Bad Choices and Heartaches: A New Adult Sports Romance (Alpen Springs Book 2)

by Casey Diam

  My eyes met his again as I got closer, but I looked away like a coward once more, wondering if I’d ever be able to handle the intensity of his gazes.

  Folding my jacket over the banister next to him, I leaned forward, placing my forearms on top of it.

  “You called,” I said, staring at the people downstairs.

  “You came.” No emotions were behind his words, making it seem as if he were indifferent to my being here. Since it seemed this was what we’d come to, I tried to offer the same façade.

  “I guess I saw the opportunity to tempt fate again. Besides, I don’t think it’s possible to feel worse here than I do at home, so I’m here.”

  “Feel worse? About what?”

  I frowned and did nothing to hide it. He was the one who’d put it there. How and when had he gotten this insensitive?

  “Feel worse about you being an asshole. Does that answer your question?” I shook my head in disbelief. “Anyway, I’m here because you called, so whatever the reason was, let’s just get it over with so I can be on my way and you can be on yours.”

  As he studied me, I shifted my focus downstairs. “I don’t understand how someone who hates me this much could like me. It makes no sense. I get that a lot has changed in two years, but we aren’t wild animals who can’t co-exist. Let’s go somewhere private.” He nudged me to follow him, and I did, asking myself why I was subjecting myself to possibly being hurt again.

  I glanced downstairs and saw Averie, who was watching Ryker and I with open curiosity.

  I shrugged, not knowing what was going on any more than she did.

  All I knew was that whatever was about to go down was long overdue, and in that regard, I was glad he had called. I’d come seeking something. Closure? More heartbreak? A solid reason I should stop thinking about him?

  He opened a door to a bedroom. “After you.”

  I walked in, and he followed, closing the door behind him. He leaned against it and shoved his hands into his pockets.

  “I’ve done things to make you hate me. I can see it. It rolls off you in waves every time you’re around me. So, tell me how you really feel, Gabby.”

  “I already told you.”

  “No. That wasn’t real. That wasn’t why you stopped talking to me for years. There’s something more potent like hate—maybe because you know there’s no fairy tale where I’m concerned.”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  Doubt crept into my heart.

  He walked toward me, continuing as if I hadn’t even spoken. “You know how many girls I’ve slept with in the past two years?”

  “Stop,” I choked out.

  “No. Not until you get it.”

  “I already get it. I know you. I know you fuck everyone. I know you’re an asshole.”

  My throat constricted.

  “Which is why you hate me. So, just tell me that, Gabby. Tell me the truth.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t.”

  “Tell me you hate me. Say it.”

  My head jerked again. “I hate that you slept with Ally. I hate that you lied to me. I hate that you never saw me, that you never looked at me, never wanted me like you wanted her. I hate that you sleep with everyone.” But me, I finished in my head.

  “And how does that make you feel about me?”

  Tears sprang to my eyes.

  “Say it.”

  I’d wanted to for the longest, but I still didn’t hate him.

  “Why are you lying to yourself?” he asked when I said nothing.

  “I’m not.”

  He backed away, doubt flashing in his eyes. A moment passed before he said, “That day, when you tried to kiss me, I stopped it from happening because I was sleeping with Ally. And before Ally and I happened, you had asked me if I would take your virginity one day if you asked me to. You said it would make sense for it to happen that way because we were friends, and I was your safe choice—”

  “I only said that because I wanted to see how you felt about me before I told you I liked you.”

  “You should have just told me, but honestly, even if you had, I still would have said no to sleeping with you. Not because I didn’t want to be that guy for you, but because I wouldn’t have known what the hell to do anyway.” He began to pace around the room. “I couldn’t disappoint you. You heard the rumors about me back then. I know you did.”

  “What rumors? What are you talking about?”

  “Three years ago. When all the girls were making fun of me?”

  I searched my memory, but I didn’t have to look too far. It was around the time when we’d gotten even closer, and I remembered that rumor. It was about the blowjob he’d received from a sophomore girl. She’d told her friends, who then told everyone about how he’d lasted thirty seconds.

  The kids were stupid and—“I didn’t care about that.”

  “Yeah? Well, I cared.” He stopped and stared at me for a few seconds before he said, “You’re too perfect when nothing in my world is perfect, and that’s why I bring out the worst in you. Think about it, you are this happy, down-to-earth girl who boards, make jokes, and laughs all the time, but when you’re around me, you’re so unhappy, it fucking tortures you, and it does the same to me because . . . I don’t want to do that to you.”

  “I’m only miserable because I like you and was too hurt and scared to tell you.”

  “That might be part of it, but it isn’t all of it. We’ve grown apart. I’m not that guy you used to like.”

  “You keep saying that, but you are wrong. You are the same guy, only just better at hiding the good parts of him.”

  “And if I prefer it that way, who are you to tell me any different? I’ll wrench your heart out and hand it back to you without even thinking twice about it.”

  Pain shot through my chest. I didn’t even recognize him anymore.

  “This is why I hate you,” I whispered. “You don’t care. I feel like—” I sighed and edged toward the door, not wanting him to see me when I collapsed and shattered all over this floor. “Forget it.”

  “So, this is it, huh? You’re leaving? You’re good at that, you know?” The sadness in his voice tempted me to turn around but as my eyes blurred with tears, I drew in a breath and left the room, feeling like I was losing him all over again.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I said in the bathroom a minute later, tears unwillingly escaping my eyes. “I feel like something’s wrong with me.”

  Why couldn’t I like a guy who would adore me like Ash does Averie? Instead, I dated jerks like Jax, who only wanted to sleep with me, and fell for my asshole ex-friend who wanted nothing to do with me.

  “Nothing’s wrong with you,” Averie soothed. “You just kind of have wicked feelings for a douche, but it’s going to be okay. I shouldn’t have invited you to go camping with us. I just thought you and Ryker could talk and figure things out, but it only made things worse. I’m sorry.”

  “No, I came here tonight of my own free will, expecting something different, you know?” More tears filled my eyes.

  “At least now you know.”

  I swiped away the tears from my cheek and drew in a breath. “Yeah.”

  Chapter 16

  Ryker

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Ash barked as I opened the door.

  “Dude, I’ve been in here for the past twenty minutes, so whatever it is, I didn’t do it.” Placing the bottle of whiskey to my lips, I took a long gulp.

  “Why did you call Gabby to come here so you could be an asshole to her?”

  “I wasn’t an asshole to her.”

  “Well, how do you explain her locking herself in the bathroom and I’m guessing fucking crying?”

  My head jerked back. “What? What are you talking about?”

  “Are you being serious right now?”

  I started to head out the door, but Ash stopped me. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to find her.”

  “
I think you’ve done enough.”

  “Enough? Dude, this is insane. All I did was tell her the truth, and you know what she told me? She finally admitted to hating me. So, excuse me for not knowing what the fuck is going on right now.”

  “Stop,” he said with irritation. “Stop acting like you’re confused, Ryker. You already knew she liked you. Don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot. I know you. You do this to everyone. You push and push and fucking push, and when you realize someone still might want to stick around, you push some more because you can’t fucking accept it.”

  “That’s bullshit,” I said.

  “Oh, it is bullshit, you’re right.” Ash’s mouth quirked into a grin, causing me to smile.

  I hate him.

  “Shut up,” I muttered, taking another swig and screwing the bottle closed. “That isn’t what I’m doing with her.”

  “Then what are you doing?”

  “Nothing. She hates me, dude. She hates me for something that happened years ago, and it pisses me off because I didn’t realize how much I’d hurt her. She acted as if everything was fine and she just didn’t want to be my friend anymore. And now, I just can’t be around her.”

  The hurt was still too fresh even after two years. I liked Gabby. Hell, I’d be stupid not to like Gabby. She was smart, beautiful, and an adrenaline junkie who I’d been drawn to my whole fucking life, but we needed to grow into ourselves. Maybe after college we’d be fine. Maybe five years from now, we could even date. Except, if Ash was right, I was the reason she was hurting right now, which meant I was the only one who could make her feel better.

  “I need to go find her.”

  “Just don’t be yourself when you do,” he responded, narrowing his eyes.

  “Thanks, dude,” I said, sarcasm in my voice.

  “You know what I mean.”

  He was telling me not to be a dick.

  Sighing, he followed me out the door and down the hall. “I’ll talk. She isn’t going to let you in, and neither will Averie.”

  I waved my hand at the bathroom door, gesturing for him to go ahead since breaking down the door to get inside might be a bit dramatic.

  Ash knocked a few times. “Babe, it’s me. Can I come in?”

  “Not right now, Ash,” Averie responded.

  His mouth opened, seemingly shocked that she was denying him access while my patience thinned.

  “Averie, I need to talk to you,” Ash tried again, the both of us pressing our ears to the door as “Solo Dance” began to blast on the surround sound system.

  “Later.”

  My lips pursed, and I was about to bang on the door, but it cracked open a sliver, and I seized the opportunity, pushing my foot in the crack.

  “Averie, step back,” I said.

  “Ash, how could you!” she yelled.

  I braced against the door.

  “No. Ryker, Stop!”

  “Averie, babe. Let him in,” Ash said behind me as Averie pushed on the other side of the door.

  “No.”

  “Babe!”

  I pushed back gently until I got the door to open enough for me to slide through, but Gabby was nowhere in sight. “Where is she?”

  “She isn’t in here,” Averie said.

  Walking over to the bathtub, I pushed the shower curtain aside and found Gabby standing in there, her hands over her face.

  “Give us a minute,” I said, not looking back.

  “Gabby?” Averie asked, and Gabby shook her head, her hands still over her face. “Ash, make him leave. She doesn’t want to talk to him.”

  I turned around and tilted my head, giving her a hard stare. “Averie.” She wasn’t accustomed to this look, my I-will-squash-anything-that-gets-in-my-way look, one that I’d never had to give her, but she got it and backed into Ash’s arms.

  As Ash pulled the door closed, I locked it before turning and setting my whiskey on the counter.

  Where should I start?

  Should I tell her how much I despise liars? That’s basically what she’d been doing, hiding her feelings from me? Wasn’t it?

  For the first time in my life, I had a WWAD moment. So, what would my brother do?

  “You can open your eyes,” I told her.

  She shook her head, and it would be amusing if this situation weren’t so awful.

  “Do realize how insane this is?” I asked her. “You’re standing in a bathtub, hiding from me.” I swallowed, watching her. “Am I that bad?”

  When she remained quiet, I approached her and took her wrists in my hands, removing her hands from her eyes, and as I looked at her tear-streaked cheeks, I was brought back to a night in the summer, six years ago.

  “Gabby. Gabby.” Hunter had taunted, drawing out her name in a soft, scary voice. “Gabby.” She was standing on the porch hugging herself and practically shaking in terror. We’d just finished watching a scary movie at her house and had ditched her inside, and when she’d come outside looking for us, Sean had locked the door from the inside while some of us had hidden in the woods.

  “Gabby,” Hunter provoked again.

  “I think that’s enough,” I’d said, even though I’d initially been a part of this stupid prank. But it had been too late. Her brother’s friend that had been hiding behind the wooden plank of vines and flowers jumped out when she’d turned her back, scaring the living crap out of her. She was so pissed. I think that was the first time she’d ever been mad at me, and I deserved it, but she had still trusted me in her anger, so it was fine. I knew she’d get over it, and an hour later, she did.

  Yet, it had taken her over two years for her to come to me about the Ally situation, and it made me feel like shit. I had been her go-to person, her best friend once, someone she couldn’t stand being mad at for even an hour.

  “I’m sorry, Gabby.”

  Her eyes opened, but instead of looking up at me, she stared at my chest.

  “I should have known that you had feelings for me, it just hadn’t been clear enough, until now.” I shook my head. “Ally was temporary, and I hated that I had to keep it from you. It wasn’t what I wanted, and I was going to end it, but then I saw you with that dude from London, the one who you lost your virginity to, and it pissed me off.”

  Not only had I seen her and that guy hanging out, but I had overheard a conversation she was having with Ally about how she’d hooked up with him. That was how I knew she’d slept with him.

  “I knew you were listening when I’d said that. I was pissed at you and Ally, and I wanted you to see that I didn’t need you,” she said. “I made it up and asked for his help.”

  “You knew I was listening?” Don’t get mad. Don’t get mad. “All that shit about how great he was and how glad you were it was with him—you hurt me too, Gabby.”

  “You didn’t act like it.”

  Shaking my head, I released her wrists and stepped back. “I was almost sixteen, how was I supposed to act? Like you were mine?” That was all I’d wanted to do back then, but I didn’t have the confidence, and it had nothing to do with not knowing how she’d felt about me.

  “I don’t know. It’s over and done with, so it’s whatever.” She stepped out of the tub and sat on the edge, dragging a finger beneath her eye.

  “Why were you crying?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “Gabby, don’t lie to me.”

  “I don’t want to say it.”

  “Okay.” I walked back to the counter and lifted the bottle, twisting the lid off. “Whiskey?”

  She nodded. “Sure.”

  Her lips touched the rim of the bottle, and I licked mine.

  As she swallowed a gulp, I said, “Keep doing that until you don’t hate me anymore.”

  A smile pulled at her pink lips. “That would take the whole bottle.”

  I grinned. “Then have at it, and let me know when you’ve reached that turning point, preferably before you pass out.”

  She chuckled and rolled her eyes as she finge
red the edge of the black label around the bottle, her face cringing from the taste. “I could never hate you, Ryker. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

  “For two and a half years?” I asked.

  “Yup.”

  She took another gulp and passed me the bottle. I lifted it for a drink, touching my mouth to hers—indirectly. Peering down, I caught her staring at me for the first time since I came in here.

  Her gaze dropped as she stood. “I probably look like a mess.” When she looked in the mirror and saw for herself that she actually didn’t look like a mess, she said, “I should go.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I made a fool of myself.”

  “Well, you took two shots of whiskey, which means I can’t let you drive.”

  “I feel fine.”

  “I did too before I almost caught a DUI last year.”

  “What?”

  I hadn’t meant to say that aloud. “Nothing. I just—I don’t want you to leave. But I’ll leave you alone while you’re here, so you can just hang out with Averie, Nicky, and Eddie.”

  As she considered that, I stuck out a hand. “Truce?”

  She slid her palm in mine, sending a wave of need straight to my groin. My gaze lowered and caught sight of the black polish on her nails. Turning her hand over, I ran my thumb over two of her nails. “You got better at this.”

  “A little.” She looked up with the hint of a smile on her lips.

  As I got the desire to drag her closer, I released her hand and placed the bottle of whiskey between us. “Another one?”

  Chapter 17

  Gabby

  “He’s a hothead,” Ashton said, playing with Averie’s hair as she rested on his chest. “He usually means well, but . . . you know, he has a hard time getting that across sometimes.”

  “A lot of times,” Averie muttered, and I smiled.

  I knew Ryker had a temper, but it was still kind of hard to accept since I’d never been on the receiving end of it until this year. Then again, if I had been honest with him when we’d been friends, things might have been different.