonderful. Just wonderful. You play beautifully.”

  Erin smiled back, but Gable sensed her heart wasn’t entirely in—she almost looked…disappointed? But instead of saying anything, she launched into another medley of old standards—Gershwin this time, another favorite of them both. “How Long Has This Been Going On” was followed by “I’ve Got a Crush On You,” a song Gable had thought of many times, thinking of Erin, in the past few weeks. “Our Love Is Here To Stay” was next in the lineup, then “Embraceable You.” Gable had thought of that one a lot lately too.

  A chill ran up her spine.

  With the closing strain, Erin glanced her way again, the same expectant look on her face…and something else. Something in her eyes that wasn’t there before.

  Gable held her breath. She couldn’t speak. Is it? Could it…?

  Erin smiled like something in Gable’s expression told her what she needed to know. Her eyes closed again, and her fingers danced over the keys. “Only You” gave way to “I Only Have Eyes For You,” then “I’m In The Mood For Love,” and finally, “All of Me.”

  Gable’s heart was pounding in her ears. She didn’t dare believe it.

  Erin saved the best for last. It took Gable a moment to place it. An old Doris Day tune, from one of her movies. “Secret Love.”

  Oh my God. Gable began hyperventilating. When she looked up, she found Erin watching her. This time, neither one of them looked away. Gable felt exposed in that long, unbroken eye contact, as though Erin was looking right through her.

  Tears came to Erin’s eyes, and she smiled and nodded, and it was then that hope began to dawn in Gable’s heart.

  “Good Lord, Gable! I thought you were never going to get it.” Erin turned on the piano bench to face her. “I’ve been trying to tell you for days.”

  “You have?” Gable asked dumbly. It still wasn’t quite sinking in.

  Erin let out an exasperated groan. “I told you I have a hard time talking about my feelings. And first I had to be sure how you felt. Though I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. You wear your heart on your sleeve, you know,” she said, almost matter-of-factly.

  “Do I?” Gable tried to swallow. Her mouth was as dry as sawdust.

  “Mmm-hmm.” Erin’s eyes sparkled. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. I’ve been having a bit of a tough time figuring it all out.”

  “And you’ve figured it all out now?” Gable was glad she was sitting down.

  “The important parts, anyway.” Erin's cheeks colored. She got up and joined Gable on the couch. They sat a foot apart, facing each other, but not touching. “I think I figured out who you fell for. I hope I have.”

  “You have?” Gable hardly recognized her voice. Erin’s face was so enticingly close, her eyes now full of mischief and mirth. Her mouth, so tantalizingly kissable.

  “And you’re wrong, by the way. About the reciprocal part.”

  “I am?”

  “Yup.”

  Gable mind went blank. Her head swam. “Golly.”

  Erin laughed. “Golly? Gable, no one says golly.”

  Erin was smiling at her—for her, just for her—and Gable felt an uncommon joy fill her, surround her, lift her. Her heart soared, and she realized how incomplete her happy life had been until that moment.

  “How about…” She sighed. “I’m in shock?”

  “I’ll buy that.” Erin laughed again. “There’s a lot of it going around.”

  “So…let me get this straight…uh, I mean, about the reciprocal part,” Gable stuttered. “Does that mean…”

  “Does it mean that I’m lusting after you like I think you’ve been lusting after me?” There was amusement in Erin’s voice. “The answer is most definitely yes. Oh, yes.”

  Lusting after me? As Gable’s mind wrapped itself around the words, a flash of hot desire warmed her body. “So…how did you…when did you…”

  “When did I realize it was you I wanted?”

  “Yeah.” She wants me!

  “Well, I knew from the beginning that there was something special about you and me…I was really drawn to you, and curious about you. And I trusted you completely right away…which is really unusual for me.” Erin’s voice shook, and she lowered her eyes while she searched for the right words.

  “When you came out to me, it started me wondering what it must be like to be gay. I’ve never been with a woman, and honestly, I…I’d never even really considered it before. But once you told me…Well, I started thinking about how I felt about you…and how it would be if you and I got together…You know…like that…”

  It was the first time Gable had heard Erin stammer so, and she found it reassuring that the younger woman was apparently as nervous about all this as she was.

  “Well, I found that mental picture awful damn hot, to put it bluntly, “ Erin confessed.

  “Yeah?” Gable was seeing it too, in her mind’s eye…and the image of the two of them together turned her arousal up another notch.

  “And then I couldn’t stop thinking about it.” Erin laughed. “I swear, sometimes I thought you had to be able to see it in my face! I couldn’t keep my eyes off you!”

  “Well, talk about dense!” Gable shook her head ruefully. “I thought you were looking at me an awful lot, the last few days especially. But I was just worried you were catching me looking at you!”

  They laughed, then Erin’s face grew serious. “Gable, why didn’t you tell me how you felt?”

  Gable managed a chagrined half smile. “I didn’t want anything to muck up our friendship. I was worried it would make you feel uncomfortable around me—knowing I was mooning over you. It was terrifying enough just to tell you I was gay! I was afraid coming out to you might change how you feel about me.”

  “Well it certainly did that,” Erin admitted, her cheeks pink. “But not quite the way you thought it might!”

  Gable reached out and took Erin’s hand in hers, and they shared happy, silly grins.

  “So why didn’t you tell me right away?” Gable asked.

  “Well, I was really confused about all those feelings at first. It was sort of like traveling to a foreign country. Exciting, but awful scary. You know that last time I went out with Tim? I did it because I thought maybe I should give that a real chance. That maybe my feelings for you were a phase or something. Did I really want to abandon the kind of life I knew…that was familiar…for something totally unfamiliar?”

  “I remember that night. You didn’t call me like you promised you would.” She looked down at their enjoined hands. Erin’s thumb lightly caressed her palm—Gable was amazed at how sensual such a simple touch could be.

  “I knew right away that Tim wasn’t for me,” Erin said. “Once I’d considered how it would be with you…I knew I’d never be happy with him, and I didn’t want to lead him on. After he’d gone home, I started thinking about whether I should tell you how I was feeli
ng.”

  Gable didn’t interrupt. Erin’s thumb continued its gentle caresses as she spoke.

  “I drove around a lot that night. I’ve always done that when I wanted to think.” She paused. “First I had to decide whether I could do this…I mean, it’s kind of a major deal to all of a sudden realize, at age thirty-nine, that you’re apparently gay, when you never have even thought about it before. It’s like someone secretly rewired me or something while I slept!”

  They shared another silly grin. Gable thought the air around them seemed charged with electricity. I want to kiss you so much.

  “Once I decided my feelings were too strong to ignore anymore, that I had to tell you…” Erin cleared her throat, “then I considered how you might react to the news. Would you be happy? I didn’t want to do anything to hurt our friendship, either.”

  Gable squeezed Erin’s hand.

  “Somewhere around three a.m., I guess, it occurred to me kind of out of the blue that maybe you felt something for me too. It was sort of like…looking back, I began to wonder if I hadn’t been missing clues that you’d been sending me. I caught you looking at me kind of funny sometimes. You were constantly blushing that day in the dressing room…and you really got embarrassed when you caught me falling off the ladder.”

  “Well, I did often wonder how in the world you couldn’t see how much I was just longing to be with you,” Gable said.

  “Were you? Are you?”

  “Most definitely.” Gable nodded with enthusiasm and Erin blushed again.

  “Well, I’m very glad to hear that.”

  “So, all this thinking you did…that was the morning you came over to my house real early, right?” Gable asked.

  “Yeah. I had kind of decided that you probably were attracted to me and I’d just not picked up on it. But I wanted to be sure. That’s why I asked you if you’d ever met somebody special.”

  “Ah.” Talk about clueless. How could I have been so incredibly blind? Am I that out of practice in the romance department? “I hoped it would prompt you to be honest with me, if you did feel something for me,” Erin said. “I was disappointed you didn’t.”