by Irene Hannon
Blake knew that A.J. had been surprised by his somewhat subdued mood when she’d called to tell him the news. He’d tried to be enthusiastic, but his own dilemma was weighing heavily on his mind. He’d attributed his less-than-thrilled response to tiredness and concern over his father, and A.J. had seemed to buy that explanation. But it was more than that.
Because if he stayed to help his parents, he’d have to ask A.J. to leave St. Louis and start over once more. It would be a huge sacrifice on her part. And it would have to be motivated by a deep, abiding love.
Blake knew A.J. loved him. But he also knew she was still scared. Even under the best of circumstances, making a commitment to him would require her to take a huge leap of faith.
And these weren’t even close to the best of circumstances.
Lord, why does life have to be so complicated? he lamented silently. His conscience called him to do one thing; his heart, another. If he went with the call of his conscience, he knew that it would put A.J.’s love for him to the test.
And he was scared to death he would fail.
“You’re offering to stay on as our business manager?”
His parents’ faces reflected shock, and Blake shifted uncomfortably in the wooden chair at their kitchen table. “Yes. The doctors say you’ll be fine, Dad, but it will take time. You’ll need some help in the meantime. And frankly, long-term as well. Because your business is getting incredibly complex. You two have done an impressive job, but I’ve reviewed the operation, looked at all the financials, and you’re at a point where you need a full-time business manager. You could hire a stranger, of course. Or I could step into the role. I’d be happy to give you a copy of my résumé if you want to review my qualifications.” He flashed them a grin, hoping to lighten the atmosphere. But they continued to stare at him, dumbfounded.
Finally Carl glanced at Jan, then turned back to Blake. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“Blake, are you sure? What did A.J. say about this?”
Leave it to his mom to hone right in on the heart of his problem, he thought wryly. Over the past two weeks, as he’d reconnected with his parents, she’d quickly picked up on Blake’s interest in their dinner hostess. And been delighted for him, even though he’d never said exactly how serious he was about A.J.
It had taken Blake much prayer and soul-searching—and a phone call to Reverend Matthews—before he had decided to make this offer. He’d also considered talking with A.J., asking her advice, but he knew she’d tell him to go with his conscience—because she would never put selfish desires above family obligations. If there was a need, you met it. Period. So he’d made the decision on his own. He knew she would understand; he just prayed that she would find the courage to trust in their love despite the change in plans.
“Yes, I’m sure. And I haven’t spoken with A.J. about this.”
Jan frowned, but didn’t press him on the point. She looked at Carl and reached for his hand. “It’s too much to ask.” The comment was directed at her husband, not her son.
“I agree.” Carl turned to Blake. “You’re right about us needing help, son. With the way the business has grown, we’ve known for the past few months that we were starting to get in over our heads. But there’s no way we’d ask you to step in. We can manage.”
“You didn’t ask. I offered.”
“And we love you for it. But it’s not the right thing for you. You love the bookshop. You’ve fought hard to save it. And you’ve built a wonderful life in St. Louis,” Jan said. “This business was our dream, not yours. You need to follow your own path.”
Blake studied the two people seated across from him. He wanted to accept their answer. It would be the easy way out. But he knew their decision was based on consideration for him, not their own needs. So he couldn’t just walk away. Because with a little convincing, he was sure he could change their minds.
“I’ll tell you what. I need to make a quick trip back to St. Louis this weekend and take care of a few things. Why don’t you think it over and we can talk when I get back?”
“I doubt we’ll change our minds,” Carl said.
“All I ask is that you think about it.”
“We will. Just don’t worry about us while you’re gone. We’ll be fine,” Jan said. “And be sure to tell A.J. hello for us. She’s a very special young woman. “
Blake already knew that. What he didn’t know was her answer to the question he planned to ask her as soon as he returned.
“Have you heard from Blake lately?”
A.J. set down the stack of books she was carrying and glanced at Nancy. “A couple of days ago. Between helping his mom take care of his dad, plus trying to get a handle on their business, he’s been buried.”
“What’s the latest on his dad?”
“He’s doing better, but he won’t be back to full speed anytime soon.”
“Did Blake say when he was coming back?”
“No.”
A.J. turned away to help a customer, but her mind was on Blake. Though he called regularly, her conversations with him were generally brief and fairly impersonal. And he always sounded distracted and harried. Even the good news about the shop hadn’t seemed to perk him up much. And while he never failed to say that he missed her, there had been no more mention of the “L” word.
A man always likes to know that he’s on the mind of the woman he loves.
Blake’s parting words to her at the airport echoed again in her mind, as they had constantly for the past two weeks. In between customers at the shop, at the church picnic, lying in bed late at night, they kept replaying. He hadn’t had to worry. She’d thought of little but him. And the future.
A.J. was fairly certain that she and Blake were headed down a serious path. Serious enough to end in marriage. She also suspected that things would have moved more quickly in that direction if fear hadn’t held her back. She was immensely grateful for Blake’s patience as she dealt with her issues, and for his understanding that those issues had nothing to do with her feelings for him. They were born of trauma and tragedy and pain, and the overwhelming fear of loss. But she’d never forgotten the words Blake had once said to her when she’d talked of those fears. He’d simply asked, “Does it hurt any less to be alone?”
Slowly, as Blake had filled her life with warmth and laughter and caring, she’d found the answer to that question. The fear hadn’t gone away completely; she didn’t know if it ever would. But she did know that Blake had become an important part of her life. In fact, she could no longer imagine her life without him.
So she’d begun to think of the future they might share. And to make some tentative plans. And to eagerly wait for him to return.
The bell at the entrance jangled. A.J. looked up…and stopped breathing. Blake stood in the doorway, overnight case in hand, looking weary, worn—and utterly wonderful. She smiled at him, and his intimate answering smile warmed her all the way to her toes. And did funny things to her voice when she could finally find it. “Hi.”
“Hi yourself.”
“Welcome back, Blake,” Nancy said.
With an obvious effort he dragged his gaze away from A.J. and looked at Nancy. “Thanks. How’s everything been here?”
“We missed you.”
“Did you?” He looked back at A.J., and his eyes darkened. Suddenly her heart lurched into a staccato beat.
Nancy nodded. “Yeah. We’ve been taking on extra hours, but I’ll be glad to get back to a more normal schedule. Eileen will be glad, too. She misses her mom.”
Blake took a closer look at A.J. There were fine lines at the corners of her eyes, and dark circles underneath. Obviously his absence had put a strain on everyone.
“Well, if you don’t need me anymore, I’m going to take off, A.J. I can lock up as I leave.”
It took a moment for Nancy’s words to register, then A.J. frowned and glanced at her watch. “Oh. Right. It’s time to close. That’s fine, Nancy. You go ahead.”
; “Okay. See you later. Glad you’re back, Blake.”
“Thanks.”
They heard her set the lock on the front door, and a moment later it clicked shut.
Slowly Blake put his suitcase down and walked toward A.J. His gaze never left hers as he took her hand and pulled her into the back room, then looped his arms around her waist. His eyes were only inches from hers. “Can I get a proper welcome now?” he said.
Without waiting for her to respond, his lips touched hers. A.J. surrendered to the kiss, wrapping her arms around his broad back. There was reunion and promise in the kiss they exchanged.
When it ended, Blake pulled her close. “It feels so good to be home.”
She closed her eyes. Home was a good way to describe how she felt in Blake’s arms. “I missed you. A lot.”
A chuckle rumbled deep in his chest. “I sort of got that impression. But I’m glad you confirmed it. Could you tell I missed you?”
Now it was her turn to smile. “Just a little.”
“Of course, you do have Felix to keep you company.”
“Felix is great. But he falls short in several areas.”
“Such as?”
“Well, he’s not a great conversationalist. And he snores.”
“So snoring is a bad thing?”
She backed up and gave him a look of mock horror. “Don’t tell me you snore!”
“I don’t think so. But my dad’s snored for years. And Mom still loves him.”
Suddenly serious, A.J. studied his face. He looked exhausted. “How is he doing?”
“Better. But he still has a long way to go.”
“Did you have dinner?”
“I grabbed something at the airport.”
“Why didn’t you call? I would have picked you up.”
“I figured you’d be here. And you’re already shorthanded.”
“Would you like to come over to my place for a little while?”
He’d like nothing better. But he didn’t want to be distracted from his plan for tonight. Regretfully he shook his head.
“I’m really beat. But I could use a cup of coffee. Is there any left in the pot out front?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t cleaned up out there yet.”
“I’ll take a look.”
She restrained him with one hand. “Sit. I’ll check. You look like you’re ready to drop.”
Blake didn’t argue. Besides, he needed a moment to still the sudden pounding of his heart. He reached inside the pocket of his slacks and fingered the satin case, just to assure himself that the ring was still there. Then he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He’d been waiting for this moment for weeks. Now that it was upon him, he was scared.
“Here you go.”
A.J. deposited his coffee on the small lunch table in the back and sat beside him. He took a steadying sip, noting that his hand was trembling slightly. Which he supposed wasn’t unusual when you were about to ask a woman to marry you.
“Are you going back?”
Carefully Blake set the cup on the table and looked at her. “Yes. I’m only here for the weekend. I’m really sorry to leave you shorthanded, A.J.”
“Don’t be. We can cope. How long will you need to stay?”
She didn’t look put out. She didn’t complain about the extra work at the shop. She didn’t make an issue out of his extended absence. To her, it was a given. Family came first. He knew she believed that. But the strength of that belief was about to be tested.
Blake took a deep breath and reached for her hand, his gaze fixed on hers. “Possibly for a very long time.” And then he filled her in.
As A.J. listened, the plans she’d let herself begin to think about slowly disintegrated and her world began to crumble. She’d been here before. And she hated it. Hated the feeling of helplessness. Of panic. Of sudden, overwhelming despair. She’d vowed once never to put herself in this position again. But she’d broken her own rule. She’d let Blake become such an integral part of her life that a future without him seemed empty and bleak. So the situation she now found herself in was her own fault. She had no one to blame but herself. She’d opened her heart to this man, and now he was going to break it and walk away.
As she looked at Blake’s face, she knew that his decision had not come easily. She saw the conflict in the depths of his eyes, saw the lines of fatigue and strain at their corners, saw the deeply etched furrows in his brow. She tried to focus on his words, but as he concluded she knew she’d missed a lot.
“So I had to offer, A.J. They need me.”
But so do I! she wanted to cry. Yet her spoken words were different. “I understand,” she said numbly.
He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb, then made a move to stand. A.J. automatically began to follow suit, but he pressed her gently back and went down on one knee beside her. He cocooned both of her hands in his and gave her a shaky grin.
“Mr. Conventional to the end,” he said, his voice slightly uneven. “I had planned to do this the night I left, in a more romantic spot with candlelight and flowers. But life has a funny way of changing plans. Besides, this is probably a more appropriate place, since the shop is what brought us together.”
He paused and took a deep breath. “A.J., the life I’m about to offer you isn’t the one I—or you—might have envisioned a couple of weeks ago. But it will still be good. Because we’ll be together. And that’s what really counts in the end. You told me once that home isn’t so much a place—that it’s simply being with the people you love. I believe that now. And I hope you still do, too.
“But I also know that you love Turning Leaves. I know that you’re starting to build a life for yourself here. And I know that leaving all this behind, starting over yet again, will be a great sacrifice. So I want you to think about this very carefully. I don’t want an answer tonight. Or even tomorrow, necessarily. Take whatever time you need.”
He touched her cheek gently, then reached into his pocket and withdrew a small slip of paper.
“I spent a lot of time at the hospital while I was in Oregon, and sometimes, while my dad slept, I’d page through the Bible. I came across this passage from Jeremiah one day, and it really struck a chord with me. I wanted to share it with you.” He glanced down and read in a slightly unsteady voice. “‘For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans to give you a future full of hope.’” He paused, then looked back at her. “A.J., I have to tell you that you weren’t in my plans. For years I’d been searching for a stereotype who fit all the conventional notions of what a wife should be. And then you came into my life and turned it upside down.
“For a long time I resented you. I liked my life just fine the way it was, and you were always changing things. But you know what? All of the changes you made were for the better. You opened my eyes to things I’d never noticed before, challenged me to rethink long-held opinions, helped me discover the joy in spontaneity. You reminded me that I should never judge a book by its cover. And in keeping with the name of Jo’s shop, you helped me turn over a new leaf.
“Slowly, kicking and dragging most of the way, I came to realize that maybe my plans weren’t God’s plans. And that His were better. Maybe that’s true for your plans, too, A.J.”
Once more Blake reached into his pocket, and this time he withdrew a small satin case. He flipped it open to reveal an antique white-gold ring with a square-cut diamond in an ornate setting.
“This was my grandmother’s engagement ring. I’ve had it for years, waiting to give it to the woman who captured my heart and filled my life with joy. You are that woman, A.J. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you. Before we met, I thought I was living. But I wasn’t. I was just moving through my days. Life before you was like a black-and-white movie. Flat and dull and ordinary. But now it’s Technicolor. And it’s definitely not dull!”
He flashed her a grin, but it was forced. She could see the tension in his face, feel it in his postur
e.
“Believe me, I know I’m getting the better end of this deal,” he continued. “But while I might not always be the most exciting guy around, I’m steady. And dependable. And I honor my commitments. So when I say that I promise to love you to the very best of my ability every day of my life, you can count on it. For always.”
He closed the lid of the box, placed it in her hand, and folded her delicate fingers over it.
“I know I’ve thrown a lot at you and that you’re scared. But I would be honored if you would accept this and become my wife. Take it with you. Think about it. Pray about it. And know that I’ll be waiting, however long it takes.”
He leaned toward her, and his lips brushed hers, just a momentary touch before he stood. He gave her one last, lingering look, his hand cupping her cheek. “I love you, A.J. I’ll call you tomorrow.” And then he was gone before she could speak.
A.J. stared after him, and a moment later she heard the bell, followed by the click of the front door. Her mind was reeling as her brain worked frantically to process everything Blake had just told her. In the end, she realized that it came down to three things. Blake loved her. He was leaving. And he wanted her to go with him, as his wife.
She glanced down at the small satin box in her palm and slowly lifted the top. The diamond winked back at her, and she traced the edges wonderingly. Blake had been saving this for a special woman all these years. For her.
A.J. drew a shaky breath and brushed her hair back from her face with trembling fingers. She’d known they were heading this way. Had been prepared to put her fears aside and take a second chance on love with this special man. But she hadn’t realized that he would ask her to leave everything else behind. Yet wasn’t that what love was all about? She thought about the words from the book of Ruth. “Do not ask me to abandon or forsake you! For wherever you go I will go, wherever you lodge I will lodge, your people shall be my people, and your God my God.” Those were words spoken by a daughter-in-law to her mother-in-law. How much more true they should be between a man and wife.
