Dance of Shadows

by Yelana Black

  The paint was chipped where the door met the wall, and suddenly Vanessa was overwhelmed with the urge to peel all the layers of paint away, as if her sister’s secrets might be hidden underneath.

  But all of that faded away when she heard TJ, her voice so soft she almost didn’t recognize it. “You have to see this,” TJ said.

  Vanessa looked up to see a sliver of bare wall and Elly’s bed stripped down to the mattress. It was dull blue in color, with a big ugly tag sticking out of the bottom—so different from Elly’s pink pillows and ruffled comforter. And for a moment, it no longer mattered that the room had belonged to her sister, because now Elly was gone too. Shaking herself back to reality, Vanessa stepped through the door.

  TJ and Steffie were standing in the middle of the room. Steffie’s side was cluttered with clothes and jewelry and makeup, photographs and prints of dancers decorating her walls. Elly’s was empty. Traces of tape were still stuck to the wall where her ballet posters had hung. Dust bunnies gathered under her bed, where her pink satin shoes had been neatly arranged. The only thing left behind was a single bobby pin, tangled with a few pale strands of Elly’s hair. Vanessa bent down and picked it up.

  “At first, I thought someone had broken into our room and stolen our stuff,” Steffie said. “But then I realized that none of my things were missing.”

  “Do you think she left?” TJ said. “Like, moved out?”

  “Without telling us?” Steffie said. “Why would she do that? She at least would have waited until we got back. Or left a good-bye note if it was so urgent.”

  “But what could have been so urgent?” Vanessa asked.

  Steffie leaned on Elly’s empty desk, staring at the bare shelves, which still had three glittery heart stickers stuck to the side.

  “A death in the family?” TJ said. “Who knows?”

  “Someone has to know,” Vanessa said. “Elly couldn’t have just moved out of her dorm room without telling anyone.”

  “Kate,” Steffie blurted out. And without another word they slipped into the hall, the door clicking shut behind them.

  The resident adviser’s room was at the end of the hall. A bulletin board hung on the door, peppered with maps of New York, class schedules, and activity forms. Vanessa knocked.

  Kate was on the phone when she answered the door. Behind her, the room glowed with warm, yellow light. Music blared from her computer. A mug of tea sat beside it.

  “Hi, guys,” she said, covering the mouthpiece of her phone. “What’s up?”

  “What happened to Elly?” TJ and Vanessa said at the same time.

  “What do you mean?” Kate said, looking confused.

  “You mean you don’t know either?” Vanessa said, a flutter of nausea tickling her stomach. Beside her, she could hear TJ’s breath quicken.

  “Oh no,” TJ whispered.

  “Know what?” Kate said, lowering the phone.

  Steffie swallowed. “Elly and all of her things are gone.”

  Vanessa blinked, remembering the last conversation she’d had with Elly. She was going to stay in and read, she’d said, her voice stilted as if she’d meant to say something else. Had Elly actually meant to say good-bye? A sickening feeling of regret passed through Vanessa, and suddenly she was back at her kitchen table at home, smelling her father’s apple pie that had burned to a crisp after the call had come in. She had relived the scene hundreds of times, but now it wasn’t just a memory. It was real. Only now, it was Elly.

  Vanessa woke up just before dawn. The clock read six o’clock, hours before morning rehearsal. She rolled over, stretching, and tried to recall the strange dream she’d had. Something about Zep, a note, a weeping ballerina. Across the room, TJ’s brown ringlets spilled across her pillow. Vanessa watched her shift in her sleep, and all the events from the night before came tumbling back.

  When Kate had seen the state of Steffie and Elly’s room, she’d just stood there, staring for what felt like hours. Finally she’d said, “I—I have to talk to someone about this. Josef.”

  “We’ll come with you—” Vanessa had started to say, but Kate cut her off.

  “No. It’s late; you guys should get some sleep. I’ll talk to Josef and tell you everything I know when I get back.”

  After Kate left, the others called Elly’s cell phone, but she didn’t pick up, so they left her a voice mail. TJ took it the hardest. Ever the lawyers’ child, she was certain something terrible, something criminal, had happened to Elly, and it took Steffie and Vanessa the better part of the night to calm her down.

  Standing up, Vanessa threw on a cardigan and tiptoed down the hall to Steffie’s room. Just as she raised her fist to knock, the door swung open.

  “Vanessa!” Steffie said, startled. She was holding her dance bag and a bottle of water. Dark circles hung under her eyes.

  “You’re awake,” said Vanessa.

  “I couldn’t sleep with that empty bed across from me,” Steffie said.

  “Have you heard anything?” Vanessa asked.

  Steffie shook her head. “I knocked on Kate’s door again, but she didn’t have any news. She said she called Hilda, Josef, a bunch of staff from school—to find someone who had Elly’s parents’ phone number. Apparently Kate only had Elly’s cell on file. She finally reached one of the secretaries, who met her in the office. But just before Kate called, Hilda arrived and took over. Kate said Hilda assured her she would get in touch as soon as she figured out what was going on. And I tried calling Elly again, but got her voice mail. Have you?”

  “No.”

  Not sure what to say next, they stood there in silence, both wondering where Elly had gone.

  “Where are you going?” Vanessa asked.

  “To the studio. I thought it might help take my mind off things. You want to come?”

  “Sure.”

  The studio was dark when they arrived. They flipped on the lights, their reflections flitting across the waxed floors as they put on their slippers, and, without speaking, walked to the barre. Vanessa lifted her arm in the air and began to warm up in tandem with Steffie. Sweat beaded on her upper lip, and she thought of Zep, of the note he had left her and the way it made her insides flutter. She extended and lowered her leg, once, twice, three times, until her muscles burned and her breath grew short and everything melted away except for the barre, the mirrors, the waxed wooden floors beneath her feet.

  When the rest of the freshmen poured into the studio for Saturday morning rehearsal, filling the room with pink and black nylon and the bright hum of chatter, Vanessa and Steffie sat in the corner, sipping water and watching the door, as if waiting for Elly to burst in. Instead, Blaine and TJ entered the room. From the look on Blaine’s face, it was clear TJ had filled him in.

  “Where were you this morning?” TJ asked, flushed. “For a minute, I thought you had disappeared too.”

  Vanessa shrugged. “Sorry. I couldn’t sleep, so we came to practice.”

  TJ let out an exasperated sigh and began to stretch. “As if either of you need practice.”

  “Have you guys heard anything—” Blaine started to say when the door opened.

  Josef strutted inside, cleanly shaven, his dark hair combed back. He clapped loudly, the room going silent as he walked to the center of the floor. Vanessa almost didn’t notice Hilda, who had shuffled in behind him and was hovering by the door, her plain brown frock blending in with the wall.

  Everyone gathered around Josef as he began to speak. “I told you in the beginning that some of you wouldn’t make it through the academic year.” He paused dramatically. “Many of you didn’t believe me.”

  Everyone in the room seemed to be holding their breath.

  “But this morning, I come to you not with warnings, but with sobering news. One of your classmates, Elinor Pym, has decided to leave our community. She found the pressure and physical rigors too difficult to endure, and opted to explore other endeavors,” Josef said. “And perhaps it’s for the better.”

&nbs
p; “What?” Vanessa whispered to Steffie. “After a week? Did she ever tell you that she was stressed out?”

  Steffie frowned. “Never.”

  “Me neither,” Vanessa said, while Josef explained that some students weren’t emotionally strong enough to withstand the daily stress that ballet dancers endure. But it didn’t make sense. Even though Elly had been distant in the past few days, Vanessa had never thought she was planning on dropping out. Sure, she had made a few blunders in the studio, but so had everyone else. She was a strong dancer, always trying to be better, and she was passionate about dance. So why had she left?

  “This probably won’t be the only casualty of the year. NYBA is not a joke. Many of you won’t last long enough to see the leaves change in Central Park.” He clapped his hands together. “Let this be a warning to all of you.”

  People began to whisper, thinking his speech was over, when he said, “Oh, and one more thing. Vanessa Adler.”

  Vanessa went rigid. Slowly, she raised her hand.

  “Ah, there you are,” Josef said. “I’d like to see you in my office after classes are over.”

  All heads turned in her direction, and she heard a few girls muttering in the corner. Not saying a word, she nodded. While everyone else stood and made their way to the barre, Vanessa sat for a moment, watching Josef disappear through the door.

  “Why does he want to see you?” Blaine asked as they lined up.

  Before Vanessa could reply, TJ cut in. “If she knew what he wanted to tell her, he wouldn’t have called her in the first place, dummy.”

  “Maybe it’s because of last night in the theater,” Steffie said. “Maybe he saw us sneaking around, and you—you’re the most noticeable.”

  Instinctively, Vanessa glanced in the mirror at her bright-red hair, now wound into a tight bun. Steffie had to be right. Why else would Josef want to talk to her? As Hilda began to call out exercises, the heads in front of Vanessa dipped and bobbed in rhythm, the same as every morning, except this time Elly wasn’t with them.

  The rest of the day slipped away. Vanessa kept scanning the passing students for Zep’s metallic eyes, but with no luck. Even on Saturday, the halls were bustling with students. After their afternoon class, Vanessa, Steffie, and TJ caught up with Blaine, who was talking to a tall, athletic boy named Garrett. Blaine giggled as he introduced them, even though nothing was funny, then giggled again when Garrett told him in a deep, confused voice that he’d see him tomorrow.

  “Is that your mating call?” TJ teased.

  “Hey, at least I’m not padding up for the winter,” he said, poking TJ’s barely visible love handle.

  “Back off,” TJ said, a little more irritable than normal. “Don’t you know not to tease a girl about her weight?”

  “Hey,” Steffie interrupted. “Have you guys heard from Elly?”

  Blaine and TJ went silent.

  “I think we should talk to Kate,” Steffie said. “Maybe she has more information.”

  “I hope so,” Blaine said. “Because what Josef said made zero sense.”

  As they made their way to the dormitory, Vanessa slowed her pace. “Guys, I can’t go,” she said.

  Steffie put a hand on her hip. “Why?”

  “Josef, remember?” Vanessa replied. Before she could say anything more, Vanessa’s cell phone vibrated in her pocket. She took it out, hoping it was Elly, only to see her mother’s name blinking on the screen. Her friends looked at her expectantly, but Vanessa only shook her head.

  She shrugged and backed away, when in the distance, she caught a flash of lustrous eyes. Vanessa froze, and her heart began to race. Zep. He was a few yards away, his head just visible through the crowd of students.

  She lowered her hand, letting her cell phone go to voice mail as she walked toward him. Hi Zep! she said to herself, practicing, and then shook her head. I got your note, she whispered in a sexy tone, but that just sounded silly.

  She took a breath and reminded herself to act natural. But just as she stepped toward him, Anna materialized, her hand reaching for Zep’s. She could see Zep talking to Anna, his face almost guilty. Anna’s pink lips were pursed in anger. She slid her hand from Zep’s and gesticulated wildly, and to Vanessa’s dismay, Zep grabbed her hand and held it. I’m sorry, his lips said.

  Unable to watch anymore, Vanessa spun around and wove through the crowd, taking the long route to Josef’s office so she wouldn’t have to see them. What was Zep playing at, leaving her a note and telling her she looked beautiful when he was clearly still seeing Anna?

  Her phone began vibrating again, and this time, she picked up.

  “Vanessa?” At her mother’s shrill voice, Vanessa pulled the phone away from her ear. “Is that you? Why did it take you so long to answer?” Not sure what to say, Vanessa just stood there.

  “Vanessa, are you there?” her mother’s tinny voice echoed through the cell phone. “Why don’t you say something?”

  Vanessa swallowed, trying to appear calm, like someone who hadn’t just seen the boy she liked hold another girl’s hand. Like someone who wasn’t about to go see the head choreographer to be expelled from the most prestigious ballet school in America. Expelled, she thought, her throat suddenly dry. Was that even possible?

  “Vanessa!” her mother screeched.

  “Yes, I’m here, Mom,” she said. “I had a bad connection.”

  But her mother barely listened. “I’ve been calling and calling, but you never pick up. What’s going on? Is everything all right?”

  “Stop worrying. Everything’s fine. I’m sorry I haven’t called you back, I’ve just been busy. They announced which ballet we’ll be performing and it’s The Firebird.”

  “The Firebird?” her mother said. “The same one Margaret was supposed to be in?” Before Vanessa could answer, her mother continued. “You haven’t been cast yet, have you?”

  “No, not yet …” Vanessa lowered her voice.

  This seemed to cheer her mother up. “Well, maybe it’s for the better,” she said. “You need to focus on your schoolwork. How’s that going, by the way?”

  “It’s fine.”

  “You sound upset,” her mother said. “You know you can come home at any time. Whenever you’re ready. If you don’t get cast, we can always enroll you in the public school here. The teachers are wonderful. I ran into one of them in the grocery store the other day, and she started telling me about their freshman curriculum—”

  “Mom, I’m fine here. Things are going great.”

  “What did you say? It sounds like you’re walking down stairs.”

  “I said things are going great. I’m—I’m going to the studio. To practice my exercises,” Vanessa lied.

  “Exercises? Maybe you should take a break. Go to the library.”

  “Okay, Mom, I’ll keep that in mind,” she said. After saying good-bye, she hung up. Vanessa stared at her cell phone. Still no response from Elly. Quickly, she dialed her number and listened as it rang, once, twice, three times. Then the sweet sound of Elly’s southern drawl, saying that she wasn’t available to take her call.

  “Elly, it’s me, Vanessa. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. You don’t have to explain or anything. I just want to know you’re all right.” Vanessa hesitated, as if waiting for Elly to cut in. When she didn’t, she hung up.

  Josef’s office was tucked into the first floor of the main hall. The dark wooden door was cracked open when she arrived, a dim light emanating from within. Catching a glimpse of a messy desk covered with papers, she knocked. “Josef?” she said, her voice wobbly. When no one answered, she pushed open the door.

  The office was unnaturally still. A thick haze hung in the air, and the pungent smell of smoke tickled her nose. The shades were drawn, barring all light except what came from an old lamp, which flickered in the corner as if its bulb were about to burn out.

  Vanessa took a step inside, still holding her cell phone.

  The walls were covered with black-and-white photog
raphs of Josef as a young dancer and autographed posters from famous ballerinas. She saw a wooden filing cabinet whose top drawer was ajar, revealing a row of files. Student files, she thought. For the briefest moment she considered searching for hers, but then came to her senses. Josef could walk in at any moment. The top of the cabinet was lined with trophies covered in a layer of dust. She studied them, until she noticed a gate leading to a darkened room lined with books. A library, she thought, and out of curiosity, tried the latch. It was locked. She turned to face the desk, behind which stood a tall pendulum clock, when she realized that the smoky smell had gotten stronger.

  On Josef’s desk, several odd-looking blocks of rosin were stacked beside a sketchbook and a metronome. They looked almost like the rosin Vanessa rubbed on her pointe shoes, except these were darker, almost amber in color, and translucent. Vanessa glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was looking, then picked up one of the blocks. It was heavier than she expected, and sticky to the touch. Pinching it with two fingers, she held it up and sniffed it.

  Her nose was overwhelmed with the smoky stench of burning sap. Thrusting it away, Vanessa felt the twinge of a sneeze. She crinkled her nose and closed her eyes, willing it to pass.

  “Please do not play with my things.”

  Vanessa’s heart nearly stopped.

  Josef stood before her, his face contorted with the anger she’d seen once before—when Elly interrupted the rehearsal.

  She dropped the rosin onto the desk and backed away. “I didn’t mean to touch anything. I don’t know what was I thinking. I’m really sorry.”

  Josef’s face softened. “It’s fine.” He walked to the other side of the desk. “Please. Sit.” He motioned to a chair across from his.

  He waited until Vanessa had settled in before he sat down. A proper gentleman, her mother would have said.

  “Vanessa,” he said, leaning back in his chair, which creaked beneath him. “Vanessa. What are we to do with you?”

  “What—what do you mean?”

  “I knew your sister, you know. Margaret.”