Unspoken

by Liz McMullen

  Desiree was happy to see she was ahead of the homework game and earned a really good cup of coffee and a little reading for pleasure. Heck, she could even allow notifications from Facebook and Messenger. The espresso machine at the Thirsty Mind made quite the racket, but it didn’t bother her. She was three chapters deep into the latest Carsen Taite novel when a voice interrupted her reading.

  She cracked a grin when she realized it was Rowan. For once bumping into her didn’t tempt her to click her ejector seat button. “Are you stalking me?”

  Rowan grasped her heart in mock hurt. “I go to school here too, you know. I actually just came from the library. Had to check out some books my professor had on reserve.”

  Desiree smiled. It was easy to forget they were students in the same school. She wondered how Rowan was able to keep up with her studies between handy dyke duties and bartending. “I’m glad to see you.”

  “Do you mind?” Rowan gestured to the wingback chair beside her.

  “Actually no, get comfortable.”

  Rowan beamed. “Sure I’m not interrupting your studies?”

  “I was on fire today. Finished reading for two classes, polished a term paper for my political theory class, and finished my economics exercises.”

  Rowan whistled. “I’m impressed, though I can’t say the same.” She traced her fingers on her thigh above the artful rip just shy of her knee.

  Desiree guessed this was a nervous habit, but she was mesmerized. Her own fingers nearly twitched with the desire to trace the same path. Rowan caught her staring and raised an eyebrow. The arch was so perfect, she wondered if Rowan cared for her own eyebrows or went to Delilah’s Salon. Desiree decided to be shameless and continue cataloging each distressed inch of Rowan’s jeans.

  Rowan coughed dramatically, calling Desiree’s attention away from her lap. “I kept getting distracted.”

  Desiree knew what she meant.

  “In a nice way. I’m sorry we got interrupted.” Rowan ducked her head a bit.

  Desiree liked this vulnerable side of Rowan. She was entirely appealing and not one of those cocky butches. Most women with her handsome features were narcissistic. Another point for Rowan. “Next time I visit, I’ll turn off my phone. That was literally a buzzkill.”

  Rowan’s smile lit up her face. “So there will be a next time?”

  Desiree brushed her fingers over Rowan’s knuckles, then laced their joined fingers. “I’m hoping so.”

  Rowan’s shoulders dropped as the tension left her body. Desiree had never seen her this at ease, in public at least. She smiled as she remembered Rowan’s post-kiss daze. God that kiss. Maybe they could take this somewhere more private. She’d earned it and was even ahead of the game homework wise.

  “You are a hard woman to find.”

  Desiree’s mother’s voice was like a cobra poised to strike. She braced for impact.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Thirsty Mind Coffee and Wine Bar

  Desiree stood, not willing to cede the advantage of looking down into her mother’s dead slate-gray eyes. Rowan, sensing a battle was imminent, stood by her side, lending six feet of gravitas to the situation. Desiree smiled inwardly at Rowan’s protective gesture. Her mother couldn’t have missed the message, and her expression soured as she likely judged Rowan’s casual off-the-rack look and found it wanting.

  Not one to dispense with pleasantries, she launched an offensive. “Not as easy to locate me with the LoJack disabled.”

  Rowan’s eyes widened in disbelief, but she made no comment.

  “I don’t know what you are talking about. Don’t shame me in public. You did that well enough in front of President Hawthorne. Your American clothes and lack of propriety are unacceptable,” Rosalie Chevalier spoke in quiet French, barely above a murmur.

  “You ambushed me, put me in an untenable situation, and tried to hijack my entire school year,” Desiree replied in English just to irk her mother. She derived a perverse thrill from doing so while dressed like the quintessential American college student in a cable-knit sweater, jeans, and penny loafers. She regretted not wearing her brown curls in a ponytail pulled through a rugby baseball hat. That would have sent Rosalie over the edge.

  Desiree squared her shoulders and stared her mother down. “Did you honestly think springing your plan on me in front of the college president would shame me into doing your bidding? Have you contacted the development office and my advisor yet?”

  “As a matter of fact—”

  Desiree’s heart sank all the way to her oxblood penny loafers. She shouldn’t have been surprised, but for the life of her, she couldn’t understand why her mother was being so invasive.

  In the absence of a response, Rosalie went in for the kill. “I’ve taken a room in the quaintest bed and breakfast.”

  Desiree’s entire body flushed, and her chest was so tight, she could barely breathe. She didn’t, she couldn’t have…

  “When you mentioned your current preoccupation, I had to see it for myself. I have to say Mason Archer had impeccable manners, unusual for an American.”

  Desiree felt wholly and truly trapped.

  Rosalie’s French reflected her pleasure at her daughter’s discomfort. “You are a child, my child. No matter what you think you’ve done, paying your way through school and working like a peasant has not released you from your obligations. You are a Chevalier, and if I need to live here to bring you to heel”—Rosalie smiled as her cold gray eyes hardened—“then I shall do as I must.”

  Desiree was mounting her defense when she felt a light touch on her forearm. Rowan’s eyes were stormy, but her facial expression was controlled. It seemed that Rowan had something to say. Bewildered and intrigued, Desiree nodded her consent.

  “Quand le renard se met à prêcher, gare aux poules,” Rowan spoke in flawless French. “Tromperie retourne toujours à son maître.” Rowan had made a lovely, scathing hybrid of two French sayings, which roughly translated meant, “When the fox starts to preach, chickens be careful. Deceit always returns to its master.”

  Rosalie opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Desiree had never seen her mother utterly and truly speechless.

  Rowan skewered Desiree’s mother, calling out her intellectual snobbery. Rosalie had always refused to believe Americans could speak any language other than English. “Il est très désagréable d’apprendre que je suis capable de parler votre langue, non?” Rowan asked sweetly.

  Desiree let out a low whistle. Rowan was something else. And she was right, it annoyed her mother to discover how deft Rowan was with the French language. Desiree gathered her things, joined hands with Rowan, and led her out of the coffee shop, leaving her mother astounded and alone.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Rowan and Jodeci’s Apartment

  “I think I am in love,” Desiree teased, which earned her a blush visible in the weak light of the streetlamp. “Oh, not like that. I’ve never seen Rosalie Chevalier…God, I can’t even think of a way to put it.”

  Rowan smiled, utterly pleased with herself. “Well, she needed to back off. I figured ‘shock and awe’ was the best way to go.”

  Desiree looped her arm through Rowan’s and cuddled close. “That was amazing. What do you say to going back to your place?”

  Rowan sucked in a breath, her mouth opening and closing as her mother’s lips had, though this was for a welcome surprise, and Desiree relished putting that look on her face.

  Desiree whipped out her cell and texted Suzie to ask where she was and if she was still on her date, could she stay in their room rather than Jodeci’s apartment?

  Suzie typed back, “Oh great, we don’t have to get dressed.”

  Desiree laughed and steered Rowan in the direction of the parking lot. “We could use my car, but I think it’s best to keep where I am a mystery. I kind of like the thought of my mom combing the campus while I’m two cities over.” Desiree leaned her head on Rowan’s shoulder. “Besides, you deserve a proper thank-
you for that performance.”

  “Well, in that case, you’ll need to drive us over to the lot by Buckland. Your parking pass should be good there too.”

  Rowan seemed lighter, and once again Desiree was pleased with this change in their relationship. She liked making her happy. “Perfect.” They did the switcheroo and were on their way to Northampton using a few back roads.

  “Figured we could go whole hog for the cloak and dagger.” Rowan was warming up to the caper. “We can even park a few blocks from my house.” She seemed to ponder a bit longer, then continued, “It’s a really nice night out. Why don’t we park it by The Crooked Arrow and walk back to my apartment?”

  “I like it,” Desiree said with gusto. “It’s so nice to live in a place where walking a mile in the dark is not a death wish.” Caution was the name of the game when in New York City. Even well-lit places could be risky. She’d been followed more than once, and that sucked.

  “Let me just text Carolyn and let her know I’ll be parking there overnight,” Rowan said as she tucked her long frame into her car.

  Rowan caught her enjoying the view and ducked her head, which Desiree thought was all kinds of awesome. This big sexy butch was shy. “I know you didn’t mean it that way, and considering…”

  “Carolyn is cool with it and says hi.”

  “Hi right back.” She liked Kat’s wife, kind and down-to-earth. She wished she had mothers like Kat and Carolyn.

  Rowan interrupted Desiree’s wistful thoughts. “Glad I remembered to give her a heads up. Otherwise, she and Sharon would go searching in the woods.” Rowan chuckled. “After a few beers, more than one patron has gone off wandering.”

  “Oh my God, a search party. Sounds like Carolyn. I’m surprised Kat never told me about that, and she likes talking about how responsible her hubby is.”

  Rowan’s laughter was soft this time. “They’re a good couple.”

  Desiree looked at her watch, stunned to see the late hour. “It’s almost breakfast time. Do we need to go grocery shopping?”

  Rowan took Desiree’s hand and kissed it before returning her attention to the road. “Plenty of groceries, otherwise we’d starve. We couldn’t afford the meal plan, so we make our stuff at home. Plus, Jodeci sometimes gets goodies from work.”

  Desiree released a deep breath and decided to enjoy rest of their ride. The fall leaves were still out, though more were on lawns than branches. Parts of the drive were like a slow-motion amusement ride, with the undulating landscape and winding country roads. Desiree liked the quiet this time around. It was so different from their first drive together, and it was hard to imagine Rowan was the same person she’d met at Magnum Kennel.

  “Mind if I roll down the windows?” Rowan asked.

  “No problem, go on ahead.” Desiree grabbed an elastic from her purse and put her shoulder-length hair into a tight bun. The crisp fall air felt so good, she opened her own window. She enjoyed how the wind buffeted her fingertips. Her heart felt light and she was at peace. Just being around Rowan made her happy.

  “I’m going to park over in the corner so we don’t take up spaces from patrons.”

  Once they left the car, Rowan took her hand again. She liked Rowan’s hands. They were strong and a bit coarse from the handy stuff Rowan did. She swung their hands, feeling young and playful. The night air was tinged with wood smoke, which was another thing she loved about going to school out here. “Does the fireplace in your apartment work?”

  “As a matter of fact, it does.” Rowan released her hand in exchange for wrapping an arm around Desiree’s shoulder. She seemed pleased when Desiree welcomed the intimacy and cuddled close, her own hand resting on Rowan’s trim waist.

  When they entered the apartment, their cheeks were flushed with cold. The living room was not much warmer than the air outside. “We turn down the heat when we’re out. I’ll start a fire and the place will warm up pretty fast.” Rowan set about turning on some lights, then gestured to the couch where they had shared kisses. “Feel free to brave the marshmallow or curl up in the chair by the fireplace.”

  Desiree read between the lines. Rowan was letting her set the level of intimacy between them. She brushed her hand lightly on Rowan’s back, then sat on the couch and was sucked into the plush cushions. “Wow, I never figured Jodeci for the soft furniture type.”

  “Yep, but she’s a big softy all around.” Rowan stood and brushed some of the wood shavings off her thighs. Desiree liked that Rowan used kindling rather than those chemical logs to start the fire. She liked a lot of things about Rowan.

  Rowan caught her looking, but this time, instead of looking away, she smiled. “Can I get you something to drink? Hot chocolate, cider, maybe a beer?”

  “Oh, hot cider would make this place smell even more amazing.” Desiree thought back to earlier in the day when the apartment was fogged with a delicious combination of Rowan and Jodeci’s butch beauty products. The place was heating up now with the sweet scent of real wood burning in the fire. Hot cider would make this moment picture postcard perfect.

  “I have an even better idea. Join me in the kitchen.” Rowan gestured to the worn yet homey table in the breakfast nook. She put two pans on the stove. In one, she added cider from Atkins Farm, aka the good stuff, along with a handful of short cinnamon sticks. The second one had a similar base, but a few aromatic additions: fresh cranberries, a shake of cloves, and freshly grated lemon and orange zest.

  The combined aromas made her mouth water. “That’s amazing, but will it taste good?”

  Rowan plunked a few orange slices and sprinkled brown sugar on the slow-boiling liquid. “Actually, this is what we call old-school air freshener. Mom used to boil this when we opened the cabin for the fall. Gets the musty smell out.”

  “I’ll say.” Desiree walked over and bent close to smell the savory sweet fragrance up close. She was glad her hair was up in a bun or it would have taken a dunk. Though that wouldn’t have mattered too much since they wouldn’t be drinking the brew from this pan and she didn’t care if her hair took on the mouthwatering scent.

  Rowan poured raw sugar onto a plate, dunked the mugs in the pure cinnamon and cider mix, and sugared the glasses. She ladled the spicy cider into the mugs, added a long cinnamon stick to each, and handed Desiree her drink with a flourish.

  “Thank you so much. You’re quite the bartender,” Desiree complimented her, then moaned as she enjoyed the tart beverage and sugary rim.

  Rowan’s dark blue eyes grew smoky at her reaction. Making sure both burners were off, she took Desiree’s nearly empty mug, set it next to her own on the counter, and pulled her in for a kiss.

  The kiss tasted wonderful: a mixture of the sweet treat and Rowan’s naturally intoxicating flavor. Desiree gave herself over to the kiss. She rested her hands on Rowan’s hips and held their bodies close together.

  Her mind was spinning and the most wonderful sense of peace came over her. No worries, no stress, just feeling, just pleasure. Rowan walked her backward slightly toward the wall beside the stove. Citrus, cloves, and cranberries filled her senses. She was in a dream.

  Desiree opened her mouth wider, inviting Rowan to deepen the kiss.

  Rowan moaned into her mouth in response. The connection was electric.

  Rowan’s gaze was soft when they parted. She released Desiree’s hair from her bun and fluffed out the waves, taking in the texture. There was something so incredibly sexy about the move. It was an invitation to further intimacy that Desiree finally welcomed.

  When Rowan led her down the hall and into her bedroom, Desiree followed without question. They stood beside Rowan’s queen-sized bed and something shifted in Rowan’s expression. She stopped Desiree just shy of her full lips. “I want you,” she whispered.

  Desiree sensed a stillness in Rowan. “Is there a ‘but’?”

  Rowan stood back, shifting restlessly from one foot to the other. Her sensuality and ease had vanished. In its place stood naked vulnerability. “You were
uncertain of me for so long—” She started and Desiree, shamed, tried to pull away.

  Rowan pursed her lips and gathered her thoughts. “Intimacy is not something I take lightly.” She gently held onto Desiree’s hands, willing her not to pull away further, but also not forcing her to stay if she too needed space. “I need to be in love to make love and I know we’re not there yet…”

  “But…” This time, Desiree was more hopeful than reticent.

  “But, one day, I’d like us to be.” Rowan gained confidence when Desiree did not try to pull away again. “Being girlfriends, with the possibility of love, would be enough for me.”

  She could tell it was hard for Rowan to put herself out there and wanted to honor that trust. “Tell me,” Desiree urged.

  “Tonight, I’d like to kiss you, hold you…we just need to keep our knickers on.”

  Desiree sputtered with laughter, relieved the tense moment was receding. “I can do that. So no hanky-panky, but touchy-feely is okay?”

  Rowan laughed with her. “Absolutely.”

  aaAA

  Rowan’s heart raced. She could barely process the changes that had happened between them in such a short time. Desiree went from turning away from her kindness to offering a level of intimacy Rowan had shared with few women. She wanted to drink it in, she wanted to see. “Would you mind if I turned on the lamp?”

  Desiree turned it on for her and climbed on the bed, presenting herself in the most alluring way. Rowan wondered if Desiree was trying to press her buttons, but decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. She’d been honest, completely open up until this point. Rowan risked a little more trust.

  She joined Desiree on the bed and leaned on her side, her head resting in her palm. She looked at Desiree, really looked at her for the first time. Desiree’s eyes were not brown. Even in the lamplight, Rowan could tell they were a dark honey color. They were completely mesmerizing, and she had to kiss her.