by Irene Hannon
A.J. knew that leaving St. Louis wasn’t Blake’s preference. He loved it here. He loved Turning Leaves. And he loved her. Yet he was willing to give up the life he’d built here over the past several years, tear up roots that went deep, because of a sense of obligation to his family and a need to reconnect with parents who had been largely lost to him. She understood that. Admired him for it. And surely she could move, too. After all, she’d only been here a few months. Her roots were still new and could easily be transplanted.
But A.J. knew it was more than that. For a few moments, before he’d proposed but after he’d told her he was leaving, she had recalled with startling clarity the sense of loss and abandonment she’d felt when Eric died. Had been vividly reminded of the reasons she’d been so afraid to commit again, to make plans for the future. Blake’s proposal had quickly followed, so this time the ending had turned out differently. She was being given a choice about which direction her life took. But the next time, the choice might not be hers. If she went with Blake and built a new life with him in Oregon, she had no guarantee it would last.
Slowly A.J. closed the lid of the ring box. A wonderful man had just proposed to her. Had offered her his love and fidelity for as long as he lived. Her heart should be overflowing with joy. It was a dream come true, filled with the promise of a beautiful future.
But it was overshadowed by the nightmare of her tragic past.
And until she put that firmly to rest, until she left yesterday behind once and for all, she knew that it would be impossible to move forward and embrace tomorrow.
Blake raised himself on one elbow to glance at the digital clock by his bed. Two in the morning. He dropped back with a groan and placed his forearm on his forehead as he stared at the dark ceiling.
He’d half expected A.J. to call after he’d left the shop. But she hadn’t. So finally he’d gone to bed. Which was useless. He hadn’t slept more than an hour, and then only in fitful spurts.
He thought about how she’d looked when he left. Shell-shocked. Wide-eyed. Confused. It wasn’t the reaction he’d always expected when he finally proposed to the woman he loved. But then, not much about their relationship had been predictable.
Was there something else he could have said? Should have said? Some other way to explain what was in his heart? Had he made it clear how much he loved her? He wasn’t always the most eloquent guy, despite his love of the printed word. Even though he’d given it his best shot, he was less and less confident as the hours ticked by that he’d convinced her of the depth of his feelings. And less and less confident that she’d pull up roots again and follow him to another new place.
He hadn’t wanted to press her last night. Not when he’d dropped so much on her all at once. He knew she needed time to think things through. But he also knew that if her answer was no, he wasn’t going to give up. He couldn’t. Because she’d become a part of him. And because he knew she loved him. They couldn’t let fear rob them of tomorrow.
It might take the patience of Job to convince her of that. Not to mention racking up thousands of frequent flier miles. But if her answer was no, he would try again.
And again.
And he would keep trying, until he finally convinced her to say yes.
Because in his heart, he knew they belonged together.
Forever.
Chapter Twelve
“Hello. This is Morgan. Please leave a message and I’ll return your call as soon as possible.”
A.J. sighed and slowly replaced the receiver. She’d already struck out with Clare, who was having her own problems in North Carolina. Now Morgan was unavailable. She desperately needed to talk with somebody. And it was way too early in the morning to call anyone but family.
A.J. had tossed and turned all night, finally rising at 5:00 a.m. Fortunately, Trish and Nancy were scheduled for the Saturday shift, because she was in no shape— physically or mentally—to deal with customers. She poured her third cup of coffee, cradling it in her hands as the first light of dawn slowly seeped in under the window shade in her breakfast nook.
Felix padded into the room and looked up at her inquisitively. A brief smile touched her lips and she reached down and gave him a quick scratch.
“Hey, guy. Did I wake you?”
He tilted his head and wagged his tail.
“I know you need to go out. Just give me five minutes, okay?”
In response, he settled down at her feet, head on his paws. He waited patiently, but when five minutes turned into ten, he looked back up at her, this time more urgently.
“Sorry,” she said, shoving aside her coffee cup and giving him another scratch. She stood and he followed her to the door, waiting eagerly while she clipped on his leash.
As they stepped outside, the unexpected mugginess of the mid-May day hit her in the face, and she hesitated. She’d heard about St. Louis’s oppressive summer heat, but this early in the season? Even Felix seemed reluctant to venture out.
“Come on, boy. Let’s make this fast,” she told him as she started down the front steps.
He hung back, and she had to urge him with a gentle but firm tug on the leash. “Hey, this was your idea, buddy.”
They headed down the street, and as they turned the corner she noticed a moving truck in the middle of the next block. A little boy was sitting on a low stone wall watching as the moving crew loaded boxes and furniture on the truck. His shoulders were hunched dejectedly, and A.J. felt a tug on her heartstrings at his obvious misery. Her step slowed as she approached him, and she stopped about ten feet away.
“Hi, there.”
He looked up. She guessed he was about eight or nine, with reddish blond hair and a healthy sprinkling of freckles across his nose.
“My mom says I can’t talk to strangers.”
“That’s a good rule. Can you talk to me if I stay back here?”
“I guess so.” He eyed her skeptically, then glanced toward her feet. “What’s his name?”
“Felix.”
“I wish I had a dog.”
“Maybe you can some day.”
He shook his head dejectedly. “Mom says not for a while. We might have to move again.”
“Where are you moving to?”
“Chicago.”
“I used to live there.”
There was a flicker of interest in his eyes. “Yeah? What’s it like?”
“It’s a nice place. There are lots of things to do there. It’s right on a big lake, and there’s an awesome aquarium.”
He pulled up one knee, wrapped his arms around it and looked at her doubtfully. “If it’s so great, why did you move here?”
She was momentarily taken aback by the question. “Well, my aunt gave me a bookshop. So I came down here to take care of it.”
“Do you like it here?”
“Yes.”
“Are you going to stay here forever?”
She stared at him. That, it seemed, was the question of the day. “I’m not sure.”
“Where would you go if you left?”
“Maybe Oregon.”
“My dad was from Oregon. He died when I was five. I don’t remember him much.”
She felt a pang in her heart. “I’m sure he was a very nice man.”
“That’s what Mom says. She misses him a lot sometimes.”
A.J.’s chest grew tight. “It’s hard when people you love die.”
“Mom says Dad wouldn’t want us to be sad, though. Because he’s in heaven. And she says we shouldn’t feel lonely, because God is always with us. And that He’s watching out for us. I thought that if we moved, God might forget where we lived. But Mom says He always knows where we are. Even if we went to China, He’d know.”
A.J. struggled to swallow past the lump in her throat. “Your mom is very smart.”
“Yeah. So do you think you’ll move to Oregon?”
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“Maybe you should talk to God about it. That’s what I did, when
Mom told me we were moving to Chicago. I felt better after that. I mean, I’m still sad about leaving St. Louis. But Chicago sounds pretty cool. And I’ll be with my mom. And God will take care of us. So it’ll be okay.”
“Eric! Come have your breakfast!” A.J. sent a startled glance toward the front door of the small bungalow, then looked back at the little boy. “Your name is Eric?”
“Yeah. Listen, I gotta go. Bye, Felix.”
A.J. stared after him, watching until he disappeared inside. A lot of boys were named Eric, of course. But it was…almost like a sign. A message. A.J. didn’t much believe in those kinds of things. But it seemed somehow more than just a coincidence that today of all days—when thoughts of her past, and her fears, were so prevalent—that she would run across a little boy named Eric. Whose absolute trust in God reminded her of another Eric, and put her own faith to shame.
Shaken, A.J. slowly headed for home. Weeks earlier, when she’d talked to Reverend Matthews about her unwillingness to make plans for the future, and her guilt over those feelings because she thought they indicated a lack of trust in the Lord, he’d reassured her that such feelings were human, that God understood. And slowly, over the past few weeks, she thought she’d worked through her issues. That surely the tentative plans she’d made for a future with Blake indicated she’d finally put her trust in the Lord.
But she’d only been fooling herself. Because last night, when she’d been thrown a curveball, she’d realized that she hadn’t really surrendered her fears to the Lord. And unless she did, unless she trusted that He would be by her side no matter where she was, through both joys and sorrows, her words of faith were hollow.
Little Eric had learned that lesson. She hoped he clung to it better than she had when his faith was tested in the years ahead. But maybe it was time now for her to relearn the lesson. To be like the little children, simple and trusting in their faith.
A.J. took a deep breath and searched her heart for the words she needed.
Lord, thank you for sending that child into my life today. His simple faith has made me realize what I’ve known all along. That You are with us always, to the end of time. Somewhere along the way I’ve lost my confidence in Your presence. I’ve let fear overwhelm me. Even now, when a wonderful man has offered me the gift of his love, I hesitate. Because of fear. Fear that You’ll call him home, as You called Eric, and leave me alone once more. Help me banish this fear so that I can appreciate this gift, accept it, and savor it. Help me also to feel Your presence in my life, to know that You will never abandon me even on my darkest days. Give me Your grace, Your guidance and Your strength. Help me to remember always that, in this changing world, three things abide. And to joyfully accept the greatest of these from the wonderful man whose presence has blessed and enriched my life.
As she ended her silent prayer, a quiet peace came over her. Deep in the recesses of her heart, she knew that the Lord had heard her plea. And she also knew that if she put her trust in Him, He would give her the courage to leave the past behind and accept a future with the wonderful man who was waiting for her answer to his proposal.
A tug on the leash pulled her up short. Felix had stopped by the steps to her apartment, while she had blindly continued on, lost in thought. He was looking up at her quizzically, his head cocked, and she smiled, her heart lighter than it had been in years.
She’d almost passed by her apartment.
But she now knew one thing with absolute certainty.
She wasn’t going to pass up her second chance for love.
The phone was ringing when Blake entered the house after clocking almost enough miles to qualify for a marathon. Usually, running was a great stress reliever. Today, it had done nothing to dissipate his tension. All it had done was dehydrate him. Even though he’d left before dawn, the heat and humidity had been heavy in the air.
But his need for water was eclipsed by his need to answer the phone. It could be A.J. His already elevated pulse accelerated as he strode toward the kitchen and grabbed the receiver. “Hello.”
“Blake?”
It was his mother. His pulse ratcheted up again, this time from fear.
“Is Dad okay?”
“Yes, he’s fine. He’s on the other line.”
“I’m here, son. And doing well. But you sound winded.”
Blake closed his eyes in relief and took a deep breath. “I just got in from running.”
“That would explain it. Everything okay in St. Louis?”
“Yes.” It was the easiest response, but he couldn’t be sure that was true until he had A.J.’s answer.
“Good. Listen, son, your mom and I have been talking about your generous offer to be our business manager. You don’t know how much that means to us.”
“The idea of making this a real family business is like a dream come true,” his mother added, her voice catching with emotion on the last word.
“But the thing is, son, this heart attack has been like a wake-up call to us. We started this business because natural food and healthy eating interested us. We never expected it to be so successful or so consuming. It just kind of snowballed on us, and before we knew it we were caught up in the momentum. It’s been a great ride, don’t get me wrong. And we’re grateful for our success. But we never really wanted to be business tycoons. In the past few years we haven’t had much time for a lot of the other things we love. Like travel. And more importantly, each other. So we’ve decided to sell the business.”
For a moment there was silence.
“You’re selling the business?” Blake repeated when he could find his voice.
“Yes. You’ve seen our books and our files, so you know that we’ve had a good offer from a company that wants to turn the business into a franchise,” Jan said. “It’s a perfect solution. And it will give us the time to try some other things. Over the years we’ve turned down a lot of speaking invitations around the country because we couldn’t afford to be away from the business. Now we can accept them. And there’s a publisher that’s been after us to write a healthy cookbook for some time.
“We’ve also been asked to consider doing a syndicated newspaper column on healthy eating,” his father added. “So we’re actually really excited about making this change. Selling the stores will give us a good cushion for retirement and allow us to pursue these other interests. But we would definitely welcome your help and expertise in arranging the sale of the business. That’s a little out of our league.”
“Are you sure about this?” Blake asked slowly.
“Yes. We talked it over. And prayed about it. I have to admit, we were tempted to say yes to your offer just because we’d get to see you a lot more,” his mother said wistfully.
“But we knew that was selfish,” Carl added. “You have your own life to lead.”
Blake frowned. “Is that the real reason you’re doing this? For me?”
“Partly,” his mother admitted. “But it’s also for us. We really do want to go back to a less stressful lifestyle that lets us pursue our other interests.”
“We hope you won’t be a stranger, though, son. You know you’re always welcome to visit anytime.”
The undisguised emotion in his father’s voice tugged at Blake’s heart. “I plan to take you up on that.”
He heard his mother sniffle. “It’s good to have you back, Blake. We love you.”
He hadn’t been able to say it in person. He wasn’t quite there yet. But somehow, by phone, it was easier. “I love you guys, too.”
“We’ll see you next week, son. Tell A.J. we said hello.”
“I will.”
As they hung up, his heart suddenly light, he knew he had a whole lot more than that to tell the woman he loved.
And he hoped that when she heard the news, when she knew that marrying him wouldn’t turn her world upside down after all, she would feel more comfortable accepting his ring—and his heart.
A.J. pressed the doorbell for the third time, with the same res
ult. No answer. She turned and looked up and down Blake’s street. He was probably out riding his bike or running, she speculated, as she juggled the bagels and coffee she’d picked up on the way to his house. She supposed she could wait. He had to come back sooner or later. And they could always nuke the coffee. But she didn’t want to wait. Now that she’d decided to accept his proposal, she was anxious to tell him immediately. She’d delayed things long enough.
She balanced the cardboard tray on top of the banister and dug in her purse for her cell phone. He might have his phone with him, she thought hopefully. It was worth a try.
Blake pulled a T-shirt over his head and flipped off the shower exhaust just in time to hear his cell phone ringing. He made a dash for it. “Hello?”
“Blake? It’s A.J.”
Her voice had a breathless quality, and his own breathing suddenly went haywire. “Hi? What’s up?”
“I was hoping we could get together this morning.”
“I’d like that. Where are you right now?”
“On your front porch. Where are you?”
He frowned and made his way to the front door. Through the peephole he saw her balancing a tray on the banister. Her back was to him, and he quietly opened the door.
“Turn around.”
There was a momentary hesitation. “What?”
He grinned. “Turn around.”
She did…and stopped breathing. Blake stood in the doorway, barefoot, dressed in cutoff jeans that revealed his muscular legs and a T-shirt that hugged his broad chest. His hair was damp and spiky, like he’d just stepped out of the shower. He still looked tired—but incredibly handsome. Suddenly she felt way too warm— and she knew her condition had nothing to do with the muggy humidity.
Slowly he pushed the door open. “I was in the shower, so I didn’t hear you ringing. Come in.”
