If it comes to my freedom or his, I need to confess. I need to make it right. I can’t let him take the fall for something I did.
I hear Liz wake up and I don't make a sound. I don't want to see her right now. I know my eyes are puffy and I need to sort my head out before I tell her anything. She has an early class and she probably thinks I’m still at Jake’s at least I'm hoping she does. Before long, I hear the front door open and close and I’m glad that she’s gone. She would ask questions, questions I don't have answers for.
I call the police station only to confirm what the officer said, that I can’t visit yet. I’m a wreck. I get in my car and I drive to the band’s house. No one answers the door. I call Bernie and leave a message asking her to have Dietz call me. Until I talk to Jake, I don’t know what I should say, but I need to see if Dietz knows anything.
Five restless hours later, I finally get a return call from Dietz. My pulse is racing rapidly as I answer the phone.
“Dietz, thank God. I’ve been trying to get a hold of someone, anyone.”
“What’s up, buttercup? You sound panicked. Everything alright?” his easy demeanor irritates me.
“No, everything isn’t alright. I was with Lucas and he was arrested.”
“Shit! What the hell for?” he questions, “I told him the cops were asking about him. He said he had it covered. Let me see what I can find out.”
“I don't really know what’s going on. They said he’s wanted for the disappearance of someone. I know that’s a lie. I know him. He wouldn't do that! What did the cops ask you?” I’m frantic, but can’t help it. Everything feels like it’s spiraling out of control.
“They showed me a picture of Lucas and they asked me if I knew Jake Daniels. They said they thought he could be going by a different name. I told them I didn’t know shit. I even told Lucas and he said it was some kind of misunderstanding and that he had it covered. Fuck.”
“There were at least half a dozen cops. It was insane. I’m scared,” I admit trying to stop my body from trembling.
“Shit. Let me see what I can find out. I’ll call you. And June?”
“Yeah?”
“Hang tight. Lucas is a good guy. You’re right, I’m sure he didn’t do this. It’s gotta be like he said and one big misunderstanding. It'll be okay, you’ll see.” Dietz does his best to reassure me, but the slight shake in his voice tells me he’s scared too.
We hang up and I feel no more settled. Dietz doesn't know anything. He thinks his name is Lucas just like I did and until I talk to Jake, that’s what he’ll continue to believe.
Over the next day, I am frantic. There is nothing I can do. I get a call from Dietz that says basically what the cops said, forty-eight hours, and really is Jake Daniels wanted in the disappearance with Mike Daniels. Dietz is stunned. I promise to call him, even though the band is the least of my concerns.
I skip my classes. I can’t concentrate on anything. I call in sick to the bookstore. Liz can tell something is wrong, but I tell her I’m sick and that everything is fine. She looks at me skeptically, but I can’t tell her.
On the second day, I’m at the police station as soon as the sun is up. I ask to speak to Jake Daniels and an officer tells me that he is in with the prosecutor and it will be a few hours. I wait in a chair. On my right are two large, black men, one sporting gold teeth and an airbrushed jacket with a picture of him and his dog, and the other is dressed in black from head-to-toe and gives an evil stare to anyone who looks his way. I keep my eyes averted, because he makes me nervous. On my left is a dirty, white man with skin so dirty you’d think he had been buried alive. His stench is the most grotesque thing I’ve ever smelled. The man with the gold teeth eventually gets up yelling for someone to hose the man down.
After what feels like hours, a petite police officer with blonde hair pulled back into a tight bun, finally calls my name. She checks me for contraband in one room, then I follow her down a long hallway. She opens the door to a small room with blank white walls and a single table where Jake is sitting with his head down; his hands are handcuffed to a small metal loop in the table. He looks up and his eyes connect with me as I take a seat in front of him.
“Stay seated at all times. No touching the prisoner. You have five minutes,” the police officer recites as if she has said it dozens of times and walks out of the room.
“Jake,” a strangled plea leaves my lips, “Why didn't you tell me it was you? What’s happening? Are you okay?” I long to stroke his tired face. His blue-green eyes that I love so much look sad and broken. He nods to a sign behind him that reads, “You are being monitored and may be video recorded.”
“I’m so sorry, June. I never meant for you to find out. It’s just when I saw you I couldn’t help myself. I had to get to know the woman you’ve become. You’ve turned into such a strong beautiful woman. The kind of woman I knew you would always be.”
“You’re not answering any of my questions, Jake Daniels,” I say his name with a sneer angry at him for not telling me the truth. “Did you mean for me not to find out like that or were you not going to tell me?” I’m angry and confused.
“I wasn’t going to tell you. There is so much more going on here than you could possibly know. I’ve kept things from you, June, but I did it to protect you. Please believe me. You need to let me go. This has to be goodbye. Promise me you’ll live a happy life; be happy my Juniper,” his eyes plead with me to give in and let go. They gut me. He is gutting me.
“No, I’m not letting them arrest you for something we both know you didn’t do.”
“It’s done June. I just met with the prosecutor. They have strong evidence against me, so I took a deal for involuntary manslaughter. If I’m lucky, I’ll be out in four years. I need you to forget about me and do whatever you have to do to pretend you never met me.”
“Forget you? I fell in love with you when I was fifteen and I just fell in love all over again at twenty-two. You think I can forget you? You think I can move on? I didn’t move on then and I sure as hell can’t now. You need to tell me what is really going on or I will go out there and tell them it was me.” I spit out desperate for him to listen to me. I can’t lose him again. He is all I have and means everything to me.
“June, I swear to Christ. You will not go out there. Listen to me, and listen to me very carefully. You’re not responsible for this. It wasn't you and if you start opening your mouth to people about how you know me, you are going to be in danger and then everything I’ve done to make sure you are safe will all be for nothing, do you understand me?” he’s angry. His voice is raised and slightly manic.
“What the hell do you mean, I didn’t do this? We both know that’s not the truth.”
“It wasn't you, June,” he says with so much conviction it makes me doubt everything that happened.
I glare at him. “Why go by Lucas?” I ask wanting an answer to why he told me his name was Lucas.
“I know it isn't fair, but I had to get to know you.”
The door opens and the police officer says, “Time’s up.”
I’m frantic. This can't be it. This can't be happening.
“Goodbye, my sweet Juniper. I love you.”
“No, this can't be it. I need more answers. I love you, Jake.” I’m frantic and reaching for him as the police officer begins guiding me out of the room.
“This isn't goodbye, Jake,” I promise as the door closes shutting him out.
“I love you!” I shout again, but the door is closed. I feel like I’m drowning and this tiny room is swallowing me whole.
I’m angry and devastated. Broken, yet wanting to attack. How can the world be so cruel to me? It gave me love twice and took it away. Each time I thought I had it, it was ripped brutally away from me. The first time it was taken was by Mike Daniels, and this time it’s by Jake.
Chapter Eight
“I need to speak with the prosecutor,” I tell the police officer. I know what Jake said, but there is no way tha
t I’m letting him go to jail for a crime he didn't commit.
“Ma’am, the prosecutor is in meetings all afternoon. Let me get you her card. I’m sure that you can call and make an appointment.”
I am escorted back to the lobby to where I see the same men sitting there from before. It’s hard to believe that only fifteen or so minutes have passed. I feel like in that short time, my entire world has shifted.
I pull out my cellphone and call the number on the card. The secretary tells me she has an opening in a week. A week! That’s crazy. I’m not waiting a week. I look up the office on my phone and see that it’s across the street, on the sixteenth floor. Her picture also comes up on the internet so I know exactly who I’m looking for.
I take the elevator up, giving myself a pep talk. I’m turning myself in no matter what Jake says. I’m not letting him take the fall. I take a seat in the lobby and pretend that I’m supposed to be there. I see a door open and a pretentious looking prosecutor is sitting at a large conference desk surrounded with files and other people.
An hour passes and then another. Finally, the room clears out and the prosecutor walks out. It might be my only chance, and I’m taking it. I follow her towards the restroom and then stop her.
“Excuse me? Ms. Peterson? My Name is June Withers. I need to talk with you about Jake Daniels.”
Her eyes squint on me and I can tell she doesn't like that I’m accosting her in public. “You need to make an appointment, Ms. Withers.”
“Look, I tried and they said it would at least be a week. I have information about Jake that can’t wait a week.”
She squints her eyes at me again and I take a good look at her. She is wearing a designer dress suit. The kind that screams money. Her nails are perfectly manicured and there isn't a hair on her blonde head that is out of place. Her nose is tipped up, like she believes she is superior.
“A plea bargain has already been reached with Mr. Daniels, Ms. Withers, so I’m afraid you’re wasting your time.”
“You need to retract the deal; he’s innocent.”
“He said some girl might try to tell me she did it. Is that you? Do you think you can try and martyr yourself to make his case get thrown out? Do you know how much evidence we have against him? Ms. Withers, I don’t know what you think your play is, but this is done. We gave him the best possible plea deal he could get. If you’re smart, you’ll shut up because the case we have against him is so strong that if you push this, he’ll still be found guilty and he’ll get a heck of a lot more time than the measly four years he got.”
“But you don’t understand,” I feel small and helpless as I say this. This bitch just put me in my place and I don’t know if there is anything I can do to help Jake.
“I understand perfectly. If you try and stick your nose in this case, your “friend” might get real time.” The bitch air quoted me. I hate her. I hate this entire situation. Not even a moment later she walks away from me, leaving me speechless
I drive to Jake’s apartment; the need to be near anything reminding me of him is overpowering. I lift the doormat and find the key Jake showed me. There is police evidence tape and the apartment is wrecked. Not that he had much here to begin with, but what is left is trashed. The only thing worth any real value in the living room is his keyboard. I move my fingers over the keys. Was that only two days ago that I heard Jake’s song. It was like he was screaming at me to see that it was him all along. His words at the police station don't seem to add up. He wasn't going to ever tell me, but his song practically shouted it. Maybe I wasn't met to hear it, but he bled his love out to me in those lyrics. I feel the first tear slide down my cheek, certainly not the last.
I move to his bedroom and it’s equally as trashed. His mattress is flipped and clothes are everywhere. I right the mattress on the bed and grab a dirty shirt from the floor. I slip it on and inhale deeply. I need him surrounding me. I need to make sense of this. He said it wasn't me like he almost believed it when we both know what happened. What did he mean by protecting me and what kind of danger? It was self-defense with his dad. I’m sure we could’ve cleared it up, but that damn prosecutor. I can’t risk him going to jail even longer than he already is. My heart feels so broken and utterly lost. I thought I found the man I loved, the man I would spend the rest of my life with. Even when I thought he was Lucas, I fell in love with him. I didn't want to, but I did and now he’s gone.
I curl up on his bed and bring the blankets around me. I can smell him everywhere. I can still smell us together, like the air knows we were once us, even if the rest of the world will never know that Jake and June were once in love. I push my head into his pillow and grip the sheets I was once so tangled in and that’s when it happens, I lose it. I fall apart, breaking and splintering. I let out a loud scream, angry at Jake, angry at the circumstances and at the world for taking him from me. My body shudders and I break. I don’t know how long I fall apart, but I sob so hard that my body eventually gives out and I sleep.
It’s a restless sleep filled with memories and nightmares of the day Mike Daniels died. The water brought him under over and over again, only this time he popped back out of the water and killed Jake. Jake died in my arms, and I couldn't do anything to help him.
I wake up and hear screaming. It’s loud, hurting my ears. I pause for a moment and realize it’s me. I'm shaking and decide I need to pull myself together.
The sunlight from a new day filters through the curtain. Maybe I can visit him again today and get more answers? On that thought, I gather some of his things from the floor deciding I’m going to keep whatever I want. I pick up a hooded sweatshirt off the floor and find a stack of notebooks. One by one, I scan through them. Song after song fill each page. Some have a few lines written down and others have notes. Most of it is random, but then I find words that I can only hope are about me.
You were my angel
My saving grace
You gave me summer
I gave you me, but the sky grew dark around us.
It darkened everything
It took you, my love
Now all I can do is hate
Another page, more lyrics,
Beyond reproach sweet, sweet bug
Unworthy of your gaze
Battered heart and bleeding pain
Those eyes of yours take it all away
More lyrics,
My sky is darkened gray, but you knew that
Is it dark for you too?
Shadowing everything
My sky eclipsed yours and made your sunshine as dark as night
I’m the monster that they made me
Walking streets all by myself
I have no heartbeat
No soul
I make them bleed
Only you fulfill my need
I gasp reading pages after pages filled with the same heartfelt lyrics. He was in as much pain as I was being separated, and it sound like even more. What could he have gone through? I gather the notebooks in my arms. I want to savor his words and take my time with each song; each note; each written word. They are my lifeline to him, but I also want to see if I can find anything else out.
I go back to the police station and ask if I can see Jake Daniels. They tell me he is in the middle of being transported to The Mansfield Correctional Institute, and that it usually takes a few days for inmates to get settled so I should go visit him then.
How can this be so final, so fast? I leave the police station, stop and get boxes, and go back to Jake’s. I’m packing up his things when I hear, “Whoa, Lucas! Man, are you here?” I come out of Jake’s room and I know I look a mess. My eyes are swollen from crying and I’m listless.
“He’s gone, Dietz,” I cry silently. “I’m packing up his things. I just have to keep busy. He doesn’t have a lot, but is there,” I stutter on my words, “Is there anything you want?” A loud sob escapes my throat. I can’t believe I’m doing this.
“What do you mean gone? Is he...Is he dead
?” Dietz asks looking almost as lost as me.
“No, but we're not going to see him again. He took a plea deal and is serving at least four years,” I explain.
“Fuck! What did he do?”
“His name isn’t really Lucas. It’s Jake Daniels and he plead guilty to a crime he didn’t commit.”
“What the hell? Why would he do that? Who is Jake? Who the hell lies like that? He’s one of my best friends and what you're telling me doesn’t add up.” Dietz begins pacing around the living room. Before I can answer him, a short balding man walks into the apartment.
“Excuse me? What are you doing here? No one is supposed to be here.”
“Who the hell are you?” Dietz asks the man.
“I’m the super, and if one of our tenants goes to prison we rent their place. So, I should ask you, who are you? The way I see it, you’re trespassing.” The way this man is talking makes me think he was going to rifle through Jake’s belongings. Plus, how many of his tenants go to prison?
I set the box I was carrying down, “I’m June, Jake’s friend. Jake’s paid his rent through the end of the month, right?”
“Well, yes but…”
“Do you have a copy of his lease? I think I saw it, hang on one second.” I walk into the bedroom, grab the lease from the drawer and return to the living room. Pretending that I’ve already thoroughly read it, I pass it to the super. “Look at that lease and tell me where it says you have the right to a tenant's apartment even if they are incarcerated? It’s not there, is it?” I’m bluffing.
He stutters a little, “I…uh, no, but…”
“But nothing. I’m a journalist for The Scene. I’m sure my editor would love for me to write a piece on how slumlords try to rifle through a tenant’s belongings. And don’t even get me started on the security of this place.”
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