“I never went through with it, obviously. Like I said, Mrs. Jones was there. Anyways, this went on for a few years. There was this one night where Eli showed up. At this point, I was living in a small one-bedroom apartment he rented out to me. He took ownership of my dad’s farm. Guess my dad bet him and already gave him the deed. So, Eli handed me a gun one night and wanted me to kill Jim Anston for not paying up. Only, I grew up with Jim. We weren't best friends or anything, but he wasn’t a dick. I couldn't do it. I packed my bags and took off, just praying that after enough time I could find you and that he would forget about me. God, I was stupid to think I could out run that fucker.
“I hitchhiked and made it as far as Virginia when I completely ran out of money. I met a guy. He gave me a job at his shop working on cars. Guess all the years working on farm equipment paid off because I was a natural. I saved up some money and got a car. Even got my keyboard for a steal. Once, I had enough money saved, I made my way up to Cleveland. I found a job, a place to stay. Met the guys in the band and life seemed good.”
“You know that night wasn't the first night I saw you.”
“No?” I ask confused and completely entranced by the story. I realize I’m softening towards him and I’m not sure how I feel about that.
“No, it wasn’t. The first time I saw you was at the Art Museum. You were sitting by the fountain. Your head was thrown back in a laugh at a few squirrels chasing each other around the fountain. I couldn't believe it was you. You looked so beautiful and so happy. I’d go there almost every day in hopes that I’d see you. I stumbled across your name in The Scene and I read everything you wrote. Still do.
“I don't know what I was waiting for. I guess I was afraid that once I said hi to you that it might change your happiness. I was already going by Lucas, in case Eli was looking for me. I felt like if anyone knew my real name, it would put you in danger. Then, when you didn't know me at the bar, I told you my name was Lucas. I liked that guy. He never beat anyone for money. Never had anyone calling him a loser his whole life, and certainly didn't have someone threatening to kill his girlfriend. It felt good being with you, but after a while I knew it was wrong. The guilt was eating away at me. One day, Dietz has this guy show up looking for me, only Dietz was confused because he asked for Jake. Dietz said he didn't know a Jake and then the guy said maybe I got the name wrong and the guy shows Dietz my picture. Dietz got weird vibes and didn't tell him anything, but once he told me what happened, I was paranoid. I wanted to hold on to everything with you. That time together with me as Lucas felt like a gift and I didn't want to waste a second of it.
“So the day before our last day together, Eli finds me in the parking lot outside of the shop. He laid it out for me. Said he had some deal set up inside the penitentiary here and he wanted me to run numbers for him like old times. I told him to go to hell and he said I was already there because he told the police that he saw me throw my dad overboard. He told me he had friends on the payroll, and I knew this was true from when I was working for him. Hell, half of the force down there paid me on the regular. He said there was an APB out for my arrest and that he told them where to find me. They didn’t even have a body, and they wanted me all because Eli said so. Eli said, I was to take the plea deal they were going to offer and he would leave you out of it. Said if I didn't do it, his friends would set it up so that you took the hit instead of me. Said they would make sure you didn't get a deal. The entire thing was a set up because he needed a guy on the inside.
“He promised he’d leave you out of it, but anytime I gave him slack about doing what he wanted he’d tell me how he had eyes on you. You’d think being in prison is straightforward. You serve your time and keep your head down then get out, but I’m telling you, Eli had me doing shit in there; and then there was this other player that I had to watch out for. He hated Eli and knew what I was doing. So one day, he had a bunch of skins hold me down, sliced me up good. I was in the infirmary for a month. I got out of the infirmary and focused on getting bigger. I wasn’t going to take anymore from them or anyone else in there. The guys came at me again, and I did shit, June. Bad shit, but I survived.
“Strange thing, I was in my third year, and I stopped hearing from Eli. The guys on the inside who needed to place bets were getting antsy and the guys Eli needed to collect from stayed very clear of me, thinking I was going to beat them. I kept thinking I would hear something, then one day I did. Turns out he was in for murder down south. They had him in some maximum prison. He wasn’t even in six months before his ass got shanked, and then just like that it was over. I finished doing my time and got out. Was lucky enough Stout didn’t mind hiring felons.”
My cheeks are wet and I don’t even realize that I’m crying silently until he finishes his story. My heart wants to soften towards him, but I’m still unsure how I feel. I stop walking and face the Lake. The water has a chill to it. I reach down, grab a rock and skip it along the flat water. One skip, two, three, then four. I close my eyes and let his story wash through me. He was trying to protect me, but he lied. He could have told me. We could have run.
I ache from hearing everything he went through, but that doesn’t explain where he’s been, “So, that was two years ago. Why didn't you look me up? Or better yet Jake, why couldn’t you open one of the forty-seven letters I sent you? During the time you were Lucas, why couldn’t you have told me the truth?”
“I played you that song, and you knew. I was going to tell you everything that night. I couldn't take it anymore, but then the police came. I was going away. My fate was sealed. I didn't want to taint you with my dark any more than I already had. You deserved happiness. Then when I got out, what could I offer you? I’m a felon who's done some seriously fucked up shit. You don't think I wanted to? It wasn't right, though.”
“That’s such bullshit.” The words leave my lips, but hold more disbelief than anger, “I deserved answers. I deserved to decide for myself what wasn’t right. I would’ve left with you. I would’ve done anything for you. I would’ve waited.”
“I know you would’ve, and I didn't want that for you. A life running; always looking over your shoulder. That’s not what I wanted.”
“And what about what I wanted?” I say feeling the burn in the back of my throat.
He doesn't have an answer for me. I watch as he leans down, finds a stone in the sand and throws it against the water. It skips, once, twice, three times all the way to six leaving ripples in its wake.
“You were always better at that than me,” I tell him.
He squeezes my shoulder and I want to move away from his touch, but I’m frozen in place. The sand squishing around my feet is the only thing that grounds me.
I turn my head and see a fake half smile on Jake’s face. His eyes shine in the sunlight, the green flakes practically glow. Just like Lily.
“Jake, there’s something you should know,” I begin to say and at the same time he says, “Shit,” looking at his watch and then “I have to get back to work.”
Now isn’t the time for me to tell him about Lily. I’ll talk with Liz tonight and decide what to do.
We turn and head back towards the bridge. I slip on my flip flops and stop when Jake grabs my hand on the bridge. His hands are callused. They feel the same, but different. “It was clear to me yesterday how much pain I left you with. Need you to know I'm sorry,” and then he drops my hand and walks away.
Chapter Thirteen
“So, do you think that was it? His way of explaining things to me and saying goodbye?” I ask Liz.
“It doesn’t really matter, does it?” she asks.
“No, it doesn’t. I have to tell him about Lily. I decided to talk to Lily first.”
“When do you think you’ll do that?”
“Tonight after Daryn picks up Grace,” I sigh.
“I think that’s a good idea. Hey, listen my two o’clock is here. I have to go. Call me if you need anything, or if anything else happens.”
“Al
right. Love you, girl,” I say hanging up the phone.
I busy myself for the next hour, then make the five-minute drive to the school. I got lucky with my job. They let me out by two-thirty every day so I can get Lily and Grace from school. In exchange, I work half a day for two Saturdays a month. Daryn or my parents take Lily on the Saturdays that I have to work.
“Hey, girls!” I call out as I pull up in front of the designated pick up and drop off zone.
“Hi, Mom!” Lily says kissing me on the cheek and sitting in the booster seat.
“Hi, June!” Grace says excitedly.
“How was school, girls?” I ask while looking in my rearview mirror to make sure that both girls are buckled in.
“We had an assembly today, and these people came with yo-yo’s and did tricks. I want a yo-yo, Mom. Can I have one? Please?”
“Oh, me too, me too,” Grace adds.
“Fine, I’ll pick you girls up some yo-yo’s next time I stop at Target.”
“No, mom they can’t be any yo-yo’s. They have to be Ed’s yo-yo’s. They move on their own. I have a paper in my bag for you to read. They’re just eight dollars. Can I have one, Mom?”
“I don’t know, honey, Eight dollars is a lot for a yo-yo.”
“That’s the cheap one. They have a silver deluxe yo-yo that’s twenty-two,” Grace informs me.
I shake my head. Twenty-two dollars for a yo-yo seems crazy. “I’ll think about it, girls.” I get moans from the back seat and I shoot Lily a look that says don’t whine.
We pull into the driveway and the girls barrel out of the car and immediately grab a bucket of sidewalk chalk that is against the side of the house. “I think I can draw Mickey Mouse,” Grace says. I smile at the girls, grab their backpacks and unlock the front door. Once inside, I make the girls a snack and set it aside so when they come in it's ready for them. I spend the next hour going through work emails, and trying to make sense of things since I missed work today.
By five-thirty, Daryn picks up Grace and Lily and I sit down for supper. I made homemade macaroni and cheese, and grilled chicken. The mac is her favorite; the chicken, not so much.
“Mom, I love your mac n’ cheese. It’s so cheesy,” Lily smiles at me and digs in, barely touching her chicken.
“I need to talk with you about something.
Lily looks up at me, between bites, taken aback by the seriousness of my tone.
“It’s about your father.
She takes a drink of her milk and then looks at me with big eyes, “My dad? We never talk about him. I didn't think I had one.”
Gosh, that hurts.
“You know how when we talked about where babies came from and I explained that when two people love each other, if they love each other a whole bunch their love can make a baby?”
She nods, wanting me to continue.
“Well, I know I never talk about your daddy, but we loved each other so much that you were born. Only your daddy had to leave before he ever got a chance to find out about you.”
“I know this part already, but Mom, are you finally going to tell me where he went?”
“Yeah, honey, some people said your daddy did something bad and he got in trouble for it, but I can promise you with everything I am that I know for a fact your daddy was innocent.”
“Did something happen to him? Is that why you’re telling me?”
“No, honey, I’m telling you because I saw him recently and I’m going to tell him about you. I wanted you to be prepared; and if you have any questions, I wanted you to be able to ask me.”
“I’m going to meet my daddy?” she cries excitedly.
“Yeah my Lilypad, you are; but like I said he doesn't know about you, so it might come as a shock to him.”
“What’s he like? What’s he look like? Will he like me? What if he doesn't want me?”
“Of course, he’ll love you and if he doesn’t want to be a part of your life then that would be his loss. You are the best thing in the world, and he would be lucky to know you.”
She thinks on this for a few moments and I’m second guessing my choice to tell her before him. What if he doesn't want her? What if…
“But what if?” she asks mirroring my thoughts.
I cut her off knowing I can't let Lily go there. “I’ll talk to him very soon, but if for some reason he doesn't want to be a daddy, that in no way reflects on you. You are so special. You look like him. Did I ever tell you that? All those green flecks in your eyes come from him.”
“They do?”
“Yeah honey, and your brown hair too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah baby. I don't want you to worry about a thing. Everything’s going to be okay,” I tell her, willing myself to believe it.
***
I return to work and find myself busier than ever. A day off in the news will do that to you. Things are always happening, and we’re always on our A game. It’s nearly noon and I feel like I’ve hardly left my desk, when Wendy Reynolds one of our chief investigator’s makes her way to my desk, I barely notice her. I’m too immersed in research.
“So, I heard about your car,” she says startling me by sitting down on the edge of my desk.
“Yeah, it happened right in the heart of downtown, can you believe it? My friend and I were having a drink on East Fourth Street, and I came out and it was gone.”
“That’s crazy,” she says grabbing one of my pens and clicking it a few times. I want to grit my teeth because Wendy is all kinds of annoying, but I need to play nice, even when she drives me crazy.
“I was thinking we should do a story about it. Can you find out how many car thefts there have been in Cleveland this year? We might be able to write a cool piece about needing more police presence and how one of our own was a victim. Would you be up for it?” she asks.
“Of course. Sounds great,” I smile brightly even though I am inwardly cringing. My workload is overflowing from taking the day off.
I work through lunch, eating a granola bar I threw in my purse last week before one of Lily’s games. The day flies by and before I know it I’m walking into the parking garage. I plug in my phone and see that I have a missed call and voicemail. My heart beats fast as I listen to the message. I’m anxious. I want it to be him. I don't want it to be him.
“Hi, Ms. Withers. This is Stouty. We took a look at your car and your claims adjuster from the insurance company was just here. It looks like it’s going to be a few weeks, but your insurance is going to cover everything. Please give us a call if you have any questions.”
I release a breath I didn't know I was holding. It wasn't him. My phone rings with another unidentified number and I answer it again in hopes that it’s him.
I sync the car’s Bluetooth and answer the call. “Hello,” I greet.
“Hi, is this June?” a man’s voice asks and I'm certain that it’s not Jake’s. Again I feel let down for a second
“Yes, who’s this?”
“Hey, June. It’s Ed.”
“Hi, Ed. Are you calling about my case?
“No, um actually, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out sometime?”
Well, this is unexpected.
“Thanks, Ed. You’re a really nice guy,”
“But, you’re seeing someone, aren’t you?”
“No that’s not it, but my life just got a little complicated, and I'm not really sure I want to add anything else to it right now.”
“That’s fair, but I gotta tell you June, I always regretted not asking you out. So I might not give up that easy.”
I laugh and I don’t mean to, it just comes out. “You do know I was pregnant all those years ago, right?”
“You were?”
“Yeah, why do you think I had to pee all the time?”
“Small bladder?”
I laugh again and then say, “Well thanks for the offer, Ed.” We disconnect and I’m flattered, but right now is not the time at all for me to date someone new. I head ho
me and field more questions from Lily about her dad and by the time we fall asleep I think Lily has asked me all of the questions she possibly can.
On Wednesday, I’m equally as busy at work. I’ve worked through lunch again discovering that car thefts, in general, are on the rise in the city, but are on the decline in the outskirts. We have come up with a map and have found hot spots. I actually called Ed and have been able to get some very good insight from him.
It’s just after one when my cell phone rings with another unknown number. I answer this time not even thinking about who it is.
“Hello,” I say walking into the break room where it tends to be quieter than my cubicle.
“June,” his voice washes over me, “I want to talk. What time are you done working?” Jake asks, not bothering with hello.
“Hi to you too,” I reply, my heart beating faster than normal with the sound of his voice.
“June,” he says scolding me for not answering his question.
“Fine, I’m usually home by three-thirty.”
“Alright, I’ll talk to you then,” he says and disconnects. Shit, why did he sound so abrupt?
I leave work and pick the girls up. Lily and Grace are their normal chatty selves as we round the corner to our house. They laugh and giggle about something that happened in gym class. They’re infectious with their good mood and even I have to smile as Grace re-enacts Mrs. Montgomery's chasing around Ryan Dermount. That boy is fast.
What I see as I pull in front of the house has my gut twisting. Parked in front is the unmistakable black truck belonging to Jake. Shit. He said talk, not what time would I be home. One look at Lily and he’ll know before I say anything that she is his.
“Girls, I need to talk to someone. I’m going to pull into the garage and I want you to stay in the house.
“Is it him?” Lily asks.
“Baby, stay in the house.” I avoid her scowl. I know she’s anxious.
Current Page 14
