01_The Best Gift

by Irene Hannon

  He stayed like that for what seemed to be a long time, stroking her back, communicating to her by his gentle but strong touch that she had nothing to fear from him. That he understood her apprehensions, and the need to take things slowly. For both their sakes. But that it was also time to begin exploring the attraction between them.

  Blake wasn’t sure if her trembling actually subsided, or if he only imagined it had. But finally he turned his head and let his lips make contact with her temple, then slowly travel across her forehead. When he felt her hands lightly, tentatively, touch his back, he moved slightly away and cradled her head with one hand, resting the other lightly on her shoulder. He was careful to communicate through his posture that she could move away at any time. If she kissed him back, he wanted it to be freely given.

  He waited a moment, until her eyelids flickered open and he saw what he needed to see. Then, his gaze never leaving hers, he slowly closed the distance between them until their lips connected. He brushed his lips across hers, once, twice, three times, light as a summer breeze. Waiting for a reaction. Giving her a chance to pull back.

  But she didn’t. Instead, she pulled him closer. And Blake needed no more encouragement. Telling himself to move slowly, he tenderly claimed A.J.’s sweet lips.

  After an interlude in which time seemed to stand still, Blake finally broke contact. He backed off slightly and gazed down at her, gripping her upper arms. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to steady himself or her. No matter. They both needed to regain their balance.

  “Wow!” A.J. whispered, her eyes wide.

  “Yeah. Wow!”

  She took a deep breath. “So what do we do now?”

  When his eyes darkened in response and he leaned toward her, she put a restraining hand on his chest. “Not a good idea.”

  He sighed and backed off, flashing her a grin. “Yeah. You’re right. But we can’t ignore this, you know.”

  “I know. It’s just that…” Her voice trailed off.

  “You need to move slowly,” he finished for her.

  She nodded. “I still have issues to work through. In spite of what just happened, I’m still scared.”

  “I understand. I’ve never been a fast mover, either. Remember, I’m just starting to dabble in spontaneity. We both need time to sort things out. We’ll take it slow and easy. Okay?” He reached for her hands.

  She looked at him skeptically. “Do you think we’ll be able to manage that?”

  A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “We’re both disciplined people. We can make this work.”

  “So…no more kissing?” she said wistfully.

  He smiled. “I wouldn’t go that far. Let’s try this.”

  He leaned toward her, keeping her hands in his, and kissed her tenderly. It was a kiss that spoke of honor and caring and attraction.

  “How’s that?” he asked when he finally moved away.

  She drew an unsteady breath. “This isn’t going to be easy.”

  “I know. But we can do this, A.J. Trust me.”

  She gazed into his eyes and smiled. “I do.”

  But as they gathered up the remnants of their picnic, he hoped her confidence wasn’t misplaced. Because he knew his self-discipline was about to be mightily tested. So Blake did something he’d never done in his life. He asked for help from a higher power.

  Lord, I know I’m new to the fold. I don’t even know how to pray yet. But I hope You’ll listen to my request anyway. I’m not sure where this thing with A.J. is headed. But I know I’m falling in love with her. I don’t honestly know whether that’s in either of our best interests. So we need to give this time, and not get so caught up in the chemistry between us that we’re blind to more important considerations. You know I’ve always been good at self-control. Probably too good. But I need it now. Big-time.

  And Lord, I ask for Your guidance as we start down this new path. Help us both to know Your will and to make good decisions. A.J. doesn’t need to be hurt again, and I don’t need to make any more mistakes with people I care about. So please watch over us.

  Blake had no idea if his plea was heard. But according to Reverend Matthews, God was receptive to any communication that came from the heart. And his certainly had. Because for the first time in years, he was willing to admit that he needed assistance.

  Blake recalled the day A.J. was on the ladder, when he’d told her that it was okay to ask for help. He realized now that she could have thrown that comment right back at him. He was just as bad as she was in that regard, for different reasons. She refused help because she didn’t want to rely on someone who might be taken away from her. Blake’s self-reliance had been forged in his childhood, when he’d resolved to take control of his own destiny so that he would never again have to depend on anyone for food or housing.

  But as he was slowly coming to realize, security and stability came in many forms. The material kind wasn’t all that permanent and durable, no matter how well you planned. Look at his friend, Jack. He’d recently lost his job after twelve years because of a corporate reorganization. And he had two kids, a mortgage and a wife who was a stay-at-home mom. From a material perspective, his world had just caved in, his security and stability gone in the blink of an eye. But when Blake had spoken with him a few days before, Jack had been confident that things would work out. After all, as he’d told Blake, “I have my faith and my family. I’m still a rich man, buddy.” Family and faith. The very things that A.J. said had seen her through the crises in her life. Maybe he’d been looking in the wrong places for security and stability all along.

  He still believed self-reliance was a good thing. But maybe it was time to admit he needed other people in his life. His friends. His family. A.J.

  And God.

  Chapter Ten

  “Thank you for seeing me, Reverend Matthews.”

  The minister extended his hand to A.J. “It’s my pleasure. Sorry to keep you waiting. We have a very active five-year-old, and my wife needed a second pair of hands this morning. She’s getting over a bad cold and isn’t quite up to full speed yet.”

  “No problem. I hope she feels better soon.”

  He grinned and took a seat at right angles to hers. “There’s no keeping Sam down for long.” The love in his eyes when he spoke of Samantha touched A.J. She’d gotten to know the minister’s red-haired wife over the past few months, and the obvious mutual affection between Reverend Matthews and his spouse always reminded her of her relationship with Eric.

  “So, what can I do for you on this beautiful spring day?” the minister continued.

  A.J. took a deep breath. “I could use some advice.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  Encouraged by his insightful questions, A.J. told him her story. Of her engagement, Eric’s death, her injuries, her years in Afghanistan, her work with Good Samaritan. And more recently, of Aunt Jo’s legacy and her partnership with Blake.

  “That’s quite a story, A.J.,” the minister said when she finished. “It sounds like your life is on a new and satisfying track. Your faith seems strong. So what brings you to me today?”

  She glanced down and played with her purse clasp, and when she spoke her voice was subdued. “I’m not so sure about the faith part.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  She looked over at Reverend Matthews, wondering if he would judge her lacking when she admitted that she hadn’t put her life fully in the Lord’s hands. And how could a minister, a man of deep faith who was so happily married, understand her fears about commitment—to people or to plans?

  He spoke comfortingly, as if he’d read her mind. “No one’s faith is perfect, A.J.”

  She took a shaky breath. “It’s just that…well, ever since the accident I’ve lived kind of a vagabond lifestyle and avoided putting down any roots. I told myself that I was trying to remain unencumbered so that I could be open to God’s call and totally available to do His will. But lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe I’ve been foolin
g myself. That maybe…maybe I’m just afraid. Putting down roots means that you’re willing to make plans for the future and to trust that no matter what happens with those plans, God will be there to comfort you and guide you. But if you don’t stay in any one place long enough to make commitments or plans, you don’t have to put that belief to the test.”

  He leaned forward intently and clasped his hands between his knees. “I can see that you’re deeply troubled by this.”

  “I am. I always thought my faith was strong. That I had absolute trust in the Lord. Now I’m not so sure.”

  “Perhaps you can take some comfort in knowing that you’re not alone with this struggle. Think of the story of the apostles when they were out in the boat with the Lord during the storm on the lake. They doubted and were afraid. Or the time our Lord told Peter to walk to Him across the water. When Peter’s trust faltered, when he began to doubt, he started to sink. That happens to all of us, A.J. It’s not a sign of weak faith. It’s a sign of being human. From the story you’ve just told me, I’d say your faith has sustained you well through some turbulent times. So I have a feeling that your doubts are of a more recent vintage.” He paused a moment. “Would Blake have anything to do with this?” he asked gently.

  She nodded slowly. “I think I might be…my feelings for him are…growing every day. But we’re so different. That scares me. And I’m afraid to take another chance on love. I thought I would die when I lost Eric. I’m afraid I might not survive that kind of trauma again.” She gazed at him, thought of his perfect family, and sighed. “I guess that might be hard for you to understand.”

  A fleeting echo of pain swept across his eyes. “Actually, it’s not,” he said quietly. “I lost my first wife not long after we were married. An aneurysm. It took her instantly, with no warning. So I’ve known dark days, too—days when I doubted and was afraid. I never expected to marry again. I never even wanted to. Then Sam came into my life. We were very different people, and we both had unresolved issues. We fought the attraction, but in the end we recognized that our love was a gift. It didn’t come with guarantees, but most things in life don’t.”

  A.J. stared at the man across from her. She’d always thought he looked too young to have those streaks of silver at his temples. Now she knew what had put them there. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

  “Thank you. Loss is a very difficult thing to deal with. And it can destroy us, if we let it. But it doesn’t have to. My life is happy now. Because Sam and I realized that it was better to put our trust in God and accept the gift of our love for as long as He blessed us with it than to spend the rest of our lives alone.”

  A.J. frowned. “Blake said almost the same thing.”

  “He’s a wise man.”

  “He told me he’s spent some time with you.”

  Reverend Matthews chuckled. “He certainly keeps me on my toes. He asks probing questions that have on more than one occasion sent me to my library to do research. But I’d rather have one believer like him, who deals directly with questions and is eager to learn about the faith, than a dozen who accept blindly. If he chooses to become a Christian, his faith will be strong. Because he will have made an informed decision. He’s a good man, A.J.”

  “I know.” She took a deep breath. “Thank you, Reverend Matthews.”

  “I’m always here if you need me. Shall we take a moment to talk with the Lord before you leave?”

  She nodded, and he reached for her hand as they bowed their heads.

  “Lord, let us feel Your presence, so that doubts may disappear. Give us the wisdom to discern Your will and the courage to follow it. Guide our steps on this difficult journey of life, and steady us when we stumble. Let us feel Your infinite love and compassion, and let us take comfort in the knowledge that You understand and forgive our mistakes. Help us to savor each day as a precious gift, and not let anxieties about the future overwhelm us. Bless A.J. with Your grace as she struggles to hear Your voice. Help her put her trust in You so that she may feel the peace that comes with surrender. And help her let go of her fear of the future so that she may live fully today. We ask this through Christ our Lord.”

  For a long moment, A.J. left her eyes closed. Reverend Matthews’s prayer had been simple. But it had come from the heart. And it had touched on all of her fears. When she finally gazed at the man across from her, she saw no reproach in his eyes because of the doubts she’d expressed. She saw only a deep compassion and empathy that communicated more eloquently than words how well he understood exactly what was in her heart.

  And if he could understand, surely so could God.

  That thought came to her suddenly, like a shaft of sunlight that streams through dark storm clouds and illuminates the world. A gentle, freeing peace stole over her as the guilt raised by her doubts dissipated, leaving her soul quiet and serene. And in that stillness, she knew God would speak to her. She had only to listen for His voice.

  The doorbell rang, and A.J. smiled as she wiped her hands on a kitchen towel, then glanced at the clock. Nine o’clock on the dot. Blake may have gotten more spontaneous in the past few months, but he was still Mr. Punctuality. Which she appreciated even more since he’d told her that he thought tardiness indicated a lack of respect for the other person’s time. She admired his consideration. And so many other things.

  The moment she opened the door he pulled her into his arms and greeted her with a tender kiss.

  When he released her, she smiled at him, her arms still looped around his neck. “You’ll give poor Mr. Simmons a heart attack,” she murmured, catching a glimpse of her neighbor peering through a crack in his door.

  “Can’t be helped,” he said. “I figured it was safer to kiss you out here.”

  She chuckled and reached for his hand. “Come on in. I’m almost ready.”

  Blake followed her, and almost fell over a small, shaggy dog sitting patiently inside the door. “What’s this?” he asked in surprise.

  She grinned. “Blake, meet Felix. I rescued him from the pound yesterday.”

  “Isn’t Felix a cat’s name?”

  She planted her hands on her hips and gave him a teasing grin. “Are you still hung up on that name thing?”

  He smiled. “Touché.” He squatted down and reached over to scratch the dog’s head. “Hey, Felix.” He looked the dog over. “What is he?”

  “A mutt. He’s about five years old. Apparently he’d been on the streets, just wandering around for a while. They told me at the pound that not many people want older dogs. But I thought he was perfect. Besides, he looked like he needed a friend.”

  “And the apartment was okay with this?”

  “Yeah. For a hefty deposit. But he’s worth it. I fell in love with him the minute I saw him.”

  Blake stood and turned to A.J. “So what prompted this?”

  She shrugged. “Companionship.”

  “Are you feeling lonesome?” His tone was teasing, but there was something serious in his eyes. A.J. knew he was purposely letting her set the pace in their relationship. At the same time, she knew that a day of reckoning was coming.

  “Not anymore. Felix took care of the problem. He’s the perfect companion. And he never talks back.”

  “Are you telling me you like the shaggy, silent type? I could let my hair grow.”

  A.J. giggled. “Very funny. Let me grab a hat and I’ll be right with you,” she said over her shoulder as she headed down the hall.

  Blake gave Felix another scratch, then wandered over to the dinette table, which was littered with notes and documents. He saw the name of their church on several sheets, and realized that the papers had something to do with the long-range plan Brad Matthews had mentioned from the pulpit a few times. The minister had said there was a committee working on a variety of projects, including a capital campaign.

  “Okay, I’m all set.”

  Blake turned. Between the kiss and the dog, he hadn’t really paid any attention to what A.J. was wearing. Now his gaze
took in her calf-length dress in shades of purple, which he’d swear was tie-dyed. A macramé purse was slung over her shoulder, and she held a large straw hat. At one time, he would have thought her outfit was weird. But now he realized it wasn’t weird at all. It was just A.J. And it suited her. Perfectly.

  “You look very nice.”

  “Thanks. I found a great new vintage clothing store.”

  “What’s all this?” He nodded to the paperwork on the table.

  “Reverend Matthews asked me if I’d serve on the long-range planning committee for the church. It’s a three-year term, so I wasn’t sure at first. But I finally agreed.” She glanced at her watch. “We’d better go or we’ll be late for the service.”

  Blake followed her to the door, processing the latest developments. A.J. had bought a dog. Which meant she’d made a commitment to let another living thing into her life. And she’d agreed to serve on the committee. Which meant she was planning to be around for at least three years.

  Blake had been asking for guidance about how quickly to proceed with A.J., praying for a sign that she was ready for what he wanted to do next. Today he’d been given two signs. It was time for the next step.

  “Sorry I’m late. I got hung up.”

  A.J. glanced up from the computer where she was entering orders. “No problem. Did you get your business taken care of?”

  Blake stuck his hand in his pocket and fingered the small box from the jeweler. He’d dropped his grandmother’s engagement ring off the week before to have it cleaned and polished, and they’d done a superb job restoring the vintage piece. Blake had no idea if A.J. would like the old-fashioned setting, but he was perfectly willing to have the stones refitted if that’s what she preferred. His only concern was whether she was ready to accept the ring at all.